The Best Edward Andrews Quotes

Professor Hubert St. John: Fortunately, most of the natives we met in the interior of Brazil were friendly. Still, whenever I was invited to dinner, I never knew if I was the guest or the entrée.

[ring-ring, no one answers the phone...]
Jake: [as he hangs up] Ahh, eat me.
Howard: Who was it? Well what did they want?
Dorothy: [shocked] Sex.

Jake: Yes, hello, sir, um...
Howard: Are you the little bugger that's been calling up here all night and then hanging up?
Jake: Would it be possible for you to tell me if there is a Samantha Baker there, and if so, sir, may I converse with her briefly?
Howard: Yes it is, and NO you may not.
Jake: Might I leave a message, sir?
Howard: [to Grandma Baker] He wants to leave a message for Sam.

Howard: Dong. Where is my automobile?
Long: Oto-mo-biiile?
[laughing]
Long: [Imitating race car. Imitating crash] Lake. Big Lake.
Dorothy: Why, you little scuzzbag!
[She kicks Dong in the groin]

Grandpa: Hey Howard, there's your Chinaman.
Howard: Thanks, Fred.

Commodore: Who are you? His nurse?
Elly: No sir. I'm Jethro's yes-girl. No matter what he says, I got to say "Yes" to it.
Commodore: [Watching Elly May walk away] Maybe the kid isn't as dumb as he acts.

Randy: [talking on the phone with Samantha] I was going to tell you something, but, maybe I shouldn't. It's pretty bad.
Samantha: You may as well. Nothing could shock me anymore.
Randy: Last night at the dance, my little brother paid a buck to see your underwear.
Samantha: [screams] Aaaaaaaahhh!
Howard: [Her grandparents downstairs are startled by the scream] Geez! I hate that rock 'n' roll rubbish!
Grandpa: Well, I'm afraid it's here to stay, Howie.

Harry: Excuse me, are you going to re-stage this?
Jethro: [to Elly May] Am I gonna re-stage this?
Elly: Yes J. B.
Commodore: Are you out of your mind?
Jethro: [to Elly May] Am I outta my mind?
Elly: Yes J. B.

[on the phone with the police]
Howard: What was he wearing? Well, uh, let's see, he was wearing a red argyle sweater, and tan trousers, and red shoes... Hmm? No, he's not retarded.