50 Best Bryce Hodgson Quotes

Stacey: They're eating that guy's brains right out of his head. They didn't even kill him first.
Blaine: I'm pretty sure he's dead.
Stacey: His legs are moving.
Don: I think that's a nervous system thing.
Blaine: Now he's definitely dead.
Man: Oh, God, no...
Blaine: Oop. No, wait.
[Man screams]
Blaine: Okay, now.

Blaine: You remember when I was on that real-estate agent brain a couple weeks ago?
Don: Yeah. You were asking me all those non-sequitur questions aimed at determining my annual income?

Don: Let me go, you inbred turds!
Bo: He doesn't think we're Nazis anymore.
Ravi: It's progress.

Ravi: [Trying to call for help] Be home, Liv. Okay. Two-one-three-five... Or maybe it's three-seven. Eight-six-seven-five... Oh, bloody hell!
Don: You can't remember any numbers, huh? That's modern living for you.

Tanner: Tupac's most definitely a zombie. Dude gets capped, but he's still releasing songs.
Don: You know who I'd bet is a zombie? Christina Ricci. She gives off a real zombie vibe.

Angus: Fillmore-Graves? The fortune 500 pmc with ties to multinational affairs has zombies in its ranks?
Don: Word is they're all zombies.
Angus: You don't say.
Don: Are you having a vision?
Angus: Oh, I've got a vision, all right. I've seen the future. And the future is brains.
Don: Did you eat Steve Jobs' brain? 'Cause you are straight up power trippin' right now.

Don: Sergeant Hoyt Carroll! Serial number 58079086. You'll get nothing from me, you dirty krauts.
[the Truthers chuckle]
Don: You weren't laughing after big week, were you, Fritz? Our mustangs blasting your stukas outta the sky!
Harley: ...What the hell, Doc? Why is he acting like he's on Hogan's Heroes?
Ravi: I have no idea.
Bo: You think this thing's been around since World War? Maybe zombies live forever. Like vampires.

[Don E. tells Blaine that he thinks Chief might've scratched somebody]
Blaine: [Blaine looks at the rugged Don E] What happened? You tussle with a Doberman?
Don: One of our client's bodyguards went after Chief by mistake. Oh, he thinks he may have scratched him.
Blaine: Well, I guess we'll hear soon if all zombie hell breaks loose.

[Liv explains to Don E. why she needs to give brains to Major in prison]
Olivia: You know the so-called Chaos Killer?
Don: Yeah! They caught the zombie killing son-of-a-bitch!
Olivia: Yeah, well. He's a zombie himself. And if he doesn't get out of jail soon, he's going to get his brains the old fashion zombie way. 24 hours later, you'll be the savvy businessmen selling sand in the Sahara.
Don: Oh, God.

Don: I was thinking a pinball machine next to the crapper.
Angus: We need a name, one that would assure customers they would never encounter pinball or the word "Crapper".

Don: What about our customers who aren't crazy rich? 'Cause I've got to say, having Dino here whack a guy every time you want lunch is super one-percent.

Don: Cruise's tan is way too even, and he's barely aged a day in 30 years.
Blaine: Why do you think he does his own death-defying stunts? It's 'cause he's already dead.
Olivia: I'll bet he doesn't eat the brain of anyone over the age of 25.
Clive: So I should be thinking, "That's a raged-out zombie," next time I see Tom Cruise doing a chase sequence?

Don: I know plenty of zombies that would kill for your gig. I dunno, Blaine. Maybe we should give one of them a call.
Blaine: Maybe. But then, of course, we have to trick them into working full-time without benefits. And we, never pay overtime, which even I feel bad about. So how about we just take the path of least resistance, and, Tanner, you learn how to lock the door.
Tanner: ...So I'm... underpaid?

[Don E. tells Chief that it's like the civil war for them zombies]
Don: It would've been so sweet if the DA's office had been able to nail Mr. Boss. Life would be all like...
Don: [Don E. strumming happily on his banjo instrument] Instead it's all Ken Burns Civil War-y...
[as Don E. starts strumming a sad war tune]

Don: You don't look happy to see me.
Ravi: I prefer non-alive guests here to remain quietly on their shelves.

Don: [about Blaine] Once, I heard him in his office, on the phone. He said, "Relax, man, you sound like John."
[Ravi stares blankly]
Don: John was this guy we used to know. He worried a lot. He got murdered a year ago. How can Blaine remember John if he has no memory?
Ravi: There's lots of people named John. I mean, I know at least three.
Don: Clearly we run in different circles,

Blaine: Renegade's operating out of a laundromat.
Don: Nice. Which one?
Blaine: There's more than one? I don't know anything about laundromats, I'm rich.

