The Best Joseph Carver Quotes

Joseph: Whatever you think I've done, it's a million times worse. I can eliminate anyone, anywhere. And that includes you... or your lovely companion, Ms. Horton. Even that precious little baby of yours.
[Joe slugs him]

Joseph: When my private security said I had a guest, the last person I expected to see was Captain Joe West. I suppose you're here on urgent police business.
Joe: Personal. You made it that way when you tried to kill me. Twice.
Joseph: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Joe: Peter Merkel, Rag Doll; last he was seen was breaking into McCulloch Technologies. That was about a year ago.
Joseph: Yes. We have had a number of security issues lately, as I'm sure you're aware.
Joe: Yeah, the strange thing is the CCPD never apprehended him. He just vanished. Until today. Do you know anything about that?
Joseph: Sounds like you've crafted some very interesting narratives about me, Captain West.
Joe: Hmm.
Joseph: It even sounds like you're saying I hired someone to pop out of a box to assassinate you.
Joe: I didn't say that Rag Doll popped out of a box.
Joseph: [snapping] Damn. And I was doing so well. You've been a pain in the ass, Captain. And you've taken up far too much of my time. So, I'm gonna make you a one-time-only offer. I will call off Merkel, and all you have to do is walk out that door and leave me alone forever.
Joe: I'll make a counter-offer.
[taking out his phone, revealing he's been recording the conversation]
Joe: You spend 80 years in Iron Heights for attempting to assassinate a precinct captain.
Joseph: Technology is a fickle mistress.
[as he presses a pair of buttons on his watch, the lights flicker and the recording is erased]
Joseph: A localized EMP pulse. And one of the advantages of owning the most advanced technological institution in the world.

Eva: Hello, Joseph. You're a hard man to get a hold of.
Joseph: That's on purpose.
[about to smash the mirror]
Eva: Wait. I just have one little thing I need from you... an apology.
Joseph: Seriously? That's what this is about?
Eva: I wanted to help the world. Now you're destroying it.
Joseph: I am keeping it safe.
Eva: You let me rot in here while you took everything I created. I had a vision for humankind.
Joseph: So did I! And now I'm making it a reality.
Eva: This is your last chance, Joseph.
Joseph: Threats are for real people, Eva, not phantoms, because that's what you are. And me... Darling... I'm untouchable. Literally.
[smashes the mirror]

Joseph: I need your help after all, Allen. Federal protection. The full Joe West treatment.
Allegra: What happened to your killer minions?
Barry: [seeing his face] Eva got to them first, didn't she?
Joseph: You gonna help me or not?
[Nash scoffs]
Joseph: Look, get me into protection, and Joe can get out of it. One call from me and he's sleeping in his own bed tonight.
Ralph: [scoffing, too] You're a real piece of work. You know that?
Joseph: That sounded like a "yes" to me.

Barry: A.R.G.U.S. will be here in an hour to take you into custody.
[seeing the large mirror on the wall]
Barry: Wait, this isn't safe.
Joseph: Relax. After I saw what happened to your wife, I had it coated with protective nanites.
Barry: I thought Palmer Tech and McColloch were rivals.
Joseph: Let's just say what Palmer Tech doesn't know won't hurt them.

Allegra: I'm glad Carver turned you down. After what he did to my cousin, Joe, Iris, he... he deserves what he gets.
Barry: He doesn't deserve to die. What if he's telling the truth about the Mirrorverse affecting minds?
Ralph: Or he's lying. He's not exactly the paragon of truth.
Harrison: I don't think he's lying. I think it could be neural dissonance. I came across this Earth on my travels where any visitor to that Earth immediately suffers a traumatic psychological state. Neural dissonance. This could be that.
Joseph: [entering] I'm glad someone believes me.

Allegra: [conversing in Spanish] Esperanza, we thought Eva got to you guys.
Ultraviolet: No. She gave us a choice.
Dr. Light: [in English] Something Carver never did.
Sunshine: We're no longer under his thumb. Neither is Eva.
Joseph: Whatever she is paying you, I will double it.
Dr. Light: This isn't about a paycheck.
Sunshine: It's about payback.

Joseph: I knew Eva was ambitious, but... mirror duplicates.
Barry: Eva's more powerful than you thought.
Allegra: I don't get it. Why doesn't she just come after you herself?
Ralph: Well, Eva's still technically missing, so she can't be seen in public.
Barry: That's why she took Singh. The chief of police could get close to you.
Joseph: Fortunately, Mr. Wells teleported us to safety.
Harrison: You're welcome.
Joseph: What is that device? And how much do you want for it?
Allegra: It's not for sale, dirtbag.
Joseph: [laughing] Oh, please. Everyone has a price.
Ralph: Hey, listen. We just saved your keister. So why don't you put a sock in it 'til we can figure out what to do with you?

Joseph: Sunshine keeping quiet?
Maurice: Our sources confirms she hasn't said a word since her arrest yesterday. But Captain West won't stop making noise. He is obsessed with connecting you to Sunshine, Ultraviolet, and Dr. Light.
Joseph: That won't matter much longer.

Eva: What don't you understand? He's not worth saving!
The: Maybe... But it's not your decision.
Eva: Oh, yes, it is.
[forces a mirror shard through Flash's shoulder and it pierces Joseph in his chest]
Eva: My husband... let me rot in that world for years! He does not get to live in this one.
Joseph: You're not my wife. My wife died in the particle accelerator explosion.
Eva: Well... I've never felt more alive.
Joseph: You're not... even... human.

Joseph: [to Barry] You're not here to slap me, are you? Captain West went for the left side. How is he, by the way?

Barry: Look, there's no easy way to say this, so... your wife wants to kill you. But CCPD can't keep you safe.
Joseph: My wife is dead.
Barry: Eva's been trapped in another dimension for the last six years. Placed called the Mirrorverse. But you already knew that.
Joseph: If Eva did escape that wretched place, I'd know. This is about your wife, isn't it? I came across this footage from my wife's office a couple of weeks ago.
[showing Barry his tablet]
Joseph: Ooh.
Barry: You knew Iris was abducted?
Joseph: Your wife was a problem. Her disappearance was fortuitous.
Barry: What happened to my wife?
Joseph: The same thing that happened to my Eva. She's gone. They both are.
Barry: No. There has to be a way to get her back.
Joseph: I used to think that, too. But if Iris is still alive in there, there's probably nothing left of her to save. I had the most brilliant minds in the world study that... Mirrorverse. You know what they found? It's incompatible with the human brain. That place warps the mind until the person is no longer recognizable. Your Iris is long gone. I suggest you accept that and move on.

Joseph: How do you know Eva's coming after me?
Barry: Who else would've burnt down your warehouse? 42nd and Darby, right?
Joseph: I'd never buy on that side of town. And I don't need protecting.
Barry: Mm.
Joseph: Give Captain West my best.