100 Best Emily Hampshire Quotes

Jennifer: I want you to take this moment, and think back to the day we met. To the person I was then. Crazy, wild-eyed, Jennifer Goines. Well, the good old days are over. I'm not a victim anymore. I've got credit cards and the Second Amendment on my side. I'm free. Like a virus in a preschool, I'm paying it forward to all the other crazies. I've got the keys to the zoo and now I'm springing the cuckoo's nest. There's a new pack in town. Predators with a purpose and a thirst for vengeance. Because there's one thing I've learned, is that nothing frees you to be crazy like learning that you're not. My whole life, people tried to use me, break me, shape me, mold me into not me. Daddy had that doctor lock me away, but my father wasn't the only one he was working for, was he? Hmm-mm. You tried to lock me in a cage too... like an animal. So I became one. Guess which animal I became. Guess. Here's a hint. Of all creatures great and cuddly which is the natural predator of the monkey? The hyena. These are the end times, Tall Man, but not for humanity. I'm coming for you.

Jennifer: What needs to be done, first and foremost, what needs to be done to save the world, Cole?
James: Get you to stop talking?

Jennifer: Not everything is preordained, no matter how it may seem. They say things happen for a reason. That is a lie.

Old: I think you need a guide, another primary.
James: Like you?
Old: Ha, this me? I'm no spring chicken anymore. Can't see 'em like I used to in my head. It happens as we age, the voices fade.
James: What about the you from 2016?
Old: Now she's got the touch! She's got the power!

Patrick: Are you wearing a shower cap?
David: I might be taking preventative measures. I can't afford to have the store infested with lice.
Patrick: By wearing one of our hats that we now can't sell.
Stevie: He doesn't have lice, I already checked his head. I think the shower cap is more of a fashion statement at this point?
Patrick: But just because you don't have them now doesn't mean you won't get it later or whatever?
David: It's almost as if you want me to get lice?
Patrick: I don't want you to get the lice. I think you should be careful. You can crash at my place for the night.
Stevie: Can I crash at your place?
Patrick: [laughing]

Athan: How does one stop what never began? I think you're the answer, Jennifer.
Jennifer: I'm not like you. I can't see the whole puzzle. I don't know what all this means.
Athan: You are not like me. You are better. Whatever these are, these symbols - this is your mission now.

Johnny: What is that? Is that a new lamp?
David: Yeah, I'm thinking of bringing homeware, um, into the store, so that's a write-off.
Johnny: That's a write-off? Do you even know what a write-off is?
David: Uh, yeah. It's when you buy something for your business and the government pays you back for it.
Johnny: Oh. And who pays for it?
David: Nobody. You write it off.
Johnny: WHO writes it off?
David: I don't know, the gov- the "write off" people! Why are we having this conversation?
Stevie: So if I need booze to get through my day, I can just write that off?
David: That's a stretch.
Stevie: But the skin care products you got this morning, those are a write off?
Johnny: What skin care products? You purchased skin care products?
David: OK, I am the face of the company. If I have acne, what does that say about the legitimacy of the store?
Johnny: That's not a write-off! *That's* not a write-off! This: not a write-off!
David: Oh. Well, the bedding's non-refundable, so...
Johnny: David, a write-off is a business expense used to reduce your taxable income.
David: OK, well then why isn't it called a "tax write-off"?
Johnny: IT IS! It is! You can't just buy things for yourself and write them off!
David: Well then I'll return some things. There's not enough space in here for the massage chair anyway.

Guard: What do I care? The world is ending anyway, eh?
Jennifer: Wouldn't sweat it, Czech-y Cheese. I'm just here to do my part.
Guard: In what?
Jennifer: Saving it.
Guard: Americans.

Katarina: Ms. Goines, how's your French?
Jennifer: [in French] You left me in France for five years. I was in plays... I recorded an album that you never listened to. Assholes. I had to learn French or starve to death.

David: There are some very skaggy people who happened to produce a baby that hasn't been taken away from them yet. They are very scummy people
Stevie: Yeah, imagine being related to them. They're my half cousins.
David: Wait you're related to Carl?
Stevie: Not genetically, my mother's sister was married to Carl. He died before Sean got Bree Pregnant or somebody got Bree pregnant. I mean, she's not exactly fussy when it comes to introducing men to her vagina.
David: And was that a factor in his death?
Stevie: I wouldn't be surprised!

Jennifer: You okay? Sleepwalk much? I found you down here going full Nell.

Jennifer: Don't know about monkeys, don't know about primaries. Wasted trip. Next time, vet your sources better.
Dr. Cassandra Railly: YOU were my source, in 2044. You sent me here. Said you could tell me everything about the other primaries. You conveniently left out the part about your BFF pulling a gun on us.
Jennifer: Maybe every version of me thinks you're kind of a bitch.

