500 Best Anthony Head Quotes

Rupert: He had a very specific... olfactory presence.
Xander: Well, I guess we're off to the old factory. I hate that place.

Quentin: I've recommended to the Council, and they've agreed that you be relieved of your duties as Watcher immediately. You're fired.
Rupert: On what grounds?
Quentin: Your affection for your charge has rendered you incapable of clear and impartial judgement. You have a father's love for the child... and that is useless to the cause.

Buffy: Willow, listen to him. I don't want to fight you anymore.
Willow: I don't wanna fight you either. I wanna fight *him*.
Rupert: Stay down.
Willow: No. Remember that little spat we had before you left? When you were under the delusion that you were still relevant here? You called me a rank, arrogant amateur... Well, buckle up, Rupert... 'cause I've turned pro.

Rupert: For now, but my guess is that this werewolf will be back at next month's full moon.
Willow: What about tonight's full moon?
Rupert: Pardon?
Willow: Well, last night was the night before the full moon. Traditionally known as... the night before the full moon.

[preforming the spell]
Willow: Spiritus... spirit.
[Willow hands a card to Xander]
Xander: Animus... heart.
[Willow hands a card to Giles]
Rupert: Sophus... mind.
Willow: And Manus... the hand.

Rupert: Faith has you at a disadvantage, Buffy.
Buffy: 'Cause I'm not crazy or 'cause I don't kill people?
Rupert: Both, actually.

[first lines]
Buffy: Giles?
Anya: Giles.
Willow: Uh-oh. Daddy's home. I'm in wicked trouble now.
Rupert: You have no idea.

[first lines]
Rupert: This is madness. What can you have been thinking. You are the Slayer. Lives depend upon you. I make... allowances for you youth, but I expect a certain amount of responsibility, instead of which you enslave yourself to this-this... Cult?
[cut to Buffy in cheerleader outfit with pom poms]
Buffy: You don't like the color?

Buffy: So Ethan, what are we playing? We're pretty much in a talk-or-bleed situation. Your call.
Rupert: [teenage Giles] Hit him.
Ethan: I-I'd just like to point out that this wasn't my idea.
Buffy: Meaning?
Ethan: Well, I'm subcontracting. It's Trick you want. I'm just helping him collect a tribute... for a demon.
Rupert: [teenage Giles] Well, he's lying. G'on hit him!
Buffy: [to Giles] I don't think he is, and shut up.
Rupert: [teenage Giles] You're *my* Slayer. Go knock his teeth down his thro...
Buffy: Giles!
[to Ethan]
Buffy: What demon?
Ethan: I don't remember.
[Buffy punches Ethan]
Rupert: [teenage Giles] Yes!

Rupert: Good Lord... You *were* dead, Buffy.
Buffy: I was only gone for a minute.
Rupert: Clearly it doesn't matter how long you were gone. You were physically dead, thus causing the activation of the-the-the next slayer.
Kendra: She died?
Buffy: Just a little.

[first lines]
[picking out a coffin]
Rupert: Buffy, you're here... You all right?
Buffy: Yeah.
Funeral: Did you find something?
Buffy: This one.
Funeral: It's a fine choice. It speaks of your deep feeling for the deceased.

Buffy: You sent away the one person that's been watching my back, *again*.
Giles: We're all watching your back.
Buffy: Funny, that's not really what it feels like.

Anya: Giles...! You're not dead!
Rupert: No.
Anya: [hugs him tightly] Ohh!
Rupert: However, I am still in some pain.
Anya: Oh. Well, why aren't you dead? Why aren't I dead?
Rupert: Uh, the threat's gone. Willow has been stopped.
Anya: Oh... You mean she's, uh...
Rupert: No, she's alive. It, uh, the magic she took from me, it did- it did what I hoped it would do.
Anya: Oh, you dosed her. You knew she'd take your powers all along.
Rupert: Well, I- The gift that was given me by the coven, it's the true essence of magic. It... Willow's magic came from a place of rage and power.
Anya: And vengeance. Don't forget vengeance.
Rupert: Oh. How could I? In any case, the magic she took from me, tapped into... the spark of the humanity she had left. Helped her to feel again. Gave Xander the opportunity to reach her.
Anya: Xander?
Rupert: Yes. It was he who got to her in time... He saved us all.

Mr. Finch: Forget the shooty dog thing.

Rupert: Alright, let's-let's-let's review. Um, so everybody became, uh, whatever they were masquerading as.
Willow: Right. Xander was a soldier, and Buffy was an 18th-century girl.
Rupert: [staring at her skimpy outfit] And-And your-your costume?
Willow: I'm a ghost.
Rupert: Yes. Um, well, a-a, the ghost of what, exactly?

Rupert: Dr. Ferris Carlyle spent years transcribing a lost, Pre-Germanic language. What he discovered he kept to himself until several teenage boys were murdered in the Cotswolds. Then he went hunting for it.
Buffy: It being...
Rupert: Uh, he calls her a She-Mantis. This type of creature, the kleptes-virgo, or-or-or virgin-thief, appears in-in many cultures... the Greek sirens, the Celtic sea-maidens, who-who tore the living flesh from the bones of, um...
Buffy: Giles, while we're young.

Ethan: We used to be friends, Ripper. When did all that fall apart?
Rupert: The same time you started to worship chaos.
Ethan: Oh, religious intolerance. Sad, there. I mean, just look at the Irish troubles.

Rupert: And you're certain she was a robot?
Buffy: Absolutely.
Tara: She practically had "Genuine Molded Plastic" stamped on her ass.

Rupert: [to Buffy] Be quiet... I won't remind you that the fate of the world often lies with the Slayer. What would be the point? Nor shall I remind you that you've jeopardized the lives of all that you hold dear by harboring a known murderer... But sadly, I must remind you that Angel tortured me... for hours... for pleasure. You should have told me he was alive. You didn't. You have no respect for me or the job I perform.

Buffy: He ran away, huh?
Rupert: Um... sort of more, uh... turned and swept out majestically, I suppose. He said I didn't concern him.
Buffy: So a mythic triumph over a completely indifferent foe.
Rupert: Well, I'm not dead or unconscious, so I say bravo for me.

Rupert: You actually had your hands on the Books of Ascension?
Willow: [nodding] Volumes 1 through 5.
Rupert: Is there anything that you can remember about them that could be of use to us? Anything at all?
Willow: Well... I was in a hurry. a-and what I did read was kinda involved. If you ask me, way overwritten.
Rupert: [meekly disappointed] Oh.
Willow: Actually, there were a few pages that were kind of interesting, but I didn't have a chance to read them fully.
[Giles looks away, disappointed and Willow reaches into her pocket and brings out several pages]
Willow: See what you can make of them.
[Giles accepts the pages looking stunned, then walks away looking happy]

Rupert: I can't believe you served Buffy that beer.
Xander: I didn't know it was evil.
Rupert: You knew it was beer.
Xander: Well, excuse me, Mister "I Spent the Sixties in an Electric-Kool-Aid-Funky-Satan Groove."
Rupert: It was the early seventies and you should know better.

Buffy: Sorry, you guys. We're on a clock here. Okay, A-Adam was at that cave, so maybe he was there for a reason. I-I-I could, I could go back, scope it out, track him if I have to.
Willow: Right, and-and then maybe you'll get lucky, and he'll still be there, and he can rip your arms off for you. Buffy, you can't go back alone.
Rupert: [drunkenly] You never train with me anymore. He's going to kick your ass.
Buffy: Giles!
Rupert: [drink in hand] Sorry. Was that a bit honest?
[not caring]
Rupert: Terribly sorry.

Xander: So this chair-woman? We are talking about Ms Calendar, right?
Rupert: What makes you think that?
Xander: Simple deduction. Ms Calendar is reasonably dollsome, especially for someone in you age bracket. She already knows that you're a school librarian, so you don't have to worry about how to break that embarrassing news to her.
Buffy: And she's the only woman we've actually ever seen speak to you. Add it up, it all spells "Duh."

Buffy: You know, you could have brought that up to us before we did it.
Rupert: I did. I said there could be dire consequences.
Buffy: Yes, but you say that about chewing too fast.

Rupert: Dig a bit in the history of this place, and you'll find a-a-a steady stream of fairly odd occurrences. I believe this whole area is the center of mystical energy, that things gravitate towards it that-that you might not find elsewhere.
Buffy: Like vampires.
Rupert: Like zombies, werewolves, incubi, succubi. Everything you've ever dreaded was under your bed but told yourself couldn't be by the light of day. They're all real.
Buffy: What, you, like, sent away for the Time/Life series?
Rupert: Oh, w-well, yes.
Buffy: D'ya get the free phone?
Rupert: Um, the calendar.

Xander: [to Gachner] Who's the little fear demon? Come on, who's the little fear demon?
Rupert: Don't taunt the fear demon.
Xander: Why? Can he hurt me?
Rupert: No. Tt's just tacky.

Rupert: If Drusilla is alive, then i-i-it could be a fairly cataclysmic state of affairs.
Xander: Again, so many words. Couldn't you just say, "we'd be in trouble"?
Rupert: Go to class, Xander.
Xander: Gone... Notice the economy of phrasing. "Gone." It's simple. Direct.

Buffy: Beer! Buffy want beer.
Rupert: No. Yo-You can't have beer.
Buffy: Want... beer.
Xander: Giles, don't make Cave-Slayer unhappy.

Buffy: Giles, do you have a Jonathan swimsuit calendar?
Giles: No.
[pause]
Giles: Yes... It-it was a gift.

Rupert: Our task now is to determine what sort of killer we are dealing with. Clearly, we're looking for a depraved, sadistic animal.
Oz: [entering] Present... Hey, I may be a cold-blooded jelly doughnut, but my timing is impeccable.

Rupert: Rugged? American football?
[chuckles]
Jenny: And that's funny because?
Rupert: No, no, I just think it's rather odd that a nation that prides itself on its virility should feel compelled to strap on forty pounds of protective gear just in order to play rugby.

Tara: Oh, do you have any books on robots?
Rupert: Oh, yes. Dozens. There's an enormous amount of research we should do before- No, I'm lying. I haven't got squat. I just like to see Xander squirm.

Wesley: And you say this demon wanted cash. That's very unusual.
Rupert: Demons after money. What ever happened to the still-beating heart of a virgin? No one has any standards anymore.

Buffy: Hey, I know. Why don't *you* kill 'em?
Rupert: I'm a Watcher, I-I haven't the skill.
Buffy: Oh, come on. A stake through the heart, a little sunlight. It's like falling off a log.
Rupert: A-A Slayer slays, a-a Watcher...
Buffy: Watches?
Rupert: Yes. No! He... He trains her. He-He-He prepares her...
Buffy: Prepares me for what? For getting kicked out of school? For losing all of my friends? For having to spend all of my time fighting for my life and never getting to tell anyone because I might endanger them? Go ahead... Prepare me.

Rupert: How serious are you about this?
Buffy: 10. I'm serious to the amount of 10.

Dawn: What kind of oogly-boogleys? Lizardy types, or um, zombies, or, or vampires, or what?
Giles: There are no oogly-boogleys, Dawn.

Buffy: Zippo. Patrol's been totally uneventful. My kill count's way down.
Willow: [to Tara] She means there's been less bad-guy activity.
Rupert: We know what that often indicates.
Xander: Buffy doesn't make her quota. Bad Slayer.

Rupert: Well, I know I'm back in America now I've been knocked unconscious.

Rupert: It's definitely all boys' clothes. Why would a girl pack these?
Buffy: How about this one? What kind of girl travels with a mummified corpse... and doesn't even pack lipstick?

[Buffy and Spike are engaged after a spell goes wrong]
Buffy: Spike and I are getting married.
Xander: How? What? How?
Rupert: Three excellent questions.

Rupert: Ooh! Sounds like paranormal phenomena.
Willow: A ghost? Cool!
Xander: Oh, no, no. No. No cool. This was no wimpy chain-rattler. This was, "I'm dead as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore."
Rupert: Well, despite the Xander-speak, that's a fairly accurate definition of a poltergeist.
Xander: I defined something...? Accurately...? Guess I'm done with the book learning.
Buffy: So we have some bad boo on our hands?
Rupert: Yes.
Willow: Well, why is it here? Does it just wanna scare people?
Rupert: Unfortunately, he doesn't know exactly what he wants. That's-That's the trouble. See, uh, many times the spirit is plagued by all manner worldly troubles. Being dead, it has no way to-to-to make its peace. So it-it-it lashes out, growing ever more confused, ever more angry.
Buffy: So it's a normal teenager... Only dead.
Willow: Well, what can we do? Is there any way to stop it?
Rupert: Well, the only tried and true way is to work out what unresolved issues keep it here and-and-and-and, um... resolve them.
Buffy: Fabulous! Now we're Dr. Laura for the deceased.
Rupert: Only if we can find out who the spirit is... or was.

[in Willows dream]
Rupert: All right everyone! Pay attention! In just a few moments, that curtain is gonna open on our very first production. Now everyone that Willow's ever met is out in that audience, including all of us. That means we have to be perfect. Stay in character, remember your lines and energy, energy, energy especially in the musical numbers!
[Willow sees a shadowy figure moving in the background]
Willow: Did anyone see that?
Rupert: Acting is not about behaving, it's about hiding. The audience wants to find you, strip you naked and eat you alive, so hide.
[Harmony bites at his neck]
Rupert: Stop that. Now, costumes, sets, um, the things that you, uh, you know, uh, you, um, you hold them, you touch them, uh, use them, um...
Harmony: Props?
Rupert: No.
Riley: Props?
Rupert: Yes! It's all about subterfuge.
[Harmony continues attempting to bite him]
Rupert: That's very annoying. Now, go on out there, lie like dogs, and have a wonderful time. Now, if we can stay in focus, keep our heads, and if Willow can stop stepping on everyone's cues, I know this will be the best production of "Death of a Salesman" we've ever done.
[Harmony continues attempting to bite him]
Rupert: Stop it. Good luck everyone! Break a leg!

Rupert: Of course... I've been investigating the mystical causes of invisibility, when I-I should have looked at the quantum mechanical.
[sees everyone's blank looks]
Rupert: Physics.
Buffy: I think I speak for everyone here when I say, huh?

Rupert: I have it, I have it. Um,
[reading]
Rupert: "The summoning spell for Gachnar can be shut down in one of two ways. Destroying the Mark of Gachnar..."
[Buffy destroy's the Mark of Gachner]
Rupert: [reading] "... is *not* one of them and will, in fact, immediately bring forth the Fear Demon itself!"

Rupert: There are forty-three churches in Sunnydale? That seems a little excessive.
Willow: It's the extra evil vibe from the Hellmouth. Makes people pray harder.

Rupert: Buffy, this is no ordinary vampire, but we have to stop him before he reaches the Master.
Rupert: But... cute guy! Teenager! Post-pubescent fantasies!

Buffy: Giles, this is bad, isn't it? A new kind of bad.
Giles: Just in time for Christmas.
Buffy: You know, I didn't even realize it was December. Maybe when we get home, we should decorate the rubble.

Rupert: Your playmate is a fellow of repute, it seems.
[showing a picture]
Rupert: It's, erm, Lyle Gorch. And that one's his brother, Tector. They're from Abilene. They, uh, they made their reputation massacring an entire Mexican village in 1886.
Buffy: Friendly little demons.
Rupert: No, it was before they became vampires.

Buffy: So, what do you guys wanna do tomorrow?
Willow: Nothing strenuous.
Xander: Well, mini-golf is always the first thing that comes to mind.
Rupert: I think we can do better than that.
Buffy: I was thinking about shopping, as per usual.
Willow: Oh, there's an "Arden B" in the new mall.
Xander: Oh, good. I could use a few items.
Rupert: Well, now aren't we gonna discuss this? Save the world or go to the mall?
Buffy: I'm having a wicked shoe craving.
Xander: Aren't you on the patch?
Willow: Those never work.
Buffy: Never.
Rupert: And here I am, invisible to the eye. Not having any vote.
Xander: See, I need a new look. It's this whole eye patch thing.
Buffy: Oh! You could go with full black secret-agent look.
Willow: Or the puffy shirt, pirate slash...
Rupert: The Earth is *definitely* doomed.

Buffy: Are you drunk?
Rupert: Yes. Quite a bit, actually.

Buffy: What do you think?
Xander: That depends. Are you in any way... kidding?
Buffy: You don't think it's a good idea?
Faith: It's pretty radical, B.
Rupert: It's a lot more than that. Buffy, what you said, well, it-it-it flies in the face of everything we've ever- every generation has ever done in the fight against evil... I think it's bloody brilliant.
Buffy: You mean that?
Rupert: If you want my opinion.

[last lines]
Rupert: I've been reading up on my, uh, animal possession, and I cannot find anything anywhere about memory loss afterwards.
Xander: Did you tell them that?
Rupert: Your secret dies with me.
Xander: Shoot me, stuff me, mount me.

Colonel: You've got some nerve, lady.
[opens Buffy's weapon bag]
Buffy: You have to listen to us.
Colonel: You think you and your friends can just keep waltzing into a government installation brandishing weapons like...
[stops and considers something he just picked out of the bag]
Colonel: Like...
Willow: It's a gourd.
Rupert: Magic gourd.
Colonel: [stares in disbelief] What kind of *freaks* are you people?

Rupert: That symbol on the ring... I believe it's the rune for fidelity, but, uh, it doesn't connect with any of the sects that I've studied.
Buffy: What about this? On the inside, it's a sun and three stars. Haven't we seen that somewhere?
Rupert: Let me see... No, I-I-I don't think this, um, represents any...
Buffy: Wait, it's right here. Sun and three stars. Yecch. Check these guys out. Told you it looked familiar.
Rupert: Oh, the Order of Aurelius. Yes, you're right.
Buffy: Ooh, two points for the Slayer, while the Watcher has yet to score.

Riley: Talk to me, Forrest.
Forrest: Signal's somewhere in this neighborhood. Estimate within a two-block radius.
[in his apartment, Giles is digging into Spike's wound with the tweezers while Anya holds the flashlight for him]
Willow: It feels and looks like the ionizing spell is wearing off.
Xander: Giles?
Rupert: Uh, I've got it. I've got it!
[holds up the tweezers with a two-inch dart with a blinking red light]
Rupert: [cut to Beta Team getting closer]
Riley: Okay, we wanna keep the hostile contained. So no one is to make a move without my...
Forrest: Wait. Signal's cleared up.
[points]
Forrest: There.
Riley: Let's go!
Rupert: Um, go!
[Giles give tweezers to Xander who races down the hall]
Riley: [cut back to Beta Team] What?
Forrest: It's on the move.
Riley: Heading?
Forrest: Straight at us, forty meters and closing. Moving fast.
Graham: In broad daylight?
Riley: Look alive, people. Weapons at the ready.
Forrest: Twenty-five meters... twenty... fifteen.
Riley: Where?
Forrest: To the left. Ten meters... five!
Riley: Anyone?
Graham: I got nothing.
Forrest: This doesn't make sense. It went right past us.

Dawn: [signing] Where do we go from here?
Buffy: [singing] Where do we go from here?
Rupert: [singing] The battle's done / And we kind of won
Rupert: [singing] So we sound our victory cheer / Where do we go from here?
Xander: [singing] Why is the path unclear / When we know home is near?
Dawn: [singing] Understand we'll go hand in hand / But we'll walk alone in fear.
Rupert: [singing] Tell me!
Dawn: [singing] Where do we go from here / When does the end appear?
Spike: [scoffs] Bugger this.

Anya: Giles is blind?
[Xander starts waving his hand in front of Giles' face]
Rupert: Stop... whatever you're doing. You-You smell like Fruit Roll-Ups.

Buffy: He was in my room.
Rupert: Who?
Buffy: Angel. He was in my room last night.
Rupert: Are you sure?
Buffy: Positive. When I woke up, I found a picture he'd left me on my pillow.
Xander: A visit from the pointed-tooth fairy.

Rupert: [singing] Will this do a thing to change her / Am I leaving Dawn in danger / Is my slayer too far gone to care?
Xander: [singing] What if Buffy can't defeat it?
Anya: [singing] Beady Eyes is right, we're needed! / Or we could just sit around and glare.
Rupert: [singing] We'll see it through / It's what we're always here to do / So we will walk through the fire.

