20 Best Natalie Keener Quotes

Natalie: [Ryan overhears Natalie talking about him on the phone to her boyfriend] No, I don't think of him that way; he's old.
[Startled, Ryan looks in the mirror]

Natalie: [Ryan presenting a mock firing to Craig to prove to him that Natalie is not qualified to do her job] Mr. Bingham, I regret to inform you that your position at this company is no longer available
Ryan: Who the hell are you?
Natalie: My name is Ms. Keener; I'm here to tell you about your future
Ryan: My future? The only one who can fire me is Greg Gregory
Natalie: Mr. Gregory asked me to handle this for him
Ryan: Handle what? Handle me? Mr. Gregory hired me, he is the only who can fire me,
Ryan: [stands up and starts walking towards the door] you know what? I'm going to go talk to him, no, no, no, you can't follow me you're on a computer screen remember? Ok let's try this again, fire me again
Natalie: I just did
Ryan: Actually you didn't, fire me again
Ryan: Mr. Bingham, I 'm here today to inform you that your position with no longer available
Ryan: [Pretending to be sad] I'm fired?
Natalie: Yes, you're fired
Ryan: Never say "fired"
Natalie: You've been let go
Ryan: Why?
Natalie: This is a mythical situation, how could I possibly know why
Ryan: The "why" doesn't matter, you never know why
Natalie: It's important not to focus on the "why" but rather spend your energy thinking about your future.
Ryan: Well, I'm going to spend my energy on suing you unless you give me a good reason why you're firing me
Natalie: Mr. Bingham, the reason's not important
Ryan: So, you're firing without grounds, now I really have a lawsuit

Natalie: [to Ryan,on the docks in Miami] Can you stop sounding condescending for one second or is that one of the principles of your bullshit philosophy?

[as Ryan and Natalie enter the Hilton Miami Airport Hotel]
Natalie: How about just not dying alone?
Ryan: Starting when I was 12, we moved each one of my grandparents into a nursing facility. My parents went the same way. Make no mistake, we all die alone. Now those cult members in San Diego, with the sneakers and the Kool-Aid, they didn't die alone. I'm just saying there are options.
[Natalie starts to cry]
Ryan: Oh, fuck.
Natalie: [sobs] Brian left me.
[Natalie is sobbing hysterically and hugs Ryan then comforts her and calms her down]
Ryan: All right. Okay, okay. All right. All right.

Natalie: [in hotel restaurant] Hungry much?
Ryan: Our business expense allots forty dollars each for dinner. I plan on grabbing as many miles as I can.
Natalie: Okay, you got to fill me in on the miles thing. What is that about? You're talking about, like, frequent flyer miles?
Ryan: You really want to know?
Natalie: I'm dying to know.
Ryan: I don't spend a nickel, if I can help it, unless it somehow profits my mileage account.
Natalie: So, what are you saving up for? Hawaii? South of France?
Ryan: It's not like that. The miles are the goal.
Natalie: That's it? You're saving just to save?
Ryan: Let's just say that I have a number in mind and I haven't hit it yet.
Natalie: That's a little abstract. What's the target?
Ryan: I'd rather not...
Natalie: Is it a secret target?
Ryan: It's ten million miles.
Natalie: Okay. Isn't ten million just a number?
Ryan: Pi's just a number.
Natalie: Well, we all need a hobby. No, I- I- I don't mean to belittle your collection. I get it. It sounds cool.
Ryan: I'd be the seventh person to do it. More people have walked on the moon.
Natalie: Do they throw you a parade?
Ryan: You get lifetime executive status. You get to meet the chief pilot, Maynard Finch.
Natalie: Wow.
Ryan: And they put your name on the side of a plane.
Natalie: Men get such hardons from putting their names on things. You guys don't grow up. It's like you need to pee on everything.

Karen: I'm here to be fired right?
Natalie: We're here to talk about your future
Karen: You don't have to "sugar coat" it I get the drill, what are they offering?
Natalie: Inside the packet you'll find a clearly worked out severance package
Karen: Give me the bullet points
Natalie: It's actually pretty good three months' pay, six months medical and a full year replacement services through our company's CTC
Karen: "Replacement services" that's generous
Natalie: Commonly it takes one month of searching for every ten thousand dollars you earn in salary
Karen: So I could be looking for a while
Natalie: Not necessarily
Karen: Don't even sweat it I'm pretty confident in my plans
Natalie: Really?
Karen: Yeah there's this beautiful bridge by my house I'm going to jump off it

Ryan: [sitting across the aisle from each other on a plane] Are you angry at your computer?
Natalie: I type with purpose.

