The Best Joe Chigwell Quotes

Joe: [with respect to Ben saying that Joe was trying to impress Liz] In regard to Ben's parting comment, I mean, you know obviously, there's uh... there's an attraction here... well, well, there is on my part. Um, I don't know, maybe it's a one-way street.
Liz: There might have been... some light traffic... on the other side.

Liz: [in a frustrated tone] Why do you make your E.A. get people on the phone ten minutes before you're even ready to speak to them? What's that about?
Joe: Well, *that*... that actually saves me about forty-five minutes a day.
Liz: [in frustrated amazement] Do you know how many people I would cop that level of a self-importance from? Four!: the Prime Minister, the Pope, the Queen, and Beyoncé.

Liz: Once upon a time, uh, the idea of working as a receptionist in an aged care facility would have been deeply offensive to me.
Joe: That's perfectly understandable.
Liz: But despite my initial misgivings, it's actually been incredibly rewarding. You know, sometimes I will just catch a moment between a patient and a staff member, and it's... a privilege. Yeah, I'm a receptionist, yes, but I'm also... a patron in the theater of humanity.
Heather: [sarcastically] Is that what you're doing. I'm wiping asses, and you're "a patron in the theater of humanity".

[Liz and Joe have been talking about private issues concerning Ben in a near whisper]
Liz: [looking over at Ainsley, who is quietly eating her breakfast, as she begins to speak even softer to Joe] Never say anything in this house you're not happy with all members of the dwelling to hear. Trust me.
Joe: [looking over his shoulder to a still unaware Ainsley, coming to understand Liz's implication in speaking at that even softer tone] Okay.
Liz: I think it best if we relocate this conversation outside.
Joe: Okay, um, right now?
Liz: [shaking her head] Some point.
Joe: Some point? Tonight?
Liz: [taking a pause] Well, I'd have to check my calendar.
Ainsley: [in a whisper as she looks over toward Liz and Joe] Liz?
[both Liz and Joe turn their head toward Ainsley]
Ainsley: It's Diwali.
[Liz and Joe realize that Ainsley has heard everything they've said]