David: Are you sure you should be cleaning that up? I don't know what that is?
Stevie: I wouldn't be cleaning that up if I didn't know what it was?
David: You were a bit of a mess last night.
Stevie: [Short pause] Did I try to make out with you?
David: No.
[Picks up a thong with a broom handle]
David: Is this your thong?
Stevie: No! Bree is a really classy lady. I found that wrapped around the remote control. Don't worry I threw the remote control out.
David: [David finds a stash of marijuana inside a pillow case] Uh-oh! It looks like someone has a side hustle? Marijuana!
Stevie: If you're asking me if I want to smoke it my answer is yes!
[David shakes the baggie]

Jennifer: [of the Witness] What did he say to you?
Dr. Cassandra Railly: He, um... He told me he wants to destroy time. So there'd be no more death. He made it sound almost beautiful.
Jennifer: Well, it's not. Death is like... everything. It's a time clock that makes us better. Makes us love harder. I don't know. I think it's, like, maybe what makes us human.

Dr. Cassandra Railly: If the meds are preventing you from seeing primaries, taking you off of them might bring back the visions.
Jennifer: You know that's not how it works, right? Hallucinations don't come with an on/off switch. You sure you're a real doctor?

Dr. Cassandra Railly: Technology's brought in from the future. Framework's built here in the past.
James: Why would the Primaries bring us here to the past? Why now?
Jennifer: I don't know. Iceberg Titan before it goes all Titanic? I mean, even I could see that.
Dr. Cassandra Railly: What do you mean, even you?

Katarina: Here is everything we know. We are losing this war against the Witness, and we have but one hope: a weapon forged for us by those who understand time best. Primaries, somewhere, some-when in the ancient past. And they have given us a clue, a riddle to find it.
Jennifer: Climb the steps, ring the bell.
Katarina: And now we know what this bell is. Die Glocke. Discovered by the Ahnenerbe, a pseudoscience division of the SS. It came into the possession of one man, Sturmbannfuhrer Friedrich Waesch. This man was desperate to improve his station in life. This particular manor was seized by Waesch during the occupation for the specific purpose of exhibiting artifacts collected by the Ahnenerbe. He held a gala, our only documented stopping point of the Glocke, from its unknown origin to its appearance here in 1940. Hidden from history after, from this gala to our own altercation in 1966. It is gone.
James: So get it here or never.
Katarina: Infiltrating this gala will be the most difficult mission we've ever dared to endeavor. To underestimate this evil was what allowed it to take root in the first place. Make no mistake, to retrieve this weapon, to destroy the Witness, we need to descend into hell.

Older: "And I come back to you now at the turn of the tide."
Katarina: Holy shit.
Older: [picks up walkie talkie] Radio Egg, I'd like to request a song.
Jennifer: Copy that, Chicken.
[Older Jennifer snorts]
Dr. Cassandra Railly: What are you doing?
Jennifer: [picks song from playlist] Uh, yeah. Good morning, Titan. This is J.H. Bond coming at you from WKRP in 2043. I'm a rockin' the time stream from a.m. to p.m., from BC to AD. Now, this one goes out to Tired in Titan, the sleepy dulcet tones of Olivia Kirschner, longtime listener, first-time Witness, with a face for radio and a voice for NPR. Surprise, bitch!

David: So, how much does that pay?
Stevie: I would say, minimum wage.
David: Which is what - $40, $50 an hour...?

David: [Stoned] Want to know where I got my hat bruh?
Stevie: Where?
David: Assholes-R-Us!
[laughing as Stevie rolls over, falls off of the bed and hits David in the back of his head with her leg]
Bree,93908: [shouting at each other with their baby crying]
David: Oh my god! OH MY GOD! We need to go! We need to go!
[David and Stevie duck into a room next to Bree and Sean's room!]
Sean: [angrily] What the ##ck?
David: [Whispering] I got his hat!
[laughing]
David: [Short pause! David slams Stevie up against the door and they start kissing each other. They then move towards the wall that has the light switch attached to a disco ball. David puts his arms out and drops his empty beer bottles on the floor while Stevie starts to rub her hands up and down David's waist and hips]