Anya: [about helping Buffy clear her Residence room] But we just helped her move the stuff in a few days ago...
[turns and sees Buffy]
Anya: ... and it was fun!
Rupert: [Reading a book] People help each other out, Anya. It's one of our strange customs.
Buffy: Giles, I noticed you're doing the smallest amount of helping that can actually be called helping.
Rupert: Well, I saw myself in more of a... patriarchal sort of role. You know, lots of pointing and scowling.
[Smiles. Looks to his left, points and scowls]
Rupert: You two, stop that!

Rupert: Jonathan. How's he?
Buffy: Pretty crappy. His parents are freaking. He got suspended. And toting a piece to school, not exactly winning him a place with the in-crowd. But, I think he's dealing.
Rupert: Well, it's good of you to check on him.
Buffy: Well, it's nice to be able to help someone in a non-slaying capacity, except he's starting to get that look. You know, like he's gonna ask me to Prom.
Rupert: Well, it'd probably be good for his self-esteem, if you, um...
Buffy: Oh come on! What am I, Saint Buffy? He's like three feet tall.

Rupert: Um, this computer invasion that Willow's performing on the coroner's office. One-One assumes it is entirely legal?
[Buffy and Willow speak at once]
Buffy: Of course.
Willow: Entirely.
Rupert: Right. Wasn't here... didn't see it... couldn't have stopped you.

Rupert: How long *exactly* did you rest your eyes for?
Xander: A little now, uh, a little then. But I never heard Oz leave, and he was here in the morning when I, um when I...
Rupert: [yells] Woke up!
Xander: You could put it that way if you want to, Mr. Technical.

Xander: Well, it'll be faster if we split up to look for her.
Rupert: Good idea.
[Xander and Giles go in opposite directions leaving Willow standing there alone]
Willow: Uh-uh, faster, but not really safer.

Wesley: You're not helping.
Rupert: I know. I feel just sick about it.

Rupert: There's mention some two hundred years ago in Ireland of-of Angelus, the one with the angelic face.
Buffy: They got that right.

Xander: As in burnt up? Somebody set people on fire? That's nuts.
Anya: I don't know. One more verse of our little ditty and I would've been looking for a gas can.
Rupert: Well, clearly, emotions are running high. But, uh, as far as I can tell, these people burnt up from the inside. They spontaneously combusted. I've only seen the one. I was able to examine the body while the police were taking witness arias.

Anya: Uh, how much butter goes in with these?
Buffy: About half a stick and a quarter cup of brandy.
[to Giles]
Buffy: You do have brandy, don't you?
Rupert: [distracted] What? Oh-Oh. Uh, uh, yes. Um, on the, uh, bookcase.
Spike: I wouldn't say no to a brandy.
Buffy: [to Giles] What's wrong?
Rupert: The victims. Apart from Xander, Hus has targeted authority figures. Father Gabriel, the curator of the cultural center. Who else fits this pattern?
Spike: Just a small brandy.

Rupert: Er, um, we just need to arrange the candles. Also, we should continue to pretend we heard none of the disturbing sex talk.
Willow: Check. Candles and pretense.

Rupert: Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?
Willow: Maybe because they met her?... Did I say that?

Buffy,3546: [singing] We have to try / We'll pay the price / It's do or die.
Buffy: [singing] Hey, I've died twice.

Rupert: Testosterone is a great equalizer. It turns *all* men into morons.

Xander: I'll have you know I was just accosted by some kind of, um... locker monster.
Rupert: Loch Ness Monster?
Buffy: *Locker* monster, is what he said.

Rupert: [reads] "Slick like gall, and gird in moonlight, father of portents and brother to blight..."
Buffy: [takes over reading] "... Limbs with talons, eyes like knives. Bane to the blameless, theif of lives."

Rupert: [leaving while distracted] Well, it's been so nice talking to you.
Jenny: We were fighting.
Rupert: Must do it again sometime. Bye now.

Rupert: Is everyone alright?
Cordelia: Super. I kicked a guy.
Jenny: We're okay.
Xander: Dead guy here interrupted our tutorial.
[to dead guy]
Xander: Been meaning to thank you for that.

Genevive: Without me, they would have been shut out of the Kingdom. Lost to lust.
Rupert: But you helped them.
Genevive: The girls felt the vanity more than the boys. I'd see them preening like Jezebel, doting over their pretty hair.
Xander: So you'd hack it off.
Genevive: I'd remove the temptation to admire themselves. They were better for it.
Xander: What about the bathtub? Something happened there.
Genevive: I performed baptisms on the most unclean. Those who were tainted with impure thought and deed.
Rupert: You held them under?
Genevive: They needed to be reborn. You choose to pass judgment on me?

Rupert: She lied to me?
Willow: Well...
Angel: Did... she have a date?
Willow: Well...
[Angel huffs]
Willow: Well, why do you think she went to that party? Because you gave her the brush-off.
[to Giles]
Willow: And you never let her do anything except work and patrol. And I know she's the Chosen One, but you're killing her with the pressure. I mean, she's sixteen going on forty!
[to Angel]
Willow: And you! I mean, you're gonna live forever. You don't have time for a cup of coffee?
[pause]
Willow: Okay... I don't feel better now, and we've gotta help Buffy.

Buffy: Giles, I've never seen her like this. It's like it hurts too much to form words.
Rupert: You've, uh... You've felt that way yourself and, uh, you got through it.
Buffy: Yeah. I ran away and went to hell, and *then* got through it. I'm kinda hoping she doesn't use me as a model.
Rupert: Fair enough.

Anya: You sold someone a Kohl's Amulet and a Sobekiam Bloodstone.
Rupert: Yes, I believe I did.
Anya: Are you stupid or something?
Rupert: Allow me to answer that question with a firing.

[in the desert for Buffy's quest]
Buffy: What's in the trunk?
Rupert: Supplies.
Buffy: Supplies? I was wondering about that. Like food, water, maybe a compass?
Rupert: What about a book, a gourd, and a bunch of twigs?
Buffy: I-I don't think I'll be that hungry.

Cordelia: Nobody told me I was supposed to bring a gift. I was out of the *loop* on gifts.
Rupert: It's-It's traditional among, um... people.

Rupert: Buffy, maintaining a normal social life as a Slayer... i-i-is problematic at best.
Buffy: This is the '90s, the 1990s, in point of fact, and I can do both. Clark Kent has a job. I just want to go on a date.
Rupert: Well, I suppose it was a fairly slim lead.
Buffy: Thank you, thank you, thank you. And, look, I won't go far, okay? If the apocalypse comes, beep me.

Buffy: In other words, your typical male.
Xander: On behalf of my gender, *hey*.
Rupert: Yes, let's not jump to any conclusions.
Buffy: I didn't jump. I took a tiny step and there conclusions were.

Gwendolyn: The fact is, there is talk in the Council that you have become a bit too... American.
Rupert: Me?
Buffy: Him?

Rupert: You did good work tonight, Buffy.
Buffy: And I got a little toy surprise.
Rupert: [chuckles] Yes... I had no idea that children, en masse, could be... gracious.
Buffy: Every now and then, people surprise you.
Rupert: [looking past her] Every now and then.

Xander: Am I right, Giles?
Rupert: I'm almost certain you're not, but to be fair, I wasn't listening.

Rupert: Yes, I must admit, I-I-I am intrigued. Werewolves. It's, it's one of the classics. I-I'm sure my books and I are in for a fascinating afternoon.

Buffy: [about Hus] Are you sure we shouldn't be helping him?
Rupert: No, I think perhaps we won't help the angry spirit with his rape and pillage and murder.
Buffy: Well, okay, no, but we should be helping him redress his wrongs. Bring the atrocities to light
Rupert: Well, if the history books are full of them, I'd say they already are.
Buffy: Giving his land back.
Rupert: It's not exactly ours to give.
Buffy: You know, I don't think you wanna help. I-I think you just wanna slay the demon, then go, la la la
Rupert: And I think your sympathy for his plight has blinded you to certain urgent facts. We have to stop this thing.
Buffy: Okay, Unfeeling Guy.

Riley: That's Hostile 17.
Spike: No, I'm just a friend of Xanderr's... Pfftt. Bugger it. I'm your guy.
Buffy: This is Spike. He's, um... It's a really long story, but-but he's not bad anymore.
Spike: Hey! What am I, a bleeding broken record? I'm *bad*. It's just... I can't bite anymore... thanks to you wankers.
Riley: We've been looking all over the place for him, but you've known where's he's been all along.
Buffy: It's not like that.
Riley: Then what is it like? What's he doing here?
Spike: Leaving you swabs to your dramatics, thanks. I've got my stories on the telly for that. By the by, if you're trying to kill her...
[Spike grins and gives two thumbs up and then leaves]
Riley: Buffy... what is this? You're hiding an HST?
Xander: Why don't you just back off and let her ask the questions, Jack? Your boss just tried to make monster food out of her.
Riley: [seeing unfriendly faces all around him] I-I didn't see much... I wasn't there... All I know is Professor Walsh told me you were dead. Then, I saw you on the monitors... Look, this isn't Professor Walsh. There must be something making her act this way, something, I don't know, controlling her.
Rupert: We think Buffy may have been becoming too inquisitive, that she was getting close to something that Professor Walsh was trying to hide. Any idea what that might be?
Buffy: What about 314? Maybe that's it.
Riley: Maybe she was trying to test you. What if it was only a drill?
Buffy: Then why did she tell you I was dead? Riley, it wasn't a test.
Rupert: See, I've heard rumors that the Initiative isn't all that we've been told. That, um... secretly they're working towards some darker purpose, something that might harm us all.
Riley: No! That's... that's not what happens there.
Buffy: Riley!
Riley: I would know!
Buffy: But no one is sure of anything, okay? We're just trying to sort it out.
Riley: I can't be here. I'll sort it out on my own.

Buffy: It's great.
[to Giles]
Buffy: It-It's all great.
Rupert: Well, you've earned it. Truly.
Buffy: Thank you guys, so much. You're like my fairy godmother and Santa Claus and Q all wrapped up into one... Q from Bond, not Star Trek.

[first lines]
[in waiting room during Joyce's surgery]
Rupert: Just me. Sorry... Can I get you anything?
Buffy: No. Thank you.
Rupert: Riley?
Riley: No, I'm fine.

Vamp: [outside the Magic Box] Send out Spike!
Rupert: They seem to want spikes.
Spike: [as Randy] Oh!
[Spike goes to the back of the store, comes back with a handful of stakes]
Spike: [as Randy] Let's give 'em these.
Rupert: Oh, well done.

Xander: Who's a little fear demon? Come on, who's a little fear demon?
Rupert: Xander, don't taunt it.
Xander: What, can it hurt me?
Rupert: No, it's just... tacky.

Buffy: Vampires are creeps.
Rupert: Yes, that's why one slays them.
Buffy: I mean, people are perfectly happy getting along and then vampires come and they run around and they kill people and they take over your whole house. They start making these stupid little mini-pizzas and everyone's like, "Oh, look! A mini-pizza!" but I'm telling you, I...
Rupert: [interrupting] Uh, Buffy, I-I-I believe the subtext here is rapidly becoming a... a text.

Buffy: So, any breakthroughs on the identity of Miss Congeniality?
Rupert: Well, I've narrowed it down some.
[Buffy turns and sees a table full of open books]
Buffy: Your definition of narrow is impressively wide.

[in the magic shop, with memory loss, Anya trying different spell books and Giles fighting a sword duel with a skeleton]
Rupert: [to Anya] Get a different book!
[grunting]
Rupert: Put that book down! Do you hear? Not that book!

[last lines]
Rupert: Feel up to some training?
Buffy: Sure! We can work out after school. You know, if you're not too busy having sex with my *mother*.

Xander: How could you let her go?
Rupert: As the soon to be purple area on my jaw will attest, I did not *let* her go.

Rupert: And you are called?
Kendra: I am the Vampire Slayer.
Buffy: We got that part, honey. He means your name.
Kendra: Oh... They call me Kendra. I have no last name, sir.
Buffy: Can you say stuck in the eighties?

Dawn: So you think we'll starve?
Rupert: I very much doubt it.
Dawn: No chance I'd have to quit school to work assembling cheap toys in a poorly ventilated sweatshop?

Buffy: Oh, sorry. It's just... been a really weird day.
Xander: Yeah. Buffy died and everything.
Willow: Wow. Harsh.
Rupert: I should've known that wouldn't stop you.

Willow: [reading Marcie Ross' yearbook] "Have a nice summer." "Have a nice summer." This girl had no friends at all.
Rupert: Uh, once again, I teeter at the precipice of the generation gap.
Buffy: "Have a nice summer" is what you write when you have nothing to say.
Xander: It's the kiss of death.

Xander: Did you know that... Ben is Glory?
Buffy: So I'm told. What do we know?
Rupert: Um, well, uh, according to these scrolls, uh, it's possible for Glory to be stopped. I-I'm afraid it's, um, well, Buffy, I've read these things very carefully and there's not much margin for error... You understand what I'm saying?
Buffy: Might help if you actually said it.

Rupert: The, um, vampire that attacked you, can you furnish me with some details that might help me trace their lineage? I mean, ancient or-or-or modern dress. Amulets, cultish tattoos.
Buffy: Uh, no tats. Crapper dressers. And, uh... oh, the one that nearly bit me mentioned something about kissing toast. He lived for kissing toast.
Rupert: [alarmed] Do you mean, Kakistos?
Buffy: Maybe it was taquitos. Maybe he lived for taquitos. What?
Rupert: Kakistos.
Buffy: Is that bad?
Rupert: Kakistos is Greek. It means the worst of the worst. It's also the name of a vampire so old that his hands and feet are cloven.

Rupert: Cordelia, there, uh, th-there's, uh-uh, an adage, uh, that, um, if you're feeling nervous, then, uh, you should imagine the entire audience are in their underwear.
Cordelia: Eww! Even Mrs. Franklin? Ugh.
Rupert: Perhaps not.

Rupert: [to Wesley] She's right. Time's running out. We need to take the offensive.
[to Buffy]
Rupert: What's your plan?
Buffy: I gotta have a plan? Really? I can't just be proactive with pep?

[holding the frilly dress Buffy received]
Anya: Gotta look. Oh, it's just so lovely! Oh, I wish it was mine!
[everyone looks at her]
Anya: Oh, like you weren't all thinking the same thing.
Rupert: I'm fairly certain I wasn't.
[whispers to Xander]
Rupert: I've got one just like it.

Rupert: Yes, well, I, uh... I appreciate your thoughts on the matter. I, In fact, I... well, I encourage you to-to always, er... challenge me when you feel it's appropriate. You should never be cowed by authority... Except, of course, in this instance, when I am clearly right and you are clearly wrong.

[outside the Frat house Giles exaimines the wall that used to be a door]
Anya: Well...?
Rupert: We're gonna have to create a door...
Anya: Create a door? You can do that?
Rupert: [starts a chainsaw] I can.

Rupert: They are the vampires that vampires fear.

[Giles and Xander are hiding in the woods, watching for the mysterious commandos]
Xander: Every man faces this moment. Here. Now. Watching. Waiting for an unseen enemy that has no face. Nerve endings screaming in silence. Never knowing which thought might be your last.
Rupert: [impatiently] Oh, shut up.

Buffy: So we'll help him?
Rupert: [pause] Yes.
Xander: [entering] Where do we start...? Look, I'm aware I haven't been the mostest best friend to you when it comes to the whole Angel thing. And, um... I don't know. Maybe I finally got the Hanukah spirit.

Rupert: Um, Anya, while-while I completely trust you, uh-uh, to take care of the inventory and the money, um... dealing with people requires a certain, uh, finesse.
Anya: I have finesse! I have finesse coming out of my *bottom*! I can completely lie to the health inspector. I can, you know, distract him with coy smiles and-and bribe him with money and goods.

[first lines]
Rupert: [reading] "And on that tragic day, an era came to its inevitable end." That's all there is. Are you ready?
Buffy: Hit me.
Rupert: Which of the following best expresses the theme of the passage? "A": violence breeds violence, "B": all things must end, "C"...
Buffy: "B." I'm going with "B." We haven't had a "B" in forever.
Rupert: This is the SATs, Buffy, not connect-the-dots. Please pay attention. A low score could seriously harm your chances of getting into college.
Buffy: Gee, thanks. That takes the pressure right off.

Rupert: I'm afraid it falls to you, Buffy. Sorry. I mean, we-we'll do what we can, but you're the only one who has the strength to protect these girls, and the world, against what's coming.

Rupert: [to Xander] Anya is a wonderful former vengeance demon. I'm sure you'll spend many years of non-hell dimensional bliss.

Anya: I'm sorry, Willow. Thank you for making time in your busy life to come in here and get in the way of mine.
Xander: Anya, play nice.
Anya: You know, fine. Take her side instead of mine, even though I'm the one who sleeps with you, and feeds you, bathes you...
Willow: [looking disturbed] She bathes you?
Xander: Only in an erotic, Penthouse-y way, not in a sponge-bath-y, geriatric sort of...
Rupert: Please, stop! I beg of you.

Buffy: I'm just worried this whole session's gonna turn into some training montage from an eighties movie.
Rupert: Ah. Well, if we hear any inspirational power chords, we'll just lie down until they go away.

Angel: I need to know... I need to know why I'm here.
Rupert: Here...? Back on Earth?
Angel: I should be in a demon dimension suffering an eternity of torture.
Rupert: I don't feel particularly inclined to argue with that.

Willow: I mean, why else would she be acting like such a B-I-T-C-H?
Rupert: Willow, I-I think we're all a little too old to be spelling things out.
Xander: A bitca?

Faith: Looks like the Hellmouth is officially closed for business.
Rupert: There's another one in Cleveland... not to spoil the moment.

Rupert: Might I have a word?
Buffy: Have a sentence even.

Rupert: For as long as there have been vampires, there's been the Slayer, one girl in all the world, a Chosen One.
Buffy: He loves doing this part.

[in the magic shop, with memory loss]
Rupert: [whispering] God, no wonder I'm leaving you!
Anya: [whispering] What?
Rupert: [whispering] Look! One-way ticket to London and out of this engagement!
Anya: [whispering] Of all the nerve!

Rupert: The point is, a Slayer should be able to see them anyway, without looking, without thinking. Well, can you tell me if there's a vampire in this building?
Buffy: Maybe.
Rupert: You should know. Even through this mass and this... din, you should be able to sense them. Well, try. Reach out with your mind. You have to hone your senses, focus until the energy washes over you, till you-you feel every particle of-of...
Buffy: There's one.
Rupert: W-Where?
Buffy: Right there, talking to that girl.
Rupert: You don't know...
Buffy: Oh, please! Look at his jacket. He's got the sleeves rolled up. And the shirt? Deal with that outfit for a moment.
Rupert: It's dated?
Buffy: It's carbon dated. Trust me, only someone living underground for ten years would think *that* was still the look.

[after a long first day, the last customer leaves the Magic Box causing the bell to ring]
Rupert: Would someone *please* rip that bloody bell off its hinges?
Xander: Would that involve moving?
Willow: My feet are numb.
Xander: I'll see your numbness and I'll raise you a lower-back pain.
Rupert: I think I liked it better when demons would just crash in here and tear the place apart. Just seemed so much simpler.

Principal: Wait, sorry. Chip?
Rupert: Uh, it's a long story.
Buffy: The military put a chip in Spike's head, so he couldn't hurt anyone.
Rupert: And that would be the abridged version.

Rupert: We need to save Buffy from Hansel and Gretel.
Cordelia: Now, let's be clear. The brain damage happened before I hit you.

Kennedy: I've never been the bait before. That was, uh... actually, kind of scary.
Caridad: We had your back.
Giles: You did well. Your performance as a disgruntled minion was spot on.
Kennedy: I'm method.

[Buffy has gone to free Cordelia, leaving everyone else behind, thinking it is a trap]
Rupert: It is a trap... It's just isn't for her.

