The Best Agatha Christie Quotes

Agatha: Can we return to sanity? There are no such things as giant wasps!
The: Exactly! So the question is: what's it doing here?

Agatha: You make a rather unusual couple.
The: [together] Oh, no no no no, we're not married.
Donna: [together] Yeah, we're not a couple.
Agatha: Well, obviously not. No wedding ring.
[Donna and the Doctor exchange admiring glances]
The: Oh, oh! You don't miss a trick.

The: No. Something's inhibiting my enzymes.
[convulses]
The: Gah! I've been poisoned!
Donna: What do we do? What do we do?
Agatha: [smells the Doctor's drink] Bitter almonds. It's cyanide! Sparkling cyanide!

Donna: Next thing you know, you're gonna be telling me it's like 'Murder on the Orient Express', and they all did it.
Agatha: 'Murder on the Orient Express'?
Donna: Oh, yeah. One of your best.
The: But not yet.
Agatha: Marvelous idea, though.
Donna: Yeah. Tell you what. Copyright: Donna Noble. Okay?
The: Anyway...

The: Yeah, I remember... I was deep in the Ardennes, trying to find Charlemagne. He had been kidnapped by an insane computer.
Agatha: Charlemagne lived centuries ago!
The: I've got a very good memory.

[the Doctor makes muffled noises while making a shaking motion]
Donna: I can't understand you! How many words?
[the Doctor holds up one finger]
Donna: One! One word! Shake, milk-shake, milk! Milk! No? Not milk! Um, shake, shake, shake! Cocktail shake! What, d'you want a Harvey Wallbanger?
The: Harvey Wallbanger?
Donna: Well, I don't know!
The: How is Harvey Wallbanger one word?
Agatha: What do you need Doctor?
The: Salt! I was miming salt! I need salt! I need something salty!
[Donna grabs a bag from the counter]
Donna: What about this?
The: What is it?
Donna: Salt!
The: That's too salty!
Donna: Oh, that's too salty!
Agatha: What about this?
[Agatha hands the Doctor a jar and he upends it, eating the food]
Donna: What's that?
Agatha: Anchovies.

Agatha: Death comes as the end and justice is served.
The: 'Murder at the Vicar's Rage'.
[pause]
The: Needs a bit of work.

Agatha: [referring to the Doctor] Detective, you missed a very big clue.
The: What? That bit of paper you nicked out of the fire?
Agatha: You were looking the other way!
The: Yeah, but I saw your reflection in the glass of the bookcase.
Agatha: [smiling] You crafty man!

Agatha: [upon meeting one another] Agatha Christie.
Donna: What about her?
Agatha: That's me.

The: Turns out we are in the middle of a murder mystery. One of yours, Dame Agatha.
Agatha: Dame?
The: Oh. Sorry, not yet.

Donna: [to the Doctor] What is it? What else?
[the Doctor jolts his hands out, miming a shock]
Donna: Um, it's a song! 'Mammy'? Um, I don't know! 'Camptown Races'?
The: 'Camptown Races'?
Donna: Well! All right, then! 'Towering Inferno'!
The: It's a shock! Look, shock!
[he mimes again]
The: I need a shock!
Donna: Right, then. Big shock. Coming up.
[Donna grabs the Doctor and plants a full-frontal kiss on him. The Doctor staggers away, lifts his face up to the ceiling and releases a cloud of poisons from his body]
The: [gasps] Detox. Oh! I must do that more often.
[looks at Donna apprehensively]
The: I mean, the, the detox.
Agatha: Doctor. You are... impossible!
[the Doctor winks]
Agatha: Who are you?

Donna: D'you know what I think? Those books of yours, one day they could turn them into films. They could be talking pictures.
Agatha: Talking pictures? Pictures that... talk? What do you mean?
Donna: Oh. Blimey, I've done it again.

Agatha: The stories are true. I found my husband with another woman. A younger, prettier woman. Isn't it always the way?
Donna: Well, mine was with a giant spider, but... same difference.
Agatha: [laughs] You and the Doctor talk such wonderful nonsense!

The: A giant wasp! Well, there are tons of emorphorous insectivorous lifeforms, but none in this galactic sector.
Agatha: I think I understood some of those words... enough to know that you're completely potty!

[the Doctor grabs the ginger beer from the shelf, drinks some of it, and pours the rest over his head]
Agatha: I'm an expert in poisons! Doctor! There's no cure! It's fatal!
[the Doctor spits out the ginger beer]
The: Not for me! I can stimulate the inhibited enzymes into reversal! Protein! I need protein!
[the Doctor breathes heavily while Donna runs to the counter]
Donna: Walnuts!
The: Brilliant!
[the Doctor upends the walnut jar and chews furiously]

Donna: There is a giant wasp!
The: What do you mean a giant wasp?
Donna: I mean a wasp, that's giant!
Agatha: It's only a silly little insect.
Donna: When I say giant, I don't mean big, I mean flipping enormous! Look at its sting.

Donna: Come on, Agatha! What would Miss Marple do? She'd have overheard something vital by now because the murderer thinks she'd just a harmless old lady.
Agatha: Clever idea! Miss Marple... Who writes those?
Donna: Um... Copyright Donna Noble, add it to the list.