Top 50 Quotes From Raegan Revord

[Mary wraps a velvet fabric around Missy's head before sending her to bed]
Missy: This really works?
Mary: Your hair will look just as pretty tomorrow. Now, come on, let's tuck you in.
Missy: I'm glad I don't have orange hair.
Mary: Me too, baby.
Missy: I want to be more like Madonna.
Mary: Are you trying to kill me? 'Cause if you are, good job.
[kisses her forehead and leaves the bedroom]
Missy: Why is she only *like* a virgin?
Mary: Good night.

Sheldon: What do we have to sterilize the needle?
Missy: Mama uses lit matches on them.
Sheldon: We're not allowed to play with matches.
Missy: Well, what else will work?
Sheldon: Alcohol.
[cut to Missy pouring a glass full of whiskey]

Sheldon: It's not fair. You bought Missy a Ring Pop.
Mary: Yeah, for ten cents.
Missy: And I'm worth every penny.

Missy: You awake?
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: Are you gonna miss me?
Sheldon: I haven't given it any thought.
Missy: Well, we're just lying here. Think about it.
Sheldon: I am used to you.
Missy: I'm used to you, too.
Sheldon: It's not the same as liking you.
Missy: No.
Sheldon: To me, you're like string beans. No one asks for them, no one wonders about them. They're just there on the plate.
Missy: But you eat them, right?
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: [smiling] You're gonna miss me.

Georgie: [He and George are watching football in the living room] I ain't never gettin' married.
George Sr.: Is that so?
Georgie: Girls ain't nothin' but trouble.
[No sooner than that leaves his mouth, the phone rings. He jumps up]
Georgie: I'll get it.
[Runs to the phone and picks up, bad suave voice]
Georgie: Hello. Georgie speaking.
Missy: [At Meemaw's] Did you run to the phone? Do you feel stupid?
[Cut back to Georgie, he hangs up]

Missy: I can't believe Mom and Dad are fighting over a case of beer.
Sheldon: I don't think it was about the beer. There's more subtext to it.
Missy: Maybe you're right. Then again, I don't know what subtext means.

Sheldon: You could organize your recipes.
Mary: My recipes are organized.
Sheldon: On index cards, like a cave person.
Missy: Cave Mom. I'm gonna call you that from now on.

Missy: Maybe he'll learn to act normal.
Mary: Maybe you should learn to act nice.
Missy: You people don't get my sense of humor.

Missy: Why are you being so lame?
Mary: Because money does not buy happiness.
Missy: Fresh Prince seems pretty happy.
Mary: It is not his money. It's his Uncle Phil's!

Missy: How come you're not eating your snack?
Sheldon: I prefer my snack to be a reward for homework well done.
Missy: You're like an old person.
Sheldon: Thank you.

Mary: You won't need it, but in the cupboard here, under the sink, is the fire extinguisher.
Missy: That looks like fun.
Mary: For *fires* only, and don't be starting any fires just so you can use it.
Missy: [to Sheldon] It's like she can read my mind.

Sheldon: Good news! We found investors for the grant database.
Mary: Oh, honey! That's great.
Sheldon: And even more good news - you no longer have to drive me to school, because I'm dropping out to work on it.
Mary: What? No, you're not.
Sheldon: But they won't fund the project unless I'm working on it full-time.
Mary: I don't care. You're finishing college.
Sheldon: [pointing to his brother] But you let him drop out.
Mary: And look how his life turned out!
Georgie: Hey!
Mary: I'm sorry, Sheldon, but you're gonna have to tell them no.
Georgie: I've got a job, and a cool garage to live in.
Mary: *sigh*
Sheldon: This doesn't have to be permanent. I can always go back.
Mary: People always say that, and then life gets in the way. *I* was gonna go to college after I had Georgie, and then I didn't.
Georgie: [smugly] And look how her life turned out.
Mary: This discussion is over.
Sheldon: This is so unfair.
Missy: [walks into kitchen with the others] What's going on?
Georgie: Sheldon wants to quit college.
Missy: So I'm the only one who's not a dropout? Who saw that coming?

Missy: [Repeated line, with variants] Mom, something's wrong with Sheldon.

Georgie: Just say hi, keep it casual, pretend like you don't care that much.
Missy: But I care the most!
Georgie: See, that's gonna freak him out.
Missy: How do you know?
Georgie: 'Cuz it's freaking me out! Now go!

Missy: Can I get orange hair like Cyndi Lauper?
Mary: Absolutely not.
Missy: Meemaw has friends with *blue* hair.
Connie: *I'm* not there yet, but once you reach a certain age, it becomes mandatory.

Missy: Suck it up. You always get everything you want.
Sheldon: That's not true.
Missy: You got a computer. I'm reading a booger book.