Johnny: Moira! Hurry up!
Moira: It's 6:00 AM John! I'm moving as fast as I can! Roland said that he had a going away gift for us but I guess he forgot?
Alexis: Well, I for one would not have missed this for the whole wide world.
David: You're only saying that because you haven't gone to sleep yet.
Stevie: I'm going to miss your Mr. and Mrs. Rose
Johnny: [Hugging Stevie] Thank you, Stevie, that's awfully nice.
Moira: Nice as the smell of the liqueur wafting from your breath.
Stevie: I too haven't gone to sleep yet.
Johnny: Bye Stevie, take care of the place Stevie, and when you get a chance, Room 7 needs a turndown.
[He hands Stevie the keys]
Patrick: Well, safe travels Mr. and Mrs. Rose. David and I can't wait to host you at our house when you come back to visit.
Johnny: Thank you, Patrick.
[Hugs Patrick]
Moira: A courier is coming for the bulk of the luggage.
Alexis: Yes, we know!
Moira: And make sure the girls are delivered in a...
Alexis: Temperature-controlled cargo container!
Johnny: Okay, bye kids!
[Johnny hugs David]
David: [David hugs Johnny] Bye! See you soon!
Moira: Bye! I love you.
[Moira hugs David]
Alexis: [Alexis hugs Johnny] Bye dad!
Johnny: Bye honey!

[Cassie sticks Jennifer with a needle]
Jennifer: Ow! Sedatives for a concussion? My malpractice case against you is growing by leaps and bounds.

Jennifer: Horsemen without horses. Paradox in a box.

Jennifer: You know what the one difference between you and my mother is?
Olivia: What?
[Jennifer stabs Olivia]
Jennifer: I get to say goodbye to you.

Katarina: I need to see this to the end. I have to.
Jennifer: You will. I'm here. I'll push you until the clocks stop and the road runs out.

Jennifer: Tell me what happens. How does this end?
James: There are many endings.
Jennifer: Which is the right one?
Future: [from Cole's memory] The right one...
James: ...is the one you choose.

Alexis: You can trust me.
David: Okay, can I? Because the last time I left you in charge of something...
Alexis: Ugh! This is about those stupid Tamagotchis?
David: Actually, it is.
Stevie: Okay, guys...
Alexis: You left me with six of them, David! Taking care of that many is like a full time job!
David: I left you with six adult Tamagotchis in perfect health! And by the time I came home, they were all dead. You have to, like, actively murder them in order for that to happen.

[Cassie looks at artwork covering the walls of Jennifer's childhood bedroom]
Dr. Cassandra Railly: How long have you been drawing these?
Jennifer: My whole life. Started at stick figures, got better as I got older. My mother hated them. My disturbing images disturbed her already disturbed mind.

Katarina: There once was a serpent who only traveled in one direction; always forward, never backward, until one day, he encountered a demon.
Hannah: It's a story about time. The serpent is time. The demon, Olivia. Devouring its tail, the endless loops. It's insanity.
Dr. Cassandra Railly: The Red Forest.
James: The Seers are Primaries. So that means if the story's true, they have a weapon to fix all this, break the cycles. We need to go back to 1852 to get it.
Jennifer: Uh, pioneer town? Death by dysentery? That's a wagon train of nopes.

David: [Standing on the chair] Everyone? I would just like to say a big congratulations to Team Cabaret. You guys were awesome. Speaking of love...
Roland: [Raspy voice] Somebody got engaged!
David: Speaking of love, I'm so glad that you're all here because Patrick and I have an announcement to make.
Jocelyn: [Very drunk] They're getting married!
David: Jocelyn! I'm the one standing on the chair! Two years ago I went to fill out some paperwork for my business license and little did I know I would meet the love of my
[Moira's phone starts ringing]
David: MY. GOD!
Moira: Sorry, this is me. It's probably press. I'm sorry David I have to take this. I already know about your engagement!
[blows David kisses]
Ronnie: So you're engaged to him?
David: Okay, so this shouldn't be so hard!
Alexis: Oh my god, David spit it out!
David: Oh my god! Fine! I met someone who changed my life and I don't know what I would do without him? So yes, we all know that Patrick and I are engaged!
Moira: NO! NO! NO!
Stevie: My God!
Johnny: [Everyone runs into the other room to find Moira collapsed on the floor] If it's a bad review Moira I wouldn't trust local critics.
Moira: They shelved the Crowing! It's over.
[Moira crawls into a closet, shuts the door and starts crying]
Johnny: [Standing in front of the closet door] Show's over people! Nothing here to see.
David: Okay everyone if you can just leave your champagne flutes here. Unless you still want to make a toast?
[Patrick shakes his head no]
David: Okay just leave your champagne flutes here. Thank you!

Patrick: I have to say this isn't the first time that I was put to work by the Rose family. In high school, I worked at a Rose Video.
Johnny: Get out of town! What branch?
Patrick: 785
Johnny: 785? Impressive late fees!
Patrick: Thank you.
Stevie: Wow!
David: How did I not know that you worked at a Rose Video store?