[first lines]
Don: [Don E. walks into Blaine's funeral office seeing Blaine unconscious in his chair] Blaine? What is your go-to bagpipe player's name again? I know it's Something McSomething, but... Blaine?
Don: [Don E. starts to shake Blaine's body] Come on. Come on, man. Wake up. Wake up! Wake up!
Blaine: Oh! Hey. What's with the manhandling?

[Don E. tells Chief he doesn't see the reason for burying the coffin of drugs]
Don: I can't believe we're gonna bury this. I'm a natural criminal, I don't see the point in being good.

Don: I stretched out my shirt. Whatever. With the money we're raking in, shirts mean nothing to me now. We could buy Shirt Island! We could pay scientists to genetically engineer a shirt-tree for us.

[Liv meets Drake during his first brain feeding]
Don: To eat brains or not to eat brains? That is the question.
Blaine: It's a bit of an acquired taste.
Olivia: You couldn't of flavored it up a bit for him?
Blaine: Sorry. The quality of all the meals have gone downhill here since someone's boyfriend offed my chef. Poor Don E. has been reduced to eating pepperoni pockets.

Blaine: Have you seen Lieutenant Bozzio lately?
Don: Yeah, I do my best to steer clear. She scares me a little.

Don: I get you're laying low. But you could still help out in the back.
Blaine: By doing what?
[Scoffs]
Blaine: Invoices?
Don: For instance. At least, just consider it.
Blaine: Considered. No.

[Blaine walks in the basement of the funeral home and see's Don E. running his own drug trade]
Blaine: What is all this?
Don: None of your concern. We talked about this. Are you starting to lose your short-term memory, too? We can get your body covered in reminder tattoos, like that dude from Memento.

Al: Tell me more about Blaine and Peyton Charles.
Don: Well, they... Hey, aren't you supposed to be having sex at Blaine's? I mean, dinner?

[Don E. gets a gun pulled on him by Mr. Boss's henchmen Kenny]
Don: Just make it quick. One to the head, bam, like Chief there. No throat-slitting, gut shot nonsense. I can't handle pain, man.
Don: [Don E. starts to laugh at Kenny shaking] Are your fricking hands shaking? Damn, son.
Kenny: My hand's not shaking!
Don: Aw, man. Just move close. It'll make it easier to aim. What? Mr. Boss couldn't send a pro? Am I your first?

Don: Do you remember the name of the bagpiper we hired when we tried Scotch and Soda Night? Darcy wants bagpipes at the wedding.
Blaine: No. But I could strangle a duck for half of his price.

Don: [All on conspiracy theorist brain] All those people that night on the street in Vegas, no one sees a shooter!
Blaine: It's because he didn't get shot. Look at the cover of Don Killuminati. There's Tupac crucified, and in the liner notes it reads, and I quote, "Exit Tupac, enter Makaveli." He is alive and well, and will return like a new messiah.
Don: That's insane.
Blaine: Oh, so you think he's dead?
Don: No, of course he's not dead. He's working for the Feds as an informant. He's mowing his lawn in Scottsdale.
Olivia: Stop! You two sound crazy. Sad to say, but Tupac is dead and gone.
[pause]
Olivia: Biggie Smalls' twin brother killed Tupac, and it's that twin that got shot in LA. Biggie, at this moment, is sipping mojitos in Havana...

Blaine: So who's here?
Don: Think of all the people in the world you'd enjoy seeing.
[pause]
Don: It's none of them.

Don: The matchmaker. She was murdered?
Olivia: Can you believe it? She's trying to make people happy, ends up thrown off a balcony.
Clive: Did you meet Mrs. Barbera?
Don: I poured her a drink. She told me that she had my perfect match.
[Gasps, points at Liv]
Don: You're in her brain! Please tell me you remember the name. When... When she told me, I dropped a glass.
[Throws a glass on the ground]
Don: Come on. Have a vision.
[Drops another]
Don: Nothing? Come on!

Candy: Did Blaine really tell the mayor he could have me on the house, and we'd go all night?
Don: Yes. In fairness, the whole city is on lockdown. So, it's not as if you could leave anyway.
Candy: So I may as well just stay here and spank Mayor Freakfest for eight hours?
[Waves at him with false nicety]
Candy: Hi...
[Back To Don E]
Candy: Is that what's happening?
Don: Blaine always has a good reason for doing what he does.
[Stares at her breasts]
Don: I usually just motorboat with it.

