Top 30 Quotes From Cassidy

Cassidy: [talking agitatedly about a conspiracy theory involving baby foreskin] Skin grafts. Skin grafts. We know they are putting foreskin in skin grafts. It was on the Oprah Winfrey Show. And they are putting it into the face creams you all use, the girls.
Tulip: Hold up. They do not put foreskins in face creams.
Cassidy: Yes, they do. It helps bloody collagen or something like that.
Tulip: Cassidy, that is a lie. You'd feel those itty-bitty foreskins on you.
Cassidy: What you feel is smoother, younger-seeming skin. See? And that's how they hook you. Just gotta think about it.
Jesse: [looks at Tulip] You do have nice skin.
Tulip: Shut up.

[last lines]
Lucy: Mr. Cassidy. Will we ever see you again?
Cassidy: Jaysis, I hope so.

Cassidy: I doubt everything all the time, all right? It's the only way to live.

Red: [talking about what they love] For me, it's a big fluffy ass.
Cassidy: Ah, well, you know, whatever floats your boat...

DeBlanc: When will you be back?
Cassidy: Soon.
Fiore: Be specific.
Cassidy: Very soon.

Cassidy: Hey, Mrs. Rosen.
Mrs. Rosen: Mr. Cassidy, you came back! Oh my goodness, everyone'll be thrilled! Are you okay? You look poorly
Cassidy: Oh, I've been smoking crack all day.
Mrs. Rosen: Dear, that's no good for you. Come inside. I'm making blondies!

Preacher: You know, when I was a young man, studying in Mesopotamia, I came across a map that claimed to foretell the Almighty's whereabouts if He ever walked the Earth.
Tulip: Mesopotamia? Where's that?
Cassidy: I don't know, but it sounds like just the thing, doesn't it?
Preacher: Are you kids high right now?
Tulip: No.
Cassidy: Not in a covered-cage kind of a way, we're not.

Hugo: Vampires, government agents, psychopathic preachers. It's all an unmitigated monster swamp.
Cassidy: That's true. Plonkers and gobshites as far as the eye can see. Still, nobody's perfect. You know?

Cassidy: God, eh?
Jesse: Yup.
Cassidy: Coming to Texas?
Jesse: Sunday morning.
Cassidy: That'll be something.
Jesse: Yup.

Cassidy: Jesus, what kind of a preacher are you?
Jesse: The lousy kind.
Cassidy: No, I'm sorry, mate. I've seen the lousy kind. As long as you're not walking around with a little kiddy's arsehole around your finger like a bloody wedding ring, I'd say you were ahead of the game, there.

Cassidy: What the bloody hell happened there?
Jesse: Shotgun. Tried to kill himself.
Cassidy: He's walking the earth with a face like an arsehole. Should've tried harder. Was than an un-Christian like thing to say, was it?
Jesse: Pretty much.
Cassidy: All right. Poor lad.

Cassidy: Sure I bet I know a thing or two about him you don't.
Tulip: Like what?
Cassidy: Like, did you know he could make you do things just by telling you to?
Tulip: [scoffs] Not me.
Cassidy: You'd be surprised.

Tulip: When he gets sick of his stupid job, we're leaving town and we're gonna get someone.
Cassidy: Get who?
Tulip: This guy. He screwed us. Carlos. We lost everything 'cause of him. It took two years to track him down. Now I have. Now I've found him. All that's left to do is go over there and get him, tie him to a table, cut his freaking balls off, and - over and over - stab him in the face with a screwdriver...
Cassidy: And your boyfriend said "no" to this?

Jesse: Be here. Work hard, help others, preach the Gospel. Be one of the good guys.
Cassidy: Do you know what? He has a plan for me, too.
Jesse: I'm sure He does.
Cassidy: His plan for me is to let you know that his plan for you is the dumbest, most boring plan he's ever come up with.

Tulip: So what's the plan, Jesse?
Jesse: The plan is simple: find God.
Cassidy: Oh, no offense, padre, but I'm right... I'm tired of the God talk now.
Jesse: I am, too. That's why we gonna go out and actually find God.
Cassidy: What? Like a... like a road trip? With buckets of guns, sex and drugs, and shady characters dressed in bikinis?
[glances towards Tulip]
Jesse: Yeah, I imagine there'll be a bit of that.
Cassidy: I'm in. Done.
Tulip: I'm sorry. We're just gonna, like, drive around shooting people, getting wasted and looking for God?
Cassidy: [laughs] Oh, I'm so in.
Tulip: And what are you gonna do when you find him?
Jesse: Well, if God wants our help, we'll help him. If he doesn't, we're gonna kick his ass.

