The Best Heather Doyle Quotes

Ainsley: [blurting it out interrupting the flow of the conversation] I'm pregnant.
Heather: [after a pause] To Deepshit?
Ainsley: To Lachlan... yes.

Heather: There were extenuating circumstances. His business was right up in my face.
Liz: Sorry, a penis is not an extenuating circumstance.

Heather: [as Harry gets caught up in a conversation with Liz about his mother while holding a plate of food for Heather] Harry, I'm going to stop you there. You're about to become the first man I've ever lived with to serve me a meal. You need to complete that action.

[after knocking quietly, Liz timidly enters Heather's bedroom, Heather who is lying on the bed]
Heather: Liz, your face is very triggering for me right now, so if this isn't urgent...
Liz: [about Heather quitting her job after receiving an official reprimand] I had a word with Pat after you left. Apparently if you pop in tomorrow and offer a full apology to her, Yvonne and the entire staff, they will consider reexamining the situation.
Heather: [sternly] Me, apologize to them?
Liz: I am but the humble messenger. Would you like me to respond on your behalf in some way?
Heather: What is my face telling you?
Liz: What, this seems like a trap, but okay. Is it saying, "Liz, I appreciate you offering this information. Leave me now and run for your life?"
Heather: Close enough.

Liz: Once upon a time, uh, the idea of working as a receptionist in an aged care facility would have been deeply offensive to me.
Joe: That's perfectly understandable.
Liz: But despite my initial misgivings, it's actually been incredibly rewarding. You know, sometimes I will just catch a moment between a patient and a staff member, and it's... a privilege. Yeah, I'm a receptionist, yes, but I'm also... a patron in the theater of humanity.
Heather: [sarcastically] Is that what you're doing. I'm wiping asses, and you're "a patron in the theater of humanity".

Pat: One staff member claims you've been calling them "Ankles"... in front of the patients.
Heather: [matter-of-factly] Yeah, Julian.
Pat: And apparently you told said patient that "ankles" means three feet below an asshole.
Heather: [shrugging it off] Well, that's just poetry.