[as Don E talks to mute Chief about whether or not Christ was a zombie]
Don: Yeah, okay. Jesus rose from the dead. That doesn't make him a zombie if he doesn't eat brains.
[mute Chief taps out a text message to Don E on his phone]
Don: Dude, that body-of-Christ stuff, that was for his *disciples* to eat. I don't know what you qualify when you make other people eat you.
Blaine: Narcissistic.

Don: I am a team player. After all, there is no "I" in billionaire.
[Smiles]
Don: There's two.
Blaine: There's three.
Don: The third is silent.

[Don E. finds zombie-Candy in the basement of the morgue]
Don: Candy, have you seen Blaine? He's been ignoring my texts all day. He knows I have abandonment issues.
Don: [Candy turns around eating on a brain] Oh, damn!

[Don E. tries to charge Liv $25,000 for the brain she needs for Major]
Olivia: I can bring you a brain in return in a couple days.
Don: [Don E. smiles] It's not brain friends, Liv, it's brain business.
Olivia: You did hear the part about the apocalypse, didn't you?
Don: Sure did. That's what's called leverage. I'd think preventing the end of the world is worth 25 grand.

Don: Wanna know what I'm gonna do with you?
Dino: [Severed head] Not really.
Don: I'm boxing you up and I'm mailing you to Gwyneth Paltrow. She'd think that's funny, right? She seems cool.

Don: You sprang for the optional Core i7 CPU?
Blaine: Mmm-hmm.
Don: Will you judge me if I happy cry?
Blaine: Yes.

Candy: You know what my idea for a zombie brothel name would be?
Don: Hmm?
Candy: Cold Cocks.
Don: [Not getting it] Why, because of all the fights?

Angus: The well gives shape to the water. The water gives life to the well. Like the bubble, I'm born to rise.
Angus': [Chanting] So we rise.
Don: Yeah, that's not creepy.

Don: Stop requesting songs about tractors and cold beers. You're making everybody wish they were more dead.

[Major sees Don E. for the first time]
Major: Scott E?
Don: Nope. I'm flattered, though. That was one good-looking man.

[Don E. is threatened by Mr. Boss's henchmen Kenny]
Kenny: Now Blaine's dead, and somehow Lucky U is back on the streets. And I'm guessing that he's not the brains behind the operation. Which leaves...
Don: [Don E. begs for his life] Me? I'm a glorified gopher. I'm no one.

Sloane: Do you still have some of that whiskey?
Don: What? No. Even if I did, it'd be my whiskey, wouldn't it?
Sloane: Please... I'd been partying hard all night when you grabbed me.
[Breathes heavily]
Sloane: I have like, no serotonin in me.
Don: What can I tell you? Make better life choices next time.
[sighs]

Don: It's private. You got the TV... The couch... I spent some pretty good times down here.
Blaine: I'm sure you did.
Don: Where you are right now, me and Pam Haggler watched the One Tree Hill premiere And I lost my V-...
Blaine: Ah, if you continue, the scream I utter will shatter the universe.

Don: It's upload time. Right after we add some hashtags.
Crybaby: Hashtag zombie, hashtag apocalypse.
Don: Sure. I mean, we want people to see it. So...
[Types]
Don: Hashtag lesbians, hashtag twins, hashtag badonkadonk, hashtag bodacious tatas.
[Carl looks at him coldly]
Crybaby: It's disrespectful, Don E. Women with large breasts are born that way.
Don: Yeah, some of them.

Don: [Ravi suddenly goes silent] Is he having a vision?
Clive: I think he's staring at his reflection in the beer tap.

[Don E. and Chief wish Blaine a happy birthday]
Don: [Don E. singing] Happy birthday to you, Blaine / I think this gift will make good...
Blaine: It's not my birthday, Don E!
Don: ...Brain!

Blaine: Don E. How soon could you have a grave dug?
Don: I have plans, actually.
[Blaine remains silent]
Don: A few hours.
Blaine: Well, let's get 'er done.

Don: Owning a bar is supposed to be fun. I shouldn't be doing grunt work. God! My life is the worst.
Candy: We could switch, I'll run the bar, you could be the zombie prostitute.

Don: [about Ravi and Peyton] How in the hell did the Ricky Gervais face-making-knob bag a woman like that? The guy ain't rich, he's barely a doctor. I mean, yeah, the hair, whatever, and I guess the accent...