The Best Allison Hargreeves Quotes

Allison: When something seems too perfect, it's usually anything but.

- Get your hands off me!
- Ray! Ray! No!
- Stop it! Get off of him! Stop!
[Officer] You don't belong in there, boy!
Allison: No!
- You're next!
- Stop it! You're killing him!
[Man] Get off her!
- I heard a rumor... that you walked away.

- Sorry.
Viktor: Allison?
- Are you okay?
Allison: Yeah.
- Um…
- Let's go.

Luther: What are you...
Allison: What is that gonna do?
- I don't know.
- Do you have a better idea?
Luther: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Everyone get behind me.
- Yeah, get behind us.
Klaus: I vote for running! Come on!

Luther: Did you see Diego?
Allison: With his stupid outfit?
Luther: Oh, I know. Do you think he wears that thing in the bathroom?
Allison: Like in the shower?
Luther: Yeah.
Allison: Yes, absolutely.
[laughs]

Allison: Lcouldn't speak for a year.
Klaus: Ooh.
- Ooh, I'm sorry, Allison.
Allison: No, it's okay.
- I actually really like who I am without it.
- Everything I have, I've earned, and it feels really good.
- You know?

Klaus: Le petit mort, le petit mort.
Allison: What? You don't speak French.
Klaus: It's "the little death."
Klaus: Oh, wow. Look at this old stuff.
- Oh, wow.
- I know this is impossible, but...
- Did we all get sexier?

- To finish the feast. [Giggles]
Allison: Oh, god! Oh!
- Shoot. Hang on...
Allison: Oh, oh, oh... okay...
Luther: I... just...
- Yeah. Oh... oh.
[Laughs] Just gotta get in there.
[Laughing] Easy, easy!

- Come on,
- I gotta show you something.
Allison: Five?
- What the hell happened to you?
- Are you okay? Can we help?
- There's nothing you can do.
- There's nothing any of you can do.

Klaus: Who in this room knows shit about relationships? This one?
[Looks at Vanya]
Klaus: In secret love with some farm Frau.
Vanya: Her name's Sissy.
Klaus: ...Which is an improvement on her previous love interest, the serial killer.
Vanya: *What?*
Allison: Later.
Klaus: [Continues] Meanwhile, I'm carrying a torch for a soldier I haven't technically met yet, and Luther is in love with his sister.
Allison: Okay, again, we are not biological.
Klaus: Face it, the healthiest long-term relationship in this family was when Five was banging that mannequin.

- Klaus, shockingly, has a point.
- What gives us a win this time?
Allison: Je... Jesus!
- You guys, am I still high, or do you see him, too?
- Five, where have you been?
- Are you all right?
Luther: Who did this?
[Five] Irrelevant.

- This one, or this one?
- Uh-uh. I wanna hear about the time the Umbrella Academy defeated the robbers at the museum.
Allison: Again?
- Okay. [laughs softly]
- It was a dark and stormy night…

- All of you, just get out!
- She doesn't leave your sight.
- Do you understand?
Allison: This isn't over.
- Come on, let's go.
[sighs] Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe.

- Just… [rapid breathing]
- Just let me talk to her.
- Okay? Please.
Allison: Trust me.
- She's gonna talk.
- It's okay.

- We were all thinking it.
Allison: Oh, so you're thinking, Diego?
- That's a first.
- Screw you!
- Hey!
- Dad was right. We should've done more.
- This didn't have to happen.
Allison: Excuse me?
Diego: I couldn't do it all by myself.
- You're supposed to be number one...

- Hey, mom.
- Mom?
Allison: Vanya?
- You're actually here.
- Hey, Allison.
- Hey, sis.

- Luther, Luther, Luther...
- Are you okay? Hey!
- Oy.
- We haven't officially met. I'm Lila.
Allison: Yeah.
- It is so nice to meet you.
- Yeah, I like you.
- Is that the best you got?

- You're seriously gonna do this today?
Allison: Way to dress for the occasion, by the way.
Diego: At least I'm wearing black.
- You know what? I... maybe he's right.
- And I shouldn't...
Allison: Forget about him.
- I'm glad you're here.

- Look, there's dad.
- What do we do?
[Five] Uh-oh.
- Yeah.
[Five] Agh.
- Oh, shit.
- Diego.
Allison: It's happening again.
Klaus: Oh, Jackie.

