The Best Miss Foster Quotes

[mouthing words silently and exaggeratedly]
The: Donna?
Donna: Doc-tor!
The: Wh - what - w - what?
Donna: Oh! My! *God*!
The: How?
Donna: [pointing at her face with both hands] It's me!
The: [nodding, gesturing to eyes, then Donna] Yeah, I can see that.
Donna: [pointing to where she's standing, then two thumbs up] Oh, this... is... *brilliant*!
The: [pointing thrice at Donna] W - wha - what the hell are *you* *doing* *there*?
Donna: [pointing to eyes, then at The Doctor] I... was looking... for... you!
The: [points at self questioningly] What for?
Donna: [miming reading the paper] Read it...
Donna: [typing fingers in the air] ... on the Internet...
Donna: [wiggling fingers around mouth] ... so weird...
Donna: [walking fingers] ... crept along...
Donna: [thumb into room, hand-as-mouth] ... heard them talking...
Donna: [ducks down, comes back up, points] ... looked, ah! *You*!
The: [imperceptibly nods]
Donna: [thumbs back at Miss Foster, looks, freezes] Th...
[Miss Foster has stopped talking and is staring at Donna. Miss Foster turns and looks right at The Doctor. The Doctor turns to see Miss Foster]
Miss: [aloud] Are we interrupting you?

Penny: I've been through the records, Foster, and all of your results have been faked - there's something about those pills you're not telling us!
Miss: Oh I think I'll be conducting this interview, Penny.

Miss: [at a press conference about the ADIPOSE pills] ADIPOSE Industries, the 21st Century way to lose weight. No exercise, no diet, no pain. Just lifelong freedom from fat, the Holy Grail of the modern age.
[holds up one of the pills in her fingers]
Miss: And here it is. You just take one capsule, one capsule once a day for three weeks, and the fat, as they say...
Presentation: The fat just walks away!
Penny: Excuse me, Miss Foster? If I could? I'm Penny Carter, science correspondant for the Observer. There are a thousand diet pills on the market, a thousand condiments with which to lose money. How do we know that the fat isn't going straight into your bank account?
Miss: Oh, Penny. If cynicism burnt up calories, we'd all be a cynic race. But if you want the science...
[takes off her glasses]
Miss: ... I'd oblige.

[after spending all day hiding in a toilet stall, Donna emerges, but then gets a call from her mother, and hides back in the stall]
Donna: Not now!
Sylvia: I need the car. Where are you?
Donna: [improvising, and whispering] The car went missing!
Sylvia: Why are you whispering?
Donna: I'm in church.
Sylvia: What would you do in church?
Donna: I'm praying.
Sylvia: [scoffs] A bit late for that, I imagine.
Wilfred: What's she in church for?
Sylvia: Hush, you! Go up the hill.
[to Donna]
Sylvia: Well, I need the car. I'm going out with Suzette Chambers. She's asked all the Wednesday girls. Apparently she's been on those ADIPOSE pills. She says she looks marvelous.
[Donna hangs up because Miss Foster and her bodyguards have burst into the bathroom and are looking for her]
Miss: We know you're in here. So let's make this nice and easy and show yourself.
[Donna puts her feet up to hide herself]
Miss: I'm waiting. I warn you, I'm not a patient woman, so out you come!
[nothing]
Miss: Right, we'll do it the hard way.
[to her bodyguards]
Miss: Get her!
1st: [kicks open each stall's door. He does this four times. On the fifth door, he bursts down the door to reveal Penny Carter]
Miss: [lowers her glasses] There you are.
[takes Penny into custody]
Penny: I've been through the records, Foster, and all of your results have been faked! There's something about those pills that you're not telling us!
Miss: Oh, I think I'll be conducting this interview, Penny.
[Donna looks on as Miss Foster and her bodyguards take Penny away]

Penny: You can't tie me up! What sort of a country do you think this is?
Miss: Oh it's a beautifully fat country. And believe me I've come a long way to find obesity on this scale.

Miss: [with Penny tied to a chair] You know I'm surprised you never asked about my name; I chose it well.
[leans forward]
Miss: Foster... as in Foster Mother. And these
[reaches into a drawer and takes out a baby alien; setting it on her desk]
Miss: are my children.
Penny: [disturbed; and a bit frightened] Your kidding me. What the hell is that?
Miss: An Adipose. It's called an Adipose.
[smiling proudly]
Miss: Made out of living fat.

Miss: Well, at last.
Donna: Hello.
The: Nice to meet you! I'm the Doctor.
Donna: And I'm Donna.
Miss: Partners in crime. And evidently of other world origin, judging by your sonic technology.
The: [feels through his pockets and finds Miss Foster's sonic pen] Oh, yes! I've still got your sonic pen! Nice! I like it, sleek. It's definitely sleek.
Donna: Oh, it's definitely sleek.
The: Yes, and if you were to sign your real name. That would be...
Miss: Matron Cofelia, of the Five-Straighten, Classabindi Nursery Fleet, Intergalactic Class.
The: And that is using humans as surrogates.
Miss: I've been employed by the Adiposian First Family to foster a new generation after their breeding planet was lost.
The: What do you mean, "lost"? How do you lose a planet?
Miss: Oh politics are none of my concern. I'm just here to take care of the children on behalf of the parents.
Donna: Like an outer space supernanny?
Miss: Yes, if you like!
Donna: So, so those little things, they're made out of fat. But that woman, Stacey Campbell, there was nothing left of her.
Miss: Well, in a crisis, the Adipose can convert bone and hair and internal organs. Makes them a little bit sick, the poor things.
Donna: What about poor Stacey?
The: Seeding a Level 5 planet is against galactic laws.
Miss: [turns to the Doctor] Are you threatening me?
The: I'm trying to help you, Matron. This is your one chance, because if you don't call this off, then I'll have to stop you.
Miss: Then how do you think you can stop all of this?
[her bodyguards point their machine guns at the Doctor and Donna]
The: Hold on! Hold on! One more thing, before dying! Do you know what happens when you hold two identical sonic devices against each other?
[He takes out his own sonic screwdriver]
Miss: No.
The: Nor me! Let's find out!
[he jams the two sonic screwdrivers together and activates both, emitting a loud, deafening pulsing sound that also shakes the room such so that it shatters a window]