200 Best Daniel Radcliffe Quotes

Harry: What's the holdup?
Ron: Probably Neville's forgotten the password again.
Neville: [behind them] Hey!
Ron: Oh... You're there...

Ron: [sitting bolt upright in bed] Spiders... the spiders... they want me to tap-dance. And I don't want to tap-dance!
Harry: You tell those spiders, Ron.
Ron: Yeah, tell them... I'll tell them...
[falls straight back asleep]

Tom: How is it that a baby with no extraordinary magical talent was able to defeat the greatest wizard of all time? How did you escape with nothing but a scar, while Lord Voldemort's powers were destroyed?
Harry: Why do you care how I escaped? Voldemort was after your time!
Tom: Voldemort is my past, present, and future.
[Takes Harry's wand and writes his name in the air then swipes to reveal his true name which reads "I am Lord Voldemort"]
Harry: You. You're the Heir of Slytherin. You're Voldemort.
Tom: Surely you didn't think I was going to keep my filthy Muggle father's name? No. I fashioned myself a new name, a name I knew wizards everywhere would one day fear to speak, when I became the greatest sorcerer in the world!
Harry: Albus Dumbledore is the greatest sorcerer in the world!
Tom: Dumbledore's been driven out of this castle by the mere memory of me!
Harry: Dumbledore will never be gone. Not as long as those who remain are loyal to him.

Manny: Is this crying? I don't like it. It's wet and uncomfortable.

Hermione: Look, Hagrid's our friend, why don't we just go and ask him about it?
Ron: That would be a cheerful visit. "Hello Hagrid! Tell us, have you been setting anything mad and hairy loose in the castle lately?"
[Hagrid has walked up behind them]
Hagrid: Mad and hairy? You wouldn't be talkin' about me, now would ya?
Hermione,14231: No.

Professor: [taps the blank Marauder's Map with his wand] Reveal your secrets.
[writing appears on the map]
Professor: Read it.
Harry: "Messrs. Mooney, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, offer their compliments to Professor Snape and... "
Professor: Go on.
Harry: "... and request that he keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business."

Weird: [over phone, referring to Nick] What does he want to tell me?
Mary: Well, mostly he just wants you to know that he's definitely not proud of you.
Weird: What?
Mary: Yes. He told me to be crystal clear about that. Also, he still thinks that parody songs are stupid. And I don't have to tell you about how he feels about the accordion, do I?

[during the final chess game; Harry looks around at the board]
Harry: Wait a minute!
Ron: You see it, don't you, Harry? Once I make my move, the Queen will take me. Then you're free to check the King.
Harry: No. Ron, NO!
Hermione: What is it?
Harry: He's going to sacrifice himself.
Hermione: No, you can't, there must be another way!
Ron: Do you want to stop Snape from getting that stone or not?
[Hermione looks stunned]
Ron: Harry, it's you that has to go on, I *know* it. Not me, not Hermione, YOU.
[Harry takes a deep breath and nods]
Ron: [after a deep breath] Knight to H3.
[Ron and his horse advance to the next square. Ron breathes deep]
Ron: Check.
[The white Queen turns, advances slowly upon him, then draws her sword and plunges it into his horse, throwing him violently to the ground]
Harry: RON!
[Hermione makes as if to run to him]
Harry: [to Hermione] NO! DON'T MOVE! Don't forget - we're still playing.
[Harry moves three squares diagonally to his left and turns to face the King]
Harry: CHECKMATE.

Draco: [looking at Harry's broken nose] Nice face, Potter!
[Harry nods disdainfully; Luna pulls out her wand]
Luna: Would you like me to fix it for you? Personally, I think you look a little more devil-may-care this way, but it's up to you.
Harry: Um... have you ever fixed a nose before?
Luna: No. But I've done several toes, and how different are they, really?
Harry: ...Okay, yeah, sure, give it a go.
Luna: Episkey!
[a loud crack]
Harry: Augh...!
[rubs his nose gingerly; looks at Luna]
Harry: Well? How do I look?
Luna: Exceptionally ordinary.
Harry: ...Brilliant.

Rubeus: Seriously misunderstood creatures, spiders are. It's the eyes, I reckon, they unnerve some folk.
Harry: Not to mention the pincers...
[clicks his tongue while miming pincers biting]

Lucius: [walking with Bellatrix slowly up to Harry] Haven't you always wondered what was the reason for the connection between you and the Dark Lord. Why he was unable to kill you when you were just an infant. Don't you want to know the secret, of your scar. All of the answers are there, Potter, in your hand. All you have to do is give it to me, I can show you everything.
[all of the death eaters start closing in around them]
Harry: I've waited fourteen years...
Lucius: I know.
Harry: Think I can wait a little longer. NOW!
Harry: STUPEFY!

Hermione: You'll be okay, Harry. You're a great wizard. You really are.
Harry: Not as good as you.
Hermione: Me? Books and cleverness. There are more important things: friendship and bravery. And Harry, just be careful.

Hank: Every day, you ride the bus and count the minutes, hoping you'll see her again.
Manny: Oh, my God.
Hank: She smiles, and you feel a strange tingle up the back of your neck. Something carnal inside of you causes your body to break out in sweats. You feel like the luckiest man in the world. She sits alone, just like every other day, and looks out the window lost in her thoughts. You know that look. She's just as alone as you are, but she doesn't have to be. You could talk to her. Tell her you'd love to sit next to her today and every other day, because life is short, and no one deserves to ride the bus alone.

[after catching Harry scribbling on his paper]
Professor: Tell me, what would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?
[Harry doesn't answer]
Professor: You don't know? Well, let's try again. Where, Mr. Potter, would you look if I asked you to find me a bezoar?
Harry: I don't know, sir.
Professor: And what is the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane?
Harry: I don't know, sir.
Professor: Pity. Clearly, fame isn't everything, is it, Mr. Potter?

[last lines]
Harry: [voice-over] I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
[writing appears, and the credits roll to end]
Harry: Mischief managed.
[the writing on the parchment fades away]
Harry: Nox.
[fade to black]

Ron: It's beautiful, isn't it? The moon.
Harry: Divine. Had ourselves a little late night snack, did we?
Ron: It was on your bed, the box, I just thought I'd try one.
Harry: Or twenty.
Ron: I can't stop thinking about her, Harry.
Harry: Honestly, you know, I reckon she was starting to annoy you.
Ron: She could never annoy me. I think I love her.
Harry: Oh... brilliant.
Ron: Do you think she knows I exist?
Harry: Well, I'd bloody well hope so, she's been snogging you for three months.
Ron: Snogging? Who are you talking about?
Harry: Who are you talking about?
Ron: Romilda, of course. Romilda Vane.
Harry: Okay, very funny.
Ron: [throws the chocolates box at Harry]
Harry: What was that for?
Ron: It's no joke! I'm in love with her!
Harry: Alright, fine, you're in love with her! Have you ever actually met her?
Ron: No... Can you introduce me?

Neville: Fourteen years ago, a Death Eater named Bellatrix Lestrange used the Crutiatus Curse on my parents. She tortured them for information, but they never gave in. I'm quite proud to be their son. But I'm not sure I'm ready for everyone to know just yet.
Harry: We're going to make them proud, Neville. That's a promise.

Ron: [about the Half-Blood Prince's book] He even sleeps with it.
Harry: I don't sleep with it!

[deleted scene]
Fred: Look everyone, it's the heir of Slytherin!
George: Be careful! He's a seriously evil wizard.
Ron: Come on, Harry. Fred and George were just having a laugh.
Harry: They're the only ones.
Ron: Okay, so half the school thinks you're nipping off to the Chamber of Secrets every night. Who cares?
Harry: Maybe they're right.
Hermione: Harry! Harry? Oh, come on!
Harry: Look, I didn't know I could speak Parseltongue! What else don't I know about myself? Look. Maybe you can do something, even something horrible and not know you did it.
Hermione: You don't believe that, Harry. I know you don't. And if it makes you feel any better, Malfoy's staying for the holidays, too.
Ron: Why would that make anyone feel any better?
Hermione: Because, in a few days the Polyjuice Potion will be ready! In a few days, we may truly know who is the heir of Slytherin.

Hagrid: If that dolt of a cousin of yours, Dudley, gives you any grief, you could always, um, threaten him with a nice pair of ears to go with that tail of his.
Harry: But, Hagrid, we're not allowed to do magic away from Hogwarts. You know that.
Hagrid: I do, but your cousin don't, do he?

Draco: Scared, Potter?
Harry: You wish.

Harry: Why do they have to travel in packs? And how are you supposed to get one on their own to ask them?
[Stops in front of a group of girls, hesitates, then continues walking]
Ron: Blimey, Harry. You've slayed dragons. If you can't get a date, who can?
Harry: I think I'd take the dragon now.

Harry: Expecto Patronum!

Molly: Now don't forget to speak very, very clearly.
Harry: Diagonally.
[Harry vanishes]
Molly: What did he say dear?
Arthur: Diagonally.
Molly: I thought he did.