- The one we left in your house.
- Deal.
- The briefcase for our brother.
- Great.
- Hotel Obsidian, four o'clock sharp.
Allison: Or we'll send him back in pieces.

Diego: [about Vanya] What is she doing here? You don't belong here. Not after what you did.
Allison: You're seriously gonna do this today? Way to dress for the occasion, by the way.
Diego: At least I'm wearing black.

- No, I don't.
Diego: So that's three?
- Wait.
- To two.
Allison: Vote's not final yet.
- What?
- Five's not here.
- The whole family has to vote.
- We owe each other that.
- Right.
- No, we should wait.

- Hmm?
- You said it twice.
Officer: Time.
- Uh, I... [sighs]
- We'll talk about this later, okay?
Officer: Let's go, ma'am.
Allison: Honor and dignity.
- Honor and dignity.
- I promise.

- -[Ben] But who invited him?
- -[Allison] Just suffer with us.
Ben: I can't get invited to a party, and he's invited to this?
- -[Allison] Wow. You really can't relax.
- -Now we're all here.
Allison: Ben?
- Chill.
- -♪ We could be falling in love ♪
- -[Klaus] Psst.

- Where is Claire?!
- -I need to get some air.
- -Hey!
- Where are you g--?
Allison: What are you looking at?
Allison: Hey!
Allison: Hey, I'm talking to you!

Diego: Wait up.
Allison: Hold it.
Klaus: Hey, everyone.
Luther: Excuse me.
- Good. We're all here.
- ♪ this is what you want this is what you get ♪ [lyrics echoing]

- Five, you... you don't have to...
- I know. You owe me one, sis.
- Children ride in the back.
Klaus: Okay.
Allison: Whoa!
- Oh, Christ.
- Guys, I don't know what to say.

- Attagirl.
Allison: I've got a blender and some much better booze.
- So, ifwe're gonna start day-drinking, we should do it right.
[Whimpers] I love you so much.
- Yeah. Yeah!
- Oh!

- You should go to the airport.
- And get back to your real life.
- I would if I could.
Allison: Thank you.
- You're a good sister.

- Uepoflefl threats with such firm shows of force that khrushchev backed down in Cuba and softened the hard red line on Berlin.
- He brought to the white house the vigor of youth...
Allison: And we all have choices to make.

- A silly life on a silly farm.
- That's not meant for you.
Allison: I hope we find Vanya in time.
- You can't deny your true self any longer, even if you are afraid.
[Panting] I'm not afraid.
Reginald: Then eat!
- One more bite, and you can go.

- Oh God.
- Viktor.
Allison: Viktor!
- Viktor!
Allison: Viktor!

- Why shouldn't I be?
- Yeah. Y-Yeah, you're right.
- I'm... I'm just happy that we're home and... together again.
- "Home"? This isn't your home.
Allison: What are you talking about?
- This is the umbrella academy.
Reginald: Wrong again.
- This is the sparrow academy.

Allison: Excuse me...
- My husband would like to try on this suit.
- Colored folks can't try on the merchandise, but if you'd like to make a purchase...
- I heard a rumor that you let him try on anything in the store.

- Well, we got two choices: Fight and die now or run and die later.
- Either way, we're food for worms.
- Preference?
- Wouldn't mind a few more minutes breathing air through the old windbags.
- All right.
- Let's get this over with, shall we?
- Run!
Allison: Go! Go!

Klaus: Have you ever heard the fable of The Scorpion and the Frog?
Allison: What?
Klaus: The scorpion wants to get across the river, so he asks the frog to carry him across. But the frog's like, "Well, what's in it for me?" And the scorpion's like, "How about five bucks?" And the frog says, "Make it 20." The scorpion's like, "Ten." The frog goes, "All right, fine, 15." And the scorpion's like, "All right, fine, 15." Then halfway across the river, the frog feels this terrible pain on his back, and... eh... the scorpion stung him. You know? And the frog's like, "Well, what the Hell? We're both gonna drown now," And... they both did.
Allison: ...What the Hell is the point of that story?
Klaus: The point is, frogs are bitches, and we do not negotiate with terrorists.

Allison: And we have to live with the consequences...
- Before we find the right way home.
[Five] Everyone ready?
Luther: Let's do it, yeah.
[Five] Okay.
Luther: All right.
- All right.
- Wait!

Reginald: This isn't your home.
Allison: What are you talking about?
- This is the Umbrella Academy.
Reginald: Wrong again.
- This… is the Sparrow Academy.