The Best Randy 'Chilli' Cilliano Quotes

Jerry: Verbal amendment. That women should be playing.
Callahan: Amendment.
Randy: Yeah, amendment.
Anna: [Realizing she is now "it.'] Oh. Oh, you just made a big mistake.
Jerry: [Jerry runs away] You're it bitch!
Anna: [Anna looks around and spots Randy] You're it now! You're going down!
Randy: You're too intense!
Anna: You're gonna suck my tiny ginger balls!
Randy: Oh gross!
Anna: You're gross!
[Anna screams and tackles Randy]

Hoagie: Synchronize your watches.
Callahan: I don't know how to do that.
Randy: I don't have a watch.
Sable: Time is a construct.

Randy: [from trailer, at Hoagie's father's funeral] I think your dad would have really wanted you to be...
[tags Hoagie]
Randy: ... it.

Randy: [to Jerry] Yeah, you're really good at tag.
Hoagie: Yes, but you've kind of missed the point. I mean, it's not about trying to get away from each other. It's actually about having a reason to be around each other. You know?
Jerry: [Quietly] Yeah.
Hoagie: I mean, Ben Franklin said it best. Am I right? "We don't stop playing because we grow old."
Hoagie,26688: "We grow old because we stop playing.""

Jerry: Mr. Stubbles has something to say. What was that?
[pretends to listen to stuffed bear]
Jerry: He says his skin's very dry and needs to be moisturized.
[squirts lotion onto his hands]
Hoagie: Jerry, put down Mr. Snuggles, so help me God.
Rebecca: What's happening here?
Randy: I think he's about to masturbate in Hoagie's childhood bedroom.
Callahan: Oh no.
Sable: It's the ultimate act of dominance.
Jerry: I'm gonna stay here until you come. Unless I come first.
Randy: You sly dog.
[everyone bolts for the door]

Randy: I'm gonna be pissed if she didn't have a miscarriage.

Sable: What's the difference between Episcopalian and Lutheran?
Randy: Episcopalians don't eat fish.
Sable: That's... pescatarian, that's... not a religion.
Randy: They're all fanatics, I don't know.

Randy: [after getting away from Hoagie] You ain't getting me today, man. I'm not losing.
Hoagie: There's only one problem, Chilli.
Randy: Oh, yeah? What's that?
Hoagie: I'm not it.
Randy: The fuck you mean, you're not it?
Callahan: [Running into frame and tackling Chilli] I AM, MUTHAFUCKA!

Randy: There are no 'winners', just 'not losers'.