Ron: I'm Ron by the way, Ron Weasley.
Harry: I'm Harry. Harry Potter.
Ron: So... so it's true! I mean, do you really have the... the...
Harry: The what?
Ron: [in a hushed tone] The scar?
Harry: Oh.
[shows him the scar on his forehead]
Harry: Yeah.
Ron: Wicked!

Dolores: Your previous instruction in this subject has been disturbingly uneven. But you will be pleased to know from now on, you will be following a carefully structured, Ministry-approved course of defensive magic.
[Hermoine raises her hand]
Dolores: Yes?
Hermione: There's nothing in here about using defensive spells.
Dolores: Using spells? Ha ha! Well I can't imagine why you would need to use spells in my classroom.
Ron: We're not gonna use magic?
Dolores: You will be learning about defensive spells in a secure, risk-free way.
Harry: Well, what use is that? If we're gonna be attacked, it won't be risk-free.
Dolores: Students will raise their hands when they speak in my class.
[pauses]
Dolores: It is the view of the Ministry that a theoretical knowledge will be sufficient to get you through your examinations, which after all, is what school is all about.
Harry: And how's theory supposed to prepare us for what's out there?
Dolores: There is nothing out there, dear! Who do you imagine would want to attack children like yourself?
Harry: [sarcastically] Oh, I don't know. Maybe Lord Voldemort!
[there is a brief silence]
Dolores: Now let me make this quite plain. You have been told that a certain dark wizard is at large once again. This... is... a... lie.
Harry: It's not a lie! I saw him! I fought him!
Dolores: DETENTION, Mr. Potter!
Harry: So according to you, Cedric Diggory dropped dead OF HIS OWN ACCORD.
Dolores: Cedric Diggory's death was a tragic accident.
Harry: [angrily] It was murder! Voldemort killed him! You must know!
Dolores: ENOUGH! Enough. See me later, Mr. Potter, in my office.
[giggles]

Ginny: Mummy, have you seen my jumper?
Molly: Yes, dear, it was on the cat.
[sees Harry, a shocked look forms on her face]
Harry: Hello.
[Ginny runs off]
Harry: What did I do?
Ron: Ginny. She's been talking about you all summer. Bit annoying, really.

Harry: How did you find us?
Ron: [takes out the deluminator] With this. It doesn't just turn off lights. I don't know how it works, but Christmas morning, I was sleeping in this little pub, keeping away from some Snatchers, and I heard it.
Harry: "It"?
Ron: A voice. Your voice, Hermione. Coming out of it.
Hermione: And what exactly did I say, may I ask?
Ron: My name. Just my name. Like a whisper. So I took it, clicked it and this tiny ball of light appeared. And I knew. And sure enough, it floated towards me, the ball of light, right through my chest and straight through me. Right here
[he touches his heart]
Ron: And I knew it was going to take me where I needed to go.
[Hermione looks on, stunned]

Edmund: Dad,I don't need a chaperone. I'm 400 years old.
Count: You live under my crypt, you follow my rules.
Edmund: You're tearing me apart!

Harry: This is mad. Who'd want to be taught by me? I'm a nutter, remember?
Ron: Look on the bright side. You can't be any worse than old toad face.
Harry: Thanks, Ron.
Ron: I'm here for you, mate.

[from extended version]
Ron: [the Trio sits around the fireplace in the Gryffindor Common Room, dicussing the murder of Barty Crouch, Sr. that has just taken place] They'll cover this up, you watch. Fudge'll sell his soul before this gets out in the Daily Prophet.
Harry: But why?
Ron: Look, nobody liked Crouch. I know this from my father. Loads of people wanted him dead. But, he was a Ministry Official. It's not even like he turned up stiff in Knockturn Alley. He was murdered at Hogwarts. This is a big deal.
Hermione: It can't be coincidence... Harry's dreams, his scar hurting, the Dark Mark, his name coming out of the Goblet of Fire. Surviving the Tournament isn't the answer anymore Harry. It's bigger than this. And I really think you should go to Dumbledore.
Ron: Yeah.

Harry: Engorgio!
[the flame in the jar grows rapidly]
Harry: Reducio!
[the flame shrinks back to normal size]
Hermione: What's going on in there?
Harry: Nothing!
Hermione: [comes into the tent] We need to talk.

[after Harry almost dies in the First Task]
Ron: I reckon you'd have to be barking mad to put your own name in the Goblet of Fire.
Harry: [coldly] Caught on, have you? Took you long enough.
Ron: I wasn't the only one who thought you'd done it. Everyone was saying it behind your back.
Harry: [sarcastically] Brilliant. That makes me feel loads better.
Ron: At least I warned you about the dragons.
Harry: Hagrid warned me about the dragons.
Ron: No, I did! Don't you remember? I told Hermione to tell you that Seamus told me that Parvati told Dean that Hagrid was looking for you! Seamus never actually told me anything, so it was really me all along. I thought we'd be alright, you know, after you figured that out.
Harry: Who... who could possibly figure that out? It's completely mental.
Ron: Yeah... it is, isn't it. I suppose I was a bit distraught.
Harry: [smiles weakly]
Hermione: [in disbelief] Boys!

Ron: [his wand broke in an attempt to stop the out-of-control flying car]
[in high voice]
Ron: My wand. Look at my wand.
Harry: Be thankful it's not your neck.
[something hits against the car]
Ron: [in high voice] What's happening?
Harry: I don't know.

Ron: What are those?
Harry: My dress robes...
Ron: Well, those're all right! No lace, no dodgy little collar...
Harry: Well, I expect yours are more traditional...
Ron: Traditional? They're ancient! I look like my great aunt Tessie!
[takes a sniff in the underarm area]
Ron: I smell like my great Aunt Tessie!

Cedric: I realize I never really thanked you properly for tipping me off about those dragons.
Harry: Forget about it. I'm sure you would've done the same for me.
Cedric: Exactly. You know the Prefects' bathroom on the fifth floor? It's not a bad place for a bath. Just take your egg and... mull things over in the hot water.

Ron: Oh look, Mum's sent me something.
[pulls some frilly robes from the package]
Ron: Mum sent me a dress!
Harry: Well, it does match your eyes. Is there a bonnet?
[pulls out more lace]
Harry: Ah ha!
Ron: Nose down, Harry. Ginny, this must be for you.
Ginny: I'm not wearing that, it's ghastly.
Hermione: [laughing] They're not for Ginny, they're for you. Dress robes.
Ron: Dress robes? For what?

Severus: You sent for me, Headmistress?
Dolores: Snape, yes. The time has come for answers, whether he wants to give them or not. Have you brought the Veritaserum?
Severus: I'm afraid you have used up all my stores interrogating students, the last of it on Miss Chang. Unless you wish to poison Potter - and I assure you, I would have the greatest sympathy if you did - I cannot help you.
Harry: [desperately] He's got Padfoot. He's got Padfoot at the place where it's hidden.
Dolores: Padfoot? What is Padfoot? Where is what hidden? What is he talking about, Snape?
Severus: No idea.
[leaves]
Dolores: Very well. You give me no choice, Potter. As this is an issue of Ministry Security, you leave me with no alternative. The Cruciatus Curse ought to loosen your tongue.
Hermione: That's illegal!
Dolores: [putting down a picture of Fudge on her desk] What Cornelius doesn't know won't hurt him.

Ron: There's no one like Krum! He's like a bird the way he rides the wind! He's more than an athlete! He's an artist.
Ginny: I think you're in love, Ron.
Ron: Shut up!
George: [grabs one of Ron's hands and begins singing] Victor, I love you!
Fred: [grabs Ron's other hand] Victor, I do!
George,14238: When we're apart my heart beats only for you!

Arthur: Get out of the kitchen, Ron! Everybody's hungry!
George,14238: [together] Yeah, get out of the kitchen, Ron!
Arthur: [to the twins] Feet off the table!
George,14238: [together] Feet off the table!
[put feet back on the table]
Harry: [admiring the interior of the tent] I love magic.

[Hermione screams as Grawp grabs her and lifts her up]
Rubeus: Grawpy, that is not polite!
Ron: Hagrid, do something!
Rubeus: We talked about this! You do not grab, do you? That is your new friend, Hermione!
[Ron swings a tree branch at Grawp's foot. Grawp looks down, puzzled, and shifts his foot slightly, knocking Ron back]
Hermione: Grawp! Put-me-down!
[Grawp stares blankly]
Hermione: *Now*!
[Grawp puts Hermione down gently and turns away shamefully]
Ron: Are you alright?
Hermione: Fine. He just needs a firm hand, that's all.
Harry: I think you've got an admirer.