Georgie: Admit he, he's adopted.
Sheldon: How can I be adopted when I have a twin sister? Think, monkey, think.
Missy: I wish I was adopted.
Mary: That can still be arranged.

Mary: I'm taking our house back from the forces of evil.
Georgie: What's evil about Black Sabbath?
Missy: You're not helping.

Missy: How come he gets a pork shake?

Missy: I have to tell you something.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Why don't you finish the test first?
Missy: This can't wait. The other doctor's got a crush on you.
[George, Mary, Connie, and Dr. Sturgis are watching the exam on a monitor]
Mary: Oh, dear Lord.
[back to the exam room with Dr. Thorpe and Missy]
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Oh, um... I don't... I don't think so. Let's get back to the test.
Missy: Okay.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: Why? What did you see?
Missy: When you're not looking, he stares at your tushie.

Mary: Dot dot dot.
George Cooper Sr.: S.
Connie: Got it.
Mary: Dot.
George Cooper Sr.: E.
Connie: O'right!
Mary: Another dot dot dot.
George Cooper Sr.: S again.
Connie: OK!
Mary: What do we have so far?
Connie: I am taking a bus. Fun fact about buses.
Mary: Oh! Come on!

Mary: [Missy's watching Ducktales] I think this show is teaching you bad lessons.
Missy: That's okay, I'm a slow learner.

Missy: I'm bored.
Meemaw: Hey! Someday, someone will write a book about Sheldon. Don't you want a chapter in there about how loving and supportive you were?
Georgie: What's the point? I ain't never gonna read it.

[Sheldon is angrily vacuuming while Missy is watching the television]
Missy: I can't hear Oprah!
Sheldon: I don't care!

Sheldon: [Screaming, while the boys at the party are holding him up in the air, mosh style] PUT ME DOWN! I SAID, "PUT ME DOWN"! PUT ME DOWN, I'M NOT ENJOYING IT!
Georgie: Missy, what are you doin' here?
Missy: Cutting loose. What are you doin' here?
Sheldon: [Boys lowering him] Slowly, slowly, slowly!
[sighs in relief]
Georgie: And you, too?
Sheldon: Hello, Georgie!
Georgie: You're not supposed to be here!
Sheldon: Neither are you! You're grounded!
Georgie: Come on! Both of you are goin' home, now!
Sheldon: Oh, thank goodness!
[Missy groans]

George Sr.: Mary, it's been a long day. Can we just have a quiet dinner?
Mary: Sure.
[scoffing]
Mary: "Nice people."
George Sr.: [frustrated] Then why'd we leave him there?
Mary: Because we love him and we want the best for him.
Missy: [awkward silence] This is tense.
Meemaw: Me and the kids had a nice day. Watched a lot of football.
Georgie: You know the Dolphins' helmet has a dolphin on it? And that dolphin is also wearing a helmet. But its helmet doesn't have a dolphin on it. It has the letter "M."
Meemaw: We talked about that for an hour.

John: [on TV] Yippie-kai-yay, Mister Falcon.
Missy: Wait, who is Mister Falcon?
Georgie: No one.
Missy: Then why did he say it?
Georgie: Well, in the real version he said a bad word, but they had to change it for TV.
Missy: TV is so lame. What did he really say?
[Georgie whispers in Missy's ear]
Missy: That's so much better.
Georgie: This movie works on a lot of levels.

Mary: Why does the kitchen smell like whiskey?
Sheldon: [points to Missy with an overly bandaged finger] Ask her.
Mary: [sees his bandage] Oh, my Lord!
Missy: [smirking] Ask me what I did to Meemaw.

Missy: [to Sheldon] See? You sound smart, but you're still dumb.

Missy: Wil Wheaton's cute.
Sheldon: If you like him, you should watch Star Trek with me.
Missy: He's not that cute.

Connie: So how you know he's your boyfriend?
Missy: Because this happened
[Slides a note from Marcus across the table, asking Missy to be his girlfriend]
Connie: Well, I didn't realize you had documentation.

Missy: So, when your bones broke, did you hear a crunch?
Ms. Hutchins: No.
Missy: Did my dad have to give you mouth-to-mouth?
Ms. Hutchins: No.
Missy: I don't know how my mom kisses him.

Missy: Why can't we watch DuckTales?
Sheldon: 'Cause we don't learn anything watching DuckTales.
Missy: It's TV. We're not supposed to learn.

[Missy is questioning her belief in religion]
Missy: Do you ever wonder if it's all made up?
Georgie: Look, this is Texas. We like football. We like God. And beef. Beef's up there, too.

Missy: Trust me, 20 years from now you're not gonna be sitting around, talking about Star Trek and reading comic books.
Sheldon: Would you like to bet on that?

