20 Best Rob Schneider Quotes

Cedrick the Bellman: Do you know how the TV works?
Kevin: I'm 10 years old; TV's my life.

[last lines]
Cedrick the Bellman: Mr. McCallister's room service bill, sir.
[he hands Buzz the bill]
Cedrick the Bellman: Merry Christmas, sir.
[he hold out his hand for a tip, of which Buzz hands him gum]
Cedrick the Bellman: Nice family. Really.
[Buzz looks at the long room service bill worth over $967.00]
Buzz: [sarcastically] Merry Christmas, indeed.
[loudly]
Buzz: Oh, Daaaad...!
Peter: [yells out] KEVIN! YOU SPENT $967 ON ROOM SERVICE?

Kevin: I'm sorry, you wanted a tip.
Cedrick the Bellman: That won't be necessary, sir. I still have some...
[Shows Kevin a piece of chewed gum]
Cedrick the Bellman: tip left over.
Kevin: [takes out a bundle of cash] No tip? Okay.
[Kevin closes the door as Cedric repeatedly begs him not to close it]
Cedrick the Bellman: Uh, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait...

Tommy: Any of you handsome brothers ready to go steal a big hunk of gold?
Chico: I'm ready.
Ramon: I'm hungry.
Danny: I'm drunk.
Lil': And I'm Lil Pete.
Herm: [unintelligible]
Tommy: Let's get that nugget then...

Eric: I gotta make a sissy.
Kurt: Come on, you made three already.
Rob: It must be oozing out at this point.
Eric: Shut up. I'm trying to concentrate.
Kurt: It's taking a piss, not the SATs.
Lenny: Are you peeing or is a diesel truck turning off? What the hell is that?
Marcus: Listen to hamper bottom. I think he's sending a message in Morse code. Getting old. Stop. Can't pee. Stop. Reek like an asparagus. Stop. Even though I didn't have any. Stop.

Ramon: So, do you new brothers have any special skills that could help us out here tonight?
Chico: Like what?
Ramon: Like you know, Tommy's good with knives, Lil Pete's got a bonus nipple, I got a burro, Herm is good at strangling.
Danny: I can hold my breath for six minutes.
Chico: Well, I can play the piano with my dick.
Tommy: Well, we're unstoppable then.

Richard: Sting! Der Stingelhoffer. Making copies. The McStingster. Stingatolah. Sting. Stingelingedingdingding dong dong... Sting

Sandy: [quietly] This copy machine is Richard's whole life. If they take it away, it'll kill him.
Steve: I know. I have noone to talk to him...
The: [loud] Stevester and the Sandita, sharing a secret...

The: The Ben-Man. Not really retarded, just a little slow... Livin' life in the Slow Lane... The Slowmeister!

Gangster: [on a video playing on a TV in another room] All right. I believe ya... but my Tommy gun don't! Get down on your knees and tell me you love me!
Concierge: [to the others] On your knees.
[they get down on their knees. The Concierge is so embarrassed it takes him a few moments to summon up the nerve to say the words]
Concierge: [with all the enthusiasm he can muster] I love you!
[in the other room, Kevin snickers and hits the play button again]
Gangster: You gotta do better than that!
Concierge,15043: [chorusing] I love you!

Punky: [after the convicts won the game] We win! Group hug in the shower tonight!... or not. Or not.

Richard: [crying because Drew is leaving] Drew's last copy! Franklin Drewsevelt! The Drewbics Cube! Harry S. Drewman...

Donnie: I'm walkin', I'm talkin'...
Donnie: Macaulay Culkin!

Cedric the Bellman: You know, Herbert Hoover once stayed here on this floor.
Kevin: The vacuum guy?
Cedric the Bellman: No, the uh, President.

Elvis: Are you related to Elvis Priestley?
Jason: No.
Elvis: Thank you very much.

Dale: That's not a question, that's just blatant brown nosing. Another minus 5.
Larry: I'm not ashamed, I'd do it again.

Ramon: My mother's Swedish.
Tommy: I don't think so. I reckon she's Mexican.
Ramon: Lying bitch!

Rob: Hey guys! Motion 78!
[the editing cuts back and forth from the play in the middle school game to the current game]

Marcus: Why didn't you tell us she gets us?
Rob: That's what I've been trying to say all along.

Lil': Hey, friend. Need any help getting her out?
Ramon: She's not really stuck, amigo. She's just a diversion.
Lil': She's a virgin? I'm a virgin, too... unless you count cantaloupes.
Ramon: I believe that, but she's a diversion to keep the banker busy so that my brother has time to rob the bank.
Lil': You're robbing the bank? Gall dang!