Lucius: Mr. Potter! Lucius Malfoy. We meet at last. Forgive me, your scar is legend. As, of course, is the wizard who gave it to you.
Harry: Voldemort killed my parents. He was nothing more than a murderer.
Lucius: You must be very brave to mention his name. Or very foolish.
Hermione: Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself.
Lucius: And you must be Miss Granger. Yes, Draco's told me all about you. And your parents. Muggles, aren't they? Let me see. Red hair... vacant expressions... tatty second hand book... you must be the Weasleys.
Arthur: Children, it's mad in here. Let's go outside.
Lucius: Well, well, well. Weasley Senior.
Arthur: Lucius.
Lucius: Busy time at the Ministry, Arthur, all those extra raids? I do hope they're paying you overtime. Though judging by the state of this, I'd say not.
[picks up a book out of Ginny's cauldron and discreetly slips Riddle's diary along with it back in the cauldron without anyone noticing]
Lucius: What's the use in being a disgrace to the name of wizard if they don't even pay you well for it?
Arthur: We have a very different idea about what disgraces the name of wizard, Malfoy.
Lucius: Clearly. Associating with muggles. And I thought your family could sink no lower.
Lucius: [to Arthur as he walks out of Flourish & Blotts] See you at work.
Draco: [to Harry as he walks out] See you at school.

Weird: Pablo Escobar, you just made the biggest mistake of your life.

Manny: I have a lot of questions about all the things you just said.

Albus: [about Hermione] Are you and her...?
Harry: Oh no, no, no. I mean, she's brilliant, but we're friends.

Ron: Hey!
[Hermione stalks up to him, furious]
Hermione: [yanks his rucksack off his shoulder] You...
[shoves him]
Hermione: Complete...
[throws a handful of leaves and twigs at him]
Hermione: *Arse*, Ronald Weasley! You show up here after weeks, and you say 'Hey'?
[rounds on Harry]
Hermione: Where's my wand, Harry? Where's my wand?
Harry: [hides it quickly] I don't know!
Hermione: Harry Potter, you give me my wand!

Manny: Hank, when I masturbate, I'm gonna think about your mom.

Sirius: Enough talk, Remus! C'mon, let's kill him!
Professor: Wait!
Sirius: I did my waiting! Twelve years of it! In Azkaban!
Professor: Very well, kill him. But wait one more minute. Harry has the right to know why.
Harry: I know why! You betrayed my parents! You're the reason they're dead!
Professor: No, Harry, it wasn't him! Somebody did betray your parents, but it was somebody who, until quite recently, I believed to be dead.
Harry: Who was it then?
Sirius: Peter Pettigrew! And he's in this room, right now! Come out, come out, Peter! Come out and play!

Ron: [discussing inviting dates to the Yule Ball] This is mad! At this rate, we'll be the only ones in our year without dates! Well, us and Neville.
Harry: [laughing] Yeah, but then again he could take himself.
Hermione: It might interest you to know that Neville's already got someone.
Ron: What? Now I'm really depressed. Oi, Hermione... you're a girl.
Hermione: [haughtily] Very well spotted.
Ron: Come with one of us! It's one thing for a bloke to show up alone, but for a girl it's just sad.
Hermione: [angrily] I won't be going alone, because believe it or not, someone's asked me! And I said yes!
[exits]
Ron: Bloody hell. She's lying, right?
Harry: If you say so.

Diggs: When I release Freedom, we'll open all the cages.
Bart: With our minds?
Diggs: No, with this rope. I'm mentally ill, I'm not Magneto.

Hermione: Harry, you told me you'd figured that egg out weeks ago! The task is two days from now!
Harry: [sarcastically] Really? I had no idea. I suppose Viktor's already figured it out.
Hermione: Wouldn't know. We don't actually talk about the tournament. Actually, we don't really talk at all. Viktor's more of a physical being.
[Harry laughs and Hermione blushes]
Hermione: I just mean he's not particularly loquacious. Mostly, he watches me study. It's a bit annoying, actually. You are trying to figure this egg out, aren't you?
Harry: What's that supposed to mean?
Hermione: It just means these tasks are designed to test you. In the most brutal way, they're almost cruel. And... I'm scared for you. You got by the dragons mostly on nerve. I'm not sure it's going to be enough this time.

Lisa: You're a vampire! I should be afraid, but I'm not.
Edmund: Come, Lisa. Let us go over the trees the way a bat does, by jumping.

Hermione: Headmaster, you've got to stop them! They've got the wrong man!
Harry: It's true, sir! Sirius is innocent!
Ron: It's Scabbers who did it.
Dumbledore: Scabbers?
Ron: He's my rat, sir. Well he's not really a rat. Well, he was a rat, he was my brother Percy's rat, but then they gave him an owl, and I got...
Hermione: The *point* is, we know the truth. Please believe us.

Ron: It's not much, but it's home.
Harry: I think it's brilliant.

Harry: Ron, I should tell you, most Muggles aren't accustomed to seeing a flying car.

[last lines]
Hagrid: I'd just like to say that, if it hadn't been for you Harry, and Ron and Hermione of course, I would... I'd still be You-Know-Where. So I'd just like to say thanks.
Harry: There's no Hogwarts without you, Hagrid.

Rita: So tell me, Harry. Here you sit, a mere boy of 12...
Harry: - I'm 14...
Rita: - about to compete against three students who are not only vastly more emotionally mature than yourself, but who've mastered spells that you wouldn't attempt in your dizziest daydreams. Concerned?
Harry: I dunno, I haven't really thought about it...
Rita: Because you're no ordinary boy of 12 are you?
Harry: 14.
Rita: Your story's legend. Do you think it was the trauma of your past that made you so keen to enter such a dangerous tournament?
Harry: No, I didn't enter.
Rita: Of course you didn't.
[winks]
Rita: Everyone loves a rebel, Harry. Speaking of your parents, were they alive, how do you think they'd feel? Proud? Or concerned that your attitude shows, at best, a pathological need for attention? The worst psychotic death wish.
[Harry glances at Rita's notes]
Harry: Hey, my eyes aren't glistening with the ghosts of my past!

Harry: Promise me something.
Dobby: Anything, sir.
Harry: Never try to save my life again.

Professor: Nothing, I repeat, nothing gives a student the right to walk about the school at night. Therefore, as punishment for your actions, 50 points will be taken.
Harry: 50?
[Ron and Hermione also looking shocked, Draco smirking]
Professor: Each.
[Harry's mouth drops open]
Professor: And to ensure it doesn't happen again, all four of you will receive detention.
Draco: [smirk suddenly fades and steps up] Excuse me, professor, perhaps I heard you wrong. I thought you said the four of us.
Professor: No, you heard me correctly, Mr. Malfoy. You see, honorable as your intentions were, you too were out of bed after hours. You will join your classmates in detention.

Manny: Sarah, do you ever masturbate?
Hank: What?
Manny: I have this friend called Hank, and he won't masturbate 'cause it makes him think about his mom.
Hank: Manny. That... that was between us.

Manny: And so now when you masturbate you think about your mom?

[deleted scene; the dursleys are departing their home]
Vernon: This isn't just goodbye, boy, is it? This is farewell.
Dudley: I don't understand. Isn't he coming with us?
Vernon: Who?
Dudley: Harry.
Vernon: Absolutely not.
Dudley: Why?
Vernon: Why?
[stammering]
Vernon: Because he doesn't want to. Do you, boy?
Harry: Absolutely not, no. Besides, I'm just a waste of space. Isn't that right, Vernon?
Vernon: Come on Dudley. We're off.
[Dudley shakes Harry's hand]
Dudley: I don't think you're a waste of space.
Harry: Thanks.
[Dudley goes back to the car with his parents]
Harry: [Smiles at Dudley] See you, Big D.

Hermione: You've done it, Neville! You've found the Room of Requirement!
Ron: The what?
Hermione: It's also known as the Come and Go Room. The Room of Requirement only appears when a person has real need of it, and is always equipped with the seeker's needs.
Ron: So, say you really needed a toilet...
Hermione: Charming, Ronald. But yes, that is the general idea.
Harry: It's brilliant! It's like Hogwarts wants us to fight back!

Gilderoy: [they find the Basilisk skin] What's this?
Gilderoy: It looks like a... snake.
Harry: It's a snake *skin*.
Ron: Bloody hell. Whatever shed this must be 60 feet long, or *more*.
Ron: [Lockhart passes out]
[to Harry, sarcastically]
Ron: Heart of a lion, this one.
Gilderoy: [to Harry and Ron after grabbing Ron's wand] The adventure ends here, boys. But don't fret. The world will know our story. How I was too late to save the girl. How you two tragically lost your minds at the sight of her mangled body.
[points wand to Harry]
Gilderoy: So... you first, Mr. Potter. Say goodbye to your memories. Obliviate!
[he gets pulled backwards and thrown hit into a rock wall knocking him out which causes loose rocks to fall and block the path between Ron and Harry]
Ron: Harry!
Harry: Ron! Are you okay?
Ron: I'm fine.
Gilderoy: Hello. Who are you?
Ron: Um... Ron Weasley.
Gilderoy: Really! And, uh, wh-who am I?
Ron: [to Harry] Lockhart's memory charm backfired! He hasn't got a clue who he is!
Gilderoy: [he picks up a rock] It's an odd sort of place, this, isn't it? Do you live here?
Ron: No.
Gilderoy: Really?
[Ron knocks Lockhart unconscious with the rock]
Ron: [to Harry who's on the other side of the rockslide] What do I do now?
Harry: You wait here and try and shift some of this rock so we can get back through. I'll go on and find Ginny.
Ron: Okay.

