150 Best Tricia Helfer Quotes

Charlotte: We'll start by stating our grievances. Who'd like to go first?
Mazikeen: She lied and betrayed me. Next.

Lucifer: [about Azrael's blade] What am I supposed to do, dip it in some whiskey and light a match?
Charlotte: Last time it caught flame, you were angry, so think about your Father, that should do it. L
Lucifer: All right.
[Stares at the knife dramatically. Nothing happens]
Lucifer: Nope. Right, back to my whiskey plan.

Lucifer: When Charlotte had her mini-death, she went to Hell. Forest haunted her Hell loop and now is haunting her nightmares... which, sidebar, Dan is also a part of, so things are heating up there.
Charlotte: Oh, well, that sure is nonsense.
Lucifer: Oh, don't worry. The detective won't believe me.
[Chloe glares at him]
Lucifer: See? It's classic us.

Amenadiel: I'm trying my best
Charlotte: That's what makes you perfect.

Lucifer: Amenadiel seems to think I owe you a chat. So I'll start by saying I do not forgive you.
Charlotte: I deserve that.

Izzy: You took my advice.
Chris: How's that?
Izzy: You didn't go for the kill shot.

Chloe: Did you bring the tapes?
Adrian: Sorry, but no.
Chloe: What? Why not?
Charlotte: [entering the conference room] Because I told him not to. I'm Mr. Yates' attorney and the LAPD isn't laying a finger on those tapes.
Lucifer: [surprised] Mum?

Charlotte: If I fell apart every time a man told me the he didn't like what I was doing, I'd be in a million pieces right now.

Tracey: [walking in and seeing Gaius on his knees seemly in prayer; not knowing that Number Six had been comforting him by saying she was there for him] That is so beautiful.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: [he opens his eyes and looks around] Hello. Sorry, what?
Tracey: The way you were praying.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: [noticing he had his palms together in an attitude of prayer] Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, thank you, yeah.
Tracey: [she comes over and sits down facing Gaius] Not some hollow ritual.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: No, no.
Tracey: It's as if the Gods are right here beside you.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Well, yeah.
Tracey: When I pray to the gods...
[we see Number Six watching them with interest]
Tracey: I feel empty.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Do you? That's a shame, isn't it?
Number: Her gods are false. Tell her.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: [Tracey reaches up and strokes his hair] Well, if you feel empty when you pray to Zeus or Poseidon or Aphrodite, it's because it is. It's a totally empty experience.
[she begins unbuttoning Gaius' shirt]
Dr. Gaius Baltar: They're not real. They've been promulgated by a ruling elite, to stop you from learning the truth.
Tracey: And what truth is that?
Tracey: That's a very good question. What is the... the...
Number: There's only one God.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: [Tracey begins unbuttoning her blouse] There is only one God. In a nutshell, that's the truth. We're alone here,aren't we? The others aren't coming back soon.
[She grins and shakes her head]
Dr. Gaius Baltar: And the door's locked. All right, good.
Tracey: [She takes Gaius' hands and places them on her uncovered breasts] Can you feel God's presence?
Dr. Gaius Baltar: You know what? I think I do.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: So do I.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Do you? Do you, too? We both feel...
[Fade as they start to kiss and slide toward the floor]

Harvey: I'm here to tell you you made your point.
Evan: And what point is that?
Harvey: If you drop any charges against Donna, we'll drop the lawsuit against you.
Evan: Well, that's not a very even trade.
Harvey: I'm giving your client the chance to get away with murder.
Evan: Last I checked, my client wasn't being charged with murder, and I don't need you to drop your suit, because you have no case.
Harvey: No case? Your client put a faulty train on those tracks, people died, and they knew it could happen the whole time.
Evan: And you have no proof.
Harvey: And where I come from, you cut a deal with me to make sure I stop looking.
Evan: Then I guess we come from different places, because I didn't give that video to the district attorney to leverage you into a deal. I did it to blow you out of the water.

[a platinum blond Six has just killed Jean Barolay and is being held down by Anders who's holding a gun to her head. Starbuck has been trying to keep Anders from taking revenge. When another Six, an darker blond and the apparent leader of the Sixes on the damaged Baseship, intervenes]
Number: Why sister?
Platinum: [Looking down at the floor] I just couldn't let it go. On New Caprica...
Number: [the darker blond 6 squats down beside her while Anders continues holding her down at gun-point] She was the one?
Platinum: I never did anything to her. We were working at the water treatment plant, and she just...
Number: I know. I remember. After you downloaded, we tried to work through this.
Platinum: How do you work through something like that? Never forget her expression as I tried to scream. Just slapped tape over my mouth and threw me in that septic tank.
Ensign: You shut your frakking mouth!
Platinum: I still see her face when I try and sleep.
[Looking up at her sister Six]
Platinum: We were trying to help these people
Number: I know. I know. I wish there was something I could do.
Platinum: Then I'm glad it's you.
[the darker blond Six reaches down and cradles her sister's face tenderly. They kiss. She then stands up and calmly walks around behind Anders. She reaches down and pulls the trigger of the gun he's holding to her sister Six's head]
Ensign: [Everyone is shocked, not quite believing what just happened. Sam jumps up and points his gun at the darker blond Six] Gods damn it!
Number: [Looking at Anders] No Resurrection ship. You understand? She's just as dead as your friend.
Number: [Walks over to Starbuck] Is that enough human justice for you? Blood for blood?a

Brother: We have a stand-off, very predictable. They have the Eye and they'll nuke it if we try to take it, and we'll shoot them down if they try bringing it up to Galactica.
Leoben: Are we sure that they have it? How do we know they're not bluffing?
Dr. Gaius Baltar: You don't.
D'Anna: We Threes feel that we can't afford to take the chance.
Brother: I think we're missing the big picture here. We have the oppotunity to rid the universe of the human pestilence, once and for all.
Number: We can discuss that after we get the Eye of Jupiter, after we find the path to Earth.
Brother: Let me point out that it doesn't matter if we find Earth in five days, or if we find Earth in five thousand years. We're machines. We'll still be around to savor the great miracle. So let them destroy the Eye, if indeed they have it. We have to take advantage of the situation and take down Galactica once and for all... or we could stand here and do nothing.

