Top 30 Quotes From Kelly Bailey

[to Simon]
Nathan: How did it all go right for you, huh? You ended up with a cool flat, beautiful girlfriend.
Kelly: I think it's dead romantic, I do.
[Simon smiles]
Nathan: I think I liked it better when you suffered from a crippling shyness.

Kelly: Do I look like I'm some kind of fookin' knob? Do I?

Kelly: I was a horrible chav. I didn't like who I was.
Nathan: I did... I can't believe I'm going to say this... I liked your attitude. I liked how you look, the way you scraped your hair back so that sometimes you looked a bit oriental. It worked for me. And your jewellery! You know, Argos has a bad press. Who says you can't buy an engagement ring and a George Foreman grill at the same time? Your make-up! This is probably better actually. Look, what I'm trying to say here is that it should have been a complete car crash, but it wasn't. It had attitude! Like you; it was you. And now you're not... you. I have never... should have left you back there. I shouldn't have left you, I'm sorry.
[He kisses her on the cheek]
Kelly: Kelly: That was really inappropriate.

Sally: So, do you think that you have learned anything?
Curtis: Yeah. Don't get caught.
Sally: Fine... how do you think you have changed?
Nathan: I think I'm taller.
Kelly: They graffiti, and we clean it up. They graffiti, and we clean it up. They graffiti, and we clean it up. What is that about?

Nathan: Yeah, so my mum opens the door and she's like 'ahhhhh!' And I'm like 'I'm immortal!', and then she fainted, face plants on the radiator. There's blood and teeth everywhere.
Kelly: Is she all right?
Nathan: Yeah, she's fine. Apart from the whole... face.
Curtis: How did you tell it to your dad?
Nathan: I told him I faked my death as part of an elaborate life insurance scam. He was not a happy man.

Tim: Is it true?
Simon: Is what true?
Tim: You know what I'm talking about.
[Curtis and Nathan exchange puzzled glances]
Tim: Don't play games with me, Conti.
Kelly: [angrily] Awww, he talks this bollocks all the time!
Tim: Fat Tony says you got an undercover cop in your organization.
Nathan: See, that's why I don't play computer games, cause they never bloody end!

Kelly: [in thick East Midlands accent] Ehm, wot makes ya thin' that yer better than ozz?
Nathan: What is *that* accent?
Alisha: Is that for real?
Kelly: Wot, you tryin' to say soomfin 'ou' it, then, yah?
Nathan: It's a -- are you -- that's just a noise! Are we supposed to be able to understand her?

Kelly: So if you're not dead, how come you smell so bad?
Nathan: I appear to have shat myself.

Kelly: It's not Jesus, it's some dickhead with a few superpowers.

Nathan: Why'd you think I was always so mean to him?
Kelly: 'Cause you're a wanker.

Kelly: Is that a sock? Ugh, it's crusty!
Nathan: Ahh, don't put it on my pizza!
Kelly: Why are you sleeping with a crusty sock in your bed?
Nathan: All right, yes. It's my wank sock.
Kelly: Oh no. Use some tissue!
Nathan: Ah, that requires planning, man, who's that organised?
Kelly: Oh, don't use a sock.
Nathan: Look, you've just knocked one out right? Poom-byo! You're lying there, you're feeling cheap and deflated, there's a pool of rapidly cooling spunk on your stomach. You're looking for something to mop up with. Oh hello, what's this? It's a sock. Job done, thank you.
Kelly: Maybe that's your power!
Nathan: I am very good at it!

Nathan: Come on Barry, you're good at this sort of stuff. Think of something.
Simon: Who's Barry?
Nathan: ...You are.
Kelly: His name is Simon.
Nathan: Is it? I thought it was Barry. Sorry mate.

Curtis: It's a wind-up. Who uses a paper aeroplane?
Kelly: Well, whoever it is, they're going to get a slap.
Simon: I - I don't think you should slap them.
Curtis: To her, that's like saying hello.
Kelly: Are you trying to say something, yeah?
Curtis: No...

Kelly: What did you do?
Nathan: Me? I was done for eating some pick n' mix.

Nathan: You alright?
Kelly: What?
Nathan: You're usually a whole lot gobbier than this.
Kelly: No, I'm not.
Nathan: Come on, you haven't punched me in a few hours. I'm worried about you.

Kelly: Why don't you come round my house, and I'll cook you dinner?
Nathan: What are you cooking?
Kelly: Chicken nuggets.
Nathan: Oh, I didn't realise you were a trained chef.

Kelly: So if you're not dead, how come you smell so bad?
Nathan: I appear to have shat myself.

Kelly: [in thick East Midlands accent] Ehm, wot makes ya thin' that yer better than ozz?
Nathan: What is *that* accent?
Curtis: Is that for real?
Kelly: Wot, you tryin' to say soomfin 'ou' it, then, yah?
Nathan: It's a - are you - that's just a noise! Are we supposed to be able to understand her?

Kelly: What about your friends?
Nathan: I believe that's generally referred to as a pedophile ring
Simon: I'm not a pedophile
Nathan: Oh yeah? You'd screw your own sister for a slice of cheese
Simon: I don't even like cheese
Nathan: That makes it even worse, you sick bastard

Nathan: I'm universally popular and well-liked. Why would anyone want to kill me?
Curtis: I can think of a few reasons.
Kelly: Shitloads.
Simon: You annoy people.

Curtis: One of your followers killed my girlfriend.
Simon: You're exploiting the vulnerable.
Kelly: You're taking money off people.
Alisha: Sexually assaulting girls
Elliot: Hey, that's the Catholic church for you.
Nathan: Hey, he's got a point. When I was growing up in Ireland, if the priests weren't fiddling with you, you were one of the ugly kids.

Alisha: Why do we always have to get involved? Can't we just do normal stuff that normal people do, like... go for brunch?
Kelly: What the fuck is brunch?

Nathan: I mean, I was there, right? I should have one of these bullshit powers.
Kelly: You can have mine. Wanna hear what people are thinking about you?
Nathan: Not so much, no. I want something good, you know, something from the A-list.

Kelly: Is this a wind up? Is this you?
Nathan: If I was trying to wind you up, I think I'd be a little more creative. "I know what film you saw last summer". If I wanted to freak you out, I would've dug up the body and stuck that in your locker.

Rudy: What are you doing?
Kelly: Design a new propulsion system.
Rudy: Why?
Kelly: Because I'm a fucking rocket scientist!

Nathan: [Discussing a plan for dealing with the Virtue group] Come on, Barry, you're good at this stuff. Think of something.
Simon: Who's Barry?
Nathan: You are.
Kelly: His name is Simon.
Nathan: Is it? I thought it was Barry.

Nathan: [thinks] He completes me.
Kelly: Er, that's from Jerry Maguire.
Nathan: I know. I watched it four times last night. It's like he's Tom, and I'm Renee, and somebody else is that weird speccy kid.

Kelly: What if there's loads of people like us all over town?
Nathan: No, that kind of thing only happens in America. This will fade away. I'm telling you, by this time next week, it'll be back to the same old boring shit.

Nathan: See it must be physically impossible. Cause if men could suck themselves off, then the female of the species would be surplus to requirements.
Kelly: This is why people kill you.

Alisha: Are you actually saying we saved the world?
Simon: We saved the world.
Kelly: That is proper superhero shit.