Hank: Because I'm just a scared, ugly, useless person.
Manny: But maybe everyone's a little bit ugly. And maybe we're all just ugly, dying sacks of shit, and maybe all it'll take is one person to just be okay with that, and then the whole world will be dancing and singing and farting, and everyone will feel a little bit less alone.
Hank: Manny, you have no idea how nice that sounds.

Manny: I'm scared 'cause I think if I die I might really miss you.
Hank: Oh you're the worst.

Weird: I'm living the dream! To have 20,000 people every night singing MY words... to someone else's music... I feel truly alive on that stage.

Harry: It was you!
Ron: Well, yeah. Obviously.
Harry: And the doe. That was you as well.
Ron: No. I reckoned it was you.
Harry: My Patronus is a stag.
Ron: Right.
[raising his arms up and fake antlers with his fingers]
Ron: Antlers.

Manny: So this is it. This is the life I've forgotten.

Voldemort: [looking at Cedric's body] Awww, tsk, tsk, tsk...
[nudges Cedric's face with his foot]
Voldemort: Such a handsome boy.
Harry: Don't touch him!
[Voldemort looks up at Harry]
Voldemort: [sarcastically] Harry! I'd almost forgotten you were here.
[normal voice]
Voldemort: Standing on the bones of my father. I'd introduce you, but rumor has it you're almost as famous as me these days.

Draco: You'll soon find out that some wizarding families are better than others, Potter. You don't wanna go making friends with the wrong sort. I can help you there.
[he holds out his hand, which Harry doesn't take]
Harry: I think I can tell the wrong sort for myself, thanks.

Hank: Maybe that's just something the brain invents to survive.
Manny: Yeah. Like maybe your brain invented me to distract you from the fact that eventually your eyes are gonna stop blinking and your mouth will stop chewing and your blood'll stop pumping... and then you're gonna shit yourself, and that's it.
Hank: No. No, that's not it. Because then my organs are going to shit themselves.
Manny: And then your cells will shit themselves, and then all your shit's gonna get mixed in with everyone else's shit till there's nothing left of you, and then that's it.
Hank: I don't know, man. That sounds kind of nice, everyone's shit mixing, because then someday some of your shit is gonna meet up with some of my shit, and we'll have something to look forward to, you know?
Manny: You're disgusting.

Manny: Hurry before you starve and die.

Uncle: He will not be going, I tell you! We swore when we took him in we'd put a stop to all this rubbish!
Harry: You knew? You knew all along and you never told me?
Aunt: Of course we knew. How could you not be? My perfect sister being who she was. My mother and father were so proud the day she got her letter. "We have a witch in the family. Isn't it wonderful?" I was the only one to see her for what she was... a freak! And then she met that Potter. And then she had you, and I knew you would be the same. Just as strange, just as... abnormal. And then if you please, she went and got herself blown up, and we got landed with you.
Harry: Blown up? You told me my parents died in a car crash!
Hagrid: A car crash? A car crash kill Lily and James Potter?
Aunt: We had to say something.
Hagrid: It's an outrage! It's a scandal!
Uncle: He'll not be going!
Hagrid: Oh, and I suppose a great muggle like yourself's gonna stop him, are ya?

Count: Look, I'm more than just a vampire. I'm also a sucker for dixieland jazz.
[Plays jazz trumpet]
Edmund: You said you weren't bringing it.
Count: I said I might not.

Hermione: What's wrong with your hand?
Harry: Nothing.
[Harry hides his left hand under his book and shows her his right hand]
Hermione: Your other hand.
[grabbing his left arm from under his book]
Hermione: You've got to tell Dumbledore!
Harry: No. Dumbledore's got enough on his mind right now. Anyway, I don't want to give Umbridge the satisfaction.
Ron: Bloody hell, Harry, the woman's torturing you! If the parents knew about this...
Harry: Yeah, well I haven't got any of those, have I Ron?
Hermione: Harry, you've got to report this! It's perfectly simple, you're being...
Harry: No, it's not! Hermione whatever this is, it's not simple. You don't understand.
Hermione: Then help us to!

Horace: Harry! I must insist you accompany me back to the castle immediately!
Harry: That would be counterproductive, sir!
Horace: What makes you say that?
Harry: No idea!

Ron: [about Hermione] Why do you think she won't tell us who she's going to the ball with?
Harry: 'Cause she knows we'd take the mickey out of her if she did.

Harry: Before, down by the lake when I was with Sirius, I did see someone. That someone made the Dementors go away.
Hermione: With a patronus? I heard Snape telling Dumbledore. According to him, only a really powerful wizard could've conjured it.
Harry: It was my dad. It was my dad who conjured the patronus.
Hermione: But Harry, your dad's...
Harry: Dead, I know. I'm just telling you what I saw.

Harry: [talking to Slughorn] Be brave, Professor. Be brave like my mother... Otherwise, you disgrace her. Otherwise, she died for nothing. Otherwise, the bowl will remain empty... forever.

Bart: I'm the kid who ate a frog.
Diggs: So you're the reason I had to dissect a Muppet today.

Hank: You're like the multipurpose tool guy. You're special.
Manny: I'm special.
Hank: Yeah, and that's why I need you to help me get home.

Ron: [when Harry and Hermione reappear] How did you get there? I... I was talking to you there! And now you're there!
Hermione: What's he talking about Harry?
Harry: I dunno. Honestly Ron, how can people be in two places at once?

[Harry is reading a newspaper]
Waitress: "Harry Potter." Who's Harry Potter?
Harry: Oh, no one. Bit of a tosser, really.

Harry: It's alright Ginny, It's over. It's just a memory.

Harry: 'Come seek us where our voices sound'.
Hermione: The Black Lake, that's obvious.
Harry: 'An hour long you'll have to look'.
Hermione: Again, obvious. Though admittedly potentially problematic...
Harry: Potentially problematic? When was the last time you held your breath underwater for an hour, Hermione?

Ron: I've always liked these flames Hermione makes.
[They look outside the tent, where Hermione is sitting on watch, her back pointedly turned on them]
Ron: How long do you reckon she'll stay mad at me?
Harry: Well, just keep talking about that little ball of light touching your heart, and she'll come 'round.
Ron: It was true, every word. This is gonna sound crazy, but I think that's why Dumbledore left it to me, the Deluminator. I think he knew that somehow I'd need it to find my way back, and she'd lead me.

Harry: My father was a great man!
Severus: Your father was a SWINE. Legillimens!
Harry: Protego!

Ron: Do you think it's true? Do you think there really is a Chamber of Secrets?
Hermione: Yes. Couldn't you tell? McGonagall's worried. All the teachers are.
Harry: But if there really is a Chamber of Secrets, and it really has been opened, then that means...
Hermione: The heir of Slytherin has returned to Hogwarts. The question is; who is it?
Ron: [sarcastically] Let's think. Who do we know who thinks all muggle borns are scum?
Hermione: If you're talking about Malfoy...
Ron: Of course! You heard him. 'You'll be next mudbloods'.
Hermione: I heard him. But Malfoy, the heir of Slytherin?

Ginny: Seems silly, doesn't it? A wedding. Given everything that's going on.
Harry: Maybe that's the best reason to have it. Because of everything that's going on.

Bart: Can I join?
Diggs: I'll have to consult Freedom.
[Freedom poops]
Diggs: Habemus poopum! We have a poop! It's white. You're in.

Malfoy: Why so tense, Potter? My father and I have a bet, you see. I don't think you're going to last ten minutes in this tournament. He disagrees. He thinks you won't last five!
[laughs]
Harry: [enraged] I don't give a damn what your father thinks, Malfoy! He's vile and cruel, and you're just pathetic!
Malfoy: Pathetic?
[draws his wand]
Professor: OH NO, YOU DON'T, SONNY!
[transifgures Malfoy into a ferret]
Professor: I'll teach you to curse someone when their back is turned!
[proceeds to flick the ferret up and down]
Professor: You stinking, cowardly, scummy...
Professor: [running up to Professor Moody] Professor Moody!
Professor: Back-shooting...
Professor: Wha- What are you doing?
Professor: Teaching.
Professor: Is that a- Is that a student?
Professor: Technically, it's a ferret.
[dumps the ferret down Crabbe's trousers]
Gregory: Stand still! Stand still!
[Attempts to remove the ferret from Crabbe's trousers, only to be bitten. Moody turns and winks at a Harry, who is laughing gleefully. The ferret crawls out of Crabbe's trousers, and McGonagall turns Malfoy back into his normal human self]
Malfoy: [standing up] My father will hear about this!
Professor: Is that a threat?
[Malfoy turns and runs]
Professor: Professor Moody...
Professor: IS THAT A THREAT?
Professor: Professor...
Professor: I CAN TELL YOU STORIES ABOUT YOUR FATHER THAT'LL CURL EVEN YOUR GREASY HAIR, BOY!
Professor: Alastor!
Professor: IT DOESN'T END HERE!
Professor: Alastor! We NEVER use transfiguration as a punishment! surely, Dumbledore told you that?
Professor: He might've mentioned it.
Professor: Well, you will do well to remember it.
[turns around]
Professor: [to a group of students standing nearby] Away!
[as she walks away, Moody sticks his tongue out at her]
Professor: [turns to Harry] You. Come with me.