Dan: Charlotte? How could you do this to me?
Charlotte: What exactly? I've done several things to you.
Dan: Did you sleep with me to get intel on this case?
Charlotte: Of course, but it's not like you didn't get anything out of it.

Dr. Gaius Baltar: I don't understand.
Number: Life has a melody, Gaius... A rhythm of notes that become your existence once played in harmony with God's plan. It's time to do your part and realize your destiny.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Which is what exactly?
Number: You are the guardian and protector of the new generation of God's children. First member of our family will be with us soon, Gaius. It's time to make your choice.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: But I don't understand what you're talking about. Really I don't understand.
Number: Come. See the face of the shape of things to come. Isn't she beautiful, Gaius?

Charlotte: [after sending Lucifer a trio of strippers] I tried to find ones that resemble your detective. Then again, all humans look alike to me.
Lucifer: No, you did, um, well, remarkably well. But what on Earth for?
Charlotte: Since anger didn't work, I wanted to incite a different emotion. See if that would get the sword fired up.
Lucifer: A foursome isn't an emotion, Mum!

Number: [after he cut off her sexual advances] But, I want to make you feel better.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Cut off my legs. I ran. Again. I disappeared in the nick of time, again.

Charlotte: At least I've managed to keep this flesh sack in one piece. It has not been easy. Quite a few of the male species have been eying me hungrily. Do humans eat their own?

Linda: You scared me! God!
Charlotte: *Goddess*.

Charlotte: These humans are awful. They breathe through their mouths, and they won't shut up about something called "gluten".

Lucifer: Charlotte, where are you going?
Charlotte: To join the Peace Corps, donate my entire savings to an orphanage, or build a shelter for blind, one-legged puppies.
Lucifer: Well, as long as you're not being over-dramatic.

Gina: [first thing the tortured Cylon POW says, sobbing] I want to die. Will you help me do that? Will you kill me, please?

Charlotte: Deep down, I know what I helped cover up was murder.
Lucifer: I believe her.
Chloe: Really?
Lucifer: Mm.
Chloe: Why?
Lucifer: Well, which quintessential response would you like? The obscure enigmatic one or the blunt nonsensical one?

[last lines]
Head: [walking together through New York City's Times Square 150,000 years later] Commercialism, decadence, technology run amok... remind you of anything?
Head: Take your pick: Kobol; Earth - the real Earth, before this one; Caprica before The Fall.
Head: "All of this has happened before..."
Head: But the question remains: does all of this have to happen again?
Head: This time, I bet "no."
Head: You know, I've never known you to play the optimist. Why the change of heart?
Head: Mathematics. Law of averages. Let a complex system repeat itself long enough, eventually something surprising might occur. That, too, is in God's plan.
Head: You know It doesn't like that name.
[she gives him a look]
Head: Silly me. Silly, silly me.

Charlotte: Children always find new ways to test us.

Linda: What kind of guy?
Charlotte: A tall, serious black man. Bald.
Linda: Bald, like, in a... in a very sexy way?
Charlotte: Yes. You know him?
Linda: [Covering] Uh, no. No. Just, um, painting a picture.

Charlotte: Looking for booze?
Ella: Yeah. And Maze's bong, and decent music, and a strapping naked dude with student loans and a dream.

Number: Don't make me angry, Gaius. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

[repeated line, which a Six copy asks whenever it meets a human for the first time]
Number: Are you alive?

Number: Number Six: Sometimes you have to do things you hate, so you can survive to fight another day.

Charlotte: Well, what am I supposed to do, just sit here and hide?
Lucifer: See a movie, go to a museum. Catch up on what's happened over the past few thousand years. You'd be surprised.

Charlotte: I need medical attention. I'm wounded.
Linda: Then go to a hospital.

Charlotte: Two weeks and no word. I mean, a mother has needs, don't you agree?
Hot: Okay, uh... I got to go.
[Runs off]
Charlotte: You're a terrible kisser.

Charlotte: If you don't let all the icky feelings out, things tend to fester, and turn gangrenous, and, well... nobody likes losing a limb.
Mazikeen: Not true.

Chloe: Is it true you're the head of the Ferrante mob family?
Lucifer: Well, come on. Answer her.
Charlotte: [Defense lawyer instincts kick in] You do not need to answer that.
Frankie: I don't?
Charlotte: [Backtracks] ... But it would be helpful if you did.
Lucifer: Right. Enough of this "bad cop, worse cop."

Charlotte: I was hoping that you could help clear things up with one simple question. What's my husband's name?
Amenadiel: Um... God... Frey. Godfrey.

Charlotte: I was hoping that you had some memory-jogging techniques Perhaps some mental exercises I could do, preferably, while I'm sleeping because that's four hours a day I don't need to waste just sleeping.

