The Best Chris Keller Quotes

Chris: Haley can sleep in my bed... although you're looking a little plump Hails...
[Brooke, Peyton and Haley glare at him]
Chris: ... Tch... what the hell, I've had bigger chunk in my bunk.
[Chris grins at Nathan]
Haley: [almost Crying] I'm pregnant you idiot.
Chris: [grin fades] Oh...
[looks to Nathan and puts his hands up]
Chris: Dude totally not mine.
[Brooke and Peyton glare at Chris]

Skills: [to Chris] Shut up!
[to Police Officer]
Skills: Excuse me sir we're looking about a friend of ours. Kind of a goofy looking kid. Big lips, spiky hair.
Chris: Needs ass.
Police: Marvin McFadden.
Chris: Damn! Our guys name is Mouth!

Lucas: That doesn't change the fact that we haven't seen a single car pass by since we've stopped.
Brooke: Uh...
Lucas: Until now.
[sees the bus coming]
Nathan: That's a bus.
Brooke: No, that's a tour bus.
Peyton: Oh, please be The Foo Fighters!
Skills: Please be Kanye!
Chris: [gets off the bus] Well, well.
Haley: Stupid Elvis Sandwhich!

Chris: Let's see here:
[looks at Brooke]
Chris: slept with you,
[looks at Haley]
Chris: kissed you,
[looks at Peyton]
Chris: got slapped by you! Just like any other night on Chris Keller's tour bus.

Chris: Chris Keller's work here is done.

Chris: [Chris is about to sing the national anthem] This goes out to all your girlfriends, You know who you are.
Lucas: I hate that guy.

Chris: Chris Keller's too pretty to go to prison.
Julian: Yeah, that's what I said.
Chris: You said Chris Keller was pretty?

Chris: What, you here to kick my ass because I slept with Brooke?
Nathan: You slept with Brooke?
Chris: Why else would you be here?
Nathan: I came to pay for Haley's studio time. You slept with Brooke?

Chris: [Nathan punches Chris - again] Ah! Stop hitting me!
Nathan: Stop kissing my wife!
Chris: I'll stop when you start!

Chris: Chris Keller's work here is done.

Chris: Well, this is gonna cost you. I mean we've got studio space, first class accommodations, my time - which is worth a lot - and I'm kinda diggin' that watch.
Nathan: Don't screw with me, Keller.
Chris: All right, tell you what. Give me the rest of this sandwich and I'm in.

Dan: You sure you thought this thing through, Keller?
Chris: What's that supposed to mean?
Dan: You say you want to help Haley. You have a thing for her. You have since high school.
Chris: So?
Dan: So from where I stand, this is a lose-lose for you. If you don't bring Nathan back, you've failed her. If you do, you lose her anyway. Once Nathan comes home, you're out of the picture.
Chris: So are you... Yeah, Haley told me all about it. Once Nathan comes back, you lose your family. So from where I'm standing, it's worse for you. Because I lose what I never had... But you had it. Your son, your grandkids. All of it... But here we are.

Chris: Come with me to New York.
Haley: What? In case you missed something: I'm married.
Chris: So, you made a mistake. Are you gonna let that keep you from the rest of your life?
Haley: I did not make a mistake.

Lucas: I don't see why you get off by screwing things up!
Chris: How? By having sex with Haley?
[Lucas looks shocked]
Chris: Because we haven't done that.

Chris: [Nathan punches Chris - again] Ah! Stop hitting me!
Nathan: Stop kissing my wife!
Chris: I'll stop when you start!

Marvin: [voiceover] Make a wish and place it in your heart. Anything you want. Everything you want.
Millicent: [voiceover] Do you have it? Good. Now believe it can come true.
Quinn: [voiceover] You never know where the next miracles gonna come from.
Clay: [voiceover] The next memory. The next smile. The next wish come true.
Chase: [voiceover] But if you believe that it's right around the corner...
Chris: [voiceover] and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it...
Antwon: [voiceover] You just might get the thing you're wishing for.

Nathan: You kissed my wife, you lost all my money, you lied to me about a poker game and you got me attacked by a munchkin and a transvestite...
Chris: Whoah, whoah, whoah... you think Emmanuelle's a dude?
Nathan: E-MAN-uelle has an adam's apple!

Chris: [playing guitar as Brooke walks by his hotel room] Lucas and Haley aren't back yet, but you can come on into the devil's lair, put down your things, have sex with Chris Keller... whatever.