Manny: My name's Manny, and this's my best friend Hank. I used to be dead, but then he brought me back to life, and we were lost out there in the woods for a very long time, but we survived because I have special powers.
[pukes]
Hank: Manny...
[farts]
Hank: Manny...
Crissie: That's gross.

Manny: Thoughts like, if my best friend keeps his farts from me, what else is he hiding from me, and why does that thought make me feel so alone?

Harry: This is mental.
Hermione: Completely mental.
Ron: The world's mental.

Lucius: Let us hope that Mr. Potter will always be around to save the day.
Harry: Don't worry. I will be.

Harry: [to Dolores Umbridge just before he Stuns her] You're lying, Dolores... and one mustn't tell lies!

[Harry is about go away from the Weasley house]
Ron: Going somewhere?
Harry: No one else is going to die. Not for me.
Ron: For you? You think Mad-Eye died for you? You think George took that curse for you? You may be the Chosen One, mate, but this is a whole lot bigger than that.

Professor: Potter, what's your hurry? Congratulations. Your performance in the Black Lake was inspiring. Gilllyweed, am I correct?
Harry: Yes sir.
Professor: Ingenious. A rather rare herb, Gillyweed. Not something found in your everyday garden. Nor is this.
[holds up a bottle]
Professor: Know what it is?
Harry: [sarcastically] Bubble juice, sir?
Professor: Veritaserum. Three drops of this and You-Know-Who himself would spill his darkest secrets. The use of it on a student is, regrettably, forbidden. However, should you ever steal from my personal stores again, my hand might just slip over your morning pumpkin juice.
Harry: I haven't stolen anything.
Professor: Don't lie to me! Gillyweed may be innocuous, but Boomslang skin? Lacewing flies? You and your little friends are brewing Polyjuice Potion, and believe me; I'm going to find out why!
[shuts the door in Harry's face]

[about Sirius]
Harry: When we free him, I'll never have to go back to the Dursley's. It'll just be me and him. We could live in the country, someplace you can see the sky. I think he'll like that after all those years in Azkaban.

[Slughorn is snipping tentacular leaves through a window in the greenhouse; Harry, who is walking by, notices Slughorn and walks up behind him. Slughorn is startled]
Horace: Aaauughh!... Merlin's beard, Harry!
Harry: Oh, sorry, sir, I should've announced myself. Cleared my throat. Coughed. You probably feared I was Professor Sprout!
Horace: Yes, I did actually!... What made you think that?
Harry: Oh, well, just the general behavior, sir - the sneaking around, jumping when you saw me... Are those tentacular leaves, sir? They're very valuable, aren't they?
Horace: Ten Galleons a leaf to the right buyer!... Not that I'm familiar with any such back alley transactions, but one does hear rumors. My own interests are purely academic, of course.
Harry: Personally, these plants always kind of freak me out.

Loretta: They will come for me.
Abigail: Who, exactly? Your, your many cats?
Loretta: Oh, I don't have cats.
Abigail: Somehow even more sad.
Loretta: I have a hamster, asshole!
Abigail: You have a hamster's asshole?
Abigail: No, there was a - there was a - a comma
[growls]
Abigail: There was a comma - forget it. I bet your brother never had to kidnap anyone!

Harry: Your bird, there was nothing I could do. He just caught fire.
Dumbledore: Oh, and about time too. He's been looking dreadful for days. Pity you had to see him on a burning day.

Harry: You're Aragog, aren't you?
Aragog: Yes. Hagrid has never sent men into our hollow before.
Harry: He's in trouble. Up at the school there've been attacks. They think it's Hagrid. They think he opened the Chamber of Secrets, like before.
Aragog: That's a lie! Hagrid never opened the Chamber of Secrets!
Harry: Then you're not the monster?
Aragog: No! The monster was born in the castle. I came to Hagrid from a distant land, in the pocket of a traveler.
Ron: [terrified] Harry.
Harry: Shush.
[to Aragog]
Harry: But, if you're not the monster, then-then what did kill that girl 50 years ago?
Aragog: We do not speak of it! It is an ancient creature we spiders fear above all others.
Harry: But have you seen it?
Aragog: I never saw any part of the castle but the box in which Hagrid kept me. The girl was discovered in a bathroom. When I was accused, Hagrid brought me here.
Ron: Harry!
Harry: What?
[Ron points at the spiders surrounding them]
Harry: Well... thank you. We'll just go.
Aragog: Go? I think not. My sons and daughters do not harm Hagrid on my command, but I cannot deny them fresh meat when it wanders so willingly into our midst. Goodbye, friend of Hagrid.
Ron: Can we panic now?

[Harry and Ron are staring at each other after changing into Crabbe and Goyle]
Ron: [in own voice] Bloody Hell!
Harry: We still sound like ourselves. You need to sound more like Crabbe.
Ron: [in lower voice] Um... Bloody hell
Harry: Excellent.

Manny: Pup pup pup pup pup pup pup pup pup pup pup.
Hank: What are you doing?
Manny: I'm singing a song so you won't overthink things.

Fat: [sings while holding a glass] Ah ah ah AH!
Harry: Fortuna Major.
Fat: No, wait, wait!
[sings again, higher]
Fat: Ah ah ah AH!
Harry: Fortuna Major.
Fat: Wait!
[sings again, highest]
Fat: Ah ah ah AAAAAAAAAAAH!
[holds the note, looks around to make sure nobody's watching, then smashes the glass on the edge of the painting]
Fat: Oh, amazing! And just with my voice!
Harry: Fortuna Major.
Fat: Yes, all right, all right, you can go in.
Harry: Thank you!
Fat: Plebs.

Ron: You heard Snape say he's made an Unbreakable Vow?
Harry: Yes. What does it mean?
Ron: Well, you can't break an Unbreakable Vow!
Harry: [sarcastic] I worked that much out for myself, funny enough.

Rita: This is cozy.
Harry: It's a broom cupboard.
Rita: Well you should feel right at home, then.

Harry: [while being possessed by Voldemort] You... you've lost, old man!
Albus: Harry.
Lord: So weak! So vulnerable! Look at me!
Albus: Harry, it isn't how you are alike. It's how you are not.
[pause]
Albus: Harry.
[as Harry sees his friends enter the Atrium, he remembers the happy times he spent with them]
Harry: [to Voldemort] You're the weak one. And you'll never know love, or friendship. And I feel sorry for you.
[Voldemort is forced out of Harry's body]
Lord: You're a fool, Harry Potter, and you will lose everything!
[the Aurors arrive at the scene. Voldemort quickly apparates away. But Fudge has a look of shock on his face]
Cornelius: He's back!

Sirius: I want you to take the others and get out of here.
Harry: What? No, I'm staying with you!
Sirius: You've done beautifully. Now let me take it from here.

[Ron and Hermione ask Harry about his first kiss with Cho]
Ron: Well? How was it?
Harry: Wet. I mean, she was sort of crying.
Ron: [laughs] That bad at it, are you?
Hermione: I'm sure Harry's kissing was more than satisfactory. Cho spends half her time crying these days.
Ron: You'd think a bit of snogging would cheer her up.
Hermione: Don't you understand how she must be feeling? Well, obviously she's feeling sad about Cedric, and therefore confused about liking Harry, guilty about kissing him, conflicted because Umbridge is pressing to sack her mum from the Ministry, and frightened about failing her OWLs because she's so busy worrying about everything else.
Ron: One person couldn't feel all that. They'd explode!
Hermione: Just because you've got the emotional range of a teaspoon...

Hank: I'm scared of whatever took that poop.
Manny: But why, though?
Hank: Because only huge, scary things take poops that big.
Manny: So what? Everything poops.
Hank: Yes, but if it finds us, it will eat us and push us out its butt and turn us into poop.

[from extended version]
Ron: What do you suppose is on Karkaroff's arm?
Harry: I dunno.
Hermione: Boomslang skin and Lacewing flies... you're sure those are the two ingredients Snape mentioned?
Harry: Positive, why?
Hermione: Well, he thinks we're brewing Polyjuice Potion doesn't he?
Harry: I don't care what Snape thinks, I've got bigger problems than detention. Something's coming closer.
[touches his stinging scar]
Harry: I can feel it.

Ron: [about Ginny and Dean] What do you think he sees in her?
Harry: She's smart... funny... attractive...
Ron: Attractive?
Harry: Well you know... she has nice... skin.
Ron: So you think he is going out with her because she has nice skin?
Harry: Well, I dunno, I'm just saying it could be a contributing factor.
Ron: Hermione's got nice skin. You know, as far as skin goes.
Harry: I-I've never thought about it before. But now that you mention it, yeah. Very nice.
Harry: [long pause] ... I think I'll be going to bed now.

