The Best Kurt McKenzie Quotes

Kurt: Hey, Wiley! How's it going?
Wiley: Oh, just two years of this.
[Wiley lifts up his arms as he had in his casts from the first movie]
Wiley: And I still only have 40% of feeling. But other than that, I'm fine.
Kurt: No, Rihanna's fine. You just teach driver's ed.

Eric: I gotta make a sissy.
Kurt: Come on, you made three already.
Rob: It must be oozing out at this point.
Eric: Shut up. I'm trying to concentrate.
Kurt: It's taking a piss, not the SATs.
Lenny: Are you peeing or is a diesel truck turning off? What the hell is that?
Marcus: Listen to hamper bottom. I think he's sending a message in Morse code. Getting old. Stop. Can't pee. Stop. Reek like an asparagus. Stop. Even though I didn't have any. Stop.

Kurt: I see that ass is still growing. Got a little Kardashian in there.

Lenny: Mama, I didn't know the Elephant Man lived in your shoe.
Kurt: How in the world's anybody supposed to get some sleep knowing they're under the same roof as Toe-be Bryant over here?

Deanne: How about I take you out for a date night every Thursday?
Kurt: Well, Thursday night is Grey's Anatomy, but any other night would be great.

Kurt: [while seeing Rob talk to his daughter] How do you get that from that?
Eric: 95% of that has to be from the mother, and I am lowballing.

Kurt: I can't believe nobody's even scared of a black guy anymore! Damn you, Obama!

[from trailer]
Bean: Mommy, I want some milk.
Sally: Come here. I'll give you a little something.
[starts breastfeeding Bean]
Roxanne: Your son is so cute. How old is he?
Eric: 48 months.
Kurt: [pause] That's 4.
Eric: [pause] Yeah.

Bean: I want mommy's milk!
Eric: No more mommy's milk.
Bean: I want mommy's milk.
[a kid walks by with a milk carton, which Eric takes]
Milk: Hey!
Eric: Here's a dollar, get out of here. Now drink it.
Bean: I don't know if mommy will like that.
Eric: Just watch me drink it.
[Bean drinks the milk carton]
Bean: I'm just like daddy.
Kurt: Yay! More for us!

Lenny: I bet you 5 bucks he gets on one knee.
Kurt: You're on.

Deanne: Since when did you learn to speak Chinese?
Kurt: Just a little something I picked up watching a Chinese cooking show.
Deanne: That's great. Maybe you should focus a little less on the talking, and a little more of the cooking.
Mama: [laughs] You got told.
Kurt: You got toe.