The Best Stifler Quotes

Chuck: Vicky, Jessica, great to see you, glad you could make it! Ha ha, Bitches.
Steve: Sherman!
Chuck: Hey!
Steve: What the fuck are you doing here?

Steve: She called me and asked for my number.

Kevin: [Stifler is vomiting in a toilet] Hey, Stifler, how's the "Pale Ale"?
Steve: [vomiting] Fuck you!

Steve: You actually said that?
[laughs hysterically]
Chris: Shut up!
Jim: You did better than me, Nova.
Chris: Don't call me that any more. I'm a fraud.
Steve: You guys are pathetic. I'm gonna find myself a little hottie.
[shouts]
Steve: *suck me, beautiful!*
[walks off, laughing]

Steve: [at choir practice] What did you cocks do to him?
Chris: You came to see me in action?
Jim: Yeah man, I thought you sounded really good!
Steve: Yeah man, I think you need your balls reattached!

Chris: [On being sensitive] You ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and shit.
Steve: I dunno, man, that sounds like a lot of work.

Steve: Hey, Kev, seen Shitbrick lately?
Kevin: Why? What did you do to him?
Steve: Me? Nothing. I'm the one who ass he kicked. But uh... I'll tell you one thing... I don't think he's gonna have a problem shitting in school anymore. Slipped a little something into his Moccachino.
[shows a jar of laxatives]

Steve: I say, why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fucking *use* them!

Steve: Choir chick! What the hell are you doing here?
Heather: Well, uh, I was asking Chris to the prom. So do you wanna go?
Chris: Yeah, that would be great.
Steve: Well, just don't expect Oz to pay for the limo.
Chris: Stifler, fuck! I mean, why do you gotta be so insensitive all the time?
Steve: What? Whatever.

[Deleted Scene. The boys sit by the lockers]
Chris: She's a college chick.
Jim: Cassanova!
Chris: Debbie.
Steve: Bullshit - from where?
Chris: She works part-time at my dad's store.
Steve: Yeah right, Oz, I bet it's more like your dad works at her store.
Chris: Dude, come on, he does not.
Kevin: Really, Stifler, he's the manager.
Steve: Hey, I'm not making fun - I'm fucking impressed! I mean, "Hi, six inch or foot-long, white or wheat?" - that's some serious shit to master!
Kevin: Stifler, you're such an asshole!
Steve: [chuckles] Myers... I mean, what's the deal with you and Vicky anyways? I mean you guys have been going since homecoming for God's sake and all she'll do is blow you? Shit, I'd drop her like a steaming turd!
Finch: Do you commonly grasp warm pieces of stool?
Steve: I do when I'm throwing them at your mom, you damn freak!

Steve: I'll see you guys tonight, in the "No Fucking Section", right?