The Best SS Major Bock Quotes

SS: You want to work for us?
Newkirk: Now you've got it, Major.
[referring to the building outside of the barracks where the counterfeit operation is taking place]
Newkirk: I know what's going on in that building, and I can help you make some of that lovely money. All I want you to do is let have whatever falls on the ground each day.
Col. Klink: Incredible. It's incredible!
Newkirk: Shh! Kommandant, please! That's picture's got ears like a bloody radar.
SS: I take it you know something about this kind of work?
Newkirk: Well, I did a pretty fair job with his signature, didn't I?
Col. Klink: You're a criminal!
Newkirk: Sir, you're gonna insult me if you keep that up.
SS: I assume you are familiar with a Bockenheimer rotary and press?
Newkirk: I could put those things together and tear them down again with me eyes closed. I've done it many times.
SS: I see. Ever hear of von Holtz?
Newkirk: Hear of him?
[scoffs]
Newkirk: I've met him in Zurich, 1938. The greatest counterfeiter of our time. Why, I choked with emotion when he shook my hand.
Col. Klink: He's a crook!
Newkirk: Oh, Kommandant, what's with the name?
SS: Yes. He's a crook, Colonel... but not the kind we need. For your information, Bockenheimer is the name of Hitler's favorite piano player.
Col. Klink: What?
Newkirk: Come on, there's a coincidence for you.
SS: And just as Bockenheimer is not a printing press, von Holtz is not a counterfeiter. He is one of our most respected young scientists. This man is a liar and a fraud.
Newkirk: Well, there's no need to get ugly, sir.
Col. Klink: Shut up! I knew from the beginning, sir.
[laughs]
SS: He obviously got hold of your signature and thought he could bluff his way into the building and pick up a little money. Hmm. Some forger.
Newkirk: Well, I could always learn.
Col. Klink: You will learn, alright! Or you'll rot in the cooler! Now get out of here! I'll deal with you later!
Newkirk: You don't want to change your mind and let me do a little on the job training? I'm a very good studier.
Col. Klink: OUT!
SS: And not a word of this to anyone, or I'll see to it that you get more than the cooler.
Newkirk: Yes, sir.
[leaves Klink's office]