[first lines]
Buffy: Spike! Spike wants me. How obscene is that?
Rupert: Well, it is very strange. I mean, I can't imagine what he's thinking. Well, uh, not-not that you're not a-a-attractive.

Willow: You mean...
[whispers]
Willow: Angel? I saw him too.
Rupert: That's not terribly stealthy of him.
Willow: I think he's lost his edge.

Rupert: We'll get our memory back, and it'll all be right as rain.
Spike: Oh, listen to Mary Poppins. He's got his crust all stiff and upper with that nancy-boy accent. You Englishmen are always so... Bloody hell... Sodding. Blimey. Shagging. Knickers. Bollocks. Oh, God. I'm English.
Rupert: Welcome to the nancy tribe.
Spike: You don't suppose you and I... We're not related, are we?
Anya: There is a ruggedly handsome resemblance.
Rupert: A-And you do inspire a, um... well, a particular feeling of... familiarity and... disappointment. Older brother?
Spike: Father. Oh, God, how I must hate you.
Rupert: What did *I* do?

[practicing pick up lines]
Rupert: W-w-w-what I'm proposing is, um... and I-I don't mean to appear indecorous, is-is, um, a-a-a-a social engagement, um, a-a-a-a date. If you're amenable.

Rupert: Xander...! Where's Buffy?
Xander: [to Oz] Amy turned her into a rat.

Rupert: It's not over. I-I suppose you know that... He'll come after you... particularly. His profile, uh, well, he... he's likely to strike out at the things that made him the most human.
Buffy: You must be so disappointed in me.
Rupert: No. No. No, I'm not.
Buffy: This is all my fault.
Rupert: No. I don't believe it is. Do you want me to wag my finger at you and tell you that you acted rashly? You did, and I can... I know that you loved him. And he... has proven more than once that he loved you. You couldn't have known what would happen... The coming months a-are gonna- are gonna be hard... I-I suspect on all of us. But... if it's guilt you're looking for, Buffy, I'm-I'm not your man. All you will get from me is, is my support... and my respect.

Rupert: Cordelia, have you actually ever heard of tact?
Cordelia: Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass.

Spike: Ow! Watch it. That hurts.
Rupert: It doesn't appear to be a bullet. It's too deeply embedded to be a tranquilizer dart.
Spike: Also not tranquil.
Rupert: Some sort of illumination emanating from it... It's blinking.
Spike: I don't care if it's playing "Rockin' the Casbah" on the bloody Jew's harp. Just get it out of me!
Rupert: All right, Anya, there's a bottle of Cognac in the, uh, cabinet next to the sink. Will you get it for me?
Spike: What, you're gonna get snockered now?
Rupert: It's not for me, you prat. If I'm gonna operate on you, I need you anesthetized. this'll take some time.
Xander: We don't have any. That blinking thing. My pseudo-soldier memory bank tells me that's a tracer.
Rupert: A what?
Spike: A what?
Xander: It's like a homing beacon. And if commando guys are reading the signal, they're coming home.
[Anya hands Spike the Cognac, and he begins to guzzle it]
Rupert: Well, we need to buy some time. It's in deep and I'm no surgeon.

Rupert: The, uh, demon woman was here. the one who attacked you.
Willow: It's no biggie. She-She just got an amulet and a bloodstone.
Anya: That can create a monster.
Willow: Okay, biggie.

Rupert: And I shall be wearing pink taffeta, as chenille will not go with my complexion. Can we *please* talk about the ascension.

[Standing before the gang as they prepare to leave to fight Glory]
Buffy: Remember, the ritual starts, we all die. And I'll kill anyone who comes near Dawn.
[turns and leaves the room]
Spike: Well, not exactly the St. Crispin's Day speech, was it?
Rupert: "We few, we happy few..."
Spike: ...we band of buggered.

Rupert: We have to find Buffy. Something terrible's happened.
[Willow and Xander stare at him]
Rupert: [smiles] Just kidding. Thought I'd give you a scare.

Rupert: Things involving the computer fill me with a childlike terror. Now if it were a nice ogre or some such, I'd be much more in my element.

[Cordelia's droning on and on. Giles starts staring at her hair]
Cordelia: What?
Rupert: Oh, I-I'm sorry. Um, your hair, uh...
Cordelia: [concerned] There's something wrong with my hair?
[she touches her hair for a second]
Cordelia: Oh my God.
[she runs off]
Rupert: Xander was right. It worked like a charm.

Buffy: What should we do?
Rupert: Buffy, I think you should try to retrieve the Books of Ascension. Check out the mayor's office. But be damn careful. Do not confront the mayor. We don't know a thing about him.
Buffy: I'll go home and stock up on weapons. Slip into something a little more break-and-enterish.

Rupert: Yes, Xander. Once more you've managed to boil a complex thought down to its simplest possible form.

[answering knock on door and finding Angel]
Rupert: Hello.
Angel: Um... I'm sorry to bother you.
Rupert: [begins laughing sourly] Sor... Sorry. Coming from you that phrase strikes me as rather funny. Sorry to bother me.
Angel: I need your help.
Rupert: And the funny keeps on coming.

Buffy: There's something else, though. We found an empty grave.
Rupert: Another vampire?
Buffy: No. No, this one was dug up and the body was taken out.
Rupert: Grave-robbing? That's new. Interesting.
Buffy: I *know* you meant to say gross and disturbing.
Rupert: Yes, yes, yes, of course. A terrible thing. Must-Must put a stop to it. Damn it.

Lydia: There are some very potent elements here: focusing crystals, runic artifacts, an Amulet of Cauldys. Also this statue. Its removal from Burma is a criminal offense, and when triggered, has the power to melt human eyeballs.
Rupert: In that case, I severely under-priced it.

Rupert: I don't know how many more ways I can say I'm not interested.
Xander: Well, try one! Check these flavors: Cherry-Berry, Maple Walnut, ooh, Almond Licorice.
Anya: Ew.
Xander: Anya, we don't say "ew" in front of potential customers.
Anya: Just skip this part and tell him you want money to buy me pretty things. He'll understand.
Rupert: [sighis] Very well. Um, Maple Walnut.
Xander: An excellent choice.
Rupert: [Giles takes a bite, then looks disgusted] Please leave my home now.
Xander: It's the, uh, the gritty texture, isn't it? Maybe you're more of a Cherry-Berry fellow.

Xander: I hate this guy.
Buffy: He's just doing what was done to him.
Xander: I didn't give him syphilis!
Rupert: No, but you freed his spirit, and after a century of unrest he saw you as one of his oppressors.
Xander: What, so he rises up and infects the first guy he sees? That's no fair.
Buffy: Like you've never woken up cranky.

Rupert: To forgive is an act of compassion, Buffy. It's-it's... it's not done because people deserve it. It's done because they need it.
Buffy: No. James destroyed the one person he loved the most in a moment of blind passion. And that's not something you forgive, no matter why he did what he did. And no matter if he knows now that it was wrong and selfish and stupid. It is just something he's gonna have to live with.
Xander: He can't live with it, Buff... He's dead.
[Buffy leaves the room]
Cordelia: Okay. Over-identify much?

[last lines]
Buffy: Does it ever get easy?
[kills a newly risen vampire]
Rupert: You mean life?
Buffy: Yeah. Does it get easy?
Rupert: What do you want me to say?
Buffy: Lie to me.
Rupert: Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true. The bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats. And, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies and... everybody lives happily ever after.
Buffy: Liar.

Buffy: Let me guess. Gwendolyn Post, not a watcher.
Rupert: Yes, she was. She was, uh, kicked out by the Council a couple of years ago for misuses of dark power... They swear there was a memo.

Rupert: You have no idea where they took Jesse?
Buffy: I looked around, but soon as they got clear of the graveyard, they could have just, voom.
Xander: They can fly?
Buffy: They can drive.

Rupert: It appears to be paranormal in origin.
Willow: How can you tell?
Rupert: Well, it's so shiny.

Quentin: We'll skip the more obvious questions.
Buffy: There isn't gonna be a review.
Quentin: Sorry?
Buffy: No review. No interrogation. No questions you *know* I can't answer, no hoops, no jumps...
[Nigel starts to say something]
Buffy: ...and no interruptions... See...
[sighs]
Buffy: I've had a lot of people talking at me the last few days. Everyone just *lining* up to tell me how unimportant I am... And I've finally figured out why... Power. I have it. They don't... This bothers them... Glory... came to my home today.
Rupert: Buffy, are you all...
Buffy: Just to talk. She told me I'm a bug. I'm a flea. She could squash me in a second. Only she didn't... She came into my home, and we talked. We had what, in her warped brain, probably passes for a civilized conversation. Why? Because she needs something from me, because I have power over her.

Wesley: I say it merits investigation.
Rupert: Which I'm sure the police are doing. Meantime, if you ask me, there are better uses for the Slayer's time.
Wesley: Ah. But I don't believe I did... ask you.

Rupert: Molly, why don't you show our new guest where the kitchen is. I'm sure she's hungry after her travels.
Molly: Fair enough. A bit peckish meself.
Rona: Bit what as well?
Anya: That's English for hungry.
Rona: Oh. Here I thought "hungry" was English for hungry.

Rupert: This time anomaly and the-the-the demon attacks could be completely unrelated events. But if they're not, you might be in some danger.
Buffy: So, situation normal then.

[at the magic shop, Anya hands a paper bag to a customer, smiling]
Anya: Thank you for coming. We value your patronage.
[louder as they leave]
Anya: Please come again for more purchases!
Rupert: Could we perhaps be a little less effusive, Anya? We don't want to frighten the people.
Anya: I'm just so excited. They come in. I help them. They give us money in exchange for goods. You give me money for working for you... I have a *place* in the world now. I'm part of the system.
[smiles]
Anya: I'm a workin' gal.
Rupert: [smiles] Yes. Well, why don't you start organizing the shipping orders.
Anya: Oh, no. That's boring. I just want to do the money parts.

Angel: I... I can't come in unless you invite me.
[Giles re-enters holding a loaded crossbow]
Rupert: I'm aware of that.

[inspecting the scythe]
Rupert: In addition to being ancient, it's, well, it's clearly mystical.
Buffy: Yeah, I figured that one out when I King Arthured it out of the stone.

Rupert: How did you get in?
Spike: The door was unlocked. You might want to watch that, Rupert. Someone dangerous could get in.
Buffy: Or someone formerly dangerous and currently annoying.

Rupert: It'll be dark soon... I think it would be wise for you to leave Sunnydale.
Spike: I'm not going anywhere... not until those bastards undo whatever they did to me. Put me back the way I was.
Xander: Sure, just explain to the nice scientist guys that you *really* miss killing and torturing innocent people.
Spike: You think that would work?
Rupert: Spike, Lord knows why I'm telling you this. It's for your own good. As long as the Initiative is in operation, it's not safe for you here.
Buffy: No... It's not safe for any of us.

Jenny: Hi. I got your message. What's so urgent?
Rupert: Um, thank you for coming. Uh, I need your help. But before that, um, I need you to believe something that, um, you may not want to. Uh, there's, uh, something's got into the, um... in-in-inside, um...
[sighs]
Rupert: There's a demon in the Internet.
Jenny: I know.

Rupert: It's the end of the world.
Buffy: *Again*?

Rupert: If your identity as a Slayer is revealed, it could put you and all those around you in grave danger.
Buffy: Well, in that case, I won't wear my button that says "I'm a Slayer. Ask Me How."

Xander: [about Dawn] You know, uh... she kinda has a crush on me.
Rupert: Your point being?
Xander: Well, nothing. No. Just saying, powerful being... big energy gal diggin' the Xan man. Some guys are just cooler, you know?

Willow: Buffy's not going to jail. It's not fair.
Rupert: Whatever the authorities have planned for her, it can't be much worse than what she's doing to herself. She's taken a human life. The guilt it-it's... it's pretty hard to bear. It won't go away soon.
Cordelia: I guess you should know, since you helped raise that demon that killed that guy that time.
Rupert: Yes. Do let's bring that up as often as possible.

Rupert: What sort of demon?
Buffy: Um, he had a cloak on. Glowy green eyes, and his skin had, like, a super bad fake rub-on tan.
Rupert: Translate?
Buffy: Orangey?

[Willow asks Cordelia whether she wants to go on the grave-digging adventure]
Cordelia: Darn, I have cheerleader practice tonight. Boy, I wish I knew you'd be digging up dead people sooner. I would have canceled.
Xander: All right, but if you come across the army of zombies, can you page us before they eat your flesh?
[Cordelia huffs and leaves the library]
Rupert: Xander?
Xander: Huh?
Rupert: Zombies don't eat the flesh of the living.
Xander: Yeah, I knew that. But did you see the look on her face?

Rupert: No, I-I don't see it, Xander. I mean, of... of all of us, you're the one person arguably that Faith has had the least contact with.
Xander: Yeah, but we hung out a little... recently, and she seemed to be, um... responsive.
Buffy: When did you guys hang out?
Xander: Oh, she was fighting one of those, uh, apocalypse demon things and I helped her. Gave her a ride home.
Buffy: And you guys talked?
Xander: Not extensively, no.
Buffy: They why would you...
[realizes]
Buffy: Oh.
Rupert: [also realizing] Oh!
[everybody looks at Willow]
Willow: I don't need to say "oh." I got it before... They slept together.

[Giles is taken to the ground by the gang]
Xander: Touch him! Touch him!
Dawn: Oh, I feel him! I feel him!
Xander: Me too.
Andrew: Me too.
Rupert: Good. We all feel each other. Including some of us who don't know each other well enough to take such liberties, thank you. Um, I assume there is a perfectly reasonable and not at all insane explanation, yes?
Anya: We thought you might be non-corporeal evil.
Dawn: We got a call. We couldn't remember you touching anything.
Xander: We had to make sure you were okay. We were worried.
Rupert: Oh. Ah. Yes, well, that's very sweet. Now, wait a minute, you thought- You think I'm evil if I bring a group of girls on a camping trip and *don't* touch them?

Riley: I've lived in Sunnydale a couple of years now. Know what I've never noticed before?
Rupert: Uh, a castle?
Riley: A big, honkin' castle.

[Willow bought frozen peas instead of fresh ones]
Willow: They're gonna be mushy.
Rupert: They won't be mushy.
Buffy: I like mushy peas.
Buffy: You're the reason we had to have Pilgrims in the first place.

Xander: What's this ascension mean?
Rupert: I'm not sure.
Wesley: No, not really a common term in demonology.
Willow: Ooh, ooh! The-The Merenshtadt text! Uh, I think in the section on genocide, they mention ascension.
Buffy: Well, we have a winner.
Xander: And more importantly, two losers.

Rupert: This one?
Buffy: Amethyst.
Rupert: Used for?
Buffy: Breath mints?
Rupert: Charm bags, money spells... and for cleansing one's aura.
Buffy: Okay, so how do you know if one's aura's dirty? Somebody come by with a finger and write "Wash Me" on it?

[Xander is examining an Initiative taser rifle]
Xander: So, here it is. The latest in state-of-the-art combat technology. I gotta say, it doesn't look that complicated.
Buffy: So can you repair it?
Xander: Sure. Just as soon as I get my Master's degree in advanced starship technology.
Willow: Well, why don't we experiment? Press some buttons, see what happens.
Giles: Uh, well, I'd like to veto that.
Xander: Second. It's called a blaster, Wil. A word that tends to discourage experimentation. Now, if it were called the orgasminator, I'd be the first to try your basic button-press approach.

[last lines]
Rupert: Oh, bloody hell. The inscription.
Buffy: What's the matter?
Rupert: I should've translated the Gaelic inscription under the illustration of Gachnar.
Buffy: What's it say?
Rupert: Actual size.

Giles: That would explain the huge backing orchestra I couldn't see and the synchronized dancing from the room service chaps.

Rupert: [as a Fyarl Demon] You have to help me find him. He must undo this, and then he needs a... a good being-killed.
Spike: And I'm supposed to just help you out of the evilness of my heart?

Xander: I'm not enjoying this.
Rupert: Well, shelve them correctly and we can finish.
Xander: I don't get your crazy system.
Rupert: My system? It's called the alphabet.
Xander: Huh... Would ya look at that.

Buffy: How you doing there, Giles? Get much sleep last night?
Rupert: Um, I-I-I've been working.
Buffy: Me, too. I went hunting last night, and it is awfully sweet of you to ask. It's getting hairy out there, Giles. I killed three vampires last night. One of them was practically on school grounds.
Rupert: Their numbers are increasing.
Buffy: And they're getting cockier. Look, I'm not loving it. Last night was a pretty close call.
Rupert: Yes.
Buffy: Giles, care. I'm putting my life on the line battling the undead. Look, I broke a nail, okay? I'm wearing a press-on. The least you could do is exhibit some casual interest. You could go, "hmm."
Rupert: Hmm?

Rupert: The vampire is not dead?
Buffy: No, but my social life is on the critical list.

Rupert: You all right?
Willow: Yeah.
Rupert: Ah, yes, 'cause your good mood is both obvious and contagious.

[Giles and company are researching old magic books]
Riley: These spells. These really work? I mean, can you really turn your enemies inside out, or learn to excrete gold coins?
Anya: That one's not so much fun.
Willow: They work, Riley, but they take concentration, being attuned with the forces of the universe.
Xander: Right, you can't just go
[reading]
Xander: "librum incendere" and expect...
[Xander's book bursts into flames and he slams it shut, extinguishing it]
Giles: Xander, don't speak Latin in front of the books.

Rupert: I'd have to say you're right.
Buffy: I love it when he says that. Any theories?
Rupert: Uh, I'm, um, it's a bit of a puzzle, really. Um, I've never actually heard of anyone attacked by a lone baseball bat before.
Xander: Maybe it's a vampire bat.
[no response from the others]
Xander: I'm alone with that one, huh?

Giles: Spike, I have a mission for you.
Spike: Oh, really? 'Cause, you know, sometimes our missions end up with you tryin' to kill me. I'm not fond of those.

Willow: Giles, the Dagon Sphere. You said that was created to repel...
Rupert: That Which Cannot Be Named.
Willow: So, I'm thinking maybe she...
Rupert: Predates language itself?
Xander: Well, hey, if it means I don't have to read anymore, *whoo*. And might I add a big *hoo*.

[last lines]
Rupert: We're at the center of a mystical convergence here. We may, in fact, stand between the Earth and its total destruction.
Buffy: Well, I got to look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school.
Xander: Oh, yeah. That's a plan, 'cause lots of schools aren't on Hellmouths.
Willow: Maybe you could blow something up. They're really strict about that.
Buffy: I was thinking of a more subtle approach, you know, like excessive not studying.
Rupert: The Earth is doomed.

Rupert: Yes, really. What student here is going to be that well versed in physiology?
Willow: Well, I can think of five or six guys in the science club. And me.
Xander: So, Will, come clean. Promise to never do it again, and we'll call it a night.
[at their looks]
Xander: He joked.

Rupert: Buffy's quit the Council... She'll not be working with Wesley from now on.
Cordelia: But he's her Watcher.
Rupert: Buffy no longer needs a Watcher. She'll not be working with Wesley from now on.
Cordelia: But he is her Watcher.
Xander: Buffy no longer needs a Watcher.
Cordelia: Well, does he have to leave the country? I mean, you got fired, and you still hang around like a big loser. Why can't he?
Xander: Cordelia! We're trying to stop a massacre here. Wanna give us a hand?
Cordelia: Sure... This is just *such* a Buffy thing to do. She's always thinking of herself.

Rupert: Yes, because the mall was actually in Sunnydale, so there's no hope of going there tomorrow.
Dawn: We destroyed the mall? I fought on the wrong side.
Xander: All those shops, gone. The Gap, Starbucks, Toys "R" Us. Who will remember all those landmarks unless we tell the world of them?