Stevie: So much for the massage.

Jennifer: I'm doing Dateline here, try to keep up!

Jennifer: Well, it ain't Heaven. Just the Keys.
James: Jennifer?
Jennifer: Hi, Otter Eyes.
James: Is this real?
Jennifer: Kind of the wrong one to ask. What did I always say to you about endings? The right one...
James: Is the one - the one that you choose.
Jennifer: But sometimes... it's the one someone else chooses for them.

Jennifer: Did someone find you?
Jennifer: Yeah. I got this. This guy... is history.
Jennifer: Is that a catchphrase?
Jennifer: Maybe.
Jennifer: Abort catchphrase!

Dr. Julian Adler: I did my damnedest to enter every coordinate, every date, but it's little more than a jumble of data.
Jennifer: Okay... the weapon to destroy the demon... But how would you do that exactly?
Katarina: The loops and tangles of time. To stop something that never started, to end something that never began, you must break them. Untangle...

Jennifer: [about the Splinter Vest] Wait. This isn't yours. It's...
James: It is now.
Jennifer: I think Athan always knew it was a one-way trip. All he wanted to do is save you.
James: Well, he did.
Jennifer: Are you okay?
James: That was a while ago for me.
Jennifer: Which Cole are you?
James: The last one I'm ever gonna be. My friends have been calling me Future Asshole. Listen, you need to find the other me. Your Cole. A lot's gonna happen. It has to for me to get here. He's looking for you. Tracked you all the way here. He'll be by the Charles Bridge tomorrow. Sun up. One last thing. Get him a cheeseburger.

Jennifer: I didn't see either of you two yestertoday. No vacations, work to finish!

Jennifer: Blondie's just gonna have to learn. Time likes Jones just the way she is.

Jennifer: Wise are those who know that they are not wise.

Jennifer: If they paradox even one more primary, game over. Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!

David: Some very scummy people moved in next door!
Stevie: Are they very skaggy?
David: Very skaggy!
Stevie: Imagine being related to them?
David: Wait? You're related to Carl?
Stevie: Not related by blood but my mom's sister married Carl which makes Sean my step-cousin.
David: Wow! And Sean got Bree pregnant?
Stevie: Someone got Bree pregnant. I mean Bree isn't exactly fussy about introducing men to her vagina.

Jennifer: Hey, asshole! Say hello to Future Asshole.

David: [Inside Stevie's Apartment] Come in! Come in! Make yourself at home. There's nothing in the fridge, and I marked the booze so I'll know if you touch it!
Patrick: I noticed the line is a couple of inches above where the whiskey starts!
David: I am stunned by your generosity... where are you going?
Stevie: Out to a spa
Patrick: Which she already told us so maybe just thank her!
David: I did. I thanked her multiple times. Where is this spa?
Patrick: DAVID! Let it go okay!
David: [Knocking on the door] Are you expecting anybody?
Stevie: No, I wasn't.
Jake: [Walking in the door] Hey Pony! Are you ready to go?
Stevie: What are you doing? I told you I would meet you outside!
Jake: I thought I would help you with your bags... David?
David: Pony?
Jake: It's been a while.
[Attempts to kiss David]
Jake: You look good!
[David yanks his face away from Jake's face and hides behind Patrick]
Jake: Who's this guy?
David: That's my... that's?
Patrick: Patrick!
David: Patrick!
Patrick: And you are?
Jake: Picking up Stevie.
Stevie: We're going to go!
Patrick: So you're not giving me a name?
David: So what do you two have planned for tonight?
Jake: Well, it's date night so we're going to spend it in the woods.
David: So you're going to go to the woods to ride your pony! not a spa! So I'd take it that you to are...
Stevie: Still seeing each other, yes!
Jake: When we all broke up Stevie came to end it officially but it didn't stick.
David: It didn't stick. So you're still riding your pony. So, you offering your apartment didn't have anything to do with any guilt you felt with harboring a little secret?
Stevie: Nope! I'm just trying to be a good person so we're going to go.
Jake: Unless you two want to come with us?
Patrick: Nope!
David: I don't think so!
Jake: You do you.
Patrick: See you, man!
[David scratches Patrick's arm like a cat]
Patrick: So, we're going to talk about this right?
David: I'll just get that bottle!
Patrick: Whiskey right?
David: Yeah, the whiskey!

James: [about the grotesque remains of a human body] What the hell is that thing?
Jennifer: The origin... of my father's virus.

Jennifer: Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.

Jennifer: You have no idea how exhausting it is being crazy.
Dr. Cassandra Railly: Maybe that crazy can help save the world.
Jennifer: Wow. There's some manipulation for you.