Ryan: [on the docks in Miami] You know that moment when you look into somebody's eyes and you can feel them staring into your soul and the whole world goes quiet just for a second?
Natalie: Yes.
Ryan: [shrugs] Right. Well, I don't.
Natalie: you're an asshole.

Bob: [Shows them a picture of his children, after having been informed he's been let go] What do you suggest I tell them?
Natalie: Perhaps you're overlooking the positive effects your career transition will have on your children
Bob: The positive effects? I make about ninety grand a year, unemployment is two hundred fifty bucks week is that one of your positive effects? We get to be cozier because I won't be able to pay my mortgage on my house so maybe we can move into a nice one bedroom apartment and I guess without benefits I'll be able to hold my daughter as she suffers from her asthma that I won't be able to afford the medication for her
Natalie: Tests have shown that children under moderate trauma tend to apply themselves academically as a method of coping
Bob: "Go fuck yourself",that's what my kids will think
Ryan: Your kids' admiration is important to you?
Bob: Yeah of course
Ryan: I doubt they ever admired you
Bob: Hey, asshole, aren't you supposed to be consoling me?
Ryan: I'm not a shrink I'm a wakeup call, I see guys who work at the same company their entire lives guys exactly like you they clock in and they clock out and they never have a moment of happiness you have an opportunity, this is a rebirth, if not for you do it for your children

Natalie: [sitting across from Ryan and Alex in Miami] I thought I'd be engaged by now. I thought by 23, I'd be married, maybe have a kid, corner office by day, entertaining at night. I was supposed to be driving a Grand Cherokee by now.
Alex: Well, life can underwhelm you that way.
Natalie: Where did you think you'd be by err...?
Alex: It doesn't work that way. At a certain point, you stop with the dead lines. It can be a little counter productive.
Natalie: I don't want to say anything that is anti-feminist. I really appreciate everything that your generation did for me.
Alex: It was our pleasure.
Ryan: Well done.
Natalie: Sometimes it feels like, no matter how much success I have, it's not gonna matter until I find the right guy. I could have made it work, he really fit the bill, you know. White collar, 6'1, college grad, loves dogs, likes funny movies, brown hair, kind eyes, works in finance but is outdoorsy. I always imagined he'd have a single syllable name like Matt or John or Dave. In a perfect world, he drives a 4 runner and the only thing he loves more than me is his golden lab. And a nice smile. What about you?
Alex: You know, honestly by the time you're 34, all the physical requirements just go out the window. You secretly pray that he'll be taller than you, not an asshole would be nice just someone who enjoys my company, comes from a good family. You don't think about that when you're younger. Someone who wants kids, likes kids. Healthy enough to play with his kids. Please let him earn more money than I do, you might not understand that now but believe me, you will one day otherwise that's a recipe for disaster. And hopefully, some hair on his head. I mean, that's not even a deal breaker these days. A nice smile. Yea, a nice smile just might do it.
Natalie: Wow. That was depressing.

Ryan: [sitting across the aisle from each other on a plane] Natalie, what is it you think we do here?
Natalie: We prepare the newly unemployed for the emotional and physical hurdles of job hunting, while minimizing legal blow-back.
Ryan: That's what we're selling. It's not what we're doing.
Natalie: Okay, what are we doing?
Ryan: We are here to make limbo tolerable, to ferry wounded souls across the river of dread until the point were hope is dimly visible. And then stop the boat, shove them in the water and make them swim.

Natalie: [to Alex at a convention party they snuck into with Ryan] You're so pretty. You're exactly what I want to look like in fifteen years.

Natalie: [to Ryan after an employee angrily accepted his release] Please, for the love of God, can I fire the next one.