Charlotte: Lucifer may be stubborn, but he listens to you.
Mazikeen: Hate to break it to you, but if you're buttering me up, it ain't gonna work. You have bad news to give your son? Suck it up and do it yourself.

Lucifer: This is the real way to move forward, Mum. To create a whole new world. Your own world, without Father.
Charlotte: What about you? Amenadiel, my children?
Lucifer: You know that if we go back to Heaven, then there will be a war. And in war... there are always casualties.
Charlotte: The last thing I want is to hurt my children.
Lucifer: I know. So, please... . Let there be light.

Charlotte: I'm sorry, but I'm going to need to borrow your bike.
[Knees guy]
Charlotte: Don't worry, it's for God.

Number: [Baltar has just shot and killed Lt. Crashdown] Now you're a man.

Charlotte: [watching a mac and cheese commercial] Mazikeen. What is this strange, gooey substance that this boy is cooing about?
Mazikeen: You watching porn?

Charlotte: [to passing person] Your casserole tastes like roadkill.
[Walks up to man]
Charlotte: Oh, and you. Stop telling stories about your children, 'cause no one cares.
[Sees woman]
Charlotte: Hmm, Sally.
Woman: Hi, Charlotte.
Charlotte: It's not the clothes that make you look fat. It's the fat.
Woman: Ugh!
[Huffs off]
Charlotte: Yeah. Oof.
[Runs into Ella]
Charlotte: And you... . You are pretty great, actually.
Ella: Uh, thanks?

Number: I'm so proud of you, Gaius.
Doctor: Why? Because I've taken a life?
Number: It makes you human.
Doctor: Is it? Not conscious thought? Not poetry, or art, or music, literature? Murder. Murder is my heritage. Is that the lesson I'm supposed to pass on to our child?

Charlotte: I apologize for my human form, but... at least this one has supreme hindquarters.
Lucifer: You're lying.
Charlotte: No. They're quite sturdy, feel it.
Lucifer: I wasn't referring, nor will I ever refer, to your butt, Mother.

- with that mentally ill nightclub owner, w-what's-his-name.
Erika: [ecstatic] Lucifer!
- Lucifer!
Lucifer: That's right, say my name. Say my name.
Charlotte: Lucifer?
- Is anyone here?

[last lines]
Number: If only they knew that everyone passes these days.
Doctor: Why, it's so much simpler that way. No muss, no fuss.
Number: So...
[pause]
Number: What did her test really say?
Doctor: I'll never tell.
[Baltar is grinning, spinning in his chair alone]

Charlotte: [talking to herself] You are not crazy. No one knows you can't remember the last few months. You will pretend that you do. Own it. You will not give them a reason to put you in a padded cell.

Charlotte: I'd rather not put Daniel in... an awkward position. Hate to ruin all the good ones we've been in.

Ben: Where the hell is security?
[Guards arrive]
Ben: Thank God.
Charlotte: I don't think God's on your side, Ben.

Charlotte: I've been trying to find the right way to tell you. But there is no right way, because the truth...... is... this is your Father's doing. Chloe... is His doing... He put her in your path.

Charlotte: I just don't understand. Of all the things that you could do with your talents, law enforcement?
Lucifer: Have you considered I might enjoy exploring humanity?
Charlotte: They eat, darling. All they do is eat. And then afterwards, the food comes out changed and not for the better.

Number: You know what I miss?... Sports.

Charlotte: I just want a chance to start - OVER.
Lucifer: But... going HOME?... That's not starting over-that's-that's going BACKwards...
[realizing the meaning of Chloe's words]
Lucifer: ... and that's not good for anyone... so it's time for you to move forward, mum.

Lucifer: Perhaps we shouldn't have borrowed from Maze. Her clothing is insufficient.
Charlotte: Yes. Half my hide is exposed. Human attire is very impractical.

Charlotte: Is there anything that... you'd like to apologize for, Mazikeen?
Mazikeen: She just said she boned my ex. I didn't do anything.
Charlotte: Well, it always takes two to tango.
Mazikeen: Yeah, Linda and Amenadiel. One, two, naked tango. Me, screwed.

Doctor: [Baltar has a two-way argument with Roslin and Number Six at the same time] Well, quite frankly, I don't give a flying frak whether you believe me or not, all right? Because I've had it, I am... I'm tired of being pushed and prodded around like I'm some kind of toy. I'm not your plaything!
Number: [simultaneously, in stereo] Plaything?
Doctor: I don't work for you and uh, quite frankly, I don't have to sit any more and take this kind of abuse from either of you!... Er,
[points at Billy]
Doctor: *you* either... either in *here*, either in there, wherever it is...

[SPOILER]
Lt. Felix Gaeta: [Running into President Baltar's quarters] Mr. President! Mr. President?
Doctor: [mutters in displeasure]
Lt. Felix Gaeta: Gaius. Gaius!
Doctor: Yeah, what is it?
Lt. Felix Gaeta: The Cylons just jumped into orbit. And the fleet's jumped away.
Number: Judgment day.

Dan: I'll also be watching to make sure you don't sneak out and disappear.
Charlotte: Because you'd miss me if I did?
Dan: You know what? Maybe I would.

Shirley: Jack!
- Thank god, you're okay.
- There's a man in Lily's dressing room.
- I made sure he saw me put the bracelet in the safe, just like you said.
- Go, before he gets away!
- You're an angel, shirl.
- Go!
- Okay.

Charlotte: I'm preparing myself for damnation.
Amenadiel: In a three star hotel?
Charlotte: It's what I deserve.