Jennifer: Lasky! Lasky, time for some real talk, me and you. Olivia: yeah or nay?
Dr. Lasky: Nay.
Jennifer: Killing our friends?
Dr. Lasky: Nay.
Jennifer: Big nay.
Dr. Lasky: Super nay.

Olivia: It was foolish of you to come. Why are you here?
Jennifer: To say adios, amigo. You may have destroyed the Primary weapon, but what it was meant to do, the code, was in here the whole time. But before we fire up the machine and wipe you from time and existence, there's something I thought you should know. You know your brand logo thing, "Copyright, The Witness, TM"? Well, I get it. It's Aramaic for the number 12 mirrored to represent the beginning, the end, blah-blah-blah, yada yada yada, such and such. But with a few little tweaks... Looks like a little penis man. Is that because you're such a dick?

Dr. Cassandra Railly: You're not safe here anymore, especially around me. You need to find someplace else to stay for a while, someplace I don't know about. If the witness can find me, he can find you too.
Jennifer: Okay, please know that I appreciate the irony of what I'm about to say, but what if it was all in your head?

James: "The demon cursed the serpent, driving it insane, causing it to eat its own tail. The serpent was blind. But a few knew the serpent's true path. So they created a weapon to destroy the demon. But it never did. The Seers soon discovered that the only one who could wield the weapon... Was the Demon itself. So the serpent was doomed to circle in madness forever."
Jennifer: How did you know that story?
Bonham: Because he is James Cole. Besides the name, they spoke of something else. The Djinn. The endless cycle. I believe you're now on your way to breaking it.
[Cole unlocks the Ouroboros and takes out a scroll]
Bonham: What is it?
James: It's a time and a place.
Jennifer: It's a new mission.

Katarina: Mr. Cole and Dr. Railly are lost in time. This anomaly is threatening to kill us all. I don't have the time to break on through to the other side with you.
Jennifer: Jim Morrison. Primary.

Jennifer: Moving right along, footloose and fancy free! Wow! Ticky-tock, look at me! I'm a lawnmower! Look! Errr-rrr-rr! You can tell me by the way I walk!
Stacy: Jesus Jennifer, I thought you were on your meds.
Jennifer: I am!

Stevie: Um, happy birthday!
David: Thank you!
Stevie: Is this okay?
David: Yeah! Why?
Stevie: Because he brought you a present. It's very nicely wrapped. So, I think I'm crashing a date.
David: Oh, no. No, no!
Stevie: He thinks you guys were here one-on-one. He bought you a present. I didn't even get you a present.
David: No, I noticed that.
Stevie: Do you want me to look?
David: No, I don't want you to look.
Stevie: [placing Patrick's gift on the table] Okay, I'll just say this. If there's anything remotely sentimental in here, he is on a date with you right now.
Patrick: [returning from the restroom] Oh, I see you found my present?
David: Um, yeah, we just didn't want anything to spill on it.
Patrick: So you put it on the table?
David: Yeah.
Stevie: Open it, David!
Patrick: Oh no no no! You can open it later. It's really not a big deal.
David: [pulling the gift toward himself] This is the first gift that I haven't bought myself in a very long time, so thank you.
Patrick: You're going to be so underwhelmed when you open it. Trust me, its not... See, it's nothing.
Stevie: What is it?
Patrick: It's just the receipt from our first sale at the store.
David: Um, this is not nothing, so thank you.
Twyla: I overheard that someone wanted mozzarella sticks for their birthday. Pretty sure I scraped off all the freezer burn.
Patrick: Wow, look at those.
Twyla: Do you guys need anything else, cause I'm heading out?
Stevie: You know what, I have to go too. I totally forgot. I'm gonna take some to go.
Twyla: Okay, I should warn you, those don't travel well. Even coming from the kitchen, they lost a lot of shape.
[Stevie signals to David that Patrick is a good one and then she leaves]
David: Um, this is a very solid frame.
Patrick: Thank you, I'm learning.

Jennifer: One does not simply walk into Mordor.
Deacon: That's some Tolkien shit, right?
Jennifer: Yeah.
Deacon: I snoozed through those.

David: Stevie!
Stevie: I'm sorry I'm late. I went to Almdale and got stuck in traffic.
Jocelyn: Stevie! Thank god you're here!
David: I'm sorry. I never should have told you!
Stevie: No! Patrick gave me his blessing to pick something up. I hate driving to Almdale I could have done this any other time this week but I will yell at Patrick later.
David: I thought you were upset?
Stevie: These are for you. Soon you'll be moving in with Patrick and I won't be around to give you towels when you need them.
David: Thank you. I love the monogram and the thread colour choice. I love you in this outfit!
Stevie: Hey! Pretty soon you're going to be a married man. Oh! Mrs. Rose, Were you planning on taking my place?
Moira: No, I was just here to offer support. Excuse me I'll just go.
[Weeping]
David: Good luck!