Xander: Red alert. Where's Buffy?
Rupert: She-She just stepped out. Her-Her father came by. He-He needed to to her...
[looking at Xander's outfit]
Rupert: Whe-Where are your other clothes?
Xander: Oh, don't I wish I had the answer to that question.
Willow: Xander kind of found himself in front of our class not wearing much of anything.
Xander: Except my underwear.
Willow: [enthusiastically] Yeah, it was really...
[see Xander glaring at her]
Willow: ... bad. It was a bad thing.
Xander: "Bad thing"? I was naked. "Bad thing" doesn't cover it.
Willow: Everybody staring. I would hate to have everyone paying attention to *me* like that.
Xander: With nudity! It's a total nightmare.
Willow: Well, yeah, Xander. It-It's your nightmare.
Xander: Except the part with me waking up going, "It's all a dream." It happened.
Willow: Like it happened to Wendell. That thing with the spiders. Wendell had a recurring dream about that.
Rupert: I-I-I dreamt that I-I got lost in the stacks, and I... I couldn't read... Of course!
Xander: Um, our dreams are coming true.
Rupert: Dreams? That would be the musical comedy version of this. Nightmares. Our-Our nightmares are coming true.

Rupert: It's a reliquary... used to house items of religious significance. Most commonly a finger or some other body part from a saint.
Buffy: Note to self: religion - freaky.
Rupert: Du Lac. Oh dear, oh dear.
Buffy: I hate when you say that.

Rupert: As, uh, proprietor of a-a-a magic shop, I propose we fight them. We can use things here in the shop. You know, magic tricks or whatever they're called.

[about Angel watching over Buffy in secret]
Rupert: It's not fair. You know that's what she'd say. You can see her, but she can't see you?
Angel: Believe me, I'm not getting the good half of this deal. To be on the outside looking in at what I can't... Well, I'd forgotten how bad it feels.

Buffy: [emerging from the grave] Thought I was dead.
Willow: Buffy, your face.
Buffy: [feeling the transformation] Oh, God...
Xander: Buffy.
Buffy: Don't look at me!
Rupert: [softly] You never told me you dreamt of becoming a vampire.
Buffy: This isn't a dream.
Rupert: No. No, it's not. But there's a chance that we can make it go away. This all comes from Billy. Now, if-if we can only wake him up, I believe that the nightmares will stop and reality will shift back into place. But we must do it now. I need you to hold together long enough to help us. Can you do that?
Buffy: Yeah. I think I can.
Rupert: Thank you.
Buffy: Well, we'd better hurry... 'cause I'm getting hungry.

Rupert: [after Anya decides to have an after-holiday sale] Brooms all around, then.
Willow: Or I could whip up a jaunty self-cleaning incantation. It'll be like Fantasia.
Rupert: We all know how splendidly that turned out for Mickey.
Willow: I think I'm a little more adept than a cartoon mouse.
Tara: And you have more fingers, which is good, 'cause then there's no need to wear those big, white gloves to overcompensate.

Angelus: [Giles wakes up in Angelus's mansion after being kidnapped by Drusilla] Hi Rupert. I wasn't sure you were gonna wake up. You had me worried.
Rupert: [gets to his feet] What do you want?
Angelus: [cheerfully] I want to torture you. I used to love it and it's been a long time. I mean the last time I tortured somebody, they didn't even have chainsaws.
[Angelus walks over to the statue of Acathla, a demon he's trying to awaken that will suck the world into Hell]
Angelus: Oh, yeah... Acathla. He's an even harder guy to wake up than you are. I mean I've performed the ritual... said all the right phrases, blood on my hand... got nothing, big doughnut hole for my troubles. I figure you know the ritual, you're pretty up on these things, you could probably tell me what I'm doing wrong. But honestly, I sorta hope you don't... because I really want to torture you.

Rupert: There must be something in the Book of Tarnis that we've missed, something that we can use against Glory.
Anya: Piano!
Xander: Because that's what we used to kill that big demon that one time.
[pause]
Xander: No, wait, that-that was a rocket launcher. An, what are you talkin' about?
Anya: We should drop a piano on her. Well, it always works for that creepy cartoon rabbit when he's running from that nice man with the speech impediment.
Rupert: [sarcastic] Yes, or perhaps we could paint a convincing tunnel on the side of a mountain.

Rupert: It seems you encountered the Three. Warrior vampires. Very proud and very strong.
Willow: How is it you always know this stuff? You always know what's going on. I never know what's going on.
Rupert: Well, you weren't here from midnight until six researching it.
Willow: No, I was sleeping.

Rupert: You know what gets me? This is what gets me. Twenty years I've been fighting demons. Maggie Walsh and her-her nancy ninja boys come in, six months later, the demons are pissing themselves with fear. They never even noticed me.

Anya: Oh, who ordered more chicken's feet? The ones we have aren't moving at all.
Xander: That's generally what happens when you cut them off the chicken.
Anya: I'm serious. Maybe we could do a holiday promotion. One free with every purchase.
Rupert: Oh, yeah. Dear holiday memories. Merry tykes by the fire enjoying their new Christmas chicken feet.
Willow: Aw, holding them tight as they fall asleep. Painting their little toenails.

Rupert: Yes, um, in any event, uh, since you're all here, Tara and I could use your help researching Buffy's mysterious woman.
Xander: Oh yeah. This has been fruitful, trying to look up something you... never saw and don't know the name of.
Anya: Just do what I do. Flip through the pages and look busy.
Willow: It'd be nice if we knew where she was, where she's hiding out.
Xander: No doubt lurking around some sewer or condemned church or rat-infested warehouse. You know, the usual haunts.
[cut Glory in a beautiful, well-appointed apartment]

Rupert: [drunk] This Initiative, I mean, their methods may be causing problems, but they're getting the job done. What am I? I'm an unemployed librarian with a tendency to get knocked on the head.
Ethan: Well, you won't have to worry about that anymore, mate. When you went to the loo, I slipped a small pellet of poison in your drink. You'll be dead in an hour.
[Giles stares at him]
Ethan: Just kidding!
[they both laugh]
Rupert: I'm gonna feel like hell in the morning.
Ethan: Relax. Enjoy the night. We're still a couple of sorcerers. The night is still our time... A time of magic.

Wesley: Mr. Giles... I'd like your opinion... While the last thing I wish to do is model bad behavior in front of impressionable youth... I wonder if asking Miss Chase to dance would...
Rupert: For God's sake, man, she's 18. And you have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone. Just have at it, would you? And stop fluttering about.

Buffy: This is how many apocalypses for us now?
Rupert: Oh, uh, well... six at least... Feels like a hundred.
Buffy: I've always stopped them... always won.
Rupert: Yes.
Buffy: I sacrificed Angel to save the world. I loved him so much. But I knew... I was right. I don't have that anymore. I don't understand. I don't know how to live in this world, if these are the choices... if everything just gets stripped away. I don't see the point. I just wish that... I just wish my mom was here.
[pause]
Buffy: The spirit guide told me, that death is my gift. I guess that means a Slayer really is just a killer, after all.
Rupert: I think you're wrong about that.
Buffy: It doesn't matter. If Dawn dies, I'm done with it. I'm quitting.

Xander: How you doin'?
Rupert: It only hurts when I answer pointless questions.

Wesley: Find anything?
Rupert: Six-course banquet of nothing with a scoop of sod all as a palette cleanser.

Buffy: [singing] There's nothing we can't face.
Anya: [singing] Except for bunnies.

Rupert: Buffy, I'm not gonna send you out there to die. Now, you were right. I-I've waded about in these old books for so long, I've forgotten what the real world is like. I-It's time I found out.
Buffy: You're still not going up against the Master.
Rupert: I've made up my mind.
Buffy: So have I.
Rupert: I made up my mine first! I'm older and wiser than you and just... just do what you're told for once, all right?

Rupert: Everything's terrible! Total catastrophe!
Buffy: Giles, what's wrong?
Rupert: [loudly] Have you seen the new library? Th-Th-Th-Th-There's nothing but computers. There's not a book to be seen. I-I don't know where to begin, Buffy.

Xander: [entering] Giles, you might wanna get out there.
Rupert: Oh, God. What?
Dawn: [entering] Molly and Rona are fighting over who gets to drive first leg.
Buffy: Bet you wish you'd renewed that California State driver's license now, huh?
Anya: [entering] Rona won. You should probably let Molly out of the trunk.

The: It cannot be fought. It cannot be killed. The First Evil has been and always will be, since before the universe was born. Long after there is nothing else, it will go on.
Rupert: I refuse to believe that! There must be some way to destroy it!
The: What, am I talkin' to myself here? There's no way!
Anya: Okay, we tried. Let's go, Giles.
Rupert: Are you saying that the First will succeed in-in wiping out the line of Slayers?
The: The Eye sees not the future, only the truth of the now and before.
Anya: Yes, we've all got that. It's called memory.

Rupert: Hoping and betting, that's what we've got.
Jenny: You want to throw in praying, be my guest.

Buffy: They're gonna expect me to... to be like a Slayer and-and know stuff, but I'm just me, and-and I don't know anything and they're gonna to go away and they're not gonna tell me how to fight Glory and I'm not gonna be able to protect Dawn.
Rupert: Buffy, calm down. The scandal here is not anything you've done wrong. It's the way *they're* behaving, holding what they know hostage, with a gun pointed at my bleeding green card, no less.
[sighs]
Rupert: It's humiliating.
Buffy: Also smart... They picked the perfect thing... I can't lose you.

Rupert: All right. I'll just jump into my time machine, go back to the 12th century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show.
Buffy: Okay, at this point, you're abusing sarcasm.

[no one can speak; all written or mimed]
Rupert: Who are the Gentlemen? They are fairy tale monsters. What do they want?
[Willow points at her chest]
Xander: [cups hands at his chest and mouths] Boobies?
Rupert: Hearts. They come to a town. They steal all the voices so no one can scream. Then...
[Giles shows drawings of Gentlemen ripping out the heart from a person in bed]
Rupert: They need seven. They have at least two.
Xander: How do we kill them?
[Buffy mimes stabbing, but looks more like masturbating; Giles, Willow and Xander look at Buffy with disturbed faces; Buffy mimes again with a stake; they all look relieved]
Rupert: In the tales, no sword can kill them.

Rupert: [angry] You were lucky.
Willow: I wasn't lucky. I was amazing. and how would you know? You weren't even there.
Rupert: If I had been, I'd have bloody well stopped you. The magics you channeled are more ferocious and primal than anything you can hope to understand and you are lucky to be alive, you rank, arrogant amateur!

Rupert: Xander's taken to teasing the less fortunate?
Buffy: Uh-huh.
Rupert: And, uh, there's a noticeable change in both clothing and demeanor?
Buffy: Yes.
Rupert: And, well, otherwise, all his spare time's spent lounging about with imbeciles?
Buffy: It's bad, isn't it?
Rupert: [sighs] It's devastating. He's turned into a sixteen-year-old boy. Of course, you'll have to kill him.

Jenny: Honestly, what is it about them that bothers you so much?
Rupert: The smell.
Jenny: Computers don't smell, Rupert.
Rupert: Smell is the most powerful trigger to the memory there is. A certain flower or a-a whiff of smoke can bring up experiences... long forgotten. Books smell... musty and-and-and rich. The knowledge gained from a computer is a... it, uh, it has no-no texture, no-no context. It's-it's there and then it's gone. If it's to last, then-then the getting of knowledge should be, uh, tangible. It should be, uh, smelly.
Jenny: Well, you really are an old-fashioned boy, aren't you?
Rupert: Well, I-I don't dangle a corkscrew from my ear.
Jenny: That's not where I dangle it.

Xander: Finding out who this thing is takes priority. Cordy, you should go with Giles.
Rupert: Why do I have to have...
[at look from her]
Rupert: ... Erm, good thinking.

Buffy: Oh... my God.
Rupert: It's a sombrero.
Buffy: And-And it's on your head.

Rupert: I was 10-years-old when my father told me I was destined to be a Watcher. He was one and his, uh, mother before him, and I-I was to be next.
Buffy: Were you thrilled beyond all measure?
Rupert: No. I had very definite plans about my future. I was going to be a fighter pilot... or possibly a grocer, well, uh, my father gave ma a very tiersome speech about, uh, responsibility and sacrifice.

Rupert: I'm-I'm just gonna stay and clean up a little. I'll-I'll, uh, I'll be back in the Middle Ages.
Jenny: Did you ever leave?

Buffy: So, Giles, got anything that can make this day any worse?
Rupert: How about the end of the world?
Buffy: Knew I could count on you.

Rupert: I'll bring the weaponry.
Buffy: I'll bring the party mix.

Spike: Soldier boys are out in force. I've been trying to keep 'em off my scent, run 'em in circles, but they just keep coming.
Rupert: And... how is this our concern? Seeing that you've expressed a desire to have nothing more to do with us.
Xander: Spike said that?
Rupert: Mm-hmm.
Xander: [to Spike] That hurts.

Rupert: Buffy, Xander is in real danger. Are you sure the solution is pie?
Buffy: Over bickering and confusion, I'll take pie.
Rupert: We will find a solution.
Buffy: And we will have a nice dinner, okay? Both. End of story. I'm going to have Thanksgiving, and it is going to be perfect.

Xander: If you don't know how I feel about...
Anya: I don't... This isn't a relationship. You don't need me. All you care about is lots of orgasms.
Spike: Okay, remember how we talked about private conversations? How they're less private when they're in front of my friends?
Spike: Oh, we're not your friends. Go on.
Rupert: Please don't.

Rupert: Are you all right?
Buffy: I had to lather, rinse, and repeat about 5 million times to get the sewer out of my hair, but otherwise, I'm of the good.
[to Wesley]
Buffy: Thank you for asking.

Willow: No, it's a text message. Oh, it's from Xander. It's one of our signals.
Amanda: Signals?
Willow: Yeah, the system we set up a while back. Like codes. Uh, this one's either, "I just got lucky. Don't call me for a while," or "My date's a demon who's trying to kill me."
Kennedy: You don't remember which?
Willow: It was a long time ago.
Dawn: Well, if we play the percentages...
Rupert: Something's eating Xander's head.
Anya: Say, that's gratifying.

Rupert: A demon is a creature of evil, pure and very simple. A person driven to kill is, is, um... It's more complex.
Willow: The creep factor is also heightened. It could be anyone. It could be me.
[everyone looks at her]
Willow: It's not, though.

Rupert: I wish we had time to celebrate properly. However, we have two victims. Jeff Orkin and, uh, now Platt. Maybe there's something they had in common.
Faith: Missing internal organs.
Rupert: Besides that.

Rupert: Well, but, uh, the good news is that they're, uh, not amongst the great thinkers of our time. I doubt if they're up to much, they're probably just drawn here by the, uh, Hellmouth's energy.
Xander: 'Nuff said! I propose Buffy slays them. All in favour?
Willow: [she and Xander raises their hands] Aye!

Rupert: You can't keep her out of this school.
Principal: I think you'll find I can.
Rupert: You had no grounds for expelling her.
Principal: I have grounds, I have precedent... and a tingly kind of feeling.
Rupert: Buffy Summers is a minor and is entitled to a public education. Your personal dislike of the girl doesn't legally entitle you to...
Principal: Why don't you take it up with the city council?
Rupert: I thought I'd start wit the state Supreme Court... You're powerful in local circles, but I believe I can make life very difficult for you, professionally speaking... And Buffy will be allowed back in.
Principal: Sorry. I'm not convinced.
[Synder starts to leave and Giles grabs him then slams and holds him against file cabinets]
Rupert: Would you like me to convince you?

Buffy: Giles, what's going on?
Rupert: It's complicated, Buffy. And quite frankly, it's private.
Buffy: I don't care from private! I care from dead guys attacking us. I care from you lost-weekending in your apartment!
Rupert: I wasn't... I was just trying to find a solution.

[giving Giles advice on his pick up lines]
Buffy: You also might want to avoid words like "amenable" and "indecorous," you know? Speak English, not whatever they speak in, uh...
Rupert: England?
Buffy: Yeah.

Rupert: There is a fringe theory held by a few folklorists that some regional stories have actual, um, very literal antecedents.
Buffy: And in some language that's English?
Oz: Fairy tales are real.
Buffy: Hans and Gre... Hansel and Gretel?
Xander: Wait. Hansel and Gretel? Bread crumbs, ovens, gingerbread house?
Rupert: Of course... Well, it makes sense now.
Buffy: Yeah, it's all falling into place. Of course, that place is nowhere near this place.
Rupert: Some demons thrive by fostering hatred and-and, uh, persecution amongst the mortal animals. Not by-Not by destroying men, but by watching men destroy each other. Now, they feed us our darkest fear and turn peaceful communities into vigilantes.
Buffy: Hansel and Gretel run home to tell everyone about the mean old witch.
Rupert: And then she and probably dozens of others are persecuted by a righteous mob. It's happened all throughout history. Happened in Salem, not surprisingly.

Rupert: Well, l-l-lets hope all else doesn't fail. But, um, how close are you to figuring out the ritual of the curse?
Willow: I need about a day. And... an Orb of Thesulah, whatever that is.
Rupert: A spirit vault for rituals of the undead. I've got one. I've been using it as a paperweight.

Principal: There are some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense.
Rupert: No, actually, that would be one of the five.
Principal: That Summers girl. I smell trouble, I smell expulsion, and just the faintest aroma of jail.

Rupert: I'm just not used to this automatic transmission. I... I loathe this just sitting here, not contributing. No, no, no, no. It's not working out.
Buffy: Giles, are you breaking up with your car?
Rupert: Well, it did seduce me, all red and sporty.
Buffy: Little two-door tramp.

Rupert: Well, based on-on, uh, Buffy's description, I believe the men that we're after look something like, um... like this.
[Giles holds up a drawing]
Xander: The latest in fall fascism. I like it. A bit full in the hips for my tastes, but, uh...

Riley: Owning this place does seem kinda dangerous.
Rupert: [looking in a book] Toth.
Rupert: What?
Buffy: He called you a toth. It's a British expression. It means, like, moron.
Rupert: No. Toth is the name of the demon.

Buffy: [discussing a sighting of Claw] So I'm an undead monster that can shave with my hand. How many things am I afraid of?
Rupert: Not many. And not substitute teachers, as a rule.

[last lines]
Buffy: They don't know that it's Dawn.
Rupert: No.
Joyce: I still can't even begin to grasp this. She's my little girl.
Rupert: It is disorienting.
Buffy: Giles, what happens if they figure it out? What would they do?
Rupert: I don't know...
Joyce: Oh, I can't even think about this. it's too... I'll get some more milk.

[in the magic shop, with memory loss, after Anya has created chaos by randomly saying spells]
Rupert: [whispering] Look what you've done, you lunatic woman!
Anya: [whispering] Don't blame me, you snobby, snotty, thinks-he's-so-great kind of jerk... And I feel compelled to take some vengeance on you!

Rupert: Dear God, Buffy, there's only so much I can take. We're gonna have to change the system. A fourteen-year-old's too old to be babysat, and it-it's not fair on her.
Buffy: What'd she make you do?
Rupert: Um, well, we listened to aggressively cheerful music sung by people chosen for their ability to dance. Then we ate cookie dough and talked about boys.
Buffy: [laughing] Oh, I'm sorry. I'm very, very sorry, but if it makes you feel any better, my fun-time Buffy party night involved watching a robot throw Spike through a window. So if you wanna trade... No, wait. I wouldn't give that memory up for anything.

Rupert: I'll, uh, go dig up my sources, quite literally, actually. The only two people I have to speak to are dead.

[first lines]
Buffy: So Maggie sends me down into the sewers with one of those Blasto-guns, and the next thing I know, it's raining monsters.
Xander: Hallelujah.
Buffy: And then this gate slams down behind me and-and I try to use the gun, but it goes pfft.
Rupert: You're saying that Maggie Walsh set you up?
Buffy: That's exactly what I'm saying... She sent me on a one-way recon.
Spike: Got to hand it to you, Goldilocks. You do have bleeding tragic taste in men. I've got a cousin married to a regurgitating Frovalox demon that's got better instincts than you.
Buffy: What does my taste in men have to do with this?
Spike: You think Riley was out knitting booties for your future offspring while Maggie stringing you up...?
Buffy: You guys think Riley had something to do with this?
Rupert: Probably not, but, um... we'd be remiss if we didn't think of all the possibilities.
Buffy: Right... Remiss... No...! No. Maggie made sure that he was nowhere around when she sent me on this very special make Buffy dead assignment.
Willow: Plus, Riley? He seems like he wouldn't tell a little *white** lie, let alone a whole bunch of big dirty ones.
Xander: That's why they call it the secret forces, Wil. 'Cause they kinda keep the whole lying thing to themselves.
Buffy: All I know is that Maggie has it in for me, which means the Initiative has it in for me.
Xander: I'm guessing the mad scientist isn't too keen on the fact that the entire Scooby Gang knows that the Initiative is up to no good.
Buffy: Which brings us back to the "not safe for any of us" concept.
Rupert: What could have happened to make Professor Walsh want to kill you?
Buffy: I don't know... She wasn't keen on the fact that I was asking a lot of questions, that's for sure.
Anya: So you were getting too close to something.
Spike: Clearly. Although one can only imagine what she'd be so desperate to hide.

