The Best Randy Quotes

Randy: [talking on the phone with Samantha] I was going to tell you something, but, maybe I shouldn't. It's pretty bad.
Samantha: You may as well. Nothing could shock me anymore.
Randy: Last night at the dance, my little brother paid a buck to see your underwear.
Samantha: [screams] Aaaaaaaahhh!
Howard: [Her grandparents downstairs are startled by the scream] Geez! I hate that rock 'n' roll rubbish!
Grandpa: Well, I'm afraid it's here to stay, Howie.

Samantha: When you don't have anything, you don't have anything to lose. Right?
Randy: That's a cheerful thought.

Randy: [Samantha has filled out an "anonymous" sex quiz naming her crush, which has fallen into unknown hands] Jake Ryan? He doesn't even know you exist.
Samantha: Thank you, that's a very nice thing to say.
Randy: I'm sorry, but Jake Ryan? He's a senior, and he's taken. I mean, really taken.
Samantha: I know. He's supposed to be my ideal.
Randy: He's ideal for sure, but, forget it.
Samantha: God, I hope whoever got the note doesn't know it was me who wrote it. I'd shit twice and die.

Randy: Would you stop feeling sorry for yourself? It's bad for your complexion.