Ron: Oh my God. What am I gonna do? My wife's all alone downstairs!
Harry: Ron, you don't have a wife.
Ron: Right.

[after finding out that Sirius Black was Harry's parents' friend, and Black betrayed them]
Harry: [crying] He was their friend, and he betrayed them.
[yelling]
Harry: HE WAS THEIR FRIEND!
[echos]
Harry: I hope he finds me! Cause when he does, I'm gonna be ready! When he does, I'm gonna kill him!

Oliver: I don't believe it! Where you think you're going, Flint?
Marcus: Qudditch practice!
Oliver: I booked the pitch for Gryffindor today.
Marcus: Easy, Wood. I've got a note.
Ron: Uh-oh. I smell trouble.
Oliver: "I, Professor Severus Snape do hereby give the Slytherin team permission to practice today, owing to the need to train their new Seeker." You've got a new seeker? Who?
[Malfoy steps out from behind the crowd]
Harry: Malfoy?
Draco: That's right. And that's not all that's new this year.
[shows everyone the new brooms]
Ron: Those are Nimbus Two-Thousand and Ones! How'd you get those?
Marcus: A gift from Draco's father.
Draco: You see, Weasley, unlike some, my father can afford the best.
Hermione: At least no one on the Gryffindor team had to buy their way in. They got in on pure talent.
Draco: No one asked your opinion, you filthy little Mudblood!
Ron: You'll pay for that one Malfoy! Eat slugs!
[Ron 's jinx backfires, hitting him in his chest and knocking him several feet backwards. The Gryffindor team and Hermione run to his side]
Hermione: You okay, Ron? Say something!
[Ron opens his mouth and coughs up a huge slug and Colin Creevey begins snapping away with his camera]
Colin: Wow! Can you turn him around Harry?
Harry: No Colin! Get out of the way!
[he and Hermione assist Ron up]
Harry: Come on, let's take him to Hagrid's.
[Ron throws up another slug]
Harry: He'll know what to do.
[he, Hermione, and Ron run off to Hagrid's as Ron continues to throw up slugs. Malfoy looks at them, then back at his teammates, laughing]

[after being in the Dark Forest]
Harry: I think if he'd had the chance, he might've tried to kill me tonight.
Ron: And to think, I've been worrying about my potions final.

Harry: Are you all right? I heard Umbridge gave you a rough time the other day.
Cho: Yeah, I'm OK. Anyway, it's worth it. It's just... learning all this makes me wonder, if he'd known it...
Harry: Cedric *did* know this stuff. He was really good. It's just, Voldemort was better.
Cho: You're a really good teacher, Harry. I've never been able to stun anything before.
[Cho and Harry look up]
Cho: Mistletoe.
Harry: Probably full of Nargles, though.
Cho: What are Nargles?
Harry: I've no idea.
[they kiss]

Manny: We're gonna die. That's a thought. Everybody dies. I'm sorry if this makes me weird or you don't understand, but I wish I was dead again.

Manny: I just had a thought about a thought. How do you hide your thoughts, and why do we have to hide everything?

Abigail: Where's the treasure?
Loretta: She's holding him.

Sirius: I expect you're tired of hearing this, but you look so like your father. Except your eyes. You have...
Harry: My mother's eyes.
Sirius: It's cruel that I got to spend so much time with James and Lily, and you so little. But know this; the ones that love us never really leave us. And you can always find them in here.
[puts his hand to Harry's heart]

Bart: Say something so I know you're not hurt.
Diggs: I'm really hurt!
Bart: Phew!

Harry: But, Sir, I thought we weren't allowed to apparate on Hogwarts' grounds.
Albus: Well, being me... has its privileges.

Oliver: Scared, Harry?
Harry: A little.
Oliver: That's all right. I felt the same way before my first game.
Harry: What happened?
Oliver: I, uh, I don't really remember. I took a bludger to the head two minutes in. Woke up in hospital a week later.

Severus: [Snape has just walked in on Harry and Cormac. Harry attempts to run away] Not... so fast, Potter.
Harry: Sorry, sir, but I really should be getting back to the party. My date...
Severus: Can surely survive another minute without you. Besides, I only wish to convey a message.

Hermione: Harry? Is that you?
Harry: Yeah.
Hermione: How are you feeling? Ok? The key is to concentrate. After that, you just have to...
Harry: Battle a dragon.
Hermione: [gasps and starts hugging Harry. Then a camera flash breaks them apart]
Rita: Young love! How... stirring. If everything goes unfortunately today, you two may even make the front page!
Viktor: You have no business here! This tent is for champions, and friends.
Rita: No matter. We got what we wanted.

Mr. Ollivander: Curious... very curious...
Harry: Sorry, but what's curious?
Mr. Ollivander: I remember every wand I've ever sold, Mr. Potter. It so happens that the phoenix whose tailfeather resides in your wand gave another feather... just one other. It is curious that you should be destined for this wand when its brother gave you that scar.
Harry: And who owned that wand?
Mr. Ollivander: We do not speak his name! The wand chooses the wizard, Mr. Potter. It's not always clear why. But I think it is clear that we can expect great things from you. After all, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named did great things. Terrible! Yes. But great.

[Harry and Luna are the last two students to arrive at the school]
Professor: There you are! We've been looking everywhere for you two.
[looks at his register]
Professor: Now, names?
Harry: Professor Flitwick, you've known me for five years.
Professor: [awkwardly] No exceptions... Potter.

Hagrid: You're a wizard, Harry!
Harry: I'm a what?

Ron: Do you think we'll ever just have a quiet year at Hogwarts?
Hermione,14230: No.
Ron: Yeah, didn't think so. Oh well, what's life without a few dragons?
Hermione: Everything's going to change now, isn't it?
Harry: Yes.
Hermione: Promise you'll write this summer, both of you.
Ron: Oh, I won't. You know I won't.
Hermione: Harry will, won't you?
Harry: Yeah, every week.

Hermione: Harry! Are you alright? You must be freezing! Personally, I think you behaved admirably.
Harry: I finished last, Hermione.
Hermione: [kisses him on the top of the head] Next to last. Fleur never got past 'ze grindylows'!

Hank: Back in civilization, there's seven billion other living people on the planet just running around and blinking and breathing and eating, and you used to be one of them. You were probably just looking for happiness. That's what everyone does.
Hank: [turning up the corners of Manny's mouth] This is what you look like when you're happy.
Manny: Happy.
Hank: You look for someone who will make you happy - a friend, a girlfriend or a dog.
[arf arf]
Hank: Good boy.
Manny: Good boy.
Hank: Sometimes you might be lucky enough to bump into the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with - and that is love.

Luna: [about her father] We believe you, by the way. That He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is back, and you fought him, and the Ministry and the Prophet are conspiring against you and Dumbledore.
Harry: Thanks. Seems you're about the only ones that do.
Luna: I don't think that's true. But I suppose that's how he wants you to feel.
Harry: What do you mean?
Luna: Well if I were You-Know-Who, I'd want you to feel cut off from everyone else. Because if it's just you alone you're not as much of a threat.

Abigail: [while slow clapping and sarcastically urging his thugs to do likewise] Let's give a nice round of applause to Loretta! She earned it. A geriatric shut-in left you holding your dicks in the jungle.

Weird: You... you think you're going to stop me from playing? You'll see. One day I'm going to be the best... Well, perhaps not technically the best, but arguably the most famous accordion player in an extremely specific genre of music!

Harry: Incarcerous!
[Snape blocks the curse]
Harry: Fight back!, you coward! Fight back!
[Bellatrix shoots a curse at Harry]
Severus: No! He belongs to the Dark Lord!
Harry: Sectumsempra!
[Snape blocks the curse again, throwing Harry onto his back]
Severus: You dare use my own spells against me, Potter? Yes. I'm the Half Blood Prince.

Stan: What you doin' down there?
Harry: I fell over.
Stan: What you fell over for?
Harry: I didn't do it on purpose.
Stan: Well come on then! Let's not wait for the grass to grow!

Harry: How come you're not at the feast?
Luna: I've lost all my possessions. Apparently people have been hiding them.
Harry: That's awful!
Luna: Oh, it's all good fun. But as this is the last night, I really do need them back.
Harry: Do you want any help finding them?
Luna: I'm sorry about your godfather, Harry.
[clasps his hand comfortingly]
Harry: Are you sure you don't want any help looking?
Luna: That's all right. Anyway, my mum always said things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end.
[they look up and see a pair of her shoes hanging from the ceiling arch]
Luna: If not always in the way we expect.

Abigail: Are you trying to be sexy? This is very weird. Please stop.

[Professor McGonagall demonstrates a waltz with Ron as her partner]
Professor: One-two-three, one-two-three...
Harry: [aside] You're never gonna let him forget this, are you?
Fred,14239: [shaking their heads] Never.

