The Best Tam Quotes

Tam: [telling the story of his family's escape from Viet Nam] After the war, my father was sent to a re-education camp... When he was released, we escaped on a small boat and spent many weeks at sea, dodging Cambodian pirates, until we reached Thailand.
Mary: Oh, that's supposed to be a beautiful country. Lovely beaches.
Tam: I wouldn't know. We were forced to live in a refugee camp where the only thing we had to eat were pigeons and rats.
Georgie: Hahhh, that's a job for hot sauce.

[Tam tells Sheldon that claiming to have no sins is the sin of pride]
Sheldon: Your religion is making me feel bad.
Tam: That's how you know it's working.

[Sheldon and Tam have just finished having lunch with their new friend Libby in the school library]
Tam: So, we eat at library every day. You're welcome to join us. It's much better than the cafeteria.
Sheldon: It's quiet, and a lot less food gets thrown at us.
Libby: Yeah. Maybe I'll see y'all tomorrow.
Tam: Right... maybe y'all will.
Sheldon: Bye, Libby!
[turning to Tam]
Sheldon: . "Y'all"?
Tam: I'm assimilating... shut up.

George Sr.: [Sheldon's new friend is having dinner with the Coopers] So, uh, Tam... what kind of name is that?
Tam: Vietnamese, sir.
George Sr.: Sure. I spent a little time over there. Army. Your Mom's name isn't Kim Lee, is it?
Tam: No, sir.
George Sr.: [seeming relieved] Good, good. I mean, yeah. It's a small country. So... Mary, how's that food comin'?
Mary: [from the kitchen] Almost.
Georgie: So, Viet Nam. Like in Rambo.
Tam: Yes.
Georgie: That's a cool movie.
Tam: Yes.
Georgie: Are you in it?
Tam: No.

Tam: I do take the school bus. And that is no party. It's like a mental hospital on wheels.

Tam: You know, sometimes you sound like a super villain.
Sheldon: [excitedly high-pitched] Silence!
Tam: That'll be more effective after your voice changes.
Sheldon: [Tam steps away. Sheldon sighs]
[deep voice]
Sheldon: Silence!

Sheldon: And then my mother said I wasn't mature enough for college. Can you believe that?
Tam: Absolutely.
Sheldon: So you're on their side, too?
Tam: I'm Vietnamese. In my culture, until your parents die, you're basically a baby.
Sheldon: Really?
Tam: My grandmother still treats my dad like a child. At dinner, he can't sit until she sits, and he can't speak until spoken to.
Sheldon: Well, I'm glad I'm not Vietnamese.
Tam: It's not as fun as I make it look.

Sheldon: I've decided to learn self-defense.
Tam: Why?
Sheldon: I'm quite small, and will be for several years. Maybe even more, if I'm a late bloomer.
Tam: Your Dad's big. Maybe you'll take after him.
Sheldon: We both like my Mom. I think that's where the similarities end. Y'know, one of the books mentioned a Vietnamese martial art.
Tam: Vovinam. I'm a blue belt.
Sheldon: Wow!
Tam: Don't be impressed. It's what you get when your Mom buys a uniform.
Sheldon: Do you remember any of it?
Tam: I don't even know where the belt is.

Tam: Why weren't you at math class?
Sheldon: That NASA guy treated me like a child, and I intend to prove him wrong.
Tam: You *are* a child.
Sheldon: Tread lightly, my friend.

Mary: All right, Tam. I decided I was gonna make you a real Texas dinner: bar-b-que chicken and brisket.
Tam: Thank you.
Mary: Well, I figured you were probably tired of stuff wigglin' around on your plate. OK, let's say Grace. Now, Tam, when I say 'Jesus', feel free to say the word 'Buddha' in your head.
Tam: I'm actually Catholic.
Mary: Oh. Well, that's too bad.