Bianca: I can't even count the times that Chet has come close to destroying everything I've built.
Charlotte: Children always find new ways to test us.
Lucifer: [Listening from the police van] She's talking about Amenadiel.
Charlotte: Put us through Hell.
Lucifer: ...That one's me.

Lt. Felix Gaeta: [pointing a pistol at Baltar] I believed in you!
Number: Whoa, whoa, Gaeta.
Lt. Felix Gaeta: I believed in the dream of New Caprica.
Number: Gaeta, we all did.
Lt. Felix Gaeta: No! No. Not him. He believed in the dream of Gaius Baltar. The good life. Booze, pills, hot and cold running interns. You led us to the Apocalypse...

Doctor: Then who, or what... are you... exactly?
Number: I'm an angel of God sent here to protect you. To guide you. To love you.
Doctor: To what end?
Number: To the end of the human race.

Number: Procreation is one of God's commandments.
Doctor: Really? Well, I'm sure someday if you're a good Cylon, he'll reward you with a lovely little walking toaster of your very own.

Number: Our ship can heal itself. But most of our Raiderswere destroyed in the ambush. We're asking for you help here. We can't do it alone.
President: What could possibly motivate us to trust you now? What have you got?
Lt. Sharon 'Athena' Agathon: The boxing facility resides within the Cylon Resurrection Hub. This hub controls the functions of every Resurrection ship in existence.
Lt. Sharon 'Athena' Agathon: It protects itself by periodically jumping to a new set of coordinates and relaying them back to the Baseship.
Number: [Standing up] Madame President, you asked for a reason to help us. Vengeance. You destroy the Hub, Cylons lose their ability to download. All of us.
President: Why would you be willing to lose your ability to resurrect?
Number: We're rebels. We can't go back. What matters most to us is being with the Five. D'Anna will be able to identify them. We'll take you to the hub if you help us unbox D'Anna.

Crewman Specialist Cally: [Chief Tyrol has been wrongly accused by Col. Tigh of being a Cylon] I've known the Chief for years. He's no Toaster!
Doctor: He was involved with Lieutenant Valerii, who most certainly is a Toaster.
Number: That word is racist! I don't like it!
Crewman Specialist Cally: Sure... he's shown some bad judgment getting involved with her. But that doesn't mean he's a Toaster. You've got to help him.
Number: Say something, Gaius. Tell her you won't have racial epithets used in your presence!

Dr. Gaius Baltar: [Walking through Galactica with the Cylon delegation] I can't believe how much I actually miss this place.
Number: You know you can't return. They'd toss you out the nearest airlock and then throw a party.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Yes, I know. Still, I can't help feeling I'm finally home.
Number: If you're really a Cylon, one of the final five, then these feelings are just part of your programming, part of your cover.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: And if I'm a human being after all, if I'm not one of the final five, then this is the last chance I'll get to see my kind again.

Bianca: So glad you can make it. How are the children?
Charlotte: They're angels.

Doctor: Lieutenant Thrace! Good to see you!
Lt. Kara 'Starbuck' Thrace: Good to see you too!
Doctor: Really?
Lt. Kara 'Starbuck' Thrace: No!
Number: Oh!
Doctor: I wonder if she's a real blonde.
Number: I doubt it.

Linda: Did you guys find the booze?
Ella: Exactly. We should be nipple-deep in Jaeger by now and playing pin the tail on Ryan Gosling. I can't believe that Maze legit hijacked my bachelorette party.
Charlotte: You mean *Chloe's* bachelorette party.
Ella: ...That's what I said.

Charlotte: If you didn't want the blade found, you shouldn't have left it in a hole in the ground!
Lucifer: A filled-in hole in the middle of nowhere, which no one would've possibly found if not for you.
Charlotte: Yes. Well... there's that.
Lucifer: Besides, where else am I gonna hide it? Lux? You know how many people traipse through there each week?
Charlotte: Well, I don't know. Your bedroom, then.
Lucifer: Worse.

Doctor: Over there, between those two peaks, I saw some terrain that looked good for cultivation.
Number: Cultivation?
Doctor: Yes. You know, I know about farming.
[suddenly starts weeping for his father, who was a farmer]
Number: Hey.
[gently puts her arm on his shoulder]
Number: I know.
[kisses him]
Number: I know you do.

Charlotte: I want what your father took from me. I want my home back. But I know that's not possible. So I want to do what I can to be a good mother to you here, on Earth.
Lucifer: It's too late. You abandoned me, Mum. You just stood by and watched as I was cast out. Thrown into Hell and vilified for all eternity. There aren't enough cheesy noodles in the universe to fix all that, I'm afraid,

Charlotte: He said I was his stepmom. But he's a grown man. I mean, his father would have to be ancient.
Linda: [laughs awkwardly] Right!
Charlotte: I mean, as if I would go running around marrying old men and then forgetting all about it.
[pause]
Charlotte: Would I?

Charlotte: I got you covered. I'll put in a word with the big guy.
Dan: With Pierce?
Charlotte: No, think bigger.
Dan: The commissioner?
Charlotte: It's an anadrome for D-O-G.

Trixie: I like you. You're funny.
Charlotte: And you're... short.

Trixie: You don't have kids, do you?
Charlotte: Actually, I do. Two. They live with their father.
Trixie: That makes sense.

Charlotte: So you're going to punish me anyway?
Lucifer: I am, indeed. And not because I've been brainwashed by Dad or I'm trying to prove anything. I punish because I'm good at it. I like giving people their due. Makes me happy.

