The Best Sid Quotes

Sid: [Sid throws down the phone] That was the Mayor, Alan.
Alan: It was an accident. You said you love me no matter what I did.
Sid: I know and I do. You're my best friend but Alan why would you buy a giraffe?
Alan: I always wanted one! Could feed him from my tree house. Besides they remind me a lot of myself.
Sid: In what way?
Alan: They're majestic. Pensive and tall.
Sid: Pensive?
Alan: Yeah!
Sid: Where did you learn that word?
Alan: Rhymes with friends.
Sid: What friends Alan?
Alan: You can say it on random.
Sid: Alan aside from the fact that you shut down a freeway, you murdered a wild animal. It's national news. You don't want to know the checks I had to write to fix this!
Alan: Oh please! We're rich!
Sid: We're not anything Alan! I am well off! You are my 40 year old son...
Alan: 42!
Sid: ...42 year old son who still lives at home! You either go back on your medication or I'm cutting you off!
Alan: You're bluffing. When 's dinner?
Sid: You're mother and I can't take it anymore!

Sid: [on the phone] Yes, sir. Absolutely, I will. Thank you so much. No, of course. No no and again, I'm so sorry.
[hangs up the phone and sits down with Alan]
Sid: That was the mayor, Alan.
Alan: It was an accident.
[pause]
Alan: You'd said you'd always love me no matter what I did.
Sid: I know and I do. You're my best friend, but Alan, why would you buy a giraffe?
Alan: I always wanted one. I can feed him from my treehouse. Besides, they remind me a lot of myself.
Sid: In what way?
Alan: They're majestic, pensive, and tall.
Sid: Pensive.
Alan: Yeah!
Sid: Where'd you learn that word?
Alan: Words with Friends.
Sid: What friends, Alan?
Alan: You can set it on random.
Sid: [sighs] Alan, aside from the fact that you shut down a freeway, you murdered a wild animal. It's national news. You don't wanna know the cheques I had to write to fix this.
Alan: Oh please, we're rich!
Sid: We are not anything, Alan. I am well-off. You are my 40-year-old son...
Alan: I'M 42!
Sid: 40...
Alan: I'M 42!
Sid: 42-year-old son who still lives at home. You are to go back on your medication or I'm cutting you off.
Alan: You're bluffing. When's dinner?
Sid: Your mother and I can't take this any more!
Alan: Oh, you might have to.
Sid: I can't do it! I cannot do this!
[Alan puts on Dre Beats, listening to "My Life" by Billy Joel, as his father has a heart and his mother and nanny panics]
Linda: ALAN! ALAN!

Sid: Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Except for herpes. That shit'll come back with you.