Harry: [to the D.A. members] Working hard is important, but there's something that matters even more. Believing in yourself. Think of it this way: Every great wizard in history has started out as nothing more than we are now. Students. If they can do it, why not us?

Horace: [shocked] Harry!
Harry: [imitating Slughorn and hyper from the Felix potion] Sir!

Horace: Exactly how did you get out of the castle, Harry?
Harry: Through the front door sir.

Rufus: I won't pretend to be your friend, Mr. Potter. But I'm not your enemy.
Harry: Forgive me minister, but it's a little hard to tell the difference now-a-days.

Manny: Remember when you put that cork in my butt?
Hank: [sighs] Yeah.
Manny: Did that count as sex?
Hank: Manny, no.

Hermione: Um... Hi! You all know why we're here. We need a teacher. A proper teacher. One who's had real experience defending themselves against the Dark Arts.
Zacharias: Why?
Ron: Why. Because You-Know-Who's back, you tosspot.
Zacharias: [nods toward Harry] So he says.
Hermione: So Dumbledore says.
Zacharias: So Dumbledore says because he says! The point is, where's the proof?
Slightly: If Potter could tell us more about how Diggory got killed...
Harry: I'm not going to talk about Cedric, so if that's why you're here you might as well clear out now.
[aside to Hermione]
Harry: C'mon, Hermione, let's go. They're just here because they think I'm some sort of freak.
Hermione: Harry, wait!
Luna: Is it true you can produce a Patronus charm?
Hermione: Yes. I've seen it.
Dean: Blimey, Harry! I didn't know you could do that!
Neville: And he killed a basilisk, with the sword in Dumbledore's office.
Ginny: It's true.
Ron: Third year he fought off about a hundred dementors at once.
Hermione: And last year he really did fight off You-Know-Who in the flesh.
Harry: Wait... look, it all sounds *great* when you say it like that. But the truth is most of that was just luck. I didn't know what I was doing half the time, I nearly always had help...
Hermione: He's just being modest.
Harry: No, Hermione, I'm not! Facing this stuff in real life is not like school. In school, if you make a mistake you can just try again tomorrow. But out there, when you're a second away from being murdered or watching a friend die right before your eyes... you don't know what that's like.
Hermione: You're right, Harry, we don't. That's why we need your help. Because if we're having any chance against beating... Voldemort.
Nigel: He's really back?
[Harry nods]

Dr. Demento: I think Madonna's a bad influence on you. I think she's an evil, conniving succubus, and she's only using you for her pathetic and selfish needs.
Weird: What?
Dr. Demento: [to Madonna] No offense.

Harry: Did you know, sir? Then?
Albus: Did I know that I just met the most dangerous dark wizard of all time? No. If I had...
[he lets the sentence hang]

[last lines]
Hermione: Feels strange to be going home, doesn't it?
Harry: [looking at Hagrid] I'm not going home. Not really.

Harry: Egypt, huh? What's it like?
Ron: Brilliant! Loads of cool stuff. Mummies, tombs. Even Scabbers enjoyed himself.
Hermione: You know, the Egyptians used to worship cats.
Ron: Yeah, along with the dung beetle.

Hermione: How does it feel, Harry? When you see Dean with Ginny?
Harry: [slightly taken aback] Oh. Um...
Hermione: I know. I've seen the way you look at her. You're my best friend.
[Ron bursts in with Lavender, laughing, then sobers when he sees Hermione and Harry]
Lavender: Oops!... I think this room's taken.
[runs off]
Ron: [awkwardly] ... What's with the birds?
Hermione: [stands, glares at Ron] Oppugno!
[Hermione's flock of birds fly at Ron, who flees the room. Hermione sinks next to Harry and breaks down crying]
Harry: It feels like this.

[Harry has just successfully conjured a Patronus]
Professor: You know something, Harry? I think you would have given your father a run for his money, and THAT is saying something.
[beat]
Harry: I was thinking of him... and Mum. Seeing their faces. They were talking to me, just talking. That's the memory I chose. I don't even know if it's real. But it's the best I have.

Ron: [Harry and Ron arrive late to Transfiguration, relieved that Professor McGonagall isn't there yet] Whew, made it. Can you imagine the look on old McGonagall's face if we were late?
[the cat sitting at the head of the class suddenly transforms into her]
Ron: That was bloody brilliant!
Professor: Well, thank you for that assessment, Mr Weasley. Perhaps it would be more useful if I were to transfigure Mr Potter and yourself into a pocket watch? That way, one of you might be on time.
Harry: We got lost.
Professor: Then perhaps a map? I trust you don't need one to find your seats.

Hank: Hey, I didn't mean that. Hey, you talk however you want. You can mumble, look at your feet all day long, okay, buddy?
Manny: [suddenly Manny speaks] Okay, buddy.

Professor: [mocking Hagrid] 'Marvelous creatures, Dragons, aren't they'. Do you think that miserable oaf would've sent you into the woods if I hadn't suggested it? Do you think Cedric Diggory would've told you to open the egg underwater if I hadn't told him first myself? Do you think Neville Longbottom, the witless wonder, could've provided you with Gillyweed if I hadn't given him the book that led him straight to it? HUH?
[points at his head as if to say, "Use your brain"]
Harry: It was you from the beginning! You put my name into the Goblet of Fire! You bewitched Krum!
Professor: [mocking Harry] But... But... But... But...
[normal voice]
Professor: You won because I made it so, Potter! You ended up in that graveyard because it was meant to be so! And now the deed is done! The blood that runs in your veins runs within the Dark Lord! Imagine how he will reward me when he learns that I have once and for all silenced the great Harry Potter!

Cedric: For a moment there, I thought you were going to let it get me.
Harry: For a moment there, so did I!

Alastor: Potter, you're underage. Which means you still have the trace on you.
Harry: What's the trace?
Alastor: If you sneeze, the Ministry will know who wipes your nose. Point is we'll have to use those means of transport the trace can't detect. Brooms, thestrals, anf the like. We'll go in pairs, that way if anyones out there waiting for us, and I reckon there will be, they won't know which Harry Potter is the real one.
Harry: The real one?
Alastor: [Brings out Polyjuice potion] I believe you're familiar with this particular brew.
Harry: No, absolutely not.
Hermione: Told you he'd take it well.

Harry: Professor, why do the dementors affect me so? More than anyone else, I mean?
Professor: Listen, dementors are among the foulest creatures to walk this earth. They feed on every good feeling, every happy memory until a person is left with nothing but his worst experiences. The dementors affect you more than others because there are true horrors in your past, horrors your classmates can scarcely imagine. You are not weak, Harry. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
Harry: I'm scared, Professor.
Professor: Well, I'd consider you a fool if you weren't.

Severus: You're just like your father. Lazy, arrogant...
Harry: Don't say a word against my father!
Severus: Weak.
Harry: I'm not weak!
Severus: Then prove it! Control your emotions! Discipline your mind!

Manny: Boobs, vaginas and butts.

Hermione: [howls]
Harry: What are you doing?
Hermione: Saving your life!
Harry: Thanks!... Great, now he's coming at us!
Hermione: Yeah, didn't think about that... run!

Harry: Remember what Aragog said about that girl 50 years ago? She died in a bathroom. What if she never left?
Ron: Moaning Myrtle!

Luna: Hello, Harry! Oh, I've interrupted a deep thought, haven't I? I can see it growing smaller in your eyes.
Harry: No, of course not. How are you, Luna?
Luna: Very well. I was bitten by a garden gnome only moments ago.
Xenophilius: Gnome saliva is enormously beneficial! Xenophilius Lovegood.
[shakes hands with Harry]
Xenophilius: We live just over the hill!
Harry: Very nice to meet you, sir.
Xenophilius: I trust you to know, Mr. Potter, that we at the Quibbler, unlike those toadies at the Daily Prophet, fully supported Dumbledore during his lifetime, and his death support you as fully.
Luna: Come, Daddy. Harry doesn't wanna talk to us right now. He's just too polite to say so.

[Romilda Vane and Harry are staring at each other across the library]
Hermione: [snaps her fingers] Hey! She's only interested in you because she thinks you're the Chosen One.
Harry: But I am the Chosen One.
[Hermione smacks him on the head with the newspaper]
Harry: Sorry... kidding!

Hank: Let' have a party.
Manny: Yeah, let's invite everyone we know.

Manny: [getting a boner] Oh, God, I'm disgusting.
Hank: No-no. No-no-no. You're not disgusting.
Manny: No, my body is disgusting. It's horrible!

Professor: What was it like? What was he like?
Harry: Who?
Professor: The Dark Lord. What was it like to stand in his presence?
Harry: ...I dunno... It was like I'd fallen into one of my dreams. Into one of my nightmares.
Professor: Were there others? In the graveyard, were there others?
Harry: ...I don't think I said anything about a graveyard, Professor.

Hank: What's important is you remembering your life.
Manny: Okay. What is life?