Jesse: Why we always talking about me? What's your story, Cassidy?
Cassidy: No, it's pretty typical, really. I am a 119 year-old vampire from Dublin City.
Jesse: [laughs]
Cassidy: And I'm currently on the run from a group of vampire-hunting religious vigilantes who keep tracking me down somehow. What else? I'm a right-handed Sagittarius. I love Chinese food. I've never seen the Pacific Ocean. And I think that The Big Labowski's overrated.

Hugo: I see that you are no stranger to our criminal justice system.
Cassidy: Uh oh, manila folder time.
Hugo: Assault and battery in Las Vegas.
Cassidy: Let me just say I... Do you know what? I told him right from the get-go, I don't... I don't like magicians.

Tulip: Who's his favourite movie star?
Cassidy: What?
Tulip: His favourite movie star. Who does he think pretty much shits sunshine? Who would that be?
Cassidy: It's Ryan Philippe! It's Ryan Philippe.
Tulip: [leans forward] John Wayne.

Cassidy: And what about you... Sheriff? All this. Last I checked, this kinda questioning was illegal.
Hugo: Not in Texas.
[Cocks gun]
Hugo: Not when a man's looking for his son.
Cassidy: Are you really looking for him, though, is what I'm wondering? Just come on, be honest with me now, right. Could there not be... like a teeny-tiny part of you that'd be happy if he was just gone?
Hugo: Eugene's a good boy.
Cassidy: I know. I know that. But he's sort of annoyingly good, though. Am I right? Always talking, asking his bloody questions, and that face, I just... I honestly... I don't know how you do it. Having to wake up to that giant, puckered arseface staring at you across the breakfast table day after day...
[Root shoots Cassidy six times, Cassidy falls to the cell floor groaning]
Cassidy: You'll see. This just proves my point exactly. Nobody's perfect.
Hugo: [Root unlocks the cell door] You can go.
Cassidy: [Laying on the cell floor groaning] Ahh. Good. I got to be someplace.

Cassidy: Right. So Tijuana. Any sod-eyed muppet with a bloody backpack and a pair of frickin' Birkenstocks is gonna go on about that donkey show, man.

Cassidy: Genesis? What, like the bloody band? It's a terrible name.

Tulip: Cass! You okay? Jesse said the cops got you.
Cassidy: Yeah, no, I'm fine. They just let me off with a warning and a couple of bullet holes.

Ashleigh: [calling through the door] Can I just have my phone for five minutes, please? Just to post something on Instagram.
Preacher: Just say your prayers like I told you. No one wants to see photos of a sick girl in a dark cage.
Cassidy: I think you'd be surprised, actually, mate.

Tulip: Can I ask a question that is not about the dog and the different rooms?
Jesse: She wants to know about the girl.
Preacher: Well, parishioners need help with their urges... drugs, sex, Twitter... they come to me.
Tulip: So someone comes to you for help and you put them in a cage?
Preacher: A covered cage. That's right. To curb their urges.
Tulip: Am I the only one here who thinks that's, like, psychotic?
Cassidy: No, I was wondering the exact same thing. Why not just lock her in a cellar? You could chain her to the bloody wall or something like that.

Tulip: So, what's the plan, Jesse?
Jesse: The plan is simple. Find God.
Cassidy: Oh, no offense, Padre, but I'm tired of the God talk now.
Jesse: I am too. That's why we're gonna go out and actually find God.
Cassidy: What? Like a... Like a road trip? With buckets of guns, sex and drugs and shady characters dressed in bikinis?
Jesse: Yeah, I imagine there'll be a bit of that.
Cassidy: I'm in. Done.
Tulip: I'm sorry. We're just gonna, like, drive around shooting people, getting wasted and looking for God?
Cassidy: I am so in.
Tulip: And what are you gonna do when you find him?
Jesse: Well, if God wants our help, we'll help him. If he doesn't, we're gonna kick his ass.
Tulip: Huh. All right, bitches. Let's go.

Cassidy: He's a bloody preacher, for Christ's sake. He's a preacher, alright? You know, his job is to, is to, uh... To tell you the truth, I don't know exactly what his job is, but I know it's not walking around just casting judgement.

Cassidy: God may not make mistakes, but people are bloody famous for it.

Jesse: Vampire, huh? Sounds like fun.
Cassidy: Can be. Sometimes.

Cassidy: What about me? I'm no innocent, either. I'm a lazy, lying, self-obsessed, drug abusing, cheating fornicator with a filthy mouth. And no ambition. And I think your God, if He really does exist, He's not more than a stocious muppet who smells His own farts.

Cassidy: Now, there are three possible explanations here. Number one, John Travolta. You know, the movie where he gets his powers from a brain tumor. Number two, Jason Bourne. Gets his powers from a secret government agency. Or, it's least likely, but my favourite scenario... you're a Jedi.