The Best Dennis Quotes

Dennis: Helen chased down an interview.
Rob: [reading the runsheet] An AIDS patient on the desk?
Dennis: Yes.
Rob: Well, Helen could do it alone, couldn't she?
Dennis: Well, mate, how do you think that's gonna work, Rob? We're gonna cut to the desk and you're just not there?
Rob: Yeah.

Dennis: What's with the bow tie?
Rob: Uh, Wardrobe gave it to me.
Dennis: April Fools?
Rob: No, it's for tonight. They said it looked great.
Dennis: What were their faces doing when they said that?

Dennis: [on the radio] Geoff's been booted. Rob's done a runner. Lindsay's blowing his top. Like, he's literally foaming at the mouth. So I need you to get back here now, please.
Tim: You're on the desk.
Dale: Uh, I don't know.
Tim: You are.

Noelene: The story is only going to get bigger and bigger, for at least a week. I can deliver it all for you if you take me off autocue and make me a producer.
Dennis: Can you at least wait until we've got the bulletin on air before you hardball me?
Noelene: No. Tell me now.
Dennis: [pauses] Fine.
Noelene: Fine?
Dennis: Fine.

Noelene: Shouldn't my work speak for itself?
Dennis: [laughs] Wouldn't that be something?

Dennis: Given recent history, we're not running with that until you've confirmed with at least three sources.
Noelene: We can be the source that confirms it!
Dennis: Noelene, if we go balls out with the biggest disaster ever and you're wrong, you're gonna get sacked again and I'm not gonna be able to defend you this time.
Noelene: You didn't defend me last time. Rob did.
Dennis: That's what he says.

Dale: If there is a moratorium against me being on camera, just tell me.
Dennis: Look, you are getting better on camera, but we need someone that doesn't get the channel changed on them. So figure out a way to be that.

Dennis: Take Tim's crew.
Dale: Anyone else available?
Dennis: You always go out with Tim's crew. What, has he got BO or something?