Linda: If this information is as upsetting as you're making it out to be, I'm not interested in being the messenger. Afraid I'm too smart for that.
Charlotte: So what you're saying is I need to find someone he'll trust that is foolish enough to help me deliver the news.
Linda: That's the exact opposite of what I'm suggesting...
Charlotte: Thank you, Doctor. I know just the person.
[Leaves abruptly]
Linda: Now I see the resemblance.

Number: Yesterday, you were facing execution. Today, you're free. Why the long face?
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Oh, gee, I don't know. From President of the colonies to this. King of fools. Probably best to be hated by everyone than loved by this lot. Doomed to live out the rest of my life in this loony bin. I don't know, that might have something to do with my rather savage mood swings.
Number: Relax, Gaius. You think I've brought you this far just to let it end here?
Dr. Gaius Baltar: I need some encouragement. A ray of hope about the future. An inkling.
Number: You've got me. I'm here for you.

Romo: I understand that you had a romantic relationship with my client.
Number: Gaius Baltar is a brilliant, gifted human being. In the time I've known him, he's made a sport out of mendacity and deception. He is narcissistic, feckless, self-centered, and vain. I'm the one who should have stabbed him.
President: Things are looking up.

Charlotte: Just making sure you're not getting into trouble.
Lucifer: Oh, that's no fun.

Charlotte: Uriel is a stubborn boy. When he sets his mind, it doesn't waver. He's not going to give up until he has either me or that detective.
Lucifer: I refuse to believe that. There is always another way.

Chloe: There's Chet. I'll go talk to him.
Charlotte: You know, that's wise. You seem more his type than me, and you're not particularly intimidating, so that should help.
Chloe: Help what?
Charlotte: Well, in seducing him, of course
Chloe: I'm not gonna seduce him, Charlotte.
Charlotte: Not with that posture you're not. Fine. I'll do it.
Chloe: No. No. There's gonna be no seducing!

Charlotte: [to Pierce] Cream? Sugar? Or do you take it dark and bitter like your soul?

Charlotte: They eat, darling. All they do is eat. And then afterwards the food comes out... *changed*. And not for the better.

Charlotte: Your brother is the Lightbringer, Amenadiel. He just needs to apply himself and get angry.
Lucifer: Well, I can't just get ang...
[Amenadiel ouches him in the face]
Lucifer: Aah! Bloody hell!
Amenadiel: Well, it was worth a shot.
Lucifer: Right. Maybe Amenadiel should try it. Here, why don't you hold it, and I'll kick you in the...
[Aims for his groin]
Charlotte: Boys!

Charlotte: She's a sinister genius.
Amenadiel: Mother, come on now.
Charlotte: Here I thought this "Candy" was an insipid dullard. But she may be the most formidable opponent I've ever faced

Charlotte: He said Lucifer was his brother. Which I guess is possible if one of them were adopted. And raised with a different accent.

Charlotte: I feel so good. It's like I'm floating. Although that might be the three gimlets I had at lunch.

Brother: [holding Hera at gunpoint after overpowering a CIC guard] This makes it a lot easier. I just take the girl and I'm out of here!
Admiral: [with a gun trained on Cavil] Not a chance!
Number: Cavil, we won't let you take Hera. You know that.
Brother: I know nothing of the kind. I know I'm going to watch you chase your tail across the universe for another four years.
Colonel: That's not going to happen!
Brother: This thing is the key to my people's survival, and I'm not leaving without it!
Doctor: Hera's not a thing! She's a child, and she holds the key to humanity's survival as well!
Brother: And how do you know that?
Doctor: [glances briefly at Head-Six and Head-Baltar] I see angels, angels in this very room. Now, I may be mad, but that doesn't mean that I'm not right. Because there's another force at work here. There always has been. It's undeniable. We've all experienced it. Everyone in this room has witnessed events that they can't fathom, let alone explain by rational means. Puzzles deciphered in prophecy. Dreams given to a chosen few. Our loved ones, dead, risen. Whether we want to call that "God" or "gods" or some sublime inspiration or a divine force we can't know or understand, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's here. It exists, and our two destinies are entwined in its force.
Brother: If that were true, and that's a big "if", how do I know this force has our best interests in mind? How do you know that God is on your side, Doctor?
Doctor: I don't. God's not on anyone side. God is a force of nature, beyond good and evil. Good and evil, we created those. You wanna break the cycle? Break the cycle of birth? Death? Rebirth? Destruction? Escape? Death? Well, that's in our hands, in our hands only. It requires that we live in hope, not fear.

Charlotte: My angel. I will miss you, so much.

Charlotte: A book? That's what Zeke smuggled for me? Is this a joke?
Lucifer: Well, if it were, I would have chosen something funnier, like Douglas Adams or Freud.

Charlotte: You don't quit when you're doing god's work.

Charlotte: So then, I said, "You can stick that brief in the circular file under your robe." Hint: it's his butt.

Charlotte: I want my family back.
Lucifer: I'm afraid that's not possible.

Charlotte: We're going home, son. And Chloe is the Key.

Frankie: If there's anything I can do to help with Joey's killer, you let me know, 'cause I would love to bring him in.
Charlotte: [Whispers] That means he would kill him.
Chloe: Oh, thank you, Charlotte.