Jennifer: We have to go monkey hunting. Okay, what's the natural predator of the monkey?... Hyena! Like a pack of hyenas! We'll take the fight to them, Cassie!

Stevie: [Slowly] Why does it look like Mrs. Rose is following me?
Johnny: She paid extra for that.

Jennifer: No means no! Take back the night! Stop the insanity!

Katarina: Ms. Goines... remember, your plan... your mission... your responsibility. If it goes awry, please have the good sense to pull back.
Jennifer: Any other words, Jonesy?
Katarina: Don't fuck up.
Jennifer: A real Tony Robbins, this one.

Clive: Ah, welcome to Elmbridge Manor!
[Turning to Patrick and Stevie]
Clive: And you must be the happy couple!
Patrick: Oh no, not quite!
Stevie: God no!
Clive: [Turning to Stevie and Alexis] Oh ladies. I'm so sorry. Congratulations. Champagne?
David: Hi! I'm David Rose! I'm the one who's getting married!

Katarina: [sees the Fuhrer] Is that...
Jennifer: It ain't Chaplin.

Patrick: [Looking at David] Just think if we hadn't put these babies up front we wouldn't have sold two of them today.
Stevie: And a brush!
David: But at what price!
Patrick: I think the markup is good.
David: [Moving his arms in a contortionist way] No! No! No! Fine! I'm terrible at compromise. There! I said it! Like Beyonce, I excel as a solo artist and my mom dressed me well into my teens!
Stevie: Let it out David, let it out!
David: I'm sorry but I know what looks correct. And this situation looks incorrect! Plungers up front in a store are incorrect, breath mints where the lip balms should be incorrect, these mountaineering shoes my boyfriend is wearing like Oprah on a Thanksgiving Day hike incorrect!
Patrick: I'm sorry? What did you say?
David: I said that the mints need to be moved. The plungers need to be.
Patrick: You don't like my shoes?
David: I didn't say that.
Stevie: No, I heard him say that too.
Patrick: I'll just take my shoes off
David: Or not. I didn't say that you had to take them off.
Stevie: I think my work here is done.
David: What work is that?
[Stevie exits the Apothecary with a plunger in her hand]
Patrick: My boyfriend doesn't like my shoes so I'll just take them off.
David: [David sits in Patrick's lap] But before you do that just so you know socked feet in a public place is also incorrect.
Patrick: We all do what we need to do.
[David and Patrick kiss each other]

Future: A wise man once told me, "There are many endings. But the right one is the one you choose.

Jennifer: [of Olivia] That is not a woman. It's a chameleon. Whatever you see is what she wants you to see. And if she smiles at you, it's because she wants you dead. That isn't someone who's ever been anywhere she didn't want to be.

David: This was a beautiful choice!
Stevie: This was a lovely choice! I should head to work. Which is where I should have been 15 minutes ago.
[Stepping outside the door]
David: Stevie? Oh, Stevie? It's those towels again! We need towels.
Stevie: David!
David: What?
Stevie: Your father saw me outside.
[Short pause]
Stevie: ##CK! Your dad can't know about this. It's humiliating to me.
Johnny: Stevie? Is the room that has towels in if? If it is I'd like a key.
Johnny: [opens the door] Here you go.
David: Okay, this is a facecloth and a bath mat.
Johnny: I'll be more than happy to get you a towel, Mr. Rose.
Stevie: Stevie? Stevie?
[Stevie makes the shut up gesture to David]
Johnny: [Short pause] Stevie? Is there anyone in there?
Johnny: No, Mr. Rose!
David: Are you in any danger? Blink if you're in any danger?
Stevie: No!
Johnny: Well, I'm going to go now,
[Softly]
Johnny: , and I'm going to call the police!
Stevie: No, Mr. Rose please don't call the police.
David: DAD PLEASE, JUST TAKE THE TOWELS AND GO!
David: [Stevie opens the door all the way revealing David in bed] Oh? I'm going to go now!

Jennifer: Did you ever think of maybe doing something, but not doing it?
James: I'm getting pretty tired of hearing you talk in circles.
Jennifer: You're tired of hearing me talk in circles? I'm tired of you going around in them.

Jennifer: He told me, Cole. You. You did it. You killed Daddy. That... that is... awesome!

Jennifer: Hecky, I asked you to please be careful with the grenades. We got a discount for a reason.