[in Xander's dream]
Soldier: [Apocalypse Now on TV] We gotta keep goin' men. We gotta take that hill... Damn this war.
Rupert: I have to say, I really feel "Apocalypse Now" is overrated.
Xander: No, no. It gets better.
Soldier: [on TV] Men.
Xander: I remember that it gets better.
Soldier: [on TV] Oh, my God. What's happened to my men? *Aah*!
Buffy: Want some corn?
Xander: Butter flavor?
Buffy: New car smell.
Xander: Cool.

Rupert: They're confiscating my books.
Buffy: Giles, we need those books.
Rupert: Believe me, I've tried to tell that to the nice man with the big gun.

Buffy: I told one lie. I had one drink.
Rupert: Yes. And you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon snake. The words, "let that be a lesson" are a tad redundant at this juncture.

Willow: [to Buffy] We have to face it. You can't handle Tara being my girlfriend.
Xander: No! It was bad before that! Since you two went off to college and forgot about me. Just left me in the basement to- Tara's your *girlfriend*?
Rupert: [off screen] Bloody hell!

Rupert: [teenage Giles] Then let's do something. Let's find the demon and-and kick the crap out of it.

Buffy: So, you like to party with the students? Isn't that kind of skanky?
Rupert: [witheringly] Uh, right. This is me having fun. Watching clown hair prance about is hardly my idea of a party. I'd much rather be at home with a cup of Bovril and a good book.
Buffy: You need a personality, stat!

Rupert: As a rule, demons... have no empathy for any other species other than their own. In fact, you know, most think of... vampires as, um, abominations, mixing with human blood and all.

Buffy: I haven't processed everything yet. My brain isn't really functioning on the higher levels... It's pretty much, "fire bad, tree pretty."
Rupert: Understandable. Well, when it's working again, congratulate it on a, a good campaign. You did very well.
Buffy: Thank you. I will.
Rupert: I, uh, I ferreted this out of the wreckage. Now, it may not interest you, but, uh...
[reaches into his jacket and pulls out a high school diploma]
Rupert: I'd say you earned it.
[takes a deep breath and looks around at the remains of the school]
Rupert: There's a certain, um... dramatic irony attached to all this... a synchronicity that borders on-on predestination, one might say.
Buffy: Fire bad, tree pretty.
Rupert: Oh, yes. Sorry. I'll... I'll go and tend to Wesley. See if he's still, um, whimpering.

Buffy: Try looking under things that can turn their heads all the way around.
Rupert: Nothing human can do that.
Buffy: No. Nothing human... But, there are some insects that can... Whatever she is, I'm gonna be ready for her.
Rupert: What are you going to do?
Buffy: My homework.

Rupert: What do you want?
Owen: A book.
Rupert: Oh.
Buffy: [to Giles] See, this is a school, and we have students, and they check out books, and then they learn things.
Rupert: I was beginning to suspect that was a myth.

Willow: Did you find out anything about the scythe?
Buffy: It slices, dices, and makes julienne preacher.
Rupert: Caleb?
Buffy: I cut him in half.
Willow: All right!
Anya: He had that coming.
Xander: Hey, party in my eye socket, and everyone's invited.
[everyone stares at Xander]
Xander: Sometimes I shouldn't say words.

Rupert: Recording bat sonar is something soothingly akin to having one's teeth drilled.

[in Giles' dream]
Spike: I've hired myself out as an attraction.
Rupert: Sideshow freak?
Spike: Well, at least it's showbiz.

Buffy: I got in a few hours ago, but I went to go see my mom first.
Rupert: Yes. Yes, of course. How-How did you find her?
Buffy: Well, I pretty much remembered the address.

Willow: [to Buffy about Principal Snyder] I just hate the way he bullies people. He just assumes everyone's time is his.
Rupert: Willow, get on the computer. I want you to take another pass at accessing the mayor's files.
Willow: [cheerily] Okay.

Rupert: I mean, uh, you know, I appreciate your efforts to keep the vampire population down until Buffy returns, but, uh, well if anything should happen to you, or you... should be killed, I should take it somewhat amiss.
Willow: You'd be cranky?
Rupert: Entirely.

[first lines]
Rupert: Are you sure you'll be all right?
Dawn: You'll only be gone for two days.
Buffy: I think we've managed a bit longer than that.
Rupert: Right.

[the gang looks at the vampire version of Willow from an alternate reality]
Rupert: It's extraordinary.
Willow: It's horrible. That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil, and skanky... And I think I'm kinda gay.
Buffy: Willow, just remember, a vampire's personality has nothing to do with the person it was.
Angel: Well, actually...
[pauses as Willow and Buffy look at him]
Angel: That's a good point.

Rupert: [to himself] Unbelievable. "Do you like my mask? Isn't it pretty? It raises the dead." Americans.

Rupert: The boy's been in a coma for a week. How can this be possible?
Buffy: What am I, Knowledge Girl now? Explanations are your terrain.

Buffy: Fine. That's okay. I can't put it off any longer. I have to meet my terrible fate.
Rupert: [spins around] What?
Buffy: Biology.

Jenny: Something's going on, Rupert, and I'm guessing you already know what it is.
Rupert: What do you know?
Jenny: Well, I have been surfing the Net, looking for unexplained incidents. You know people are always sending stuff my way. They know the occult's my turf. And here is the latest. A cat last week gave birth to a litter of snakes. A family was swimming in Whisper Lake when the lake suddenly began to boil. And Mercy Hospital last night. A boy was born with his eyes facing inward. I'm not stupid. This is apocalypse stuff. And throw in last night's earthquake, and I'd say we've got a problem. I would say the end is pretty seriously nigh.
Rupert: I don't know if I can trust you.
Jenny: I helped you cast that demon out of the Internet. I think that merits some trust. Look, I'm scared, okay? Oh, plus I've got this-this crazy monk e-mailing me from Cortona about some "Anointed One."
Rupert: The Anointed One? But, he's dead!
Jenny: Someone's dead?

Buffy: Have I ever let you down?
Rupert: Do you want me to answer that or shall I just glare?

[giving Giles advice on his pick up lines]
Buffy: You just say, "Hey, I got a thing. You maybe have a thing. Maybe we could have a thing."
Rupert: Well, thank you, Cyrano.

Rupert: Well, maybe we all got, terribly drunk and this is some sort of, uh, blackout.
Dawn: I don't think I drink.
Anya: I-I don't see any booze. I don't feel any head bumps. I don't see Allen Funt.

Rupert: Well, the, uh, the demon universe exsits in a dimension separate from our own. With one breath Acathla will create a vortex, a-a kind of, um, whirlpool that will pull everything on earth into that dimension, where any non-demon life will suffer horrible and... eternal torment.

Rupert: I fear the demon that Buffy met in the woods has somehow possessed her.
Buffy: Lite FM. Love songs. Nothing but love songs!
Xander: You think?

[last lines]
Rupert: Bay City Rollers. Now that's music.
Buffy: I didn't hear that.

Principal: The first day back. It always gets me.
Rupert: Yes.
Principal: I mean, it's incredible. One day the campus is completely bare, empty. The next, there are children everywhere... Like locusts, crawling around, mindlessly bent on feeding and mating, destroying everything in sight in their relentless, pointless desire to exist.
Rupert: Um, I do enjoy these pep talks.

Buffy: Let's just pretend for a second that... Angel somehow found his way back to Sunnydale... What would he be like?
Rupert: I really can't say. Fr-From what is known about that dimension, it would suggest a world of brutal torment. And... time moves quite differently there, so...
Buffy: I remember. So... he would have been down there for hundreds of years...
Rupert: Yes.
Buffy: ...of torture.

Rupert: Ancient demon. Very strong. Last survivor of the Tothric clan. It also says that for a demon, he's unusually sophisticated.
Buffy: Sophisticated. So I should discuss men's fashions with him before I chop his head off?

Angel: Well, there's gotta be some way around it.
Rupert: Listen, some prophecies are-are a bit dodgy. They're-they're mutable. Buffy herself has-has thwarted them time and time again, but this is the Codex. There is nothing in it that does not come to pass.
Angel: Then you're reading it wrong.
Rupert: I wish to God I were, but it's very plain. Tomorrow night Buffy will face the Master, and she will die.

Rupert: Ms Calendar?
Jenny: Oh, no, please, call me Jenny. "Ms Calendar" is my father.

Olivia: All the time you used to talk to me about witchcraft and darkness and the like... I just thought you were being pretentious.
Rupert: Oh, I was... I was also right.
Olivia: So everything you told me was true?
Rupert: Well, no. Um, I wasn't actually one of the original members of Pink Floyd, but... about the monster stuff, yes.

[last lines]
Rupert: Buffy. I...
[sighs]
Rupert: I-I understand your anger. Please believe me, we d- we did what we...
Buffy: He's alive. Spike's alive. Wood failed.
Rupert: Well, that doesn't change anything. What I told you is still true. You need to learn...
Buffy: No... I think you've taught me everything I need to know.

Buffy: Pretty darn scary. It was more like a riot than a Ralph's. I thought I was going to have to use Slayer moves on this one woman who was *completely* hoarding the pumpkin pie filling.
Rupert: And at some point you are going to tell me about the murder?

Rupert: I should have set you loose on them. That's what I should have done.
Buffy: Giles, that Travers guy is like, 60. I can't hit him...
[eagerly]
Buffy: Can I?

Cordelia: Hello! Can we deal with my pain, please?
Rupert: There, there.
[pats her on the back in passing]

Kendra: So, you believe dat Spike is attempting to revive dis Drusilla to health?
Rupert: Yes, well, I-I-I think that's the, uh, the dark power that your-your Watcher re-referred to. You see, uh, you see Drusilla's not only evil, she's, uh, well, she's also quite mad, and-and-and if she is restored to her full health, then, uh, well, there's no, absolutely no telling what she might do.
Kendra: Den we will stop Spike.
Buffy: Ooh, good plan! Let's go! *Charge*!
Rupert: Buffy...
Buffy: [to Kendra] It's a little more complicated than that, John Wayne.
Rupert: Yes, I'm, um, I'm afraid it is. You see, Spike has also called out the Order of Taraka to keep Buffy out of the way.
Kendra: De assassins? I read of dem in de writings of Dramius.

[Giles sits down at their table at the Bronze]
Rupert: Well, don't look that way. I'm-I'm-I'm down with the new music. And I have the albums to prove it.
Buffy: Yes, but it's your cutting-edge 8-tracks that keep you ahead of the scene.
Oz: Don't scoff, gang. I've seen Giles' collection. He was an animal in his day.
Rupert: Thank, you.
Buffy: Hey, why not? If the Stones can still keep rolling, why can't Giles?

[as the Commando's take Ethan away]
Rupert: [grins] Um, if you don't mind, I'm just gonna go and watch them manhandle him into a vehicle.

[last lines]
Buffy: You're right... We don't know how to fight it. We don't know when it'll come. We can't run. Can't hide. Can't pretend it's not the end, 'cause it is... Something's always been there to try and destroy the world. We've beaten them back. But we're not dealing with them anymore. We're dealing with the reason they exist. Evil. The strongest. The First.
Rupert: Buffy, um, I-I know you're, you're tired...
Buffy: I'm beyond tired. I'm beyond scared. I'm standing on the mouth of hell and it is gonna swallow me whole. And it'll choke on me... We're not ready? *They're* not ready. They think we're gonna wait for the end to come, like we always do. I'm done waiting. They want an apocalypse? Well, we'll give 'em one. Anyone else who wants to run, do it now, 'cause we just became an army. We just declared war. From now on we won't just face our worst fears, we will seek them out. We will find them and cut out their hearts one by one, until The First shows itself for what it really is. And I'll kill it myself. There is only one thing on this earth more powerful than evil... And that's *us*... Any questions?

Buffy: [on phone] Thank you. I'll let you know.
[hangs up]
Giles: What is it?
Buffy: It's Faith... She's awake... She beat someone up, took her clothing and disappeared out of the hospital. No one knows where she is.
Xander: I'd say this qualifies for a worse timing ever award.
Willow: What do we do?
Giles: Well, we have to find her.
Willow: What about Adam?
Xander: I'd hate to see the pursuit of a homicidal lunatic get in the way of pursuing a homicidal lunatic.
Buffy: Well, Faith's not exactly Low-Profile Girl. I'll patrol and wait for her to make a move.
Giles: And then what?
Willow: Oh, I have an idea. Beat the crap out of her.
[grins]
Xander: Good plan.
Buffy: Good on paper, but we still have a decision to make... Do we hand her over to the cops? They wouldn't know what to do with a Slayer even if they knew we existed.
Willow: What about the Council?
Xander: Been there, tried that. Not unlike smothering a forest fire with napalm, as I recall.
Giles: Well, the Initiative, they do have, uh, containment facilities.
Xander: One word. Evil.
Buffy: There's no way around it. Faith is back and, whether I like it or not, she's my responsibility.
Willow: Yeah. Too bad. That was the funnest coma ever.
Buffy: We have no idea where she is. We don't know what she's thinking, what she's feeling.
Xander: Who she's doing.
Buffy: She could be terrified. Maybe she doesn't even remember. Or-Or maybe she does and-and she's sorry and she's alone, hiding somewhere?
Giles: Well, uh, perhaps there's some form of, uh, rehabilitation we just haven't thought about.
Willow: And if not, ass-kicking makes a solid Plan "B."
Buffy: I'm not gonna rule it out. First thing, we need to find her. Then we can take it from there.
Riley: Who's Faith?

Buffy: So, how's it start?
Rupert: I, uh... jump out of the circle, then I jump back in it, and then, um... I shake my gourd.
Buffy: Oh, I know this ritual! The ancient shamans were next called upon to do the "Hokey Pokey" and turn themselves around.
Rupert: Go quest.
[Giles performs the ritual]
Buffy: And that's what it's all about.

Rupert: Um... I need you to take Spike for a few days.
Xander: What?
Spike: What?
Anya: What?
Spike: I'm not stayin' with him.
Rupert: I have a friend who's coming to town, and I'd like us to be alone.
Anya: Oh, you mean an orgasm friend?
Rupert: Yes, that's exactly the most appalling thing you could've said.

Rupert: Why did you come here? This wasn't your fight!
[knocks him to the ground with a punch in the face]
Buffy: Are you trying to get yourself killed?
[she begins crying, kneels down, and takes a sobbing Giles into her arms]
Buffy: You can't leave me. I can't do this alone.

Wesley: I have, in fact, faced two vampires myself. Under controlled circumstances, of course.
Rupert: No danger of finding those here.
Wesley: Vampires?
Rupert: Controlled circumstances.

Principal: Kids today need discipline. It's an unpopular word these days: discipline. I know Principal Flutie would have said, "Kids need understanding. Kids are human beings." That's the kind of woolly-headed liberal thinking that leads to being eaten.
Rupert: I-I think perhaps it was a little more complex than, um...

[Spike asks Buffy to invite him into Giles house to get out of the sunlight]
Spike: Come on, I'm-I'm parboiling out here.
[Giles hands Buffy a stake]
Buffy: Want me to help make it quicker?
Spike: [pitifully] Invite me in.
Buffy: No.
Rupert: Fairly unlikely.
[Spike tries running in and is knocked back]
Spike: Oh, damn it! Look, I'm safe. I can't bite anyone. Willow, tell 'em what I did.
Willow: You-You said you were gonna kill me, then Buffy.
Spike: Yes, bad, but let's skip that part and get to the part where I couldn't bite you.
Willow: It's true... He had trouble performing.

Buffy: I still need to pick up a few things, so I'll check in. And keep your hands off the food.
Rupert: Oh, I'll try and restrain myself from eating uncooked potatoes and cranberries.

Rupert: You didn't lose last night, Buffy. You just...
Buffy: Got really close... I-I slipped up, Giles. I've been training harder than ever and still I... And there's nothing in any of these books to help me understand why. I mean, look. I realize that every Slayer comes with an expiration mark on the package. But I want mine to be a long time from now, like a Cheeto... If there were just a few good descriptions of what took out the other Slayers, maybe it would help me to understand my mistake, to keep it from happening again.

Rupert: Hello, Ethan.
Ethan: Hello, Ripper.

Quentin: You used to respect us, Giles. You used to be one of us.
Rupert: You used to pay me. If you recall, firing me was not my idea.

Rupert: Can you move?
Ben: Need a... a minute. She could've killed me.
Rupert: No, she couldn't. Never. And sooner or later, Glory will reemerge and make Buffy pay for that mercy. And the world with her. Buffy even knows that, and still she couldn't take human life... She's a hero, you see... She's not like us.
Ben: Us?

Gwendolyn: Mr. Giles, where do you keep the rest of your books?
Rupert: I-I'm sorry. The rest?
Gwendolyn: Yes, the *actual* library.
[pause while Giles looks confused]
Gwendolyn: Oh. I see.
Rupert: I can assure you, Mrs. Post, this is the finest occult reference collection...
Gwendolyn: ...this side of the Atlantic, I'm sure.

Balthazar: You know what I want.
Rupert: If it's for me to scrub those hard-to-reach areas, I'd like to request you kill me now.

[playing Dungeon's and Dragons]
Rupert: How could it possibly get uglier? I used to be a highly respected Watcher, and now I'm a wounded dwarf with the mystical strength of a doily. I just wish I could sleep.
Dawn: What kind of person could sleep on a night like this?
Xander: [strokes the sleeping Anya's head] Only the crazy ones.

Wesley: If I'm not mistaken, this is a hellhound.
Rupert: Yes. It's particularly vicious. It's a sort of, um, demon foot soldier, bred during the Mahkash wars. Trained solely to kill, they... feed off the brains of their foes.

[Xander is in a large, padded suit that Buffy has been furiously punching while training]
Rupert: Buffy, I think you should calm down.
Xander: Me, too.
Buffy: Oh, Puffy Xander. Um, I'm sorry. I got, I guess I got carried away. Are you okay?
Xander: I'm alive. I can tell 'cause of the pain.

Buffy: A guide, but no food or water? So it leads me to a sacred place, and then a week later, it leads you to my bleached bones?
Rupert: Buffy, please. It takes more than a week to bleach bones.

Buffy: We don't even know if this is anything.
Rupert: Well, no, we don't.
Buffy: And I haven't had a day off for a while.
Rupert: True.
Buffy: And a cranky Slayer is a careless Slayer.

[first lines]
Rupert: [to Buffy] There is nothing but you... You are the center... And within you, there is the core of your being... of what you are... Find it... Breathe into it... Focus inward. Let the world fall away... Fall away... Fall away.

Jenny: Okay, so this Master guy tried to open the Hellmouth, but he got stuck in it, and now all the signs are reading that he's gonna get out, which opens the Hellmouth, which brings the demons, which ends the world.
Rupert: Yes. That about sums it up, yes.

Rupert: You're behaving remarkably immaturely.
Buffy: You know why? I am immature. I'm a teen. I've yet to mature.

Rupert: Oh, here's another. Here.
[reading]
Rupert: "Valentine's Day." Yes, um, "Angel nails a puppy to the..."
Buffy: Skip it.
Rupert: Ye- but...
Buffy: I don't wanna know. I don't have a puppy. Skip it.