The: [montage of cross-fading images of various Cylon models listening to the Hybrid as she speaks] The excited state decays by vibrational relaxation into the first excited singlet state. Yes, yes, and merrily we go. Reduce atmospheric nitrogen by 0.03%. It is not much consolation that society will pick up the bits. Leaving us at eight modern, where punishment rather than interdiction is paramount. Please cut the fuse. They will not harm their own. End of line. Limiting diffusions to two dimensions increases the number of evolutionary jumps within the species. Rise and measure the Temple of the Five. Transformation is the goal. They will not harm their own.
[fade: a One, a Two, a Six and an Eight]
The: Data-font synchronization complete.
Number: The Hybrid is clearly telling us something.
Brother: [seated authoritatively behind a desk] The Hybrid is always telling us something. They are supposed to maintain operations on each ship, not vomit metaphysics.
[looks for support from the others with no avail]
Brother: All right. I give up. What? What is she trying to tell us?
Lt. Sharon 'Athena' Agathon: They're in the Colonial Fleet with the humans.
Brother: They? They who?
Leoben: The Final Five.
[Cavil turns and looks hostilely]
Number: The Raiders refused to fight because they sensed the Final Five might be in the Colonial Fleet.
Leoben: They could have been caught. They could be in hiding.
Brother: No, wait, stop. Stop right now. Turn around. Go and take a cleansing walk. And I'm gonna try and forget what I just heard.
Number: The Final Five, Cavil, they are near! This is far too important.
Leoben: What their eyes must have seen, witnessed over time.
Lt. Sharon 'Athena' Agathon: Do they look anything like us?
Brother: [adamantly] That's enough! Don't you realize what you're doing? You're openly discussing the Final Five.
[pauses to look for chastisement in the others' faces and finding none, explodes]
Brother: THAT'S FORBIDDEN!
[pauses for effect and continues]
Brother: You're toying with our survival. Look at yourselves. Look, there's millions of Twos who have that nose. Millions of Sixes possess that mouth. Eights share those breasts and Ones have this brain. We're mechanized copies. There's a reason the original programmers clearly felt that it's a mistake for us to contact the Final Five!
Number: No.
Brother: [continuing despite the Six's protest] Violating that programming threatens our survival!
Number: Something has changed.
Brother: Thoughts have changed. Yes, they change. The Raiders changed. That's where all this started, with them. Somehow they exceeded their programming, and unlike us, they can't correct themselves. So we're gonna have to do it for them.
Number: [incredulously] Do what?
Brother: We'll reconfigure their neural architecture, and shave down their heuristic responses.
Leoben: Dumb them down? Lobotomize them?
Brother: They're tools, not pets. But in any case, it has to be done.
Number: Says who?
Brother: Says God almighty, the voice of reason, that's who! When are you gonna hear it?
Number: You don't have the authority to make any change without a majority vote.
Brother: Well, we'll vote. The Fours and Fives will be on my side.

Number: [ominously] God has a plan, Gaius. He has a plan for everything, and everyone.

Doctor: Were you aware of your true nature as a Cylon when you boarded the ship? Or would you describe you as a sleeper agent?
Gina: I knew what I was. I was a soldier. I-I had a mission, I carried it out. I thought that when it was done I was going to die. That you would kill me. Then I- then I would download into a new body... be reborn. But you didn't kill me... The things you did to me...
Doctor: What they did to you was wrong. Evil. But I'm not one of them. You have to believe me. Things are going to get better for you. From this moment on. I promise.
Gina: I don't want things to get better. I want to die.

[the President is addressing a meeting of the Quorum with Admiral Adama and other members of the military behind her]
President: I am here because I want to tell you face to face that I believe in this mission and what it means for our future. I'm here to profess my trust in our new allies. I'm here to ask you to listen. I'm here to ask for your support.
President: [to the marines at the door] Bring her in.
[the Six that's the leader of the rebel Cylons walks in amidst a sea of hostile faces. She comes and stands beside the President]
Number: In our civil war, we've seen death. We've watched our people die. Gone forever. As terrible as it was beyond the reach of the Resurrection ships, something began to change. We could feel a sense of time, as if each moment held its own significance. We began to realize that for our existence to hold any value, it must end. To live meaningful lives, we must die and not return. The one human flaw that you spend your lifetimes distressing over... Mortality is the one thing... Well, it's the one thing that makes you whole.
[Looking at Starbuck who's standing at the back in front of the door]
Number: I believe it was no accident that we were found by Kara Thrace. It was destiny. She asked me to leave my people, and I accepted. No matter what the sacrifice, even if it should mean my death...
[Trance-like fade to memories of the Hybrid speaking to Starbuck]
The: Thus shall it come to pass. The dying leader shall know the truth of the opera house. You are the harbinger of death, Kara Thrace.
[Suddenly we are back at the meeting with Starbuck looking dazed and glancing toward the President]
Number: Our destiny. Our future. Begins here. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to speak.
Admiral: Take her out.

Charlotte: It may be too late for us, but at least I'm trying to fix things. Maybe you can try, too.

Linda: If it tastes so bad, why drink it?
Charlotte: Well, I read that five doses a day helps supercharge your memory.
[Opens notebook]
Charlotte: I've also tried... meditation, sudoku, a lot of broccoli, but no recovered memories so far. Just flatulence.

Dan: [to Charlotte] Maybe we can go grab that coffee sometime?
Trixie: Dinner would be more romantic.
Dan: It's okay by me.
[They smile at each other]
Charlotte: Dinner it is.
Dan: [Trixie leaves with Dan] You are the best wingman ever.

Izzy: [holdingh Will at gunpoint] Come on, officer.
Matthew: He's a detective.
Izzy: [in-your-face mock apology to Will] Sorry, Dick.