Johnny: [soto voce] Is anyone in there with you?
Stevie: [alarmed] What? No!
Johnny: [still whispering] Are you in trouble? Blink if you're in trouble!

Jennifer: Can't stop the plague. No, can't undo that.
José: You know who started it?
Jennifer: Yes. No. There's only one who truly knows. Sees. Did see. Will see. The Witness.
José: How do I find him?
Jennifer: Tell me where Cole is and I'll give you what you need.
José: Cole's gone. I don't know where. How do you know what I need?
[she produces an amulet]
Jennifer: Take it. It's yours. You're gonna need it later. You're a good friend. Not yet. But you will be.

Jennifer: Flag on the play, Otter-eyes. And, yes, I will always call you that. But okay, we gotta go. We came, we saw, we kicked their ass. Time will take what it's owed.

Dr. Cassandra Railly: I know this, Fear City. This is New York City in the 1970s. Fiscal crisis, high crime. Police made pamphlets to give to tourists. I saw it in a documentary about the origins of hip-hop.
Jennifer: Well, aren't you full of surprises?

Jennifer: Imaginary friends aren't supposed to be dicks.
Jennifer: Yeah, yeah. Just bustin' your balls, psycho.

David: I shouldn't have eaten those eggs.
Stevie: I can't believe I'm trapped under a blanket with you knowing that you ate those eggs. I bet Patrick's fridge is fully stocked.
David: What does that mean?
Stevie: It means that he's got his life together. He's a pretty eligible bachelor. Patrick?
David: I suppose!
[Stevie turns her head at David]
David: What? He's my business partner?
Stevie: Aren't they all?
David: What are you doing?
Stevie: Well, you two seem to get along together well.
David: Because we're in business together and compliment each other well.
Stevie: But he offered to let you stay over at his place?
David: Because unlike you and I, he's extremely generous and has no ulterior motive.
Stevie: Then why are you here and not there?
David: Because you invited me over first.
Stevie: But I didn't.
David: Because it would be weird?
Stevie: If nothing's going on then why would it be weird?
David: Because we're in business together and I don't know what his preferences are?
Stevie: Well, you're not going to find out what his preferences are in a sleepover with me.
David: Well, I wouldn't be sharing a bed with him. I would be in some guest bedroom.
Stevie: Guest bedroom? What is he? Bill Gates?
David: Yes, he's Bill Gates!
Stevie: I like this for you!
David: Like what? There's nothing to like!
Stevie: You seem flustered!
David: I'm not flust... Maybe it's the eggs?

Pallid: Jennifer, you deceived us.
Jennifer: Shit, no, son. I'm Honest Abe. I'm chopping down cherry trees.

Jennifer: Daddy didn't make money, he married it. More opportunist than genius.

Jennifer: You need to do *something* but *nothing*. Think about it!

Jennifer: Don't worry, Cole, be happy.
James: What is wrong with you?

Stevie: So, just to be clear, um... I'm a red wine drinker.
David: That's fine.
Stevie: Okay, cool. But, uh, I only drink red wine.
David: Okay.
Stevie: And up until last night, I was under the impression that you too only drank red wine. But I guess I was wrong?
David: [nods knowingly] I see where you're going with this. Um... I do drink red wine. But I also drink white wine.
Stevie: Oh.
David: And I've been known to sample the occasional rosé. And a couple summers back, I tried a merlot that used to be a chardonnay...
Stevie: Uh... okay.
David: ...which got a bit complicated.
Stevie: Yeah, so... you're just really open to all wines.
David: I like the wine and not the label. Does that make sense?
Stevie: [smiles] Yes. That does.

Stevie: How many years have I've know you, and I still can't figure out what goes on inside your head?
David: Join the club.

Stevie: Well, the Lover's Curry was a mistake. I know that Patrick should have told you about his past dating history. But why didn't you ask him about his
David: His past dating history?
Stevie: His past dating history?
David: Because historically speaking the more and more I talked about my dating history the less and less interested they became in me.

David: Wow, Ted, this is all very... new looking - did you design it yourself?
Ted: I wish! No, I found this website online that sells off old department store show rooms.
Stevie: So this whole room...
Ted: Just gets delivered, as is. This is the Bachelor's Den here, and then that's the Executive Dining Lounge that I got on Black Friday.

Olivia: Jennifer, it's good to see you again. The reports of your recent wellness were quite pleasing to me.
Jennifer: My wellness? Who told you that, your spy?
Olivia: Stacy was there to watch over you, ensure your safety.
Jennifer: I'm tied to a chair. Epic fail.

