Top 50 Quotes From Missy

Missy: Would it help you focus if I extracted some of your vital organs and made a lovely soup?
Razor: You would never be so... self-destructive. But then again, neither would I.

Bill: Nobody knows the Doctor's real name.
Missy: I do because I grew up with him, and his real name is 'Doctor Who'.
The: Bill, she's just trying to wind you up.

The: You're a Time Lord.
Missy: Time LADY, please. I'm old-fashioned.

The: Who are you?
Missy: I am Missy.
Clara: Missy?
Missy: [in a monotone] Mobile Intelligent Systems Interface. I am a multi-function, interactive, welcome droid, helping you, to help me, to help you.
The: You're very... realistic.
Clara: Tongues?
The: Shut up.

Missy: And I'm going to need eight snipers.
Kate: Eight what?
Missy: Three for each heart and two for my brain stem. You'll have to switch me off fast before I can regenerate.

Missy: Doctor, listen to me. I know traps. Traps are my flirting. This is a trap.

Missy: We're on a planet, and that is not a space station. That is a building, and the rest of the planet, the whole thing, is invisible.
Clara: That's ridiculous.
Missy: Well, yes, of course it is. I mean how would you ever find your glasses or the little girls' room, and what if you kissed an ugly?

Missy: Look, there's Bill. Dead, dismembered, fed through a grinder and squeezed into a Cyberman. Doomed to spend an eternal afterlife as a bio-mechanical psycho-zombie. It was hilarious.

The: Who maintains your heart?
Missy: My heart is maintained by the Doctor!
The: Doctor who?
Missy: Doctor CHANG!

[Opening shot, the glowing end of a large spacecraft, engines pulling an inferno inwards. The view moves down its side. Lingering occasionally at windows, we see an industrial city and the number 1056, then a green, hilly terrain under a blue sky, then plains full of wheat. Pulling back, the camera looks down the remaining length of the ship, pointing towards a black hole and its violent accretion disk as rocks fall toward it and explode. At the end of the ship facing the black hold is a small blister of a room jutting out from the center of a large, mostly featureless bulkhead. Inside, a video camera comes alert as the sound of the TARDIS materialisation begins. Solidifying, the door opens and out walks...]
Missy: Hello. I'm Doctor Who.
[one of the cameras twitches, as if saying, "No," then locks onto her face as she poses]
Missy: And these are my plucky assistants...
[Bill and Nardole walk out of the TARDIS, glumly]
Missy: Thing One, and the other one.
Nardole: Bill, Nardole.
[Missy walks to the center of the room]
Missy: We picked up your distress call...
[Missy smiles and winks exaggeratedly]
Missy: and here we are to help...
[Missy spins and twirls her closed umbrella over her head]
Missy: like awesome heroes.
Bill: Yeah, no, we're not assistants, that's...
Missy: Ok, right, what- So, what does he call you, companions? Pets? Shnacks?

Missy: 10-0-11-0-0 by 0-2.
The: What did you say?
The: The current co-ordinates of Gallifrey. It's returned to its original location. Didn't you ever think to look?

Missy: [Whispering in Osgood's ear] I'm going to kill you in a moment.

[last lines]
Missy: Welcome to Heaven!

Missy: [Clara is inside a Dalek] Say "I love you." Those exact words. don't ask me why, just say it.
Clara: [Clara voice] I love you.
[Dalek voice]
Clara: Exterminate!
Missy: Say "You are different from me."
Clara: [Clara voice] You are different from me.
[Dalek voice]
Clara: Exterminate! Exterminate!

Missy: [on the video monitor] Today I shall be talking to you out of...
[appears to pop out of the monitor screen]
Missy: the square window!

[Missy observes Clara on he monitor]
Missy: Clara, my Clara... I have chosen well.

The: [in a flashback, talking to Clara] And there's a woman out there who is very keen that we stay together.
[in the present]
The: Why?
Missy: [referring to Clara] Because she's perfect, innt? The control freak and the man who should never be controlled. You'd go to Hell, if she asked. And she would.

Missy: Why does the Doctor always survive?
Clara: Because he's clever.
Missy: Yes, but there's lots of clever dead people. I love killing clever clogs, they make the best faces.
Clara: Because he always assumes he's going to win. He always knows there's a way to survive. He just has to go and find it.

Clara: Why would anybody hide a whole planet?
Missy: That would rather depend on the planet, dear.

Missy: Hello ordinary person. Please maintain a minimum separation of 3 feet. I'm really trying not to kill anyone today. It would be tremendously helpful if your major arteries were out of reach.

Missy: [about Davros] I'll scratch his eye out.

The: Exactly what is 3W?
Missy: Apologies. Clearly you have not received the official 3W greetings package.
The: Well, no, it's just an unexpected...
[Missy grabs the Doctor and gives him a long, passionate kiss]

Missy: [singing] Oh, Missy! You're so fine! You're so fine, you blow my mind! Hey Missy! Hey Missy!

The: Davros is my archenemy. Why would I want to talk with him?
Missy: Now wait, hang on a minute. Davros is your archenemy now?

Missy: You also have not received the official welcome package...
Clara: [backing away quickly] Oh, I'm good, thanks, no worries!

Bill: Yeah, but he's called 'The Doctor,' so...
Missy: [explaining to Bill] Well, he says. 'I'm "The Doctor,"' and they say, 'Doctor who?' See, I'm cutting to the chase, baby. I'm streamlinin'. I'm saving us ac-tu-al mi-nutes.
Bill: Yeah, okay. Whatever.

