The Best Stanley Richmond Quotes

Stanley: Oh, I can't believe it. Jake Green. How you doing man? When did you get back to town?
Jake: Just now. Is that Bonnie?
[Bonnie waves at Jake, Jake signs to Bonnie]
Jake: You grew up.
Stanley: Well, wait a minute, where the hell have you been?
Jake: You know, around.
Stanley: Jake, no one's been around for five years.
Jake: The Army. I've been in the Army.
Stanley: Good for you.

Mimi: I found some stale cornflakes in the pantry and since no one else seemed to be eating them...
Stanley: Oh well knock yourself out here you want a little milk with those?
[pours some milk into her bowl from the pale he just brought in]
Stanley: There ya go.
Mimi: [taking a bite] Ew. It's still warm.
Stanley: Yeah it was even warmer when it was in the cow ten minutes ago.
Mimi: And that will do it for the cornflakes. You did that on purpose didn't you?
Stanley: Yes I did.

Stanley: Gracie, do you still have those crop pesticides?
Gracie: Everything I have got left is right there on that shelf.
Stanley: Thank God, I'm gonna need everything you have got to protect my corn.
Gracie: Can anyone even eat that corn. What about that rain we had?
Stanley: No, it's ok, the husks kept it ok from the fallout.

Stanley: Not now, Mimi.
Mimi: Like hell right now, Cornhusker.
Stanley: Cornhuskers are from Nebraska, I'm a Jayhawk... What? What?
Mimi: You drive me so crazy and you know that I can't stay here for ever but, the truth is I can't live without you, either.
Stanley: Really?
Mimi: Yes, really.

Stanley: Oh, I see you're awake, must be noon.
Mimi: I've been up for a while. Hey, close the front door. What, were you born in a barn? Were you born in a barn?
Stanley: Almost a week you've been here and that joke's not getting any funnier.

Stanley: You have a family back home?
Mimi: I have fish.
Stanley: I'm sure they really miss you.

Mimi: In this crazy world, we don't know what's going to happen tomorrow and I don't wanna leave anything unsaid, so I'm just going to say it, okay? So here I go...
Stanley: I've loved you since the first day I saw you at Bailey's.
Mimi: You said it you said it first. No one's ever said it first to me before.
Stanley: I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, plus I can hold it over you for the rest of our lives.
[kisses Mimi]
Mimi: I love you Stanley Richmond.
Stanley: But I said it first.
[kisses Mimi]

Stanley: Yeah... I'm really sick of getting poked with needles every ten minutes. They'll be really sorry when my spider powers kick in.
[makes a goofy face]
Jake: Well, you're still an idiot, so that's a good sign.
Stanley: [laughs] Yeah.

Bonnie: Stanley!
[runs to Stanley]
Stanley: Thank God!
Jake: No, hey, hey, no!
[pulls Bonnie back]
Jake: Stanley don't touch her. The rain may be radioactive.

Mimi: The closest I ever got to the outdoors was the Ralph Lauren section at Neiman Marcus.
Stanley: There you go, bargain hunting. Same thing, but with a gun.
Mimi: Bargains? At Neimans?
[laughs]
Mimi: Sometimes, I forget that the biggest designer in your closet is Wrangler.

Gracie: These are for you. I lost my head Stanley, I'm sorry.
Stanley: Thank you.

Stanley: I couldn't find an empty pesticide container so I though this water tank might do.
Heather: No no no, we can't use steel, there is to much risk of static. One spark and the whole thing could blow sky high.
Jake: We don't have time to look for something else!
Heather: We can't, well, who's gonna fill it?

Stanley: Are you okay?
Mimi: Huh, if you call radiation poisoning "okay".
Stanley: Were you out in the rain, too?
Mimi: Heavens no! I touched a building when we came out of the shelter.
Stanley: Oh.
Mimi: Look, you can stop pretending.
Stanley: What do you mean?
Mimi: I audited your farm. Why do you care?
Stanley: Maybe I'm a nicer person than you.
Mimi: Right. Were you in the rain?
Stanley: Yeah, for about twenty minutes.
Mimi: Well, you look pretty good.
Stanley: Thanks. You know, try to work out.
[Mimi laughs]
Stanley: Look, um, you know I think I got the worst of it, so as long as I'm okay, you should be fine.
Mimi: You're really sweet. And you still owe the IRS $180,000.
Stanley: Yeah, I know.

Stanley: [referring to the stolen pesticides] I can't believe this is what we've come to.
Mimi: We don't have a choice, it's every man for himself, now.