Willow: You mean, making a zombie?
Rupert: Uh, zombies, more likely. For most traditional purposes, a voodoo priest would require more than one.
Buffy: So, we should see if the other girls from the accident are AWOL, too. Maybe we can figure out what this creep has in mind, if we know whether or not he's dealing in volume.
Xander: So we dig up some graves tonight?
Willow: Oh, boy! A field trip!

Rupert: Buffy... are you hurt?
Buffy: Oh. Caleb came back looking for seconds.
Rupert: My God, is he-he...
Buffy: Still able to make me see cartoon birdies all around my head? You betcha. The short lack of consciousness was nice. I feel rested.

Rupert: Oh, as usual. Dear.

Willow: On the other hand, maybe Rodney just stepped out for a smoke.
Xander: For twenty-one hours?
Willow: It's addictive, you know.
Rupert: We'll deal with that when we've ruled out evil curses.
Buffy: One day I'm gonna live in a town where evil curses are just generally ruled out without even saying.

[there are two Xanders]
Buffy: They're kinda the same now.
Giles: Yes, he's clearly a bad influence on himself.

Rupert: You know what this means?
Buffy: Yes. Not only does she take my sweater, but now she has to horn in on my dreams. She is the most ever mooch... Oh! I haven't even gotten to the floss.

Rupert: Uh, Xander, um, I think in the future perhaps it would be best if you-you, uh, hung back to the read of the battle for your own sake.
Xander: [facetiously] But, gee, Mr. White, if Clark and Lois get all the good stories I'll *never* be a good reporter.
Rupert: Hmm?
Xander: Jimmy Olsen joke, sir. Pretty much gonna be lost on you, huh?

Anya: I've been very good for this store. If it wasn't for me, Giles would be a terrified old man staring at a quarterly tax statement and wetting himself.
Rupert: I say, *that's* an exaggeration.

Rupert: You seem to know a lot about them.
Wesley: I didn't get this job because of my looks.
Buffy: I really, really believe that.

Rupert: These letters contain references to an ancient power know as the First.
Buffy: First what?
Rupert: Evil. Absolute evil, older than man, than demons. It could have had the power to bring Angel back.

Buffy: We don't say "Indian."
Rupert: Oh-oh, right! Yes, yes. Um, always behind on the terms. Still trying not to refer to you lot as "Bloody Colonials."

Buffy: So that's it, huh? I remember the drill. One slayer dies, next one's called. Wonder who she is... Will you train her... or will they send someone else?
Rupert: Buffy, I...
Buffy: They say how he's gonna kill me? Do you think it'll hurt?
[Angel walks towards her]
Buffy: Don't touch me!... Were you even gonna tell me?
Rupert: I was hoping that I wouldn't have to, that there was some way around it. I...
Buffy: I've got a way around it. I quit.
Rupert: It's not that simple.
Buffy: I'm making it *that* simple. I quit. I resign. I-I'm fired! You can find someone else to stop the Master from taking over.
Rupert: I'm not sure that anyone else can. All the signs indicate...
Buffy: The signs? Read me the signs! Tell me my fortune! You're so useful sitting here with all of your books! You're really a lot of help!
Rupert: No, I don't suppose I am.
Angel: I know this is hard.
Buffy: What do you know about this? You're never gonna die!
Angel: You think I want anything to happen to you? Do you think I could stand it? We just gotta figure out a way.
Buffy: I already did. I quit, remember? Pay attention!
Rupert: Buffy, if the Master rises...
Buffy: I don't care!... I don't care... Giles, I'm 16 years old. I-I don't wanna die.

Rupert: Try to be very specific. What exactly are you afraid of?
Willow: Ha. Well, for starters, how about the Hellmouth's getting all rumbly again. And-And now I know it's got teeth. And are those literal teeth, 'cause I don't know if I can handle it. And what if I can handle it? Does that mean I have to be a bigger, badder badass than the source of all badness? And wh-what if I give up all this control stuff and I go all veiny and homicidal again? And what if...
Rupert: They won't take you back?
Willow: Uh-huh.

Ethan: What? No hug?... Aren't you pleased to see your old mate, Rupert?
Rupert: I'm just surprised I didn't guess it was you. This Halloween stunt stinks of Ethan Rayne.
Ethan: Yes, it does, doesn't it? Don't wish to blow my own trumpet, but it's genius. The very embodiment of "Be careful what you wish for."
Rupert: It's sick, brutal, and it harms the innocent.
Ethan: Oh, and we all know that you are the champion of innocence and all things pure and good, Rupert... It's quite a little act you've got going here, old man.
Rupert: It's no act... It's who I am.
Ethan: Who you are? The Watcher? Sniveling, tweed-clad guardian of the Slayer and her kin? I think not... I know who you are, Rupert, and I know what you're capable of... But they don't, do they? They have no idea where you come from.
Rupert: Break the spell, Ethan. Then leave this place and never come back.
Ethan: Why should I? What's in the bargain for me?
Rupert: You get to live.
Ethan: Oh Rupert, you're scaring me.

[despondent over being out of the loop on recent relevations, Giles stays behind in the crypt just in case the demon is about to show]
Rupert: Who am I kidding...? Nothing is going to happen.
[leaves the crypt]
Ethan: [stepping out of the shadows, to himself] I wouldn't say that... I wouldn't say that at all. In fact, Ripper, old mate, I'd say something rather interesting was about to happ...
Rupert: [opens door] Did someone...?
Ethan: [startled] Oh, bugger! I thought you'd gone.

Riley: And you let Buffy go after her? Alone?
Rupert: "Let" isn't really a factor when she sets her mind to something. You know that.

Buffy: Speaking of, I really have to bail, but I promise I'll be back bright and early tomorrow and ready to slay.
Rupert: This is a matter of some urgency, Buffy.
Buffy: I realize that. Well, you have to admit I kinda lack in the book area. I mean, you guys are the brains. I'll only be here for moral support anyway.
Xander: That's untrue, Buff. You totally contribute. You go for snacks!
Willow: She should go... you know... gather her strength.
Rupert: Perhaps you're right. There may be fierce battles ahead.
Xander: But Ho-Ho's are a vital part of my cognitive process.

Willow: It's really nice that you guys missed me. Say, you all didn't happen to do a bunch of drugs, did ya?
Xander: Will, we saw you at the Bronze... A vampire.
Willow: I'm not a vampire.
Buffy: You are. I-I mean you-you-you were... Giles, planning on jumping in with an explanation any time soon?
Rupert: Well, uh, something... something, um, very strange is happening.
Xander: Can you believe the Watcher's Council let this guy go?

Buffy: They didn't hurt him, did they?
Rupert: They, uh, ate him.
Buffy: [after long pause] They ate Principal Flutie?

Willow: And I will, therefore, fix it. I got her head back on, didn't I? And I got her off those knock-knock jokes.
Buffybot: Oh, who's there?
Xander: You know, if we want her to be exactly...
Spike: She'll never be exactly.
Xander: I know.
Tara: The only really real Buffy is really Buffy.
Giles: And she's gone.
Buffybot: If-we-want-her-to-be-exactly-she'll-never-be-exactly-I-know-the-only-really-real-Buffy-is-really-Buffy-and-she's-gone who?

Buffy: Giles, we need to talk.
Wesley: Buffy... I must ask you to remember that I am your Watcher. From now on, anything you have to say about slaying you will say to me. The only thing you need discuss with Mr. Giles is overdue book fees... Understood?
Buffy: [to Giles] We'll talk.
Rupert: Of course.

[in Xander's dream]
Rupert: [to Spike on a swing] Come on. Put your back into it. A Watcher scoffs at gravity.

Xander: Here's your coffee. Brewed from the finest Colombian lighter fluid.
Rupert: Thank you.
[takes a sip]
Rupert: Horrible.
[takes another sip]
Xander: Aren't you supposed to be drinking tea, anyway?
Rupert: Tea is soothing. I wish to be tense.
Xander: Okay, but you're destroying a perfectly good cultural stereotype here.

Rupert: I've been researching this Harvest affair. It seems to be some sort of preordained massacre, rivers of blood, hell on Earth. Quite charmless. I'm a bit fuzzy, however, on the details. It may be that you can wrest some information from that dread machine.
[Everyone looks at him, confused]
Rupert: That was a bit, um... British, wasn't it?

Xander: [about Jonathan] So, we're saying he did a spell just to make us think he was cool?
Giles: Yes.
Xander: That is so cool.

[the gang angrily confronts Buffy on Angel's return]
Buffy: What is this, Demons Anonymous? I don't need an intervention, here.
Rupert: Oh, don't you? You must've known it was wrong seeing Angel or you wouldn't have hidden it from all of us.
Buffy: I was going to tell you, I was. It was just that I... I didn't know why he was back. I-I just wanted to wait.
Xander: For what? For Angel to go psycho again the next time you give him a happy?
Buffy: I'm not going to... we're not together like that.
Oz: But you were kissing him.
Buffy: [to Xander] You were spying on me...? What gives you the right?
Cordelia: What gives you the right to suck face with your demon lover again?
Buffy: It was an accident.
Xander: What, you just tripped and *fell* on his lips?
Buffy: It was wrong, okay? I know that, and I know that it can't happen again. But you guys have to believe me. I would *never* put you in any danger. If I thought for a second that Angel was gonna hurt anyone...
Xander: ...you would stop him. Like you did the last time with Ms Calendar?

Rupert: Ethan Rayne... You have no idea how much trashing you is gonna imporve my day.

Xander: Y'know, this might go a lot faster if you femmes actually picked up a shovel, too.
Rupert: Hear, hear!
Buffy: Sorry, but I'm an old-fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the corpses and women have the babies.

Xander: [about the hospital] Man, words cannot express how much I hate this place.
Rupert: It's dreadful.
Anya: It's like communism.

[as the group ponders how to stop Glory]
Anya: Okay. But I'm still not hearing enough ideas. She's a God. Let's think outside the box.
Spike: Why don't you go think outside the bleeding box.
Rupert: Yes, Anya, apart from your incredibly uninfectious enthusiasm, have you anything else to contribute?
Anya: The Dagon Sphere!
Rupert: Sorry?
Anya: When Buffy first met Glory she found that magical, glowy sphere that was meant to repel Glory. We've got it in the basement. It might drive her away or hurt her. Oh! And Olaf the Troll God's enchanted hammer. You wanna fight a god, use the weapon of a god.
Spike: Uh, nah, that thing's too heavy to...
[Buffy easily picks up the hammer]
Spike: Yeah, good.
Buffy: I like this. Thanks.
Anya: Here to help. Wanna live.

[after meeting the new Watcher]
Rupert: That was bracing.
Buffy: Interesting lady. Can we kill her?
Rupert: I think the Council might frown upon that.

Buffy: Any tips on the snuffing part?
Rupert: Uh, Carlyle recommends cleaving all body parts with a sharp blade.
Buffy: Slice and dice.

Rupert: No, but from what I've heard, uh, having a-a ghost pass through you is a singular experience. It's a-It's a rather, uh, cold, amorphous feeling that makes your hair stand on end.

Buffy: That's the basic plan. So, am I crazy?
Willow: Well, "crazy" is such a strong word.
Rupert: Let's not rule it out, though.

Rupert: 'He's known as William the bloody. Earned his nickname by torturing his victims with Railroad spikes"

Rupert: This world is older than any of you know. Contrary to popular mythology, it did not begin as a paradise. For untold eons, demons walked the Earth. They made it their home, their, uh... their hell. But in time, they lost their purchase on this reality, and the way was made for mortal animals, for-for man. All that remains of the old ones are vestiges, certain magicks, certain creatures.
Buffy: And vampires.
Xander: Okay, this is where I have a problem. See, because we're talking about vampires. We're having a *talk* with vampires in it.
Willow: Isn't that what we saw last night?

Rupert: It's a trick. They get inside my head, make me see things I want.
Xander: Then why would they make you see me?
Rupert: Oh, right. Let's go.

Rupert: Seems there were a number of other attacks by "wild dog" around town. Several animal carcasses were found mutilated.
Willow: You mean like bunnies and stuff? No, don't tell me.
Oz: Oh, don't worry. I mean, they might not look it, but bunnies can really take care of themselves.

[mopping Giles' brow with a damp cloth, who's very weak from Angelus' torture]
Drusilla: Is that better...? Hm...? Poor thing... Let's see what's inside... Of course... Look at me... Be... in me... Mmm... See with your heart.
[Giles sees Jenny but it is really Drusilla]
Rupert: Jenny... I thought I'd lost you.
Jenny: Shh... I'll never leave you.
Rupert: We have to get out of here.
Jenny: No, no, no, no, no. Slowly.
Rupert: It can't be you.
Jenny: Did you tell Angel...? About the ritual?
Rupert: No... We have to get him... away from Acathla.
Jenny: Why? Is he close to figuring it out?
Rupert: Later.
Jenny: Tell me what to do... It's alright... We'll be together... Finally. We'll have everything we never got to have... Never got to feel... Just tell me what to do.
Rupert: We have to get Angel away from Acathla.
Jenny: Angel himself...? He's the key?
Rupert: His... his blood. He mustn't...
Jenny: Shhh.
Angelus: Blood. Of course. The blood on my hands must be my own. I am the key that'll open up the door. My blood. My life...
[to Spike]
Angelus: Okay, kill him.
Spike: Yeah, but what if he's lying?
Angelus: Yeah. Good point. All right, don't kill him. You know, I kinda like having you watch my back. Kinda like old times.
[Drusilla and Giles are still kissing]
Spike: Er, Drusilla?
Angelus: [to Drusilla] Honey.
Spike: We are finished here, ducks.
[Drusilla looks at Angelus and Spike]
Drusilla: Sorry. I was in the moment.

Buffy: The school talent show. However did you finagle such a primo assignment?
Rupert: Our new Führer, Mr. Snyder.
Willow: I think they call them principals now.

Rupert: Into each generation, a Slayer is born. One girl in all the world, a chosen one, one born with the...
Rupert: ...strength and skill to hunt the vampires...
Buffy: ...to stop the spread of their evil blah, blah, blah. I've heard it, okay?

[Faith strides into the library, followed by a winded Wesley]
Faith: [sarcastically] Well, that was a blast.
Rupert: How did it go?
Faith: Princess Margaret here had a little trouble keeping up.

[Buffy answers door to find Anya and a sick Xander]
Xander: Happy Thanksgiving.
Willow: Xander!
Rupert: You look like death.
Willow: Are you okay?
Buffy: You didn't bring rolls?

Rupert: Is everything alright?
Buffy: Yeah, it's okay. Kendra killed the bad lamp.

Buffy: Sarcasm accomplishes nothing, Giles.
Rupert: It's sort of an end in itself.

Anya: [as Anyanka] You trusting fool! How do you know the other world is any better than this?
Rupert: Because it has to be.

[Giles arrives at Spike's mausoleum]
Spike: Hey! Wipe your feet when you enter a person's home.
Rupert: Ah, yes. Careless of me. Tracking mud all over your, um, mud.
Spike: I'll admit, it's a bit of a fixer-upper. Needs a woman's touch. Care to have a crack at it?
Rupert: While I'd love to go on trading jabs with you, Spike, perhaps I'll come to the point. Much as it pains me to say it, um, I owe you a debt of gratitude for the help you provided me in my recent... metamorphosis.
Spike: Stuff the gratitude. You owe me more than that, mate.
Rupert: Three hundred. Count it if you... like.
Spike: I'll do that.
[starts counting]
Rupert: Um, thinking about your, um, affliction and, uh... your newfound discovery that you can fight only demons, it occurs to me that
[chuckles]
Rupert: I-I realize this is completely against your nature, but I-I-I... Has it occurred to you that there may be a higher purpose?
Spike: Ugh! You made me lose count. What are you still doing here?
Rupert: Talking to myself, apparently.
Spike: Well, piss off, then. This bit of business wraps up any I got with you and your Slayerettes. From here on, I want nothing to do with the lot of you.
Rupert: Your choosing to remain in Sunnydale might make that a little difficult.
Spike: Well, you and yours will just have to show a little restraint is all. Now get out... And I don't want you crawling back here, knocking on my door, pleading for help the second Teen Witch's magic goes all wonky or little Xander cuts a new tooth. We're through. Got it...? Honeymoon is over.

[first lines]
Willow: [incanting] Obscurate nos non diutius.
[smoke appears and Buffy and Giles fight and pin the demon to a wall]
Buffy: [to Faith] Now!
[Faith stabs and kills the demon with a sword]
Rupert: I think that was the last.
Buffy: Oh, Willow, you okay?
Willow: Yeah, I'm fine. The-The shaking is-is a side-effect of the fear.

[first lines]
Rupert: [flashback] I understand. I'll take care of...
[Giles stops the ax, takes it away and cuts the Bringers head off]
Rupert: It was, uh, extraordinary good luck, of course, and-and, uh, and training, years of training. Well, uh, Chao-Ahn, keep up. You're new here, Chao-Ahn, so take note. Remember about training. But I-I honestly feel the largest part of it was instinct, instinct and-and reflexes. There's a sort of wary watchfulness I've developed over the years. It's like another sense...
[Giles gets tackled to the ground]
Buffy: Spike!

[Buffy has learned that Giles has robbed her of her powers for a Council test]
Rupert: You have to listen to me. Because I've told you this, the test is invalidated. You will be safe now, I promise you. Now, whatever I have to do to deal with Kralik... and to win back your trust...
Buffy: You stuck a needle in me. You poisoned me.
Cordelia: [enters] What's going on? Oh, God. Is the world ending? I have to research a paper on Bosnia for tomorrow, but if the world's ending, I'm not gonna bother.
Rupert: [as Buffy starts to leave] You can't walk home alone, Buffy. It isn't safe.
Buffy: I don't know you.
Cordelia: [to Giles] Did something take her memory?
[to Buffy]
Cordelia: He's Giles. Gi-els. He hangs out here a lot.
Buffy: Cordelia, could you please drive me home?
Cordelia: Of course.
[to Giles]
Cordelia: But if the world doesn't end, I'm gonna need a note.

Buffy: Be simpler if I could just hate him... I think he wanted me to. I think it made it easier for him to be the villain of the piece. Really he was just scared.
Rupert: Yes, I suppose he was.
Buffy: Nothing's ever simple anymore. I'm constantly trying to work it out. Who to love or hate, who to trust. It's just, like, the more I know, the more confused I get.
Rupert: I believe that's called growing up.
Buffy: I'd like to stop then, okay?

Rupert: Well, that's good, but this is why I think we should all keep a level head in this.
Willow: And I happen to think mine is the level head and yours is the one things would roll off of.

[Willow is afraid about returning to Sunnydale]
Rupert: You may not be wanted, but you will be needed.
Willow: That all you got?

[in the magic shop, with memory loss, Anya trying different spell books]
Rupert: Well, fine. Then just stay up there and keep making bunnies. It's a capital plan.
Anya: What capital? I never know what you're talking about. Loo? Shag? Brolly? What the hell is all that?
Rupert: What? There's now way you could remember me saying any of those words.
Anya: Ah, *bugger* off, you brolly.

Rupert: Oh, well, Apparently it hasn't happened yet. A bit of luck.
Willow: Or, you-you know what I bet? I-I bet the Initiative took care of it.
Rupert: Who?
Xander: Oh, Riley and his guys. Probably all over it.
Willow: Yeah, it has that "too neat" look. They must have cleaned up the place.
Rupert: What?
Willow: Oh, they read hot spots. Areas of other-worldly energy. They must have picked this place up days ago.
Rupert: Stop. Both of you. What... What are you talking about? Wh-Wh-What's the Initiative? Wh-Wh, um, what on earth does it have to do with Buffy's new boyfriend?
Willow: You know. I'm sure you know. Riley's one of the commandos.
Rupert: What...? Well, that's marvelous, isn't it? Here I am, spent weeks trying to, uh, get a single scrap of information about our mysterious demon collectors and no one bothers to tell me That Buffy's *dating* one of them...? Who else knows?
Xander: No one. No one else knows this... Anya, and that's it.
Willow: And Spike.
Rupert: *Spike*...? Spike knew?
Xander: Only the basic stuff. You know, that Riley's a commando and Professor Walsh is in charge.
Rupert: *Professor Walsh*? That *fishwife*?

