20 Best Nwabudike Bergstein Quotes

Nwabudike: I lied to my mother for the first time in my adult life because of you and I'm not even allowed to be mad.
Sol: Why not?
Nwabudike: 'Cause you're gay! If you had been fucking around with women for the last 20 years, we wouldn't even be here eating cake!
Brianna: [under her breath] Say it in there, and it comes out here.

Allison: [about their baby] Maybe she was descended from Mozart.
Nwabudike: It doesn't matter who you're descended from. Mozart wasn't descended from Mozart, and he did pretty well.

Nwabudike: [to Coyote] Why does Nelson think that I am a drug addict? Can you explain to him that you are the addict and that I am the black one?

Nwabudike: [after Sol has revealed he is gay] I'm sorry, why don't we have a therapist here? There was one here when the dog died!

Robert: [ongoing argument] I said 'cause I thought you'd made me an apology dinner!
Sol: And why would I do that? I have nothing to apologize for!
Nwabudike: This does not seem to be ending.
Allison: Like when you explain Star Wars...

Nwabudike: Forgive me if after your crazy squat our worries didn't go away.
Frankie: I feel fine. I went bodysurfing this morning. Not on purpose, but it happened.

Nwabudike: Pleasure meeting you, Inevitable Lawsuit Barry.

Jordan: Another kidney became available. It turns out it's a better match.
Nwabudike: I'm sorry, what?
Jordan: It means that you don't have to give me your kidney.
Nwabudike: But I want to.
Jordan: You can't.
Nwabudike: You realize the polite thing to do is reject a kidney AFTER it's in you.

Nwabudike: [breaking up awkwardly long group hug] Don't mean to be rude, but I have a date with someone I'll never end up with.
Coyote: And um you know, I don't have anything, but he drives me places...

Allison: [with sudden distress] Do you taste raspberries?
Nwabudike: I don't taste any
Allison: Oh, no. I do.
Frankie: [jumps up] Clear!
[plunges an epipen into Allison's leg]
Allison: Ow! Ay.
Frankie: I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were allergic.
Allison: I'm not, I just don't like them. But thanks for the rush.

Frankie: [reading to Allison's pregnant belly with exaggerated pronunciation] "In other words, the anti-feminist backlash was set off not by women's achievement of full equality, but by the increased possibility that they might win it."
Nwabudike: [politely] Now more relevant than ever, Mom.

Brianna: The bad news is that the email did go wide. The good news is that it was auto-corrected.
Nwabudike: Uh-huh.
Mallory: Oh, God, what did it say?
Brianna: [reading] "Dear Beloved Guzzle, Vin Diesel fucked Frankie, and Robert hatha yard attack, be causal bleeds, Sausalito, California every day."
Nwabudike: Oh, my God, I am so relieved it was Vin Diesel who slept with my mom.

Nwabudike: [to Brianna during business negotiation] Aha! Your eyebrow arches when you lie. Your head tilts, your eyes crinkle, and somehow your hair turns a darker shade of blonde-ish.

Allison: You can't go!
Nwabudike: Yeah, what if I put my finger in her head again? What if she's allergic to peanuts but she can't tell us? We clearly don't know what we're doing.
Frankie: Here's a secret: nobody does. Except for whoever raised Regis Philbin.

Nwabudike: [on the phone] Mom, you fired Toby?
Frankie: Boop.
Nwabudike: Mom!
Frankie: Okay, fine. I fired Toby. But he failed his drug test. He wouldn't smoke with me.

Nwabudike: [Nwabudike and Coyote surprise Brianna while her movie date is away] So what's this guy's deal? Does he smell like a cat?
Coyote: Does he have a cat?
Nwabudike: Is he a cat?
Brianna: Yes, he's a cat and his name is "Go to a different fucking movie!"
Coyote: It's not going to fucking happen.

Frankie: The house is ready for the Chin family. Do you think I should leave them some sage, so that they can get rid of our juju?
Nwabudike: It's all good.
Coyote: Not necessary.

Frankie: Recent studies have shown home birth, done with care, reduces the risk of infection and enhances bonding.
Allison: Ooh!
Nwabudike: She reads this stuff in a newsletter that SHE writes.

Nwabudike: [after a disastrous round of charades] I BEGGED you to read Harry Potter.
Coyote: Well, it was scary.
Brianna: That round was pitiful. Suspiciously pitiful.
Robert: I agree. How do we know you're not still letting us win?
Nwabudike: We're not. These two are dead weight!
Sol: [defensively] Excuse me for temporarily blanking on Boutros Boutros-Ghali.
Robert: All right. Fine, that was a hard one. But how do you explain what happened with "first man on the moon"?
Coyote: Buzz Lightyear and Stretch Armstrong are totally legitimate guesses.

Nwabudike: [eating Pop-Tarts] Thanks for having me over for dessert.
Coyote: Thanks for everything you've done for me. Seriously. I mean, since we were kids.
Nwabudike: Ah! You're my brother. I'm glad Mom bought you.
Coyote: I'm glad Mom bought you, too.