The Best Roxanne Chase-Feder Quotes

[Roxanne is experiencing difficulties with a sewing machine]
Roxanne: [in Spanish] This stupid machine, that doesn't work for anything, gets stuck, stuck, stuck!
Sally: That's so sexy. What are you saying?
Deanne: Oh, I think that she said:
[speaks mock Spanish]
Deanne: Milan!
[Everyone laughs]

[from trailer]
Roxanne: [an old woman approaches them] And this must be your mother.
Rob: My wife.
Roxanne: I'm sorry!
Rob: I'm not.
[kisses his wife]
Marcus: [onlooking] Oh, grody.

Roxanne: Excuse me, Princess Rita. Are you just gonna sit there or are you gonna help me?
Rita: No, Mr. Feder said that I must study for the big final.
Roxanne: What final?
Rita: You tell me, he just keeps handing me books.

[from trailer]
Bean: Mommy, I want some milk.
Sally: Come here. I'll give you a little something.
[starts breastfeeding Bean]
Roxanne: Your son is so cute. How old is he?
Eric: 48 months.
Kurt: [pause] That's 4.
Eric: [pause] Yeah.

Lenny: Higgins, what are you doing?
Marcus: I don't wear pants at my house, I'm not wearing them in your house. Sorry.
Roxanne: That was a man's ass?

Sally: See that? Now he won't even drink from me.
Roxanne: That's what men do. They take and take, and then give you up for some cow.
Sally: Well now I don't know what I'm going to do with these.
Eric: I do.

[first lines]
[a deer walks into the bedroom]
Lenny: Sweetheart.
Roxanne: Mmm?
Lenny: Go over to the window right now and open it as wide as you can.
Roxanne: Please let me sleep.
Lenny: I think your mother's here from Mexico, and she needs to leave. Open the window now.

Lenny: Roxanne, I have made out with about 25 girls in this very spot and I want you to be number 26.
Roxanne: As long as I am the last.

[last lines]
Lenny: I did it! I burpsnarted! Yes!
Roxanne: Lenny, grow up!
Lenny: I did it for the baby!