Willow: Yeah. I hope they throw the *book* at her.
Rupert: I'm not sure there is a-a book for this.
Rupert: They could throw other things.

Rupert: Here comes Buffy. Now remember, discretion is the better part of valor.
Xander: You could have just said, "Shh." God. Are all you Brits such drama queens?

[last lines]
Rupert: Buffy, what is it?
Buffy: Angel.
Rupert: Is he in trouble?
Buffy: He know that I'm... He-He needs to see me. I-I have to see him.
Rupert: Well, of course. Well, you-you'll leave for LA tomorrow.
Buffy: Not LA. An-And not here. Somewhere in the middle. There's a place.
Rupert: I see. Well, we should bet these, uh, bills and things out of the way bef...
Buffy: I have to go now.
[starts to leave]
Buffy: Oh. Um... Thanks for taking care of this for me.

Buffy: This trip is important for the girls to understand the source of their power, and-and to know how to use it right.
Rupert: I don't think they appreciate the gravity of what we're undertaking. It's frightening and it's difficult... And then apparently, someone told them that the Vision Quest consists of me driving them into the desert, doing the hokey pokey until a spooky Rasta-Mama Slayer arrives and speaks to them in riddles.
Buffy: That's not exactly how I put it.

[Giles is in charge of the school talent show]
Buffy: Giles, into every generation is born one who must run the annual talentless show. You cannot escape your destiny.
Rupert: If you had any shred of decency, you would have participated or at least, um... helped.
Buffy: Nah! I think I'll take on your traditional role... and watch.
Xander: And mock.
Willow: And laugh.

[last lines]
Rupert: I say, your car seems to have had an adventure, doesn't it?
Joyce: Uh, Buffy assures me that it happened battling evil so I'm letting her pay for it on the installment plan.
Buffy: Uh, hey, the way things were going, be glad that's the worst that happened. At least I got to the two of you before you actually *did* something.
[leaves]
Joyce: Right.
Rupert: Indeed.
Joyce: Y-Yes.

Rupert: This is a-a special operations unit. They, uh, handle the Council's trickier jobs. Smuggling, interrogation, uh, wet works.
Willow: What's wet works?
Xander: Scuba-type stuff.
Anya: I thought it was murder.
Xander: Well, yeah, but there could be underwater murder... with snorkels.

[last lines]
Rupert: The... The people from Animal Control have just left. Our creatures have apparently made a-a dash for it. Um, so to speak.
Willow: Does that mean we're gonna have to hunt them again?
Buffy: No, I don't think so. And I don't think we'll be seeing them anymore.
Rupert: Where do you think they'll go?
Buffy: Home.
[Cut to the ocean, where large waves are rolling in. The three monsters are in the surf and begin to swim out to sea]

Rupert: I said, "Oh, dear Lord."
Buffy: You always say that.
Rupert: Well, it's always important.

Buffy: Angel was cured.
Rupert: I'm sorry?
Buffy: When I killed him... Angel was cured. Your spell worked at the last minute, Will... I was about to take him out, and, um... something went through him... and he was Angel again... He-He didn't remember anything that he'd done... He just held me. Um... but it-it was... it was too late, and I-I had to... So I-I told him that I loved him... and I kissed him... and I killed him... I don't know if that helps with your spell or not, Giles.
Rupert: Uh, yes, I-I believe it will.
Willow: [to Buffy] I'm sorry.
Buffy: It's okay... I've been holding on to that for so long. It felt good to get it out... I'll see you guys later.
[Buffy walks out. Willow and Giles are now alone]
Willow: Giles, I know you don't like me playing with mystical forces, but I can really help with this binding spell.
Rupert: There is no spell.

Buffy: World is what it is. We fight. We die. Wishing doesn't change that.
Rupert: I have to believe in a better world.
Buffy: Go ahead. I have to live in this one.

[Spike takes a lackadaisical approach to saving Giles' life]
Rupert: You might have let me in on your plan while he throttled me.
Spike: Oh, poor Watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes? Cup of tea, cup of tea, almost got shagged, cup of tea.

Rupert: I assume, the, uh... All the spells were reversed. It was my first casting, so, uh... I may have got it wrong.
Buffy: You saved my life. You were a god!

Giles: I don't understand. What did this?
Buffy: Spike.

Buffy: Oh, it's just money stuff. It turns out Mom left me some, and while I was dead, it got squandered on luxuries, like, food and clothing.
Rupert: How bad is it?
Buffy: Anya says pretty bad. I'm kind of taking her word for it. Actually, I'm kind of trying not to think about it.
Rupert: Sound policy. At least for tonight.
Buffy: Figured I'd put it out of my mind. You know, take a break. Get some perspective... And then, wake up at 4:00 a.m. terrified.

Rupert: The Sisterhood of Jhe... is an apocalypse cult. They exist solely to bring about the world's destruction and we've not seen the last of them. More will follow.

Rupert: Having a problem.
Buffy: What is it?
Rupert: I-I can't read.
Buffy: What do you mean? You can read, like, three languages.
Rupert: Five, actually, on a normal day, but the words here aren't making sense.

Riley: He started it.
Xander: He called me a bad name. I think it was bad. It might've been Latin.
Rupert: Stop it or you're going to break something.
Buffy: Or I'm going to break something.

Spike: You know what happens to vampires who don't get to feed?
Rupert: I always wondered that.
Buffy: Giles, plates.
Spike: Living skeletons, mate. Like famine pictures from those dusty countries... only not half as funny.
Buffy: You can have gravy. That has blood in it, right?
Spike: Do you know what else has blood in it? Blood.
Buffy: Do I have to gag you?

Rupert: Since Angel lost his soul, he's regained his sense of whimsy.

Rupert: Buffy, what's happened here?
Buffy: God. I don't even know where to start.
Rupert: Well, Willow's clearly been abusing the magics.
Buffy: She has... She was, and I barely even noticed. Giles, everything's just been so... Xander left Anya at the altar, and Anya's a vengeance demon again. Dawn's a total klepto. Money's been so tight that I've been slinging burgers at the Doublemeat Palace, and... and I've been sleeping with Spike.
Rupert: [pause; then laughs] I'm sorry.

Rupert: This ring is worn only by members of the Order of Taraka. It's a society of deadly assassins dating back to King Solomon.
Xander: And didn't they beat the Elks this year in the Sunnydale Adult Bowling League Championships?
Rupert: Their credo is to sow discord and kill the unwary.
Xander: Bowling is a vicious game.

Buffy: Giles, share. What is the Mark of Eyghon?
Rupert: Hey! This is not your battle. And as your Watcher, I'm telling you unequivocally to stay out of it!

Rupert: We are not your friends. We are not your way to Buffy... There is no way to Buffy... Clear out of here. And Spike, this thing... get over it.
Spike: I don't know what you mean.
Rupert: Yes, you do. Move the hell on.

Anya: All right, um, we were supposed to meet at this house and I got there, and there was no door where a door should be, and then I see this girl standing in a window, and then, poof, she's gone.
Rupert: She vanished from the window?
Anya: No. The window vanished from the house.

[after Buffy has accidentally shot him with a tranquilizer gun]
Rupert: Oh right. Bloody priceless.

Wesley: I'm sorry. Uh, Lohesh was a four-winged soul killer, am I right? I was given to understand that they're not that fierce. Of all the demons we've faced...
Anya: You've never seen a demon.
Buffy: Uh, excuse me. Killing them professionally four years running.
Anya: All the demons that walk the Earth are tainted, are human hybrids, like vampires. The Ascension means that a human becomes pure demon. They're different.
Rupert: Different?
Buffy: How?
Anya: Well, for one thing... they're bigger.

Rupert: [reading] "In order to defeat Anyanka, one must destroy her power center. This should reverse all the wishes she's granted rendering her mortal and powerless again." You see? Without her power center, she-she'd j-just be a-a-an ordinary woman again. And all this would be, um... well, different... Well, I'd say that my... my Watcher muscles haven't completely atrophied after all.
Buffy: [sarcastic] Great. What's her power center?
Rupert: [checks the book] Um, well, um, uh... It doesn't say.
Buffy: Why don't I just put a stake through her heart?
Rupert: She's not a vampire.
Buffy: Well, you'd be surprised how many things that'll kill.
Rupert: I don't want to kill her, Miss Summers. I want to reverse whatever effect she's had on this-this world.
Buffy: [sighs] You're taking an awful lot on faith here, Jeeves.
Rupert: Giles.
Buffy: Kill the bad fairy, destroy the bad fairy's power center, whatever... and all the troubles go away?

The: If I don't like your plan, it will end.
Mr. Finch: Fascinating. Your people were peaceful to the point of indolence. You seem to be something new. Would you declare war on us, Doctor?
The: I'm so old now. I used to have so much mercy. You get one warning. That was it.

Rupert: The resources that the Watchers Council have at their disposal, I mean, the central library alone is...
Buffy: Don't talk about the books again. You get all... And sometimes there's drool.

[first lines]
Mr. Finch: [walking the halls while making fingerings with his left hand as if playing a three-keyed brass instrument, then sings softly] Bom bom bom bom / Da-bom bom bom.
Mr. Finch: [He walks just past Nina waiting in a chair by his Headmaster office, stops, and turns taking notice of her] What do you want?
Nina: The nurse sent me, sir. I was in English and I got a headache.
Mr. Finch: Then don't bother me, go home.
Nina: I can't.
Mr. Finch: Why, is your mother at work?
Nina: I live in Ambrose Hall. The children's home.
Mr. Finch: [conciliatory] No parents. No one to miss you. I see why the nurse sent you. You poor child. Poor... thin... child. Come inside. It's nearly time for lunch.

Spike: We're out of Weetabix
Rupert: We are out of Weetabix because you ate it all... again.
Spike: Get some more.
Rupert: I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood.
Spike: Yeah, well, sometimes I like to crumble up the Weetabix in the blood. Give it a little texture.
Rupert: Since the picture you just painted means that I will never touch food of any kind again, you'll just have to pick it up yourself.
Spike: Sissy.

Willow: Did Buffy tell you about the beer? 'Cause...
Giles: Uh, Buffy didn't tell me anything.
Willow: Oh. Well, forget the beer part then.
Giles: Happily.

Buffy: Come on! Can't you put your foot down?
Rupert: It *is* down.
Buffy: One of these days you're gonna have to get a grown-up car.

Rupert: [as a Fyarl Demon] It-It's me, Giles. Now, Ethan has turned me into a demon and I need your help.
[Xander wakes up]
Rupert: Hello. Yes, it's me.
[only hearing demon language Xander screems and jumps out of bed]
Rupert: [as a Fyarl Demon] No, no, listen. Don't you understand me?
Xander: Demon! Demon!

Rupert: You hunt werewolves f-for sport?
Cain: No, no. I'm in it purely for the money.

Buffy: Okay. You know what? We need to boil those and put them through the ricer.
Rupert: Well, uh, I don't think I have a ricer.
Buffy: You don't have a ricer? What do you mean? How could someone not have a ricer?
Rupert: Well, do you have one at home?
Buffy: I don't know. What's a ricer?
Rupert: We'll mash them with forks, much like the Pilgrims must have.

Rupert: All right. We'll split up. Um, Faith, you and I team. Willow, stick with Buffy.
Oz: And I'll... go lock myself in the cage.

Rupert: I suspect the, uh, finger food contains... actual fingers.

Buffy: Well, your buddy Carlyle faced it, and he's still around.
Rupert: Yes. In a straitjacket howling his innards out day and night.
Buffy: Okay, Admiral. Way to inspire the troops.

[Giles is blind, Xander is a demon magnet, and Buffy and Spike engaged while under Willow's spell]
Buffy: She did a spell.
Rupert: Yes. To have her will done. Whatever she says is coming true.
Buffy: And you were both affected! I probably only escaped because I'm the Slayer. Some kind of natural immunity.
Xander: Yeah, right. You're marrying Spike because you're so right for each other.
Buffy: Xander!
Spike: That's it. You're off the usher list.

Rupert: All we have to worry about right now is that she's immortal, invulnerable, and insane.
Xander: A *crazy* hell-god? And the fun just keeps on leaving!

Buffy: You're Watchers... Without a Slayer, you're pretty much just watchin' Masterpiece Theater... You can't stop Glory. You can't do anything with the information you have except maybe publish it in the "Everyone Thinks We're Insane-Os Home Journal." So here's how it's gonna work. You're gonna tell me everything you know. Then you're gonna go away. You'll contact me if and when you have any further information about Glory. The magic shop will remain open. Mr. Giles will stay here as my official Watcher, reinstated at full salary...
Rupert: [fake cough] Retroactive.
Buffy: ...to be paid retroactively from the month he was fired. I will continue my work with the help of my friends...
Lydia: I-I-I... don't want a sword thrown at me, but-but, civilians, I- we're talking about children.
Buffy: We're talking about two very powerful witches and a thousand-year-old ex-demon.
Anya: Willow's a demon?

Willow: What are you gonna do?
Rupert: Get my books... Look stuff up.

[in a dark alley]
Xander: Spike.
Giles: What are you doing here?
Spike: Me? Hey, I'm not the one out of place here.
Xander: For your information, smarty, we've got a rogue Slayer on our hands. Real psycho killer, too.
Spike: Sounds serious.
Giles: It is. What do you know?
Spike: What do you need?
Xander: Her. Dark hair, yea tall. Name of Faith. Criminally insane.
Giles: Have you seen her?
Spike: Is this bird after you?
Xander: In a *bad* way. Yeah.
Spike: Tell you what I'll do, then. I'll head out, find this girl, tell her exactly where all of you are, and then watch... as she kills you.
[Grins. Giles and Xander stare at him, speechless. Spike rolls his eyes and sighs]
Spike: Can't any one of your damned little Scooby club at least *try* to remember that I *hate* you all? Just because I can't do the damage myself doesn't stop me from aiming a loose cannon your way. And here I thought the evening'd be dull.
[starts to leave, deliberately bumping into Xander's shoulder]
Xander: Go ahead! You wouldn't even recognize her!
Spike: [faces them, walking backwards] Dark hair, this tall. Name of Faith. Criminally insane. I like this girl already.
Xander: [to Giles] We're dumb.

Spike: So, uh, Buffy took some time off right in the middle of the apocalypse and it was her decision.
Xander: Well, we all decided.
Spike: Oh yeah. *You* all decided.
[chuckles]
Spike: You sad, sad, ungrateful traitors! Who do you think you are?
Willow: We're her friends. We just wanted...
Spike: Oh, that's ballsy of you! You're her *friends* and you betray her like this.
Rupert: Uh, you don't understand.
Spike: You know, I think I do... Rupert. You used to be the big man, didn't you. The teacher, all full of wisdom. Now she's *surpassed* you, and you can't handle it. She has saved your lives again and again. She has *died* for you, and this is how you thank her.

[Giles wakes up in Xander's basement where everyone spent the night]
Rupert: Must we have the noise? My head is splitting.
[tuns TV off]
Willow: Well, look who's Cranky Bear in the morning.
Rupert: Yes. I can't imagine why I didn't sleep well in my beach ball.
Anya: Every time you moved, it made squeaky noises. It was irritating.
Rupert: Really? I'm surprised you could hear it over your Wagnerian snoring.
Buffy: Okay, you guys. Could we not, please? Everything's screwed up enough without you two doing scenes from my parents' marriage.

Mr. Finch: May I introduce... Miss Sarah Jane Smith?

Rupert: You went hunting last night?
Buffy: Yes.
Rupert: When you assured me you wouldn't.
Buffy: Yes. I lied. I'm a bad person. Let's move on.

[first lines]
Rupert: "Power to the people"? You sound like a child of the '70s.

[Mr. Maclay is trying to take Tara]
Rupert: And... you're not just dealing with two little girls.
Xander: You're dealing with all of us.
Spike: 'Cept me.
Xander: 'Cept Spike.
Spike: I don't care what happens.

Giles: I've been awake all night. I know I'm supposed to teach you self-reliance, but I can't leave you out there to fight alone. To hell with what's right! I-I-I'm ready to back you up. Let's find that evil and-and-and-and fight it together.

Xander: So, uh, what do we do now?
Rupert: We still have to get to the Bronze.
Angel: Well, even if they're supposed to wait for her they may start feeding. Vampires are not notoriously reliable.
Xander: [Hopefully] So we charge in, much in the style of John Wayne?
Rupert: High casualty risk. I haven't any other plan, though.
Buffy: [Raises her hand] Uh, I have a really bad idea.

Anya: You're out of crystal balls. Those babies are *really* popular with the amateurs. Better restock and raise the price 10%. Make it 15.
Rupert: Anya...
Anya: Your cash register looks like squirrels nest in it.
Rupert: Anya...
Anya: And the Hand of Glory packs some serious raw power. Better institute a 7-day background check for...
Rupert: [shouts] Anya...!
[normal]
Rupert: Would you like a job?
Anya: Okay.
Rupert: Good. Then we can talk shop... tomorrow.
Anya: Okay... boss.

Buffy: It's okay. You can say his name. I'm doing all right. These things happen. People break up and they move on. For a while it feels like the end of the world, you know, but big picture...
Rupert: Not so huge.
Buffy: Not so huge? I just said it feels like the end of the world! Don't you listen...? I'm teasing.
Rupert: Oh.
Buffy: Sort of... I'll be okay.

[in Xander's dream]
Spike: Giles here is gonna teach me to be a Watcher. Says I got the stuff.
Rupert: Spike's like a son to me.
Rupert: That's good. I was into that for a while, but... I got other stuff goin' on... You gotta have something. Gotta be with movin' forward.
Buffy: Like a shark.
Xander: Like a shark with feet and... much less fins.
Spike: And on land.
Rupert: Very good.

Buffy: Ooh, good plan! Let's go! *Charge*!
Rupert: Buffy...
Buffy: [to Kendra] It's a little more complicated than that, John Wayne.

Willow: Nervous?
Xander: No way. I'm full of that good old kamikaze spirit.
Rupert: Xander, just because this is never gonna work is no need to be negative.

Rupert: Tell me about the spell you performed.
Willow: [excited] Oh. Okay, first of all, so scary. Like, uh, the Blair Witch would have had to watch like this.
[holds hand over eyes]
Willow: And-And- And this giant snake came out of my mouth and there was all this energy crackling, and this pack of demons interrupted, but I totally kept it together. And then, the next thing you now... Buffy.
Rupert: You're a very stupid girl.

Rupert: [as a Fyarl Demon] I refuse to become a monster because I look like a monster. I have a soul. I have a conscience. I am a human being. Ooh, stop the car.
[seeing Professor Walsh, he gets out of the car and chases her down the street for a bit, then reenters the car]
Rupert: [as a Fyarl Demon] Right. Let's go, then.

Buffy: Who are these guys?
Rupert: Uh, they're known as the, uh, as the Bringers or-or Harbingers. They're high priests of the First. They, uh, they can conjure spirit manifestations and set them on people, influence them, haunt them.
Buffy: These are the guys working the mojo on Angel.
Xander: We gotta stop 'em.
Rupert: You-you-you can't fight the First, Buffy. It's not a-a physical being.
Buffy: Well, I-I can fight these priest guys.

Rupert: But that's the thrill of living on the Hellmouth! There's a veritable cornucopia of-of fiends and devils and-and-and ghouls to engage.
[everyone looks at him]
Rupert: Well, pardon me for finding the glass half full.

[Giles, as a Fyarl Demon, walking through a cemetary thinking no one can understand him]
Spike: Well... What do I spy with my little eye...? A demon... That would be, oh, right. The things I can kill.
Rupert: [as a Fyarl Demon] Spike. Wonderful. the perfect end to a perfect day.
Spike: Giles?
Rupert: [as a Fyarl Demon] Go on, then. Let's get on with the fighting... You understand me.
Spike: Of course, I understand you.
Rupert: [as a Fyarl Demon] I'm speaking English?
Spike: No, you're speaking Fyarl. I happen to speak Fyarl... and by the way, why the hell are you suddenly a Fyarl demon? You just come over all demony this morning?
Rupert: [as a Fyarl Demon] As a matter of fact, I did, thanks to Ethan Rayne.

