The Best Shaun Quotes

Shaun: So, this is goodbye, so long, and fuck off.

Simon: We could rob a bank.
Nathan: Yeah, OK. Let's rob a bank.
Shaun: What's that?
Nathan: Nothing.
Shaun: Really? That's funny, innit? Because to me it sounded like you were planning on robbing a bank.
Nathan: No, no, no. I said "Let's have a big wank". Communal masturbation. The old circle jerk.

Shaun: Something you want to tell me?
Nathan: If it's about the booze missing from the kitchen, I know nothing about that!
Shaun: It's about you disappearing to the pub yesterday.
Nathan: Oh, that.
Shaun: Yeah.
Nathan: Forget the booze, then.

Shaun: They told me you were dead.
Nathan: Really?
[checks his pulse]
Nathan: Apparently not. Could a dead man do this?
[dances, hits his head on his locker]
Shaun: Well, I'll put you back in the system.
Nathan: What? I was out of the system? I was a free man? If I didn't show up, no one would've come looking for me?
Shaun: [shrugs] We thought you were dead.

Shaun: I know women. I know what they're like.
Nathan: Is that because you used to be one?