Charlotte: Well, it's not my fault humans can't handle the divine.

Charlotte: [after being shot] Will you, will you stay with me?
Amenadiel: Yes, yes. I promise.
[His wings appear]
Amenadiel: Let's go home.

Mazikeen: And how's that human husband ?
Charlotte: I discovered a trick with him. Whenever he asks a question, I just have sex with him. It seems to render him mute.
Mazikeen: Hmm. Took me a while to figure that one out.

Head: All the pieces are falling into place.
Head: You will hold the future of Cylons and Humans in your hands.
Caprica: [to their visions] I will?
Caprica: [to each other] You see them?

Charlotte: I guess humanity isn't entirely awful. They did make vodka. Roller coasters. Triple creme Brie.
God: You hear about dancing?
Charlotte: Yes, I actually did some of that on a table, once.

Charlotte: So how do we do this? It appears that we need to attach these little wires to this...
[Maze shocks her with the defibrillator, and Charlotte falls to the floor, dead]
Linda: Maze!
Mazikeen: Oops.

Number: Life has a melody, Gaius. A rhythm of notes which become your existence once played in harmony with God's plan.

Charlotte: You need to see that this Chloe you so adore isn't worthy of you.
Lucifer: I admit I enjoy working with her, but adore, that's a bit much.
Charlotte: Oh, please. You've sacrificed more for her than you ever have for anyone else. Have you forgotten? You killed your brother, my son, to protect her. Do you think there's anything even remotely similar that she would do for you?

Charlotte: I just want a chance to start over.

Lieutenant: [Dr. Baltar has been asked aboard the Battlestar Pegasus to examine their "Cylon prisoner"] Don't get too close. It killed seven of my crew. Do you want my guards to come in with you?
Number: Feeling scared, Gaius? Want the big, bad soldiers to protect you from the mean old Cylon prisoner?
Doctor: No, I think we'll be just fine. Thank you.
[the Cylon Prisoner is shackled to the floor]
Number: Oh, my God.
[the Cylon comes into full view]
Number: My God, Gaius, it's me! Look at what they've done to her!
Doctor: Open the door, now, please.
Computer: ID confirmed. Lieutenant Thorne.
[the door opens and Baltar instantly covers his face with a handkerchief]
Doctor: [Baltar examines the other Number Six: she is in a catatonic state] She must have struggled. She must have fought back.
Number: [crying] That doesn't justify this!

Izzy: My grandfather's name was Henry. He had blond hair just like you. He was a scary man.
Henry: Why?
Izzy: Let me tell you a story.

Ella: The home screen is... two eyes?
Charlotte: Human female breasts.
Lucifer: No. That is a woman's perfectly freckled rump.
Chloe: So our lead on the killer is a pair of butt-boob-eyes.

Amenadiel: I know Lucifer better than he knows himself and if you kill Chloe, he won't rest until he finds out who did it and when he does, Mom, he will hate you forever.
Charlotte: Come on. One little human can't mean more to him than his family.

Charlotte: I'm confused, Detective. Are you suggesting your partner is delusional, or just lying?
Chloe: Lucifer Morningstar is many things, but he is not a liar.

Lucifer: [to Charlotte] Have you ever considered finding, well, I don't know, a-a place of your own?
Amenadiel: Yeah. Somewhere away from Dad, maybe?
Lucifer: Yes. Somewhere familiar, warmer, perhaps?
Charlotte: You want... You want me back in Hell?
Lucifer: Well, not "in" Hell, per se, but in charge of Hell. I mean, after all, it is a kingdom without a ruler.
Amenadiel: He is right. I mean, there's a great opportunity for upward mobility.

Chloe: Not all kids appreciate what their parents have given them.
Charlotte: Well, that I agree with.

Lucifer: You're gonna have to lose those clothes. They're a serious problem.
[Charlotte starts undressing]
Lucifer: Taking you home, 'cause this being out in public thing obviously isn't working. And then I'm going to see my colleague.
[Lucifer looks at his mother]
Lucifer: Mum!
[looks away realizing she's standing there nude]
Charlotte: Yes?
Lucifer: You're... naked!
Charlotte: Well you said clothes were a problem, so problem solved.
Lucifer: In the bloody car, will you!
[he takes his jacket off and covers her]
Lucifer: I'm going to be traumatized for eternity. Thank you very much for that.

Charlotte: You know this darkness that you say you see in me? I've been trying to address it, and, uh, details would help.
[Picks up dropped murder weapon]
Charlotte: So, where do you see it, exactly? How? When?
Ella: Like, now. Right about there.
[Gestures to the knife]
Charlotte: Oh.
[Puts it down]
Ella: Little better. But you know, still, you don't exactly scream rainbows and sunshine, even when you're not wielding murder weapons.
Charlotte: Well, for the record, I wouldn't stab you, not here, with all these cops around.
[Ella looks freaked out]
Charlotte: Oh, come on, that was funny.
Ella: Oh, yeah.
[laughs tensely]
Ella: Ha, ha. Funny. Also dark.

[At the end of a long argument about what's to be done given the Hybrid's words and the Raiders refusal to fight]
Number: You don't have the authority to make any change without a majority vote.
Brother: Well, we'll vote. The Fours and Fives will be on my side.
Number: There will be a vote. The Raiders hear what we hear.
Brother: The Raiders are simple machines.
Number: No. Something extraordinary has happened. Something is calling to us. Pushing us to discover our origins, to understand our place in the universe. The Raiders are part of that, and the Final Five...
Brother: [interrupting and getting in the last word] Are anywhere but with the humans.
[cut to a meeting of four of the Five aboard Galactica]

Dr. Gaius Baltar: Please. Please, help me.
Number: I'm not sure I can, Gaius. Pain is one thing, but this... without free will, what are you? Can God even pity such a creature?