Seer: When I drink, I can see them.
Jennifer: Who?
Seer: The ones who sent you here from long ago.
Jennifer: Primaries? When/where are they? I need to talk to them. I need to see what you see.
[picks up drink]
Seer: You must not. Death is there. A watcher. Looking for you.
Dr. Cassandra Railly: Olivia.
Seer: The Witness must never know of the weapon that the Seers have made for you.
James: A weapon to destroy the demon. How do we find it?
Seer: Climb the steps. Ring the bell.
Jennifer: Climb the steps. Ring the bell. I-I used to hear that all the time in my head.

Jennifer: Everything's changing. Green to red. Everything's changing. Green to red. Everything's changing.

Jennifer: So welcome to 2020. That number usually represents perfect vision, but it looks like you two aren't seeing too clearly.

Stevie: Roland, I know, he gave me his new business card.
Johnny: I never saw so many typos on a business card.

Jennifer: When I was a kid, I used to keep a diary - all the rules I wanted to break and all the wacky shenanigans needed for success. But, I'd always, always get caught. I'd go and do a thing, and there she'd be, Mommy-not-so-dearest. How did she know? Hm! My diary. Turns out, I was writing about the future in the past tense. #PrimaryProblems.

Alexis: Hey, does this place have any king sized sheets?
Johnny: Alexis, what the hell are you doing?
Alexis: Just giving myself some more space. There's a lot going on in my life right now. Like, Ted keeps harassing me for an answer to the whole, "Am I gonna marry him?" thing, and then there's the whole Mutt issue, which is very complicated, and sexy, so I'm just - I don't know what to do!
Stevie: I take it you haven't heard from David...
Alexis: [dismissively] Okay, yeah, fine. And David's missing.

Jennifer: The actor does not say good-bye to her audience, only good-night, and then wakes up, and does it all over again.

James: Where did you find them, again?
Jennifer: You wanna start an antisocial organization, you need antisocial personalities, right? Sprung them from a handful of institutions. I mean, sure a few of them are borderline personality but very dedicated. Yeah, it's like the A-Team with all Murdocks!

David: I am sorry if my mom accused you of taking something.
Stevie: It's fine.
David: Okay, but does this mean that when you're cleaning our rooms, you're gonna put weird stuff in our beds, out of spite, or something?
Stevie: I won't be cleaning your room.
David: Okay, can I ask you a question?
Stevie: Shoot.
David: I think you're kind of rude.
Stevie: Is that a question?
David: I have asked you thrice now for a towel, so that I may wash this town off my body. Do you think I wanna be here?
Stevie: Do you think I wanna be here?
David: I don't know what you want, you've given me one-word answers since I got here.
Stevie: So if I get you a towel, you'll stop following me to my car?
David: Yes! Yes.
Stevie: Fine. But I'm only doing this because you called me rude, and I take that as a compliment.

Stevie: He's coming! He's coming!
David: Okay, he's coming, he's coming. We're going to shout out SURPRISE because HAPPY BIRTHDAY was too wordy and we couldn't nail it at the rehearsals.
Stevie: SURPRISE!
Patrick: OH MY GOD DAVID! You told me we were going out for a casual dinner?
Johnny: Happy birthday Patrick!
[Patrick hugs David then he goes over and hugs his parents]
Alexis: Happy birthday!
Patrick: What is going on? You told me you were out of town?
Clint: Well, we are!

Jennifer: Welcome to casa de childhood trauma.

Stevie: [Knocks on Johnny and Moira's door] Mr. Rose, there's a dead body in room 4
Johnny: Stevie come in!
Johnny: I don't think that's a very relevant question, Moira. I mean we can't have people finding out that there's a dead body in the room
Alexis: Ooh!
Alexis: There's a dead body in the room?
David: I knew there was going to be a murder here so I'm just going to pack up and I assume we're moving out?
Johnny: No, we're not moving out and everybody calm down. There hasn't been a murder here
Stevie: The old man in room 4 died alone in his sleep.
David: Why do I find that scenario to be even more bone-chilling than murder?
Moira: Stevie, do we know how this man expired?
Stevie: Do I look like a coroner?
Alexis: I don't think you want that question to be answered.

Jennifer: [of her Hyenas] I freed them, I feed them, and now I lead them.

Jennifer: This thing falls in the wrong hands - brimstone, horsemen, zombies, crazy clowns - you know, party's over.
Ivan: Oh, um... um, for, for who? For Markridge?
Jennifer: For everyone.

David: I thought you loved Jake?
Stevie: Nobody loves Jake. Only Jake loves Jake.

James: We need more time. Gotta stop that bomb.
Jennifer: Uh, you want to *save* Hitler? That's the opposite of what you do with a time machine.