[last lines]
Buffy: So how do we stop it?
Rupert: The portal will only close once the blood is stopped. And the only way for that to happen is, um... Buffy, the only way is to kill Dawn.

Buffy: How did she get away with this bad mojo stuff?
Anya: [whispers] Giles sold it to her.
Rupert: I-I-I-I didn't know it was her. I-I mean, how could I? If it's any consolation, I may have overcharged her.

Rupert: In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.

Rupert: That's what's left. The mystic secrets of the Watchers. And whatever I could find on The First. Wh-When I learned what was happening, I-I, um, I stole them.
Anya: And you blew the Council up. See, this is what happens when you're all stuffy and repressed. You overreact.
Rupert: Not... I didn't. It must have been an agent of The First, after my little burglary session. Th-Th-The knowledge contained in these files had to be protected, and there wasn't time for-for bureaucracy or debate.

Rupert: I cannot believe that you are fool enough to do something like this.
Xander: Oh, no. I'm twice the fool it takes to do somethin' like this.

Rupert: You see, the werewolf, uh, is such a-a potent, e-e-extreme representation of our inborn animalistic traits, that it emerges for three full consecutive nights... the full moon, and, uh, the two nights surrounding it.
Willow: Quite the party animal.
Rupert: Quite, and it, uh, acts on-on pure instinct. No conscience. Predatory and-and aggressive.

Rupert: And I believe that, but he's part of something that we, we don't really understand.
Buffy: Are you sure you're not just saying this because you don't like Riley's boss?
Rupert: No, no, I'm not saying that at all... Though I do hate her quite a lot.

Buffy: Did you know about this?
Rupert: No. Unless I blocked it from my memory, much as I will Xander's vigorous use of his tongue.
[Giles takes off his glasses and starts wiping them]
Buffy: Is that why you're always cleaning your glasses? So you don't have to see what we're doing?
Rupert: Tell no one.

Spike: Don't be a stupid git. There is no...
Rupert: If I want your opinion, Spike, I'll... I'll never want your opinion.

Spike: [chained to Giles' bath] Passions is on! Timmy's down the bloody well, and if you make me miss it, I'll...
Rupert: You'll do what? Lick me to death?

Xander: Whoa, Giles has a TV. Everybody, Giles has a TV. He's shallow like us.
Oz: I gotta admit, I'm a little disappointed.
Rupert: I, ah, uh, uh...
Willow: Well, maybe it doesn't work. It-It's like art.

[last lines]
Willow: Buffy, I gotta tell ya. I get it, now. The Slayer thing really isn't about the violence. It's about the power.
[Willow zaps Buffy to the floor with a bolt of dark energy]
Willow: And there's no one in the world who has the power to stop me now.
[Giles suddenly appears and zaps Willow from behind]
Rupert: I'd like to test that theory.

[last lines]
[Giles finds Robson near death]
Rupert: Dear God, I thought you were...
Robson: [whispers] Gather them.
Rupert: What?
Robson: [whispers] It's started.
Rupert: It's all right. I understand. I'll take care of...
[a robed man swings an ax at Giles]

Rupert: [teenage Giles to teenage Snyder] You filthy little ponce. Are you afraid of a little demon?

Buffy: Yeah. She saw these scores, and her head spun around and exploded.
Rupert: I-I've been on the Hellmouth too long. That was metaphorical, yes?

Rupert: These forces are not something that one plays around with... Willow. What have you been conjuring?
Willow: Nothing... much. Well, you know, I tried this spell to cure Angel, and I guess that was a bust. But since then, you know, small stuff. Floating feather, fire out of ice, which next time I won't do on the bedspread.

Wesley: [to Buffy] Well... hello.
Buffy: [to Giles] New Watcher?
Rupert: New Watcher.
Wesley: Wesley Wyndam-Pryce.
[sticks out his hand which Buffy ignores]
Wesley: It's very nice to meet you.
Buffy: [to Giles] Is he evil?
Wesley: Evil?
Buffy: The last one was evil.
Wesley: Oh, yes. Gwendolyn Post. We all heard. No. Mr. Giles has checked my credentials rather thoroughly and phoned the Council, but I'm glad to see you're on the ball as well... A good Slayer is a cautious Slayer.
Buffy: [to Giles] Is he evil?
Rupert: Not in the strictest sense of the...
Wesley: Well, I'm glad that's cleared up.

Rupert: So, all the city plans are just open to the public?
Willow: Um, well, in-in a way. I sort of stumbled onto them when I accidentally decrypted the city council's security system.

Rupert: Um... Ah, yes. Yes, here we are. There's a reference here to the journal of Desmond Kane, pastor of a town called Sharpsville.
[reading]
Rupert: "May 26, 1723. Tomorrow is the Ascension. God help us all." It was the last anyone heard.
Wesley: Of Kane?
Rupert: Of Sharpsville.

Buffy: What happened?
Rupert: Uh, two more of the brethren came in here. They came after me. But I was more than a match for them.
Buffy: Meaning?
Rupert: I hid.

Wesley: All right, everyone. Monsters, demons, world in peril.
Buffy: I'll betcha they have *all* that stuff in Illinois.
Wesley: You cannot leave Sunnydale! With the power invested in me by the Council, I forbid it.
Rupert: Oh, yes, that should settle it.

Rupert: A true creature of evil can survive the process. No human ever has.
Xander: What's the problem? We send Cordy to fight this guy and we go for pizza.

[Riley is about to touch the meteorite]
Anya: Is it hot? 'Cause, uh, if there's radiation you could, like, go all sterile.
[Riley recoils and Xander scampers away to be behind Anya]
Riley: No, it's not hot. It's warm. And broken... And sort of...
Rupert: Hollow.
Riley: Yeah.
Anya: So, uh, we're all thinking the same thing, right?
Xander: Festive piñata? Delicious candy?
Willow: Something evil crashed to earth in this and then broke out and slithered away to do badness.
Rupert: In all fairness, I don't think we know about the slithered part.
Anya: Oh no. I'm sure it frisked about like a fluffy lamb.

Rupert: Buffy, a word in your ear. Um, if you, uh, think of the store as a- as a library, it'll help you to concentrate on-on, uh, service rather than selling.
Buffy: Yes. And then I'm going to marry Bob Dole and raise penguins in Guam.
Rupert: [cleaning his glasses and not really listening] Yes, uh, quite right. Yes.

Spike: Oh, you have got to be joking! What now?
Rupert: t shall access the cerebral cortex via the optic nerve.
Spike: Oh, bollocks! All the rubbish people keep stickin' in my head, it's a wonder there's any room for my brain.
Rupert: I don't think it takes up that much space, do you?

Xander: Listen, do you guys need any help?
Rupert: Hm? Oh, no, no. Thank you. Probably, uh, best if you-you stay out of trouble.
Xander: No chance of that.
Jack: Xander! Motor!
Rupert: There's something... different about this... menace. Something in the air... The stench of death.
Xander: Yeah, I think it's Bob.

Buffy: I feel gross, you know? Like, like dirty.
Rupert: That's rediculous. You can't be responsible for what Spike thinks or feels.
Buffy: Well, aren't I responsible? I mean, something about me had to make him feel that, right? Something that made him say, "Woof, that's the *one* for me."

Buffy: Giles, are you sure about this?
Rupert: Why wouldn't I be?
Buffy: Well, aside from the fact that most magic shop owners in Sunnydale have the life expectancy of a Spinal Tap drummer, have you ever run a store before?
Rupert: I was a librarian for years. This is exactly the same, except people pay for the things they never return. It'll give me focus, help increase my resources, and it'll prevent you lot from trampling all over my flat at all hours. There may even be some space for you to train in the back.
Buffy: Boy, you've really thought this through. How bored *were* you last year?
Rupert: I watched "Passions" with Spike. Let us never speak of it.

Rupert: Spike. That's what the other vampire called him? That's a little unorthodox, isn't it?
Buffy: Maybe he's Reform.

Rupert: I... I drive you too hard because I-I know what you have to face. From now on, no-no more pushing, no more prodding. Just, um... an inordinate amout of nudging.

Rupert: I'm so proud of you. You've come so far. You're everything a Watcher- everything I could have hoped for.

Buffy: So, can I go?
Rupert: I think not.
Buffy: How come?
Rupert: Because you are the Chosen One.
Buffy: Mm, just this once, I'd like to be the Overlooked One.
Rupert: Well, um, I'm afraid that is not an option. You have responsibilities that other girls do not.
Buffy: Oh! I know this one! "Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah, blah, bitty blah. I'm so stuffy, gimme a scone."
Rupert: It's as if you know me... Your secret identity is gonna be difficult enough to maintain while this exchange student is living with you.
[Xander gets up and separates them]
Xander: Not... *with* her. In the same house as her. Am I the only one who's objective enough to make that distinction?
Buffy: So, I think going to the dance like a normal person would be the best way to keep that secret. Giles, come on. Budge! No one likes a non-budger.

[trying to think of what to get Tara for her birthday]
Xander: Well, candles, maybe, or bath oils of some kind.
Buffy: I saw a really cute sweater at Bloomies, but I think I want me to have it.
Rupert: And you are talking about what on earth?
Buffy: Tara's birthday. We're at a loss.
Rupert: You're in a magic shop, and you can't think what Tara would like. I believe you're both profoundly stupid.
Xander: Well, we don't really know the kind of things witches like. I mean, what, are we gonna get her some cheesy crystal ball?
Rupert: You bloody well better not. I've got mine already wrapped.

Rupert: I bought it at a sorcerer's estate sale. I really only glanced at it once. I thought it was a knockoff.

Rupert: How exactly do you propose to hunt someone you can't see? You may have to work on listening to people.
Buffy: Very funny.
Rupert: I thought so.

[first lines]
Buffy: Are you sure you'll be all right? 'Cause I can be there in the morning.
Riley: It's just a debriefing. They're not gonna make me disapper and they're not pinning anything on me. I got Graham and a lot of the guys testifying I'm the reason they're alive. I might actually get out of this with an honorable discharge.
Giles: In return for your silence no doubt.
Riley: Oh yeah. Having the inside scoop on the administration's own Bay of Mutated Pigs is definitely an advantage.
Giles: It's like you're blackmailing the government.
[they look at her]
Giles: In a... patriotic way.

Rupert: [reading] "For three nights the unholy ones scourge themselves into a fury, um, culminating in a savage attack on the Night of St. Vigeous."
Xander: Does anybody remember when Saturday night meant date night?
Cordelia: You sure don't.

Spike: Right. Let's get this over with. What are you gonna do? Some hypno-beam, a disarming spell?
Rupert: Not exactly. The First has brainwashed you. There's something in you subconscious that it's using to provoke a violent reaction. So... we have to put this in your brain.
Spike: Bugger that!

[first lines]
[chasing a vampire that got away]
Spike: Come on...! We're never gonna get anything killed with you lot holding me back.
Tara: [breathing heavy] I thought the big ones were supposed to tire more easily.
Spike: No, that's the over-the-hill shopkeepers.
Rupert: [breathing heavy] I'm fine. I just need to... to die for a minute.

Buffy: Well, I know this. It's down by the bus station. Not the nicest part of town.
Rupert: Again, see? No standards. I mean, any self-respecting demon should be living in a pit of filth or a nice crypt.

Buffy: Okay, ready?
Angel: Yeah.
Buffy: On 3. 1...
[pulls out arrow]
Angel: Ahh. I knew you were gonna do that.
Rupert: Not too much blood here.
Angel: I heal pretty fast. I should be all right.
Buffy: I'm just glad Faith's such a suck shot.
Rupert: We're sure it was her?
Buffy: Well, I've narrowed down my list of one suspect.
Wesley: Fascinating.
Rupert: What?
Wesley: It seems our Mr. Worth headed an expedition in Kauai, digging through old lava beds near a dormant volcano.
Buffy: I'm not fascinated yet.
Wesley: He found something underneath. A carcass, buried by an eruption.
Rupert: A carcass?
Wesley: A very large one. Mr. Worth posits that it might be some heretofore undiscovered dinosaur.
Angel: A demon?
Rupert: Well, yes, that would be something that the-the mayor would want to keep a secret. If it's the same kind of demon he's turning into and it's dead, then it means that... well, he's only impervious to harm until the Ascension. In its demon form, he can be killed.
Buffy: Great. So all we need is a million tons of burning lava. We're saved.
Angel: Well, it's a start anyway...
[he tries to stand up]
Buffy: Ok, you have been a real klutz today. You need to...
Angel: Damn.
[he falls to the ground]

[first lines]
Buffy: Giles, you don't have to help. You cooked.
Rupert: Oh, come on. I quite like to cook. Helping you two out makes me feel useful.
Dawn: Wanna clean out the garage on Saturday? You could feel indispensable.
Rupert: Hmm. How tempting.

Rupert: [as a Fyarl Demon] If you can't find third gear, don't try for third gear.
Spike: I'm doin' my best. I don't know if I'm drivin' this thing or wearin' it.
Rupert: [as a Fyarl Demon] It's perfectly serviceable.
Spike: [laughs] Funny hearing a Fyarl demon say "serviceable." Had a couple of 'em working for me once. They're more like, "Like to crush. Crush now?" Strong though. You won't meet a jar you can't open for the rest of your life.
[Giles growls menacingly]
Spike: What was that? Did you growl?
Rupert: No.

Rupert: [looking at a book] Oh, there you are.
Jenny: There who is?
Rupert: Our new friend Spike. He's known as William the Bloody. Earned his nickname by torturing his victims with railroad spikes. Very pleasant. Oh, here's some good news. He's barely two hundred. He's not even as old as Angel is... Oh.
Xander: That's a bad look, right?
Rupert: I think your suggestion of running away this Saturday might have been a good one. Spike has fought two Slayers in the last century, and... he's killed them both.

[last lines]
Willow: I think the spell worked. I felt something go through me.
Cordelia: Plus the orb did that cool glow thing.
Xander: Well, maybe it wasn't in time. Maybe she had to kill him before the cure could work.
Oz: Then she'd wanna be alone, I guess.
Willow: Or maybe Angel *was* saved and they wanna be alone together.
Rupert: Perhaps.
Cordelia: Well, she's gotta show up sooner or later. We still have school.
Willow: Yeah. She'll be here in a while.

Xander: [singing] And we are caught in the fire / The point of no return / So we will walk through the fire / And let it Burn / Let it burn / Let it burn / Let it burn.

Buffy: Okay, everybody grab a weapon. We've gotta move.
Xander: And storm the Initiative. Yeah. Let's take on those suckers!
Buffy: I was thinking more that we'd hide.
Xander: Oh, thank God.
Rupert: Buffy, I think perhaps we should talk about this.
Buffy: We need to relocate someplace we're less likely to be found. We need to come up with a plan.
Willow: We could go to my place.
Buffy: The Initiative guys know how close we are. They'll automatically check the places that you hang out. Xander, what about your basement? The guys haven't seen us together that much and-and there's enough room.
Willow: Ooh, plus, mirrored ball.
Xander: Cool! Come on down and boogie at Xander's hideaway.
Anya: Yes. Come Boogie.
Rupert: Absolutely not. I will not squat in that dank hole.
Spike: What, it was good enough for me, but you're above it all?
Rupert: Precisely. Besides, I-I don't see why we can't stay right where we are. It's very unlikely that those Initiative boys are gonna come around here to look for our...
Rupert: [Riley enters] Buffy...! God, Buffy, are you okay...? What happened?
Buffy: You know?
Riley: I know something went down... Tell me.
Buffy: Maggie tried to kill me.
Anya: It didn't work, but they're all upset anyway.
Riley: Okay, listen. I need you to go over everything step by step. There has to be, has to be some kind of mistake.
Xander: There was no mistake. And how do you know something happened?
Riley: I was on a mission... but I came back and... I'm not sure. Look, let's just keep our heads and not jump to any...
[Riley stops and stares at Spike]
Buffy: What?

Buffy: Besides, I can just tell something's wrong. My spider sense is tingling.
Rupert: Your... spider sense?
Buffy: Pop culture reference. Sorry.

Rupert: Well, I hope this isn't a return. Everyone wants petrified hamsters, and they're never happy with them.

Buffy: [in Faith's body] Okay, Giles, yo-you have to listen to me very carefully. I'm not Faith.
Giles: Really?
Buffy: [in Faith's body] Really.
Giles: 'Cause the resemblance is striking.
Buffy: [in Faith's body] I know. Giles, you just have to... stop inching. You were inching.
Giles: Look, I-I know what you're going to say, and-and uh...
Buffy: [in Faith's body] I'm Buffy.
Giles: All right, I didn't know what you were going to say, but that doesn't make you any less crazy.

Xander: I still don't get why we had to come here to get info about a killer snot monster.
Rupert: Because it's a killer snot monster from outer space.
[pause]
Rupert: I did not say that.

Rupert: It must be a fairly heady experience... having that ability.
Willow: How'd she get it? Is she a witch? 'Cause we can fight a witch.
Xander: Hmm. Greek myths speak of cloaks of invisibility, but they're usually for the gods.
[gets looks from everyone]
Xander: Research Boy comes through with the knowledge.

Buffy: You want something nicer...? Oh, look at my poor neck... all bare and tender and exposed. All that blood, just pumping away.
Rupert: Oh, please.
Spike: Giles, make her stop.
Rupert: [walking out] If those two don't kill each other... I might lend a hand.

Rupert: She's right. You mustn't blame yourself.
Buffy: I'm not going to...
[gets out of bed]
Buffy: I'm going to the crime scene to see what I can find out. You guys research the Polgara demon. I wanna know where it is. When I find it, I'm going to make him pay for taking that kid's life. I'll make him die in ways he can't even imagine.
[long pause as Willow and Anya look at Buffy then she looks down at herself]
Buffy: That probably would have sounded more commanding if I wasn't wearing my Yummy Sushi pajamas.

Rupert: And, Xander? There's too many of them, people. A-A-And they all seem to want things.
Xander: I hear ya. Stay British. You'll be okay.

Willow: I felt... I felt the Earth... It's all connected. It is, but... it's not all good and pure and rootsy. There's deep, deep black. There's... I saw, I saw the Earth, Giles. I saw its teeth.
Rupert: The Hellmouth.
Willow: It's gonna open. It's gonna swallow us all.

[Cordelia and Giles are looking at demons in books]
Cordelia: Eww! What does this do?
Rupert: What?
Cordelia: What does this do?
Rupert: Uh, it, uh, extracts vital organs to replenish its own mutating cells.
Cordelia: Wow! What does this one do?
Rupert: Um, it-it elongates its mouth to, uh, engulf its victim's head with its incisors.
Cordelia: Ouch. Wait, what does this one do?
Rupert: [frustrated] It asks endless questions of those with whom it's supposed to be working so that nothing is getting done.
Cordelia: Boy, there's a demon for everything.

Rupert: Buffy, when I said you could slay vampires and have a social life, I didn't mean at the same time.

Rupert: In my years as... Watcher... I've buried too many people... but Jenny was the first I've loved.
Buffy: I'm sorry... I'm sorry I couldn't kill him for you... for her... when I had the chance... I wasn't ready... But I think I finally am.

Giles: Sorry to barge in. I'm afraid we have a slight apocalypse.

Dawn: "Hopefully"? So, it might not work?
Rupert: W-Well, the stone's just a catalyst for the process. The rest is up to Spike.
Spike: And how do you expect to get that hunk of rubble into my cranium?

Buffy: Giles, you're in pace mode. What gives?
Rupert: Um, this vampire who escaped, did you see what he took?
Buffy: No, but I can take a guess and say it was something old.
Rupert: You made no effort to find out what was taken?
Buffy: Have a cow, Giles.

Rupert: It's, um, the earthquake, that symbol is, um...
Buffy: I told you. I-I said end of the world. And you're like, "Pooh-pooh, Southern California, pooh-pooh."
Rupert: I'm so very sorry. My contrition completely dwarfs the impending apocalypse.
Willow: No. It-It-It can't be. We-We've done this already.
Rupert: It's the end of the world. Everyone dies. It's rather important, really.
Willow: So what do we do?
Buffy: I stop it.