Lucifer: What do you think you're doing?
Charlotte: I'm taking your lead, son. Learning about your beloved humanity.
Lucifer: By dancing at my club?
Charlotte: Well, I saw all the people on the tables smiling and I wanted to discover what they were so happy about.
Lucifer: Oh, is it possible it's the money that I pay them?

Charlotte: I was getting bored with my mate and offspring, so I thought I'd dive into my employment. Not that hard once you read the law books.
Lucifer: What law books?
Charlotte: Well, all of them.

Charlotte: I heard... things.
[Lucifer imitates a cellphone behind Chloe's back]
Charlotte: On a... On - on the phone call.
Chloe: Like ?
Charlotte: [Lucifer imitates a gun with his hand] Fingers. Pointing?
Chloe: You *heard* fingers pointing?
Charlotte: [Lucifer seems angry] Very angrily. Yes. Also, a gunshot.
[Lucifer puts his hand on his chest and falls slowly]
Charlotte: Sounded like he was dying, or... melting?
[Lucifer looks at her, dumbfounded]
Charlotte: It's... hard to tell.

Charlotte: You only live once. Or... twice, in my case.

Chloe: I still don't understand why you're helping us. Bianca's your client.
Charlotte: I'm not the same woman I was when she hired me.
Chloe: Hmm. Did you have a change of heart?
Charlotte: No, the same heart. Completely different soul, though.

[SPOILER]
[Doral, Sharon, and Six walk into Baltar's office]
Doctor: I'm Gaius Baltar. President of the colonies.
Number: I know who you are, Gaius. I know very well.
Lt. Sharon 'Boomer' Valerii: As long as you offer no resistance, you won't be harmed.
Doctor: How do I know that?
Aaron: You don't. You also don't have any choice.
Doctor: How did you find us?
Aaron: Oh, it was quite by accident. Actually, we were over a light year away from here when we detected the radiation signature... of a nuclear detonation.
[pause]
Doctor: Very well. On behalf of the people of the twelve colonies, I surrender.

Charlotte: [as Chloe is searching for something on Charlotte] Oh, you're being incredibly thorough. I like it.

Charlotte: I'm the best.
Chloe: At getting criminals off.
Charlotte: Well, that's not true. I haven't slept with any of my clients.

Charlotte: For the first time since I woke up on that beach, I thought, "Finally, something that makes sense. Of course I'm sleeping with Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome." Uh... uh... But now you're saying that's not... not even that's the case?
Lucifer: Look, I can assure you that you and I have not or will not ever, ever, ever... sleep together.

Charlotte: Don't take this lightly, Miss Garland. It's a big decision.
Bree: Mmm. Not as big as my flock. Do you know how many sheep I possess? Enough for *two* wives.

Admiral: [Cain has been beating, raping and torturing her own copy of Number Six, who now has a gun to her head] Frack you.
Number: You're not my type.
[shoots Cain]

Lucifer: I can't read it.
Charlotte: But you speak every language.
Lucifer: Speak, not read. I've always found tongues much more useful.

Lucifer: [Arriving at Dr. Martin's office] Mum. What are you doing here?
Charlotte: Oh, you know, girl stuff
Lucifer: Naked girl stuff?

Charlotte: Detective
Dan: Counselor.
Lucifer: Douche.
Dan: Dick.

Charlotte: [Catching Dan stealing from Evidence] Naughty, naughty Detective Espinoza.
Dan: I'm just making sure the bills are real.
Charlotte: The only way to make sure is to spend it, right?

Mazikeen: Go. Embrace your deepest, darkest desire. Let those sinful little embers burn into a flame.
Charlotte: Why?
Mazikeen: We'll meet again... eventually. Somewhere hotter. And the more you sin, the more fun it'll be for me. Think of this as foreplay.

Lucifer: I'll show you out, if you insist.
Charlotte: I'm not going anywhere.

Izzy: Why'd you have to make it so quick? It's better when they suffer.
Chris: I don't get off on it like you do.
Izzy: You will. Look. We're gonna be famous.

Number: [talking to Baltar] She's right, Gaius. The end times are approaching. Humanity's final chapters are about to be written. And you - you will be its author.

Charlotte: Tell me more about you and Lucifer. What comes next for you two lovebirds? Did he say anything about, uh, I don't know... matricide?
Candy: No, I think the mattress in the penthouse is pretty new.

Charlotte: God made Chloe.
Mazikeen: Yeah. He kind of made them all

Number: All of this has happened before. All of this will happen again.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Everyone knows that verse. What are you getting at?
Number: Remember this one? Led by serpents numbering two and ten.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: The Vipers, they're the serpents?
Number: There's a later verse, Gaius. You should read it. Though the outcome favoured the few, it led to a confrontation at the home of the gods.

Charlotte: Humans are silly animals, aren't they? Weak. Fragile.
Mazikeen: That's what I'm counting on.

Lucifer: You're still fantasizing about heavenly rebellion? Just let it go, Mum. Been there, done that, big fall.
Charlotte: But that's just it. Why do you think you lost that fight?
Lucifer: Oh, I don't know, let's have a think, shall we? Not enough cardio?