The Best Woman Quotes

The: Good afternoon. Have they sold the Louis XVI yet?
Woman: Uh, no. The bidding just started. How did you...
[seeing he's gone in the blink of an eye]
Woman: I gotta see my optometrist.

Woman: [the Simpsons accidentally crash a stranger's funeral] My brother twisted his ankle setting up the chairs.
Homer: [feigning sadness] Will the tragedies that stalk this family never cease?
Woman: Would you like to be a pallbearer?
Homer: Of course.
[cut to him helping carry the casket]
Homer: I thought she said "polar bear".
Man: Please, sir, a little respect for the dead.
Homer: Oh, yes, of course.
[falling into an open grave]
Homer: Whoa! Oh, my back! It hurts, and not in a good way.

[Homer has joined a crew of "lost souls"]
Woman: We wander the seven seas trying to forget.
Homer: Forget what?
Englishman: Oh, boy, here we go.
Woman: My story of jilted love is long and bittersweet. If anyone has to go to the bathroom, go now. I don't want you walking around during my story.
Englishman: My story's better, it has tigers.