The Best Jake Houseman Quotes

Lisa: Oh, my God. Look at that! Ma, I should have brought those coral shoes. You said I was taking too much!
Marjorie: Well, sweetheart, you brought ten pairs.
Lisa: But the coral shoes match that dress!
Jake: This is not a tragedy. A tragedy is three men trapped in a mine, or police dogs used in Birmingham.
Baby: Monks burning themselves in protest.
Lisa: Butt out, Baby.

Neil: So is everyone gonna be in the show?
Jake: No. We're leaving tomorrow so we can miss the weekend traffic.
Marjorie: But Jake, we're payed up til Sunday.
Lisa: Daddy, I'm not gonna miss the show. I was suppose to sing in it.
Jake: I said we're leaving tomorrow.
Marjorie: Why would you wanna leave so early?
Jake: It was just a thought. We can stay if you want. So, Lisa, what we're you planning on singing?
Lisa: I'm not sure. What do you think I should sing, Daddy?

Jake: Don't you tell me what to see! I see someone in front of me who got his partner in trouble and sent her off to some butcher, while he moved on to an innocent young girl like my daughter!
[silence]
Johnny: [angry] Yeah, I guess that's what you *would* see.

Jake: [Jake gives Robbie a letter of recommendation for medical school] Good luck in medical school, son.
Robbie: I wanted to thank you for your help with the Penny situation. I guess we've all gotten into messes.
Jake: What?
Robbie: I thought Baby told you. Look, I'm not sure. Penny said so, but you know with girls like that. They're liable to pin it... on any guy around.
[Jake snatches the letter back from Robbie]

[last lines]
Jake: I know you weren't the one who got Penny in trouble.
Johnny: Yeah.
Jake: When I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong.
[to Baby]
Jake: You looked wonderful out there.

Jake: Max, our Baby's gonna change the world.
Max: [to Lisa] And what are you gonna do, missy?
Baby: Oh, Lisa's going to decorate it.
Robbie: She already does.

Jake: I won't tell your mother about this. Right now, I'm going to bed. And take that stuff off your face before your mother sees you.