The Best Marcus Higgins Quotes

Eric: I gotta make a sissy.
Kurt: Come on, you made three already.
Rob: It must be oozing out at this point.
Eric: Shut up. I'm trying to concentrate.
Kurt: It's taking a piss, not the SATs.
Lenny: Are you peeing or is a diesel truck turning off? What the hell is that?
Marcus: Listen to hamper bottom. I think he's sending a message in Morse code. Getting old. Stop. Can't pee. Stop. Reek like an asparagus. Stop. Even though I didn't have any. Stop.

[from trailer]
Roxanne: [an old woman approaches them] And this must be your mother.
Rob: My wife.
Roxanne: I'm sorry!
Rob: I'm not.
[kisses his wife]
Marcus: [onlooking] Oh, grody.

Bean: I want cookies.
Marcus: Ha. Cookies and MILF.

Marcus: Can you have sex with them when they're pregnant?
Lenny: Well, McKenzie can because the baby thinks it's getting a Tootsie roll.

Marcus: Hey Lenny, remember when we'd come here after we got wasted?
Donna: [Hearing what Marcus just said] What's wasted?
Lenny: Nice one, Higgins. Wasted is when you have a hankering for ice cream.
[All the kids are talking about wanting to get wasted]
Donna: I want to get wasted every day of my life.
Becky: I want to get chocolate wasted.

Lenny: Higgins, what are you doing?
Marcus: I don't wear pants at my house, I'm not wearing them in your house. Sorry.
Roxanne: That was a man's ass?

[from trailer]
Lenny: Higgy!
Marcus: Hey, what's up, Lenny? Buddy, I thought you were gonna start working out.
Lenny: What does that mean?
Marcus: Um... you're fat.
Lenny: No!

Becky: [about the bug zapper] Daddy! Where is it taking them?
Marcus: ...Hell.
Lenny: Higgins. Don't say that.
Marcus: Oh I'm sorry not Hell... Mexico.

Marcus: Hey Y, where's MCA?

Marcus: Why didn't you tell us she gets us?
Rob: That's what I've been trying to say all along.

Marcus: I just had the hottest dream about this blond girl...
[yellow dog walks out of closet behind him]
Marcus: At least I think it was a dream.