Natalie: [on the docks in Miami] What happened to Alex?
Ryan: She had to leave town to get to a meeting
Natalie: That's too bad, where'd she live?
Ryan: Chicago
Natalie: Are you going to go see her?
Ryan: We don't really have that kind of relationship
Natalie: What kind of relationship do you have?
Ryan: Casual
Natalie: Sounds pretty special
Natalie: Do you think there's a future there?
Ryan: We never really thought about it, what's going on here?
Natalie: Really never thought about it?
Ryan: No
Natalie: How can you not think about that? How does it not cross your mind that you might want a future with someone?
Ryan: It just doesn't
Natalie: Don't you think it's worth giving her a chance?
Ryan: A chance at what?
Natalie: A chance at something real
Ryan: Your definition of "real" is going to evolve as you get older
Natalie: The isolation, the traveling is that supposed to be charming?
Ryan: No, it's simply a life choice
Natalie: It's a cocoon of self-banishment
Ryan: Wow big words
Natalie: You have a set a way of life that basically makes it impossible for you to have any kind of human connection and now this woman comes along and somehow runs the gauntlet of your ridiculous life choice comes out on the other end smiling, just so you can call her "casual"? I need to grow up? You're a twelve year old

Ryan: [Natalie, on her first outing, walks into the Omaha Airport terminal dragging her slow-moving luggage; Ryan, irritated by this, looks at her in frustration]
Natalie: What?
Ryan: Follow me.
[later at a store in the terminal, Ryan grabs a new, updated rolling luggage]
Natalie: I really like my luggage.
Ryan: That's exactly what it is, it's luggage. You know how much time you lose by checking in?
Natalie: I don't know. Five, ten minutes?
Ryan: 35 minutes a flight. I travel 270 days a year. That's 157 hours. That makes seven days. You're willing to throw away an entire week on that?
[Natalie sighs]

Ryan: [while eating breakfast in Miami] So, did you wake him up or slip out?
Natalie: What?
Ryan: This morning. Your new friend. Did you wake him up for an awkward goodbye or did you just slip out and make him feel like a whore?
Natalie: [confused] I just left.
Ryan: Protocol's always tricky.

San: [interviewing Natalie for a job] So, what happened?
Natalie: How exactly do you mean?
San: You graduated top of your class. You could have had your pick of employment, including right here. Instead, you went to Omaha to... fire people for a living?
Natalie: Challenging work.
San: I'll say. I couldn't imagine doing that day in and day out. Not in this climate.
Natalie: I... followed a boy.
San: I guess we've all done that at some point in our lives.
[the manager pauses and picks up a letter from his desk, showing it to Natalie]
San: This guy says I'd be lucky to have you.
Ryan: [voiceover, reading the letter] To whom it may concern: I can't begin to count the number of people I've fired in my lifetime. So many that I've forgotten what it's like to actually hire someone. We've never met, but I know you'd be lucky to have Natalie Keener. My advice? Take her and don't look back. She'll be the best decision you've made in a long time.
San: [holding his hand out] I sure hope he's right.
[Natalie springs to her feet and shakes hands, gathering her composure and trying not to smile too broadly]

Alex: [referring to Natalie's boyfriend, in Miami] What a weasly prick.
Natalie: Yeah, but what does that make me? Someone who falls for a prick.
Alex: [sitting next to Ryan] We all fall for the pricks. Pricks are spontaneous, they're unpredictable and they're fun. And then we're surprised when they turn out to be pricks.

[sitting across from each other on a shuttle bus to the Hilton Miami Airport Hotel]
Natalie: Never?
Ryan: No.
Natalie: Ever?
Ryan: No.
Natalie: You never wanna get married?
Ryan: Nope.
Natalie: Never want kids?
Ryan: Not a chance.
Natalie: Ever?
Ryan: Never. Is that so bizarre?
Natalie: Yes. Yes, it is.
Ryan: I just don't see the value in it. All right, sell it to me.
Natalie: What?
Ryan: Sell me marriage.
Natalie: Okay. How about love?
Ryan: [scoffs] Okay.
Natalie: Stability. Just somebody you can count on.
Ryan: How many stable marriages do you know?
Natalie: Somebody to talk to, someone to spend your life with.
Ryan: I'm surrounded by people to talk to. I doubt that's gonna change.

Ryan: [toNatalie while watching passengers go through airport security] Never get behind people traveling with infants. I've never seen a stroller collapse in less than 20 minutes. Old people are worse. Their bodies are littered with hidden metal and they never seem to appreciate how little time they have left. Bingo, Asians. They pack light, travel efficiently, and they have a thing for slip on shoes. Gotta love 'em.
Natalie: That's racist.
Ryan: I'm like my mother, I stereotype. It's faster.