Sheldon: [Missy's trying to extract a splinter with a needle] What if you slip and stab me in the eye?
Missy: I'm not gonna slip! Who always wins when we play...
[eyes widen, runs off and gets Operation to use the game tweezers]

Mary: [at dinner] So, good news. We're gonna have a house guest for a couple days.
Georgie: [annoyed] Oh, not Aunt Ruth.
Sheldon: Her beard is very scratchy.
George: My sister doesn't have a beard!
Missy: Did she shave it?

Pastor: Sometimes people say to me, "Pastor Jeff, how do you know there's a God?" And I say "It's simple math. God either exists or he doesn't." So let's be cynical. Worst-case scenario, there's a 50-50 chance, And I like those odds.
Sheldon: [raising his hand] That's wrong.
Mary: [sotto voce] Shelly, put your hand down.
[to Pastor Jeff]
Mary: Sorry, Please continue.
Pastor: That's okay, Mary. It's Sheldon, right?
Sheldon: Yes, sir.
Pastor: Well, Sheldon, why don't you come on up here and tell me why I'm wrong.
Mary: No!
Sheldon: Okay.
[heads on up]
Pastor: Let's give him a hand, everybody.
Missy: [waking up] What's happening?
Meemaw: [to Mary] Shelly's gonna eat him alive.
Pastor: So, you were saying?
Sheldon: You've confused possibilities with probabilities. According to your analogy, when I go home I might find a million dollars on my bed or I might not. In what universe is that 50-50?
Pastor: So, what do you think the odds are that God exists?
Sheldon: I think they're zero. I believe in science.
Pastor: So you don't think science and God can go hand in hand?
Sheldon: Science is facts, religion is faith. I prefer facts
Pastor: Mm. I understand that. Here's a cool fact for ya. A lot of famous scientists believed in God. Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, even Charles Darwin.
Sheldon: So Darwin's right about God and wrong about evolution?
Pastor: Now you're gettin' it. Let's give it up for Sheldon, everybody! What a good sport.
Sheldon: [v.o] But I wasn't a good sport. At that moment, I vowed to come back the following Sunday and destroy Pastor Jeff.

Missy: [in church, listening to a sermon about 'evil thoughts'] I'm having an evil thought right now.
Sheldon: What?
Missy: "I'm going to kick you in the balls when we get home."

Sheldon: Good luck with fingerpainting.
Missy: You're gonna get your ass kicked in high school.
Mary: Hey! language!

Missy: Ooh, we getting something fun with the money?
George: We're talking about a dishwasher.
Missy: When did your dreams die?
George: When we had kids.

George Sr.: You're really holding the line on this.
Mary: I'm sorry, but he just pushed my buttons.
George Sr.: Don't be sorry. I'm diggin' it.
[winks]
Georgie: Ew.
Missy: Gross.
Meemaw: I agree. Pretty gross.
George Sr.: [slight pause] Y'all are mean.

Meemaw: [cleaning makeup off Missy"s face] ... and for future reference, go lighter on the blush. You'll end up looking like Raggedy Ann.
Missy: She got Raggedy Andy looking like that.
Meemaw: [taken aback] He's her brother!
Missy: Oh!... I've been playing with those dolls all wrong.

Missy: Is Sheldon going to jail?
Mary: No!
Missy: Damn it!

Missy: Oh, she's very upset. I don't know why. Oh! Maybe she wasn't invited to the tea party at the monkey house.
[Dr. Thorpe chuckles]
Missy: Also, she's wearing a belt, like you are. Nice going. Very cute.
Dr. Sandra Thorpe: [Mouths] Thank you.
Missy: And I'm loving the hair.
Missy: [Whispers] Yeah.

Missy: [Last lines]
[as Pastor Jeff and Officer Robin leave after getting married]
Missy: Where are they going in such a hurry?
Sheldon: Maybe they can't wait to open their wedding presents.
Meemaw: [to no one in particular] Someone's getting unwrapped.
Sheldon: [to Missy] Told you.

Sheldon: [whispering] Let's make this quick.
Missy: Why are you whispering?
Sheldon: This is how people speak when they're being naughty.
Missy: I wouldn't know. I'm naughty all the time.

Missy: [Looking in the kitchen cupboard] Son of a Mitch!
Mary: Melissa Cooper!
Missy: What? I said Mitch. There's nothing wrong with that.
Mary: But you meant another word!
Missy: [Looks inquisitively] I'm sorry, what other word?
Mary: [Cornered, flustered] Just watch it!
Missy: Hold on. So you're saying if I have a friend whose dad's name is Mitch, I'm not allowed to talk about him?
Mary: I know what you're doing.
Missy: Okay. I just feel bad for my friend.
[Leaving]
Missy: That poor Son Of A Mitch.
Mary: Melissa Cooper!

Missy: I'm learning, but it's fun. This is weird.

Missy: I don't wanna die. I've only kissed one boy, so far.
Mary: What?
Missy: Don't worry. It was years ago.