Missy: [in tears] You remember all the people I've killed? Every day, I think of them all. Being bad... being bad. I didn't know I even knew their names. You didn't tell me about this bit.
The: I'm sorry. But this is good.

Missy: Hello. I'm Missy. Welcome to Heaven. Would you like some tea?

Missy: It's a confession dial.
Clara: A what?
Missy: In your terms, a will. The last will and testament of the Time Lord known as the Doctor, to be delivered according to ancient tradition to his closest friend on the eve of his final day.

The: I landed here. I had trouble taking off.
Missy: The black hole?
The: Too close to the event horizon.
Missy: And you screwed up. You went too fast.
The: I blew the dematerialization circuit.
Missy: Which reminds me, a funny thing happened to me once.
The: What?
Missy: [throws the Master against the wall] A very long time ago, a very scary lady threw me against a wall and made me promise to always, ALWAYS carry a spare dematerialization circuit. I don't remember much about her now, but... she must have made quite an impression.
[produces a spare dematerialization circuit]
The: You know, you basically have me to thank for this.
Missy: You're welcome.
The: By the way, is it wrong that I...
[glances down toward his crotch]
Missy: [taking a step away] Yes. Very.

[last lines]
The: Who are you?
Missy: Oh, you know who I am. I'm Missy.
The: Who's Missy?
Missy: [groans] Please, try to keep up! Short for "Mistress"... Well, couldn't very well keep calling myself "The Master", now could I?

The: [to a crowd of people on the street] Get away from here, all of you, now! Now!
Missy: I'm sorry, everyone, another ranting Scotsman in the street. I had no idea there was a match on.
The: Get away, go!
Missy: Stop shouting, love. Stop making a fuss, it's too late.

Clara: Where do we find him? How do we know what we're looking for?
Missy: Anachronisms. The slight, tiniest...
[the Doctor rides into a medieval arena riding a tank and playing an electric guitar]
Missy: ... anachronisms.

Missy: You know the key strategic weakness of the human race? The dead outnumber the living.

Clara: We're not a team.
Missy: Of course we are! Every miner needs a canary.

[Bill has been converted into a Cyberman]
The: Bill? Bill, talk to me. What have they done to you?
Nardole: Operation Exodus, whatever that is.
Missy: Well, wrong name, for a start. This is not an exodus, is it? More of a beginning, really, isn't it?
The: [enters] In fact, d'you know what I'd call it? I'd call it a Genesis.
Missy: You've met the ex.
The: Specifically, the Genesis of the Cybermen!

Missy: Hello. How may I assist you with your death?

Clara: Since when do you care about the Doctor?
Missy: Since always. Since the Cloister Wars, since the night he stole the moon and the president's wife, since he was a little girl. One of those was a lie, can you guess which one?

Clara: What are you doing?
Missy: Murdering a Dalek. I'm a Time Lady - it's our golf.

Twelfth: [to the Master] Knock yourself out!
[Missy whacks the Master unconscious]
Missy: Your wish is my command.

Missy: Tell him the bitch is back

Missy: He's trapped at the heart of the Dalek empire. He's a prisoner of the creatures who hate him the most in the universe. Between us and him is everything the deadliest race in all of history can throw at us. We on the other hand have a pointy stick. How do we start?
Clara: We assume we are going to win.
Missy: Oh, pity, really.
[chuckling]
Missy: I was actually quite peckish.

Clara: Nothing can enter the TARDIS.
Dalek: The TARDIS will not be entered. The TARDIS will be destroyed.
Clara: Yeah, well, good luck because she's indestructible.
Missy: Did the Doctor tell you that? Because you should never believe a man about a vehicle.

Missy: [embraces the Master] I loved being you. Every second of it. Oh, the way you burned like a sun, like a whole screaming world on fire. I remember that feeling, and I always will... and I will always miss it.
The: [staggering back slightly] Now that... was really... very nicely done.
Missy: Thank you.
[the Master sees a stab wound, Missy holds up a knife]
The: It's good to know I haven't lost my touch.
Missy: You deserve my best.
The: How long do I have?
Missy: Oh, I was precise. You'll be able to make it back to your TARDIS, maybe even get a cuppa. Although, you might leak a little.
The: And then, rengenerate... into you.
Missy: Welcome to the Sisterhood.
The: Missy, seriously... why?
Missy: Oh... because he's right. Because it's time to stand with him. It's where we've always been going, and it's happening, now, today. It's time to stand with the Doctor.
The: No. Never. MISSY! I will never stand with the Doctor!
Missy: Oh, yes, my dear, you will.

Clara: Can I have a stick too?
Missy: Make your own stick!

Missy: I'm his friend. You're just...
Clara: I'm just what?
Missy: See that couple over there? You're the puppy.

Missy: He can be very mean sometimes. Except to me, of course. Because he loves me so much. I do like his new accent, though. I think I might keep it.

Clara: [Clara is inside a Dalek] How am I supposed to make it go without pedals?
Missy: [connecting wires to Clara's head] Telepathic controls. Open wide.
[Clara opens her mouth]
Missy: I meant your skull.

Missy: You know, back in the day, I burned an entire city to the ground just to see the pretty shapes the smoke made. I'm sorry your Plus One doesn't get a happy ending. But like it or not, I just saved this world because I WANT to change. Your version of "good" is not absolute. It's vain and arrogant and sentimental. If you're waiting for me to become all that, I'm going to be here for a long time yet.

The: [pointing a weapon at the Daleks] Who's going to tell me that Clara Oswald is really dead?
Missy: [in the sewers, listening over the intercom] He'll burn everything - us too.
Dalek: Clara Oswald is not alive.