[last lines]
Harry: I've been thinking about something Dumbledore said to me.
Hermione: What's that?
Harry: That even though we've got a fight ahead of us, we've got one thing that Voldemort doesn't have.
Ron: Yeah?
Harry: Something worth fighting for.

Harry: [after being Portkeyed away from the maze during the Third Task Harry suddenly realizes where they are] Cedric, we have to get back to the cup. NOW.
Cedric: What are you talking about?
Harry: [Flames burst beneath a huge stone cauldron as the door to a nearby house opens, revealing someone carrying a blanket-wrapped bundle. Harry drops to his knees, clutching his scar in agony] AAAAAGH!
Cedric: Harry, what is it?
Harry: Get back to the cup!
Cedric: [Cedric stands up, wand at the ready to defend both himself and Harry] Who are you? What do you want?
Voldemort: Kill the spare!
Peter: AVADA KEDAVRA!
Harry: NO! CEDRIC!
[Harry can only watch as Cedric is blasted off his feet and hits the ground behind him, dead]

Hermione: We didn't celebrate your birthday, Harry. Ginny and I... we'd prepared a cake. We were going to bring it out at the end of the wedding.
Harry: Hermione... I appreciate the thought, honestly. But given that we were almost killed by a couple of Death Eaters a few minutes ago...
[he lets the rest of the sentence remain in the air]
Hermione: Right. Perspective.

Harry: I didn't put my name in that cup! I don't want eternal glory, I just wanna be... look, I don't know what happened tonight and I don't know why. It just did.

Weird: So, would you like to see the rest of the house?
Madonna: There's only one room I'm interested in seeing.
Weird: Oh, I'm doing some work on the bathroom. But there's another one downstairs.
Madonna: Oh, I'm not talking about the bathroom.
Weird: Then let me show you to the laundry room.
Madonna: Al Yankovic, are you playing with me?
Weird: Yes?

Ron: [spellotaping his broken wand] Say it, I'm doomed.
Harry: You're doomed.

[Deleted scene; Harry finds Aunt Petunia standing alone in the empty living room]
Petunia: I have lived in this house for twenty years, and now in a single night, I'm expected to leave.
Harry: They'll torture you. If they think for a moment you know where I'm going, they'll stop at nothing.
Petunia: [pause] You think I don't know what they're capable of? You didn't just lose a mother that night in Godric's Hollow, you know. I lost a sister.
Petunia: [leaves]

[last lines]
Harry: I never noticed how beautiful this place is.

Rubeus: [talking about Aragog] I had him from an egg, you know? Tiny little thing he was when he hatched. No bigger than a Pekingese. A Pekingese, mind you!
Horace: How sweet! I once had a fish... Francis. He was very dear to me. One afternoon, I came downstairs and... it vanished. Poof.
Rubeus: That's very odd, isn't it?
Horace: Yes, doesn't it? But that's life! I suppose, you - you go along with and suddenly... poof.
Rubeus: Poof.
Harry: Poof.

Ron: If it kills by looking people in the eye, why is it no one's dead?
Harry: Because no one did look it in the eye. Not directly, at least. Colin saw it through his camera. Justin... Justin must've seen the basilisk through Nearly Headless Nick. Nick got the full blast of it, but he's a ghost; he couldn't die again. And Hermione... had the mirror! I bet you anything she was using it to look around corners in case it came along.
Ron: And Mrs. Norris? I'm pretty sure she didn't have a camera or a mirror, Harry.
Harry: The water. There was water on the floor that night. She only saw the basilisk's reflection.

[deleted scene]
Ron: [Neville comes hopping in, his legs apparently stuck together] Leg-Locker Curse?
Harry: Malfoy.
Ron: You have *got* to start standing up to people, Neville.
Neville: [wobbling uncontrollably] How? I can barely stand at all!
Seamus: [jumping up, wand at the ready] I'll do the counter-curse!
Neville: No, that's all I need... you to set my bloody kneecaps on fire!
Seamus: [slamming his wand down] I don't appreciate the insinuation, Longbottom. Besides, if anyone cares to notice, my eyebrows have completely grown back!
[stalks off angrily, showing a large chunk of hair missing from the back of his head]
Harry: I found him!
[hands Ron a Chocolate Frog card of Dumbledore]
Ron: 'Dumbledore is particularly famous for his defeat of the Dark Wizard Grindelwald in 1945-'
Harry: Go on.
Ron: '-for his discovery of the 12 uses of Dragon Blood, and his work on alchemy with his partner Nicolas Flamel!'
Harry: I knew the name sounded familiar, I read it on the train that day.
Hermione: [Beaming excitedly] Follow me!
[the Trio tears out of the Great Hall, leaving poor Neville still flailing around]
Neville: Hey, wait, where are you going? What about the counter-curse?
[Before he can say another word he topples over backwards, sparking a fresh round of laughter from the other students]

Manny: When I get back home, I'm gonna show Sarah how much I care about her every ingle day. Whenever she wants, she's thirty or whatever, she can drink my spit, and then she can ride my gas to wherever she wants to go.

Manny: Hey buddy!

Manny: What is Netflix?

[inspired by The Knack's song "My Sharona" while looking at a stack of bologna, Al gets an idea for a new parody song]
Weird: M-M-M-My bologna... M-M-M-My bologna...

Dumbledore: Well?
Harry: He's free. We did it.
Dumbledore: Did what? Good night.

Hermione: [Entering Godric's Hollow] I still think we should have used Polyjuice Potion.
Harry: No. This is where I was born. I'm not returning as someone else.

Neville: So how are we going to get to London?
Harry: Look, it's not that I don't appreciate everything you've done, all of you, but - but I've got you into enough trouble as it is.
[walks past everyone]
Neville: Dumbledore's Army's supposed to be about doing something real.
[Harry stops turns around to face them]
Neville: Or was all that just words to you?
Ron: ...Maybe you don't have to do this all by yourself, mate.
Harry: ...So how are we going to get to London?
Luna: We fly, of course.

Ron: [mimicking Hermione] "It's Levi-OOOOH-sa not LevioSAR." She's a nightmare, honestly. It's no wonder she hasn't got any friends!
[Hermione comes up from behind them and pushes past Ron, in tears]
Harry: I think she heard you.

Harry: [for Quidditch tryouts] Okay, so this morning I'm going to be putting you all though a few drills, just to set things straight.
[everyone is talking]
Harry: Quiet, please.
[everybody's still taking]
Ginny: [shouts] Shut it!
[everyone is silent]
Harry: Thanks.

Weird: You're all just a bunch of normals. I am the Weird one! I am the weird one!

Harry: Good of you to get us out of trouble like that.
Ron: Mind you, we did save her life!
Harry: Mind you, she might not have needed saving if you hadn't insulted her.

Harry: First we've got to find a place to practice where Umbridge won't find out.
Ginny: The Shrieking Shack?
Harry: It's too small.
Hermione: The Forbidden Forest?
Ron: Not bloody likely!
Ginny: Harry, what happens if Umbridge does find out?
Hermione: Who cares? I mean, it's sort of exciting, isn't it, breaking the rules.
Ron: Who are you and what have you done with Hermione Granger?
Hermione: Anyway, at least we know one positive thing that came from today.
Harry: What's that?
Hermione: Cho couldn't take her eyes off you, could she?

Loretta: Well, I'm getting off your plane! Unchain me!
Abigail: That's your seatbelt.

Horace: I would have thought an expert potion-maker like yourself could whip up an antidote for a love potion in no time, Harry?
Harry: Well, sir, I think this called for a more practiced hand.
Ron: [throws his arms around Slughorn] Hello, darling. Fancy a drink?
Horace: Perhaps you're right.

Harry: Professor, can I ask you something?
Professor: You want to know why I stopped you facing that boggart, yes? I would have thought that would be obvious - I assumed it would take the shape of Lord Voldemort.
Harry: I did think of Voldemort - at first. But then I remembered that night on the train... and the dementor...
Professor: I'm very impressed. That suggests that what you fear most of all... is fear itself. This is very wise.

[Harry gulps down the Felix Felicis]
Hermione: How do you feel?
Harry: Excellent... really excellent!
Hermione: Remember, Slughorn usually eats early, takes a walk, and then returns to his office.
Harry: Right. I'm going down to Hagrid's.
Hermione: What? No! Harry, you've got to go speak to Slughorn! We have a plan.
Harry: I know, but I've got a really good feeling about Hagrid's. I feel like it's the place to be tonight. Do you know what I mean?
Hermione: No.
Harry: Trust me! I know what I'm doing, or Felix does.
[walks past two people]
Harry: Hi!

Dumbledore: Harry, do you know why Professor Quirrell couldn't bear to have you touch him?
[Harry shakes his head]
Dumbledore: It was because of your mother. She sacrificed herself for you, and that kind of act leaves a mark.
[Harry reaches up to touch his scar]
Dumbledore: No, no. This kind of mark cannot be seen. It lives in your very skin.
Harry: What is it?
Dumbledore: Love, Harry. Love.

Abigail: I need you to do better.
Loretta: Then next time